Jack Monroe #319 Belle Du Poor

[NomDeGuerre]

Even when posing next to heavy artillery, Jack is still comfortably the biggest weapon pictured.

 

[Jelly Bean]

For my two pennoth (sp???) what TD decides to say or not to say is entirely up to her. She owes us nothing.
Her sensible lone voice in the wilderness has been wonderful and I hope she never stops.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Squigwatch. Good morning!

 

[FlashBoof]

RE TD on last thread - I think someone made a similar point @CabalofBolorneaise about TD a few weeks/months ago.

My opinion is that she is professional and is very much using her Twitter as a working account with only a smattering of personal detail, but every now and then, Jack outrages her and she has to counter her nonsense.

I actually feel a bit bad for her because it seems like people from here (or who lurk here) have gravitated toward her now and she has unwittingly become a bit of a anti-Jack mascot, whether she likes it or not. But, ultimately she is a clever, learned, well travelled, humble but excellent food writer and can more than hold her own in the home cooking front. Her expertise is undoubted, her reputation has been earned and she probably doesn’t need to get the shit that would come with standing up and saying Jack Monroe, Bootstrap cook is a liar, charlatan and fraud.

 

[Veronicaaa]

How does she manage to look like a dork holding a beer and sitting on a gun ffs

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Thread title courtesy of @Mr Krabs nominated by @Rekyavikgirl you both get an all-you-can-eat ticket for the slop buffet at Jack's Marxist platinum jubilee street party.

New readers please check out the wiki which is the pink button above. For thread title nominations please include the words 'thread title' and NO FUCKING SWEARING.

In the last thread:

Jack was very, very bitter about the winner of the platinum jubilee pudding competition so made her own version with the cheapest possible ingredients and called it peasants pudding, thereby removing any joy that may have been had in consuming it. A frau good at Big Maths showed that she had actually fudged the numbers to make it look as cheap as possible. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, it also looked rank.

She is still very bitter about THAT MAN and has sniped at him again for 'stealing her work'. We are unsure what he's supposed to have nicked as everything he cooks looks edible.

She thought it would be a good idea to make candles herself using kitchen string, tin ring pulls and her mum's Gu pots. It is a good idea, if you want to be down A&E with your Tiggy+Bo, covered in hot wax with glass shards sticking out of your eyes and feet.

 

[Shimmering]

Apologies if you've already seen this, I wasn't able to fully grunk because I was BUSY.

Jack's publisher:

 

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

I asked my military round the edges husband about the big gun and showed him the picture.

Don't think I've ever seen him laugh so hard. 'Darling, do you think we took that kind of thing to the desert with display plinths for the rockets...'

Anyway, he also said that if that was set off in a residential area, the windows in the closest houses would have shattered and the most important point...where was it pointed? Where did the rocket land?

Lie 🔺️

Edited to add: the Archduke also says the British Army don't use those anymore and you need a specific explosives licence to use them so

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I might be getting the flowers wrong, but just realised that today has literally been Guns N’ Roses.

 

[Pocahontas]

Really don’t mean to bother you on here but have you checked your DMs because I messaged you a couple of times about my sausage candle? I haven’t received it yet.

Don’t worry if you are busy or have a lot on .

I’m feeling quite attacked, Tunnel. I was actually loading up my shopping trolley for the post office run but a wheel came off on my uneven driveway (my landlady doesn’t read my Twitter!) and I fell over the handle and dislocated my toe. It’s really bruised.
I’m ok, OH is monitoring the swelling and is on standby to whizz me to