Jack Monroe #537 Moana Fleecer

[SouthendRealEstate]

Omg Jack as muppets
I’ve never watched the pineapple chicken monstrosity before and wish I hadnt. Apart from anything else I fucking hate pineapple.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

The entire street doesn’t hate her because she doesn’t own a Tesla. The entire street hates her because they’ve met her.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

The pebble-spiral: a classic in its genre. A post intended to show what lovely family time they had shared, but instead demonstrates how everyone around her is on eggshells at all times. Even the children. On holiday. On the beach.

She gives so much away in that stone spiral quote. Imagine being on a beach with a group of children and a couple of adults and one of the adults completely ignores everyone to spend ages making a stone spiral that the other adult is terrified of the children messing up. It’d be red flags everywhere wouldn’t it? Then the fact that she’s proud of herself for not going apeshit when one of the children kicks a stone really isn’t the boast she thinks it is.

She really gives herself away when she talks about her behaviour while with a group of people. I’ve always thought making OH’s family carry her ridiculous purchase of a massive set of old cookbooks around when they were exploring a town during OH’s mum’s birthday trip is another demonstration of her complete lack of understanding that other people aren’t just NPCs in her life drama.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Paul Laverty sounds like 'poverty'. Is that one of those pseudonyms they have these days?

Not sure why they even needed a screenwriter on I, Daniel Blake anyway. Didn’t they just copy it straight from guest’s blog?

She had two separate articles for the Guardian chatting absolute wham all about how I, Daniel Blake was her life. I just read both to find that quote above and in the other one where she goes to the movie premiere FFS!

Spoiler: Mither

Now we know where the lying twat got the “Mummy and Daddy lived on a shared can of cold beans so we didn’t go hungry” story. What. A. Wanker.

Also, I’ve read all of guest’s now-deleted blog posts from 2012-2013 and I don’t ever recall her “lighting tealights in a tray and under flowerpots…as I did and wrote about back in 2013”.

I’m assuming that’s also where she got her “put your oven trays in your bed” and “ten years on: my solar lit bungamansion hell” inspo too. Fucking Dickhead.

Years too early, #HonoraryFrauKayceeee

R U HR KC?!

 

[SleevelessSlopSlinger]

If she was on a bottle and a half of whiskey a day, there is no way she could have just suddenly stopped without medical support? It would be really dangerous to do so. It is also dangerous to make people with a serious drink problem believe it is safe to just give up suddenly without medical help.

Absolutely this. but the ward I was in with my chronic illness was the same one people with alcohol issues were treated in. At first, I was very (and I’m embarrassed about it now) annoyed with these people. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and my diet is “military around the edges” and I’ve been cursed immense pain for the rest of my life. But after a few weeks, I realised that these poor people that were in the throes of alcohol addiction really didn’t want to be in that situation either. I was in long enough to see two “returners” and I tried to make up for my initial arrogant opinions by chatting to them and helping them if I could and they honestly just wanted to get better but physically couldn’t. There’s NO WAY you would be drinking 1.5 bottles of whisky a day and just stop, with no medical intervention.

 

[RandomFishOils]

 

[Falkor]

OMG I thought dear Vali D was joking until I saw the photos. What the hell is this nonsense? I can't remember a single time when I was cooking or baking and thought, gosh, I wish I had some oil or vinegar left over from a jar to use in this recipe. I always use oil and vinegar from the bottles in my cupboard, which take up far less space than a bunch of manky old jars. Plus I know that what's in them is fresh and unflavoured.

This is yet another example of guest pretending to be thrifty but suggesting something that actually takes more time and resources than just buying something at the shop. Not to mention being more costly and possibly health-threatening.

You know the rule: if you think the canal is joking about something, 99 times out of 100 Jack actually did it.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Just inflicted the Del Monte fiasco on myself again.
"I love facts!" she says. Oh how I laughed.
And....... (once again for those at the back) cooked or canned pineapple does not have a tenderizing effect, as the enzymes are heat-labile and denatured in the cooking process. I believe there was a thread title devoted to this actual FACT that she didn't bother to research.

They certainly got their monies worth out of that partnership.

“The Bromeline in tinned pineapple is denatured” is the secret password to get into the canal’s spite Orangery

 

[Mr Jim]

Or the tomatoes.
Not saying the rest of that sentence.

This is just to say
You have killed
The tomatoes
That you planted in July

And which
You were probably
Growing
For your lover

But alas
Your lovers leave
As soon
As they can

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Spoiler: Spoiler cos big

 

[RandomFishOils]

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

[Bobtheknob]

Going back to the nose (if things have moved on). I spent the whole Stroud talk looking at her nose. It was the most interesting thing about her! Large, spread, spongy & rubbery when she touched it and the indentation which sometimes pulsated. I’m not making it up it was fascinating. I had a good view in the front row, especially when she sat on the edge of the stage directly in front of me.

 

[Shimmering]

The PR company who were responsible for the guest del monte partnership were delighted with how it went

Jack Monroe partnership - Pier

Food & beverage PR specialist agency Pier delivered a celebrity ambassador campaign with Jack Monroe for Del Monte

www.pierweare.com

I really enjoyed their phrasing in this section

 

[TheBarchesterChronicles]

Reading through the Georgia Church Suppers thread again (my personal favourite chaos) this screenshot stood out to me.

If she’s not lying (lol) doesn’t she realise (again, lol) how bad this makes her look? She fancies herself some kind of food loving mother hen, dishing up love to all and sundry in the form of cooking and domestic bliss, but she refuses to cook the favourite meals of her loved ones and laughs about it?

Again, she makes herself look bad any time she thinks she’s sharing some cute quirky detail about herself.

Utterly joyless, miserable twat

 

[Valiofthedolls]

 

[Lazarus]

On this day: 2020

Influencer Jack.

View attachment 2399046View attachment 2399047View attachment 2399048

Screenshots by @Silver Linings.

A bag! To put stuff in! Omg!

she's doing something with her foot which is not achieving the look she desires. Instead it looks like she needs a prescription built up shoe.

 

[Naboo The Enigma]

You could stop and people have done so. But you'd be in crisis, you'd be in the DTs and at very high risk of dying from a fit or seizure as must as feeling dreadful and hallucinating, cramping, sweating, vomiting putting one's life at risk.

I've seen people go into that state and it's horrific and one would be lucky to live through it and stay sober but it certainly can be done.

Anyway we all know she didn't and it never happened.

I have a friend who's desperately trying to kick an alcohol addiction atm. He's a big man, in his early 50s and has been drinking a bottle of whisky a day for years, has loads of health problems as a result. His facebook posts are often erratic and sometimes incomprehensible when he's on the drink. Social services are involved because he's not able to look after himself properly, and he has a record for as a result of his behaviour. I can't believe for one second that she had been drinking as much as she claims - and with pharmaceuticals on top - and no one had noticed. Not her fostering parents, not her kid's dad, not her many close friends.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

She spends the last half of that Del Monte Insta live both looking and sounding like she's about to burst into tears. Fuck sake love, you're shilling tinned pineapple, not giving a first-hand account to an ICC war crimes tribunal. If you're that nervous doing something so basic then you're not cut out for the job. The fucking entitlement is unreal. It's like me getting pissy because I haven't been picked for the Liverpool FC first team.

I still can’t quite believe she shilled Del Monte of all companies. I know that no big companies are squeaky clean and if you dig around you’ll find something dodgy, but Del Monte have been accused of crimes against humanity. That’s quite literally the worst thing an organisation can be accused of and the information isn’t exactly hidden, it just takes a quick Google search to find it. Jack said something about only working with organisations that align with her values, so I assume she supports genocide .

 

[Valiofthedolls]

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Fucking hell, I forgot that she’d called Harold’s family her “extended family”

(All SS from @Silver Linings)

Spoiler: Mither

My favourite part is Silver allowing the sheep to retain its anonymity.

ETA disappointed to see that the Classic French Cooking book (which she definitely has!!!) is only a CORKER, not a BANGER.