TheGhostofShirleyBallas
Chatty Member
Out soon in a cinema near you
- Notice
Eleanor Abernathy
VIP Member
Dear Little Bear,I really need Truffs help this morning. My bespokewho sleeps 12 hoursdidn’t go to sleep until 8:50 last night decided to get up at 4:45 this morning and had me up three times in that space of time. So I have had fuck all sleep. I can’t make my bed because my gammon who decided to go out on the piss last night to watch the football (he couldn’t tell you an England players name if his life depended on it) is still in the bed. I’m definitely not going to go for a 10k run because I’ll let you in on a little secret, I wouldn’t even run in PE class 15 years ago. I have had a caffeinated beverage because my body actually runs on caffeine and can tolerate it. No decaf here. I have a play date with my friend as her bespoke turns 1 today but I can’t even face my own let another person childplease help Truff, with your pearls of wisdom.
Thankyou for reaching out to me, the oracle of bespoke manifestation and amazing living. Start off by making your bed, there’s nothing that can’t be fixed by pulling the corners of a duvet straight. Then drink 2 litres of water but only from a bottle the Kardashians promote. Then make sure you run, it’s so important to never miss a run. Ever. Try to stick to a 2 minute mile pace for the entire thing but don’t record it on Strava. Your Instagram stories will also act as a place for you to tell people you’ve just done a twenty minute 10k. When you’re back, don’t bother getting changed, who’s got time for that?? Instead, leave your bespoke unattended with your dog while you lash 15 layers of foundation on. Don’t bother with lash glue either - a bit of spit on each strip should do the job. Finally, do a meal prep for your bespoke, this must contain at least 7 garlic cloves. Throw that in a plastic bag and stick it in your pocket. It will be delicious and congealed by the time it’s lunch. Dress your bespoke up as Nicholas Nickelby, throw a coat over your sweaty run clothes, stick a cap on and take 17,000 pictures of yourself at the mirror by the door. Make sure bespoke is comfy in their car seat - remember, that’s where they’ll be all day so they must be comfy - and get yourself out. Enjoy your day!
Hereforthegossss
VIP Member
Well I'm expecting some high profile attendees.......My Guest List Predictions
*TJ Morris
her business partner*Charlotte Dawson & her baby (cos he's *Oluv's boyfriend after all
)*Sallie Valentina Axl -Her Fellow Troll Hunter
*Salt Bae- Providing the catering
*Naomi- fellow influenza & her fella who is Oluvs favourite bar guide in Edinburgh
*Ashanti - one of her A list makeup clients providing the entertainment
*Wayne Lineker- surely he will fly in from Ibiza especially
*IAM Midwife ,IAM HealthVisitor, I AM Baby Weaning Exspect (they've been there 24/7 since OHD was born they wouldn't miss the party for the world.)
* Colleagues from Merseyside Police - who she works closely with
*Colleagues from HelloFresh (she defo works for them)
*Representatives from DIOR- (she collaborates with them often & is a regular customer)
Brendan Bperfect & Jac Jossa- she does a lovely job flogging their gear.
Sheikh Mohammed al maktoum- Dubai's King - he will defo come Truff has been going there since she was 14 they're on very good terms.
Mrs Hinch ,Ron Hen & Len- Truff has been desperately trying to reach her for a longtime time now. But they both flog mops now so they're BFFs
Feel free to add anyone I've missed off haha
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Eleanor Abernathy
VIP Member
To be honest, it’s a good job she’s got someone else doing the invites. Can you imagine the state of them if she did them??
“Dear Curly blo king,
Your cordial invitted two a partee for Miss Olive because she it’s truning won. #oliveiswon. She luvs weaning bowels from Asda and any cloths from 1865. Bring whispering Angle for me next giveaway.
love from Miss KH Makeup and Miss Olive.”
“Dear Curly blo king,
Your cordial invitted two a partee for Miss Olive because she it’s truning won. #oliveiswon. She luvs weaning bowels from Asda and any cloths from 1865. Bring whispering Angle for me next giveaway.
love from Miss KH Makeup and Miss Olive.”
Eleanor Abernathy
VIP Member
Couple of pages late. As if I have to work..
