Jack Monroe #38 Will she call her next cat Sue Purrkins?

[HalcyonDays]

Following on from my earlier message in this thread, I took a break from this site for my own good. I posted about my struggles with cleaning my teeth, let alone getting washed and dressed, and received some really helpful, thoughtful and heartening replies. I'm happy to let you all know that I've managed to get off meds that I've been on for almost 30 years since I posted a while back. The withdrawals have been hellish. Or should I say a HellScape! I've been trying to get off these ADs for years. Finally done it because I don't have to be in work physically every day. I can nap during the day. I can shake, sweat and swear in the comfort of my own home. When I was struggling to even clean my teeth (my record is 4 days in the year of TWENTY THOUSAND AND TWENTY) a lovely GrunkaLunka Haus Frau told me to just try putting the toothbrush in my mouth, moving it about a bit, and seeing how that felt. I did. I've got a nasty gag reflex at the moment, but that advice helped me so much. Wanted to say a simple thank you to every one of you who were there for me. X

 

[Pocahontas]

Frausen. Now it’s all come to light that we’re on Vlad’s secret payroll, he wants us to know he’s willing to backpay any missing wages to April. He’s also inviting us on an all-expenses paid trip to the motherland, to stay in the palace. We’ll go horseback riding with him and he’s going to tell us ....

where the white sauce comes from.

(I suspect I’m playing with fire posting this. If I vanish overnight, please know I think of you all fondly.)

 

[EnglishRoseIrishRover]

I am all grunka’ed up so time for the threatened intro!!!

hello- I found you Hausfrauen through another forum where La Monroe’s antics were under discussion, around the time THAT MAN got the gig.I started reading Tattle a few weeks ago during a bout of serious insomnia when I was searching for something undemanding yet interesting to read and remembered here.

At the time THAT MAN thing happened. I truly believed the story that she presents- that she’d really been in such dire straits. And to an extent I can believe that she would have been too ashamed to admit to her parents the shit she was in. I bought A Girl Called Jack because I liked the concept and I bought it to support Oxfam. Money for me was tight at the time too so I found it useful and I have cooked from it and will continue to do so. I’ve got a link bookmarked for leftover ideas because I find it useful and I believe strongly in not wasting food.


But to cut her parents out from that part of her story and pretend that they weren’t there when they clearly were? Putting it mildly-that’s breathtakingly cheeky and rude. So yeah, I every time one of you Hausfrauen calls her out on her bullshit, I’m on your side. This week (or last? I forget) I stopped following her on Twitter because I’m not a fucking hypocrite on something like this.

But the thing that’s particularly getting on my goat are all those posts where she goes on about this being her job. It’s not a fucking job, love. Blogging, influencing- whatever you want to call it- isn’t a job. Working in a supermarket or an office as a wage slave is a job. Or having to do something that you hate because you’re trapped and have no other option because it pays the bills is a job. If you’re lucky enough to do something that you’re passionate about, where you have a modicum of talent in it, that gives you freedom and flexibility most of us can only dream of, that covers your bills and sometimes allows you to buy 94* sideboards- it’s not a job. You choose to do that as opposed to not working. So fuck off every time you complain about your job.


(first proper gig- Ash in London 1996, last- The Stranglers last December and best- Prince in 2011)

*I’m also an Ian Hislop fan girl.

And now I’m off to check out the Mrs Hinch threads and see if they’re as high quality as this because she fucking annoys me too.

 

[MancBee]

Sorry to be all stereotypical Gay man of a certain age, but the last gig I went to was Kylie at Castlefield Bowl Manchester for the Sounds of the City set of Concerts. It had been pouring down all day (it is Manchester) but half hour before the show, the sun came out and we had a really warm and sultry evening.

She was amazing. Best bit was when a train crossing the adjacent viaduct stopped just as she was singing The Locomotion. People were hanging out the train windows waving their arms, dancing and singing along.

I couldn't get over the cross section in the audience, all ages from kids to pensioners. Gay and straight all having singalong together, happy happy atmosphere. A real feelgood evening.

Sorry for going so off topic, the memories are just flooding back and nobody to share them with.

 

[crystaleyesd]

Oh Vlad's a good sort really. He's even going to help us rescue the kitten.

 

[HarderFaster]

It's fine, it's fine, she's FINE!
View attachment 172467

To misquote Macbeth: "Is this a Dyson fan which I see before me?"

Just the £300-ish, then, Jack. No really, poverty must suck.

 

[crystaleyesd]

She mentioned falling off the wagon in this article.

