Jack Monroe #59 - 300 jobbos, 3,000 doggos, one rambling potato bloggo

[Gentlemensrelish]

Friends, that baby took longer to deliver than a Jack Monroe Kickstarter but she, finally, Grunka'd her way into the world yesterday.

Naturally, she is perfect in every possible way.

Now let's get this woman back on social media. I've got a lot of lying around in my pants holding a sweaty baby to do. I'm going to need entertainment!

 

[IndigoStar]

Thanks to @Limey I have re-written Squeeze's Up The Junction.

Update the Patreon – Potato remix

I never thought it would happen
I don’t even come from Clapham
Out on the Twitter common
My Patreon got forgotten
When I dealt out the rations
With tins of peaches and sausagne
They said “is that a lady?”
“Perhaps”, she said. “I may be…”

I moved into a basement
With thoughts of fame and name change
I started writing cook books
Developed all my poor looks
I didn’t get much kissing
My Tattooed arms increasing
But Twitter got us hooked up
And all my time was booked up

I met a girl, Allegra
We didn’t need Viagra
It didn’t last for too long
I tweeted singing shit songs
I sleep for 22 hours
Use Waitrose specialist flours
I think I need a doctor
My behaviour’s meant to shock ya…

I wrote poems all through winter
Decided I should be a grifter
I sold cook books for a tenner
Engaged to Louisa, keep up wontcha
And when the time was ready
I got a trial run at the telly
All thanks to the pandemic
Think I need another gimmick…

And now Louisa’s has left me
I’m beguiled, bereft, distraught, see?
I think I need to get an Ooni
Make my followers fuss and fund me
I think I might be vegan
I’m good at the deceivin’
I’m going to shave my head, ya!
And claim I’ve alopecia

Alone here in the kitchen
I feel there’s something missing
Am I due a great big Aga
Or engagement to Nigella
My only friends are blue ticks
Check in on me or you are all dicks
And so it’s my assumption
I need to update the patreon!

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I'm taking this as lip fillers confirmed, and a top-up on the way soon!

Lip fillers - Triangulated!

 

[IndigoStar]

Spoiler: TW: Bereavement

I found this place after I had been on the receiving end of the vitriolic hate, death & rape threats from the jackolytes because I liked a tweet that had a go at her “identity diary”. Worst thing was that she was tagged in some of them, including the horrific comments about my son’s death, just 8 months ago, which people must have trawled through my Twitter feed to find mention of. At no point did she ever attempt to call them off. Yet we are supposed to believe SHE is burnt out. You guys have really helped me btw, thank you

 

[Pocahontas]

Congratulations to @TriviaNewtonJohn on the thread title! You are a master with words. 55 reactions


Recap of thread #58
The next Orwell, a superhero, or just a child with a pocket full of stones [oyster shells]? Who IS Mack Jon-Row Jack Monroe?

One thing for sure, even when having her 1,347th break from twitter due to the ‘chemical rollercoaster’, Instagram seems to be her safe place for publishing poems, providing updated details of her Patreon (swipe up!) and pictures of her childlike pockets.

She briefly came back to Twitter to ask for pics of ‘doggos’ and other animal breeds, seemingly forgetting how to do a google image search.

She’s been retweeting Nigella’s kind words about her ‘work of art’ Potatoes blog, and expressing her disappointment in finding out ‘who actually cares about [her] as a whole human being’. Perhaps Nigella is BUSY .

She cooked some calzone with a gal pal and SB in a gifted Ooni pizza oven. They looked edible.

She reposted the previously deleted poem that she wrote in a couple of minutes both yesterday morning and the day before, yet both qualifying as now.

 

[moldwarp]

Morning all, I know this is kinda off topic but I was doing some banking stuff this morning and it reminded me of one of my all-time top favourite Jack moments: when a cashpoint swallowed her credit card and the bank wouldn't get it out without valid ID because, y'know, security is kind of important and she tried to make them accept her tattoos as valid identification and then went on Twitter to try to organise a pile-on.
I'm not sure why I like it so much, whether it's the "don't you know who I am???" vibe of it all or that she thought she had so much clout that she could bypass the security rules of, and then subsequently shame, one of the biggest banks in the world.

Are you aware of my work, Barclays?

 

[Emmapism]

'Everything I do, I do it for you'

Didn't fancy taking him to Edinburgh then?

 

[Scarletfever]

Now Louisa's insta is polluted with Jack's drama

Just two friends having a lovely time while one waits for the other to stop arguing with random people on instagram.

Sounds great!

 

[MancBee]

For me you don't claim to be a political activist and then spoil your vote.

You are so right. I am not in any way an activist, but it was instilled in me by my parents right from an early age, that to vote is a privilege that should never be wasted. Both parents were politically active and encouraged all of us children to take an interest in politics. They were less concerned with who we voted for, so long as we voted.

My mum was a Labour activist all her life, and I still have the many letters of thanks from every Labour leader she volunteered for. Door knocking, campaigning, leaflet delivering, speaking at local meetings, lobbying MP's, writing articles for local newspapers, assisting with arranging marches etc etc. I think my mother was 100 X the political activist that R Jackie is.

In what way is Jackie a politcal activist? Sounding off on SM is not activism. Writing untold articles about herself in the guardian isn't activism. Centering the whole narrative about herself isn't activism. Writing cookbooks for the poor (when there are already many many thrift based cookbooks already) isn't activism. Accepting donations from people for doing nothing (in effect begging) isn't activism.