The carnival continues -
The birthday bonanza continued with yet another meal out (remember though trolls, she’s still in her calorie deficit..) She dressed Olive up as a sort of Elizabethan/Always Ultra crossover whilst sporting a pair of Zara size Medium trousers herself. Yes, you read that correctly, a Zara Medium. Zara, the shop where a flamingo would struggle to get a size medium over their knees. That calorie deficit must be working wonders. Either that or she had a pair of trousers on each leg.
Delo surprised her again with a bizarre cake full of photographs. Starting to think she must be connected to Delo on a higher level because no matter what the surprise, she still manages to tag everyone involved. Spooky.
The trip to Edinburgh must have wiped their cash reserves out because the Depop full of size 8s and 10s that have been gifted to the girl who appears on her grid posts is back open. If you’re on the market for a pair of scraped and battered ‘never-worn before’ Cheetham Hill Loubs, a size 6 Barbarella costume or any of PLT’s last season size 10s then you’re in luck. For just £50 you can buy a range of outfits fit for a night out smelling like the chippy.
Cardgate. Whether she sent it to herself or not, she sure did love the attention the card for her sweaty minge got. Her winnets were quick to jump to her defence though treating us to the knowledge that she apparently has the ‘best minge’ and the ‘best jugulars’. Comments suggesting that she go to the police were strangely ignored though. Weird considering she’s got her own personal police force and troll investigation team. She dealt with it all in her usual way of ignoring it by posting it on her grid and stories and then going on about it for the rest of the weekend. She mentioned repeatedly that she’s not in the same place as she was last year. No Kate, you’re not. Last year, you had a house with a fully functional living room.
Delo’s first Fathers’ Day was the extravaganza we expected - oh, wait, no it wasn’t. He hates balloons, so to show just how important he is to her and Olive, she only got him one. Along with the gifted B&M Fathers’ Day box and 12 gifted cupcakes lashed on a chair in the corner of the living room corridor, Delo was truly spoiled to the levels that she pretends he spoils her.
Olive was treated to a splash of colour at a birthday party, obviously dressed as Rapunzel because she’s the only other baby in the history of the universe to have hair. Despite confusion at first due to the lack of hay bales, balon arches, and pampas grass, she looked like she was absolutely loving it. It’s also looking as though she’ll be representing Team GB in not only swimming but Trampolining too as she’s a natural. Just imagine, Kate in the 100m dash and Olive splashing and bouncing her way to Olympic glory while Delo watches from the sidelines rattling his Cartier bangles...
As always, Read the Wiki..
The carnival continues -
The birthday bonanza continued with yet another meal out (remember though trolls, she’s still in her calorie deficit..) She dressed Olive up as a sort of Elizabethan/Always Ultra crossover whilst sporting a pair of Zara size Medium trousers herself. Yes, you read that correctly, a Zara Medium. Zara, the shop where a flamingo would struggle to get a size medium over their knees. That calorie deficit must be working wonders. Either that or she had a pair of trousers on each leg.
Delo surprised her again with a bizarre cake full of photographs. Starting to think she must be connected to Delo on a higher level because no matter what the surprise, she still manages to tag everyone involved. Spooky.
The trip to Edinburgh must have wiped their cash reserves out because the Depop full of size 8s and 10s that have been gifted to the girl who appears on her grid posts is back open. If you’re on the market for a pair of scraped and battered ‘never-worn before’ Cheetham Hill Loubs, a size 6 Barbarella costume or any of PLT’s last season size 10s then you’re in luck. For just £50 you can buy a range of outfits fit for a night out smelling like the chippy.
Cardgate. Whether she sent it to herself or not, she sure did love the attention the card for her sweaty minge got. Her winnets were quick to jump to her defence though treating us to the knowledge that she apparently has the ‘best minge’ and the ‘best jugulars’. Comments suggesting that she go to the police were strangely ignored though. Weird considering she’s got her own personal police force and troll investigation team. She dealt with it all in her usual way of ignoring it by posting it on her grid and stories and then going on about it for the rest of the weekend. She mentioned repeatedly that she’s not in the same place as she was last year. No Kate, you’re not. Last year, you had a house with a fully functional living room.