Alcoholism doesn't confine me any longer – and it doesn't define me either | Jack Monroe

Gone are the dreadful hangovers, regrets and shame that went hand in glove with addiction, replaced after 12 months with a rekindled love of life, family and friends

www.theguardian.com

I don't want to undermine her achievements but I thought you reset the clock after a breach? Happy for my sober friends here to teach me the correct way of how these things should be worded. I mentioned in thread one that i found her becoming the face of sobriety after a week irritating. Those old hazy days when I felt like the only person on Twitter who couldn't stand her.

I remember her having some champagne after Louisa did a cycling challenge or something and she tweeted that she threw it all up, clearly expecting praise that her body now rejects alcohol or something. When people politely pointed out that meant she's back to day one...well, you can imagine how that went down with Saint Jackass.

 

[Thank(space)you]

@MooBelle just liked a post of mine from thread one is this gonna be the ultimate grunka of all time?!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Remember when we were talking about our favourite Jack Moments a few days ago? I'd like to add one more to mine while it's so quiet, if I may:

That time she mistakenly tweeted Captain America.

 

[Harrybosch]

Recap Thread 37

The one where
she introduced her kitten to her giant cat
she didn't take her kitten to see a vet
she had yet another late night melt down about trolls
she deleted a bunch of her meltdown tweets
she asked for advice on taking a break, but rejected all suggestions
she muscled in on the niche of cancer cooking
the hausfrauen were nostalgic about the 70s/80s/90s/00s
@PennyLoafer had great news about moving house

ETA

* Jack denied having a holiday for 7 years. Evidence found here to prove this was not the case.
* Spectacularly twitter rants. Largely deleted. Including @Matt. To date ignored by him.
(Thanks @Jelly Bean )

And a fan claimed that domestic and foreign forces are paying trolls to “harass” her... and of course she is on the verge of a breakdown, still.
(How could I forget? Thanks @emm )

 

[MooBelle]

OH MY GOD!!
Just been to Ikea (stupid stupid stupid) and they have spatulas called...GRUNKA!!!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

And a fan claimed that domestic and foreign forces are paying trolls to “harass” her... and of course she is on the verge of a breakdown, still.

Is anyone else fuming they’ve not received their payments from Putin yet? I’ve been waiting fucking months now x

 

[Lady Punchbag]

The SKL production team right now:

 

[Hunty]

Hello hausfrau it's been a minute

I'm bloody miles behind, I've never been this far behind ever, I'm still on #35 I've been so ill with my head, I've been exhausted and everytime I have attempted to read, it's just been too painful, I came to this thread to ask if I should bother to carry on reading the others or if I should just skip and hit you all up in real time because I feel like I'm never going to catch up , then I read the @Harrybosch catch up of the last thread (epic) thanks Harry and I can't not read the other threads so I just wanted to check in, I'm still alive, and I may reach you in real time eventually but I'm going to try and grunka lunka my way through

I hope you are all well, if your not, I'm sending hugs, love, positivity, whatever it is you need I'm willing it your way

Jack, you're still a fucking cunt

As you were folks

 

[TillyMiffin]

Sorry to be all JM-style TMI but I have actually shagged in a park before...a long long time ago had an ex who was well into that public stuff. In the bushes in a thunderstorm so nobody would catch us. Ahhh, youth...

I shagged in a park a couple of months ago and I’m 50 dreadful behaviour!!

 

[Fitnessqueen]

Husband has just asked me if I was up late last night because I was “gremlining”. After some discussion it turns out he meant grunka-ing

 

[veryfondoftea]

Sorry Canal, just accidentally uploaded a photo of my clitoris

 

[AmTellinYa]

On a kind of side note, does anyone else follow Louisa on Insta? Her post from an hour ago just suddenly really gave a tug at my heartstrings. I'm not sure we are meant to post her stuff here so I'll just say it's a gift she's been given, a framed quote about staying strong essentially. I hope she's in an OK place mentally. Despite JM playing the victim card and the whole "she left" thing, there were two people in that relationship and I can only guess how exhausted she must be by it all.

 

[NP]

 

[Tabitha D]

Oh please give it a rest, you're 32 not 53View attachment 172371

Yeah the nuts is what did it. Not the multiple sideboards, the Viv outfits, the Burberry stuff, the WaterRower.

LolView attachment 172376

“.. even the SMALLEST of nice things”??? She has very many of the very LARGEST of nice things. FFS.
For a start, she lives in a cavernous 1930’s HOUSE (which she calls a “shitty bungalow” to make it sound less fancy - but the photos tell a very different story). She constantly forgets herself and posts about her new fridge (£1,000+), many fancy sideboards, WaterRower (£1,000+), huge private garden, and then there is her enormous bathroom with huge bathtub, lots of marble apparently, looked like a big wall-mounted TV in there as well.
And that’s before we even get onto to the designer outfits and the (priceless) Emin.
These are, I suppose, the “smallest of nice things”. .
She hasn’t got a fucking clue how ordinary people live in this country.