What exactly has she done to improve the lot of those living in poverty? What has she done politically to achieve a change in the views of any politician? What has she done to changed the views of others? Alienating and name calling others is not the way to effect a change in attitude, it is more likely to entrench views. Being nasty will not garner sympathy for those in need. Writing obnoxious and inflammatory Tweets tagging in politcal heavyweights such as Rishi Sunak will achieve absolutely nothing.

She is just a loudmouth that can't even be bothered to vote, women died in the fight for universal suffrage. Voting is the most basic act of politcal activism, and she couldn't even be bothered with that.

ETA I have never missed voting in a single election, ever.

 

[Limey]

She could have sold the pizza oven on Ebay or Craigslist and donated the proceeds to a foodbank if she were sincere about helping. No, it's another expensive consumer item like the Smeg and the Cotswold furniture so it has to be kept.

Remember when she was on benefits and she had to sell the telly (has she taken part of her bio from Up The Junction by Squeeze?), yet now when she's allegedly on her uppers, she doesn't sell the Emin, the rings of many many failed engagements, the Smeg etc.

'I've got a rule about not selling gifts', yeah well I've got a rule about not begging from people less well off than me like an utter grifter.

 

[HarderFaster]

Not to be too much of a "me me me I I I" Jack sort, but can I just apologise for my seeming descent into madness on the previous thread in which I couldn't get off the topic of the fucking pizza oven and the ASA I think I made four discrete posts about it which is clearly totally extra. I'm usually good at controlling my fixations but it's been a really strange day and her pretend poverty just sent me over the edge.

Really sorry, Frauen, as it's always me being a bitch when people repeat stuff and now I'm that person. Karma.

 

[Walkdengirl]

I just want to say, slightly off topic. What makes me so angry about all of this is that the aftermath of covid - aka how the authorities chose to react to it - has done far more damage than the virus itself. They have deliberately destroyed the economy for a futile attempt at halting a virus that only 0.23% of people die from, mostly already very sickly people, many of whom would just as easily die from the common cold (which has an 8% fatality rate in care homes). They have whipped people into a frenzy of panic, by reporting everyone who has died with covid, as dying of covid, and by publicising every death, which they don’t do for any other respiratory virus.

So many people in this country have died or will die due to the lack of medical care, for example late cancer diagnoses.

In developing countries, otherwise healthy children are dying simply due to a lack of food and resources, caused by the deliberate response to covid.

It’s outrageous that healthy people are being sacrificed in droves to (fail to) save mostly already dying people, and the government pretends that it is for our own good.

I think they have purposefully destroyed the economy so that rich people can buy everything up. The virus is just a contrived excuse to make the public think that the economic destruction is natural and necessary.

We have all had it.

My husband who was fit and well before, (not sickly like you seem to think that people that suffer or die from it are) will probably never be fully well ever again due to the after affects of it, and how badly he had it. So I'm afraid I cannot agree with you on this, and it's surprising how many people do think like you until they talk to people that have had it.

 

[AdultHumanFemale]

I really hope that the 'chamertin' Instagram stuff has not come from anyoneb on here.

First rule of Tattle is to keep it on Tattle, and I cannot help but feel those comments are eerily similar to comments made on here.

Jack wants us to be trolls, the moment any one steps over that line it's easy for her or anyone to paint as so.

 

[MrsOgre]

Jack the key worker. I'll see myself out.

 

[HarderFaster]

As an academic who researches austerity I'm deeply wary of her blasé request to "ping her" to contribute to her book.

People who have lived precariously long term (that's longer than 6 months and without a Guardian article at the end of the tunnel, Jackie...) are frequently deeply and genuinely traumatised. Any university ethics committee would require safeguards in place for dealing with vulnerable people talking about life-changing experiences.

I've had grown men weep as they've talked to me about poverty and the welfare system. What measures does Jack (and, more importantly, her publisher) have in place to deal with this possibility? She can't just throw in a "babe, same" and expect that to be sufficient.

I can only hope that Jack's chaos and ineptitude prevents the project from really getting off the ground.

 

[Miley177]

This came up on my FB feed and reminded me of a certain someone...

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

It’s all quite easily explained isn’t it.

Jack as a child felt like she didn’t get any attention from people she loved due to the endless stream of foster children coming in and out of her home.

Jack then felt that rather than talking to her parents, the way she would get the attention would be to embellish the truth a little to make things sound worse than what they were. Jack then realised what success she had with this and has pretty much carried on lying into adult life, never quite growing up from the phase where she never got any attention.

Sadly for the general public, they haven’t clicked on to this and she’s basically fostered a whole career by lying and embellishing the truth to be more and more extreme. About 22 years later this is still carrying on, and more and more people are being fooled by it. It’s all now manifested as fully blown narcissism and also controlling, her ego now knows no bounds.

Lying is how she has got anywhere in life, why should she give it up now?

 

[HarderFaster]

My suspicion is that the chemical rollercoaster involves coming off the amphetamines that she clearly never needed and obviously doctor-shopped for.

Fair play to her, though: I've had two major breakdowns (and a few minor ones) in my three decades and I know the first thing I did every time I was finally (NHS) diagnosed was to post a photo with loads of skin on show along with a huge fucking caption of bullshit.

Oh, wait...

 

[acca00]

Can someone work this into a thread title please or I will have a go

Jack Monroe #60 Everything I do, I do it for..... ME!

 

[BelfastBorn]

It's hard for me to believe that I was once a friend of Jack Monroe. (we met online before she had much traction). It did not take me long to twig that her woe-is-me story was untrue - unless she rejected support from her family and SB's family. I cannot imagine a situation where the child of parents who had taken in umpteen children over the years (adopting two) would be left to fend for herself to the point of selling off everything she owned and watching while her son ate Weetabix with water (presumably he had a decent diet with his father ).