Jack Monroe #51 Chains, trains and inedible meals

[MancBee]

Hi honeys, I'm home.

Just wanted to say thank you for all your kind messages and thoughts. All went well, though I am "Ouchy" in all sorts of places. It was bizarre being in a hospital ward with 10 beds, but only 2 patients. No visitors allowed at all, so very isolating. It was so very quiet, not like a major hospital at all. Just need to rest up for a few days to complete recovery.

Not been able to log onto the internet as there was no signal so a few pages to Gunka, though not as many as I'd expected. Has R Jackie been behaving herself?

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

Fraus!! I need to do some grunkaing and I'm not sure if I should share this here or in food and drink but wanted to let you know - if you remember I mentioned a few threads back my boss who is Jack in another body? She and I had a really frank discussion today about the fact that I show much more enthusiasm for work I do outside of her team (which she tries to block me from in a JM vs JO fashion) - and it's clear I dislike my work I do for her (trying not to triangulate myself but my work for her is HR reporting and analytics whereas I prefer people based work) and she has FINALLY realised that from feedback from people more senior, that I wasn't talking bullshit when I've told her for the past 3 months that this isn't where my skills lie...so next week she is looking to move me into a pure HR team!! I even made her cry (not intentionally) when I asked why it took her manager saying it to make her take notice when I've been asking for 3 months! Happy Frau here!!!

Back to Jack!

 

[crystaleyesd]

Morning fraus! The PhD has been submitted! Really hoping R Jackie gets on one today - nothing could be better right now than spending the day on the sofa getting righteously furious about someone I've never met

Speculation m'lud, but I'm not convinced Jack made all that greek food. Some of it looks verrrrrry suspiciously like the stuff you get in little plastic boxes at the supermarket - the falafels, the stuffed peppers, the vine leaves. It looks far too edible for Jack and she doesn't explicitly say she *cooked* it, did she??

 

[Fitnessqueen]

Am I alone in my absolute hatred of “om nom nom”?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Don't want this to get lost.

@Silver Linings @heretoreaditall2019

 

[FitiverMin]

My Uncle tried to kill himself on Friday due to chronic pain. He’s sitting in a hospital refusing mushy food. He wants a pain medication that will give him a guality of life.

 

[MancBee]

Also ridiculously lovely to hear from @MancBee, so glad you’re on the mend!

What a lovely message, I'm doing ok. Should be starting the first of 6 cycles of chemo next week, done it before so know what to expect.

Just spoken to my friend that was sectioned a couple of weeks ago. Spoiler not working for me, so I won't go into detail, but it has knocked me for 6. I can't believe what people go through in life. I can't quite get my head around what happened. It just makes R Wee Jackie's self indulgent pity party harder to accept.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

What happened to her many SERIOUS TV offers off the back of a Hellman's ad campaign that gained ~200 watchers, of which we were 30-40?

Good question!

Flashback

ETA
Instagram Stories just now

ETA

How many HOMES has she got?!

 

[PennyLoafer]

Oh @PennyLoafer you are brave, I wouldn't even camp alone in my garden! It is the best though and I find it endlessly hysterical. ''A round of applause for the car!''

I can't believe now that I did it. I just wanted to do something memorable for NYE. I pitched my tent at sunset then went back in the dark with some supplies (champagne, ginger wine, snacks). Half a mile along a narrow cliff path with my head torch, then a steep descent to the beach. I settled in, had a drink, then realised: 15 hours til daylight.

At about 1am, I crawled out of the tent for a pee and saw a piercing torch light shining right on me from a point in the cliffs where there's nothing remotely like a path. I turned off my head torch in a panic and dived back into the tent. I was scared. But I tried to rationalise it: perhaps it was my imagination. Maybe it was a curious landowner. Extremely unlikely to be a mad axe murderer. And if it was, there'd be no point in decamping because - I reasoned - they'd come after me, and I'd make an almighty sound crunching along the stony beach.

So I stayed put and calmed myself by listening to Joe Cornish's Jools Holland impression over and over again. Nothing bad happened and eventually I got to sleep in my thin little cocoon.

Despite or because of the nighttime drama, the dawn was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Soft, delicate, wonderful. I felt so thankful! And I was miles from any other human being! So I stripped off and had a skinny dip in the waves then went home to start the day.

PS Sorry for the long post, guys! I was just taken back to a special night in my life. I've just remembered that I posted a NYE photo of my tent with the caption "it was either this or Hootenanny".

 

[chocolate choux]

Oh, bless

 

[no-no]

Hurrah! It happened. That was nice of her:

Delivered in a Joules bag

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Babe, same! And to follow on from @chocolate choux, I love that there is no echo chamber here at all. I get the impression that this is a very diverse group, and the quality of the discussion is excellent at all times.

