There are so many great posts in this thread
The narcissism one struck a chord for me ... these people are so dangerous and once they get into your psyche ... well, it's hard to escape. My mother, sister and father were all narcissists (Leos, which are the worst kind! [not saying that all Leos are narcissists, just that the Leo narcissists are the worst]), and it made for an extremely unhappy childhood. It's interesting watching my sister's family - from a distance - inherit the same traits, living the same miserable lives. Awful. I can spot them from a mile off though, so it was a valuable lesson.
In a similar vein to being careful what you tell, and share with, people - you really do have to guard who you let into your life. I don't mean for that to sound paranoid, but you really do.
I have an acquaintance who likes to call me and just dump a whole truckload of negativity on me, before saying it felt good to do that and hanging up ... she's an energy vampire, pure and simple. She called me three times today; on the third time I told her enough is enough; I don't want to hear from her again and hung up. Just to add, she is not depressed and does not have anxiety; I just think she mistakes my kindness for weakness. So, goodbye to her! (But I suspect she'll probably try her luck in calling again; even though I have blocked her, the calls will just go to message service so she'll probably try to leave a few ... I might need to change my number). It felt good to do that but I acknowledge I am to blame for letting it go on for so long.
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Another one - I seem to be a magnet for these types!
I am doing some part-time study at the moment via distance learning. There is a very small number of participants on this course, and we are encouraged to communicate via a forum if we have any questions or need help with any of the topics (which they keep reiterating is not cheating as it's the equivalent of asking classmates for help if we were attending in person). The training academy gave my personal email address to one of the students, and she contacts me constantly asking this, that, the other. I really wish I'd complained to the academy as soon as that happened, as it's a breach of privacy. Anyhoo, I didn't, and too late now.
After receiving her first email (in which she moaned about how hard the work is, how she doesn't feel she's cut out for it, etc., [she is
constantly seeking assurance and validation - it's exhausting!]), I suggested to her politely that she post her questions to the forum as I might not always be able to answer her emails directly, which she started doing for a bit but now she's reverted to emailing me directly ... which I suspect she's doing as a couple of the questions she asked on the forum put her in a negative light (she didn't read the instructions properly and started mouthing off about a few things, which the tutor responded to quite abruptly).
At this point it's feeling like harassment - every morning I wake up to emails from her probing into my personal life (I don't share anything), telling me about hers, and then closing by asking a stream of questions. She's constantly on the back foot with her assignments and has taken to copying bits of mine after I've submitted them (the other classmates get to see what you've done).
I received my grade and feedback for the latest assignment today, and was horrified to see the tutor commented that my chosen topic and much of the narrative was the same as that of this other woman and that although we are encouraged to help each other, we shouldn't be copying each other's work, and as it would appear that's exactly what I did on this occasion, I would only be receiving 20% for my effort! I responded immediately, pointing out that the time of my submission was several hours earlier than hers, and attaching a copy of an email conversation that we had, where she asked what the instructions actually meant as she was confused, my response, her subsequent response to that saying she thought as much, but just wanted to check, and then a further response from her saying that after seeing my assignment I must have had the same idea as her, as she's been working on the same sort of thing. So I asked that my grade be revisited in light of all this. The tutor responded to say she would have to take it up with her supervisor as there have been a couple of concerns raised in the past. At this, my stomach sank - issues to do with
me? This is the first I've heard of it. I do not have any reason to copy anyone else and always submit work that is 100% original, authored by me. I have just batched up all the emails she's sent me over time to plead my case as they clearly demonstrate that she has been struggling all the way through and I have only tried to help.
I'm feeling so angry about it all. There's six months left of this course to run and I feel exhausted - not by the course or work involved itself - but by this woman. She is toxic! I fired off an email to her just now asking her not to contact me via email anymore - that all communication is to be via the forum, which I may or may not respond to. If my grade does not get revised then I feel like dropping out - seriously, I'm so upset about it all.
At this rate I'll have no callers, and no emails, and that will be wonderful!
So, be careful of who you let into your life and give your precious energy to. Again, I do have myself to blame in part, for not setting clear boundaries from the outset. But, as the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished.