Delo’s first Fathers’ Day was the extravaganza we expected - oh, wait, no it wasn’t. He hates balloons, so to show just how important he is to her and Olive, she only got him one. Along with the gifted B&M Fathers’ Day box and 12 gifted cupcakes lashed on a chair in the corner of the living room corridor, Delo was truly spoiled to the levels that she pretends he spoils her.
Olive was treated to a splash of colour at a birthday party, obviously dressed as Rapunzel because she’s the only other baby in the history of the universe to have hair. Despite confusion at first due to the lack of hay bales, balon arches, and pampas grass, she looked like she was absolutely loving it. It’s also looking as though she’ll be representing Team GB in not only swimming but Trampolining too as she’s a natural. Just imagine, Kate in the 100m dash and Olive splashing and bouncing her way to Olympic glory while Delo watches from the sidelines rattling his Cartier bangles...
As always, Read the Wiki..
TheGhostofShirleyBallas
Chatty Member
I know a hint when I see one...Hahaha stop I’m cryingGot the image of Anne being dragged across the floor and can imagine Truff doing the dragging!
(joke, it was a pleasure) :
Hereforthegossss
VIP Member
The number of KHM bags this imbecile owns - she knows plenty of companies who make/monogram them.Ey?
Fixed it for you Truff......
Hereforthegossss
VIP Member
Can we all agree Gang that we won't mention that item that arrived at Truff Towers in this thread ??? 
allforthegram
VIP Member
Thread suggestion
What’s the matcha, still no ring?
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QueenBarb2
VIP Member
Good luck today girl, I believe the below will help your day be better:I really need Truffs help this morning. My bespokewho sleeps 12 hoursdidn’t go to sleep until 8:50 last night decided to get up at 4:45 this morning and had me up three times in that space of time. So I have had fuck all sleep. I can’t make my bed because my gammon who decided to go out on the piss last night to watch the football (he couldn’t tell you an England players name if his life depended on it) is still in the bed. I’m definitely not going to go for a 10k run because I’ll let you in on a little secret, I wouldn’t even run in PE class 15 years ago. I have had a caffeinated beverage because my body actually runs on caffeine and can tolerate it. No decaf here. I have a play date with my friend as her bespoke turns 1 today but I can’t even face my own let another person child
Prepare some cold scrambled egg and pour it directly into your coat pocket to feed to Bespoke later Wipe Bespoke’s bum with bare hands and smile at yourself when you realise the poo has stayed under your nails all dayFart loudly in public Let a dog (if you haven’t got one - find one out and about that is atleast 10x the weight of a baby) circle your bespoke while you leave it in a high chair in the middle of the room
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Hereforthegossss
VIP Member
Hahahaha fucks sake
Why does she do it to herself , handing these absolute corkers to us on a plate
Why does she do it to herself , handing these absolute corkers to us on a plate
TheGhostofShirleyBallas
Chatty Member
Fucking hell, girls, been off radar for a few days and the kid's learnt how to play guitar, Mez is a victim of modern slavery, and Truff's on track to set up Wirral's first coffee plantation. I need a sit down.
Icantspell
Chatty Member
Just spotted this
Attachments
Icantspell
Chatty Member
She’s just proved to her 180k followers how much of a greedy disgusting person she is!! She’s just said she cleared the shelf of them 45p bowls. Why? She got gifted enough bowls for 3/4 babies never mind Oliver but to take all of them with zero fucks for people on a budget coz you know we’re in a pandemic & people have lost jobs or been furloughed!! She’s fucking vile, never known a women like her in my life all take take take. See as you don’t read here greedy twat donate them 45p bowls to Charlottes Brightside for you know, people in genuine need who actually need charity in these troubling times!!
Hereforthegossss
VIP Member
Katie Hayes #85 Desperate for a few quid tryin to sell a Mop. Baby Genius plays Guitar she's not just a Prop 
QueenBarb2
VIP Member
On the wiki.
she’s a fucking joke
Hereforthegossss
VIP Member
Some people aren't right in the head. It made the atmosphere in the shop joyful fucking hell.
fucking hell.