....to my shame, I left a weightloss forum because of the constant use of "loose" instead of "lose"....

 

[crystaleyesd]

Fraus - help! Today alone I have written both 'irreverent' and 'maverick' in my PhD.

I am become Jack, the destroyer of words

 

[crystaleyesd]

"Am I fucking awful and nobody has ever told me?"

Jack, people have told you. You read here. Yet you're so in love with yourself, so surrounded by your sycophantic echo chamber, you don't see the truth we are speaking and start the work to make yourself NOT awful. Instead you call us evil trolls, try and triangulate us, threaten us with costly legal action, ladies. Nobody is purely good or purely bad; we're all just irreverent chaoses spunking in the dark. The difference between you and the cabal is that we recognise our faults and try to do better. You have no fucking desire to be better cos in your eyes you're already perfect. Even this whole 'ooh I hate myself' shtick feels performative because it is so slathered in (butter) preening attention seeking. Bleh.

 

[Sausage Grand Station]

Afternoon fraus, I’ve just managed to catch up again .

So, something amazing happened to me yesterday. I am a secret tattler, I don’t tell people I’m here as I fear being outed as a heartless bitch, however, I was introduced to my new student to look after/mentor. I was giving her a guided tour of the ward and It happened to be lunch time; so i took her to the kitchen to show her some of the dysphagia meals (the purées/minces that we use a lot on the stroke unit for our patients who cannot swallow properly). Without skipping a beat, as she looked upon the puréed chicken, mash and carrots, she said “looks like summink that Jack Monroe would cook”. Oh how I HOOTED.

So, when I got home I was buzzing, I’d met a like minded fellow and I get to spend the next 6 weeks with her discussing the car crash that is JM. Mr Sausage asks why I’m in such a good mood, so I tell him and now I’m outed as a tattler . I thought he’d disown me, but he’s spent all day so far today, browsing the threads creasing up, says its all hilarious and incredibly witty, so I’m not being divorced and I can now express my frustration to him .

P.S my student is not wrong about the meals. This picture even looks like one of her “arty shots” I can just picture her tongue out taking it with her dirty hands cupping the plate . Difference is, these actually taste ok and are made by people who don’t hate food (also hopefully have clean hands)

 

[TillyMiffin]

I follow an amazing comedian/journalist/all round amazing woman on twitter and earlier she posted something disparaging about the infamous peach curry, I replied with ‘’ abd this was her reply:

 

[DinosaurSenior]

I realise this is OT, but one of my favourite things about Tattle, apart from the balance of opinions, is the spelling. (And grammar). I'm such a pedant, and one of the reasons I can read here without inwardly correcting, is the lovely language!

 

[Flumps]

So, I've caught up. Thank you for all the lovely birthday wishes. I had breakfast and dinner made for me, and in between I supervised some gardening and had a nice walk. All round win for birthdays, though I am obvs wretched that I didn't get my birthday serenade from JM as suggested by @PoorPatrol

I have to say my seemingly not entirely squashable sympathy for JM creeps in when her family is talked about. I have good parents, and one sibling, who has a very calm, lovely life and I am sure that as much as they love me, they sometimes must wonder why I am such a hassle compared to the rest of them. There are reasons, some of them very shitty, from when I was very young. Then some of them are down to my bad choices and some of it is just bad fucking luck. It is an added weight, though, to feel like the black sheep and the fuck up in a close-knit, loving family. It adds an extra dimension of guilt, which I guess could/does come out in a number of potentially unpleasant ways depending on what sort of person you are.

 

[Pocahontas]

Congratulations to @TriviaNewtonJohn for the thread title - a clear winner with 84 likes at last count.

Recap of #50:


She’s back in Southend. She deleted her complaints to the train company, perhaps feeling remorse for the poor soul at LNER being set upon by her rabid hounds (who weren’t even on the train).

She provided photo evidence of the fabled bolognaise (or bolorneaise ) while on the train, plus a mushroom pasta dish. Both had bases of celery and leeks, used a fat clove garlic and had plenty of black pepper.

She was overjoyed to be reunited with her older cat, who apparently was equally delighted to see her (although photos suggest he gave zero cat fucks). No mention of any reunion with SB at time of writing, but such things are private.

She received an email from a talent scout, then reminisced of her days of almost getting to the final 12 on X factor, and compared her vocal range to that of Celine Dion’s. This sequed into her opening the floor asking for advice from single people who had experienced a break up / poor mental health in lockdown, and gave some of her own tips, such as leaving two radios playing two different stations on all day.

She has been quiet today.

 

[acca00]

Jack Monroe #52: Am I awful and nobody has ever told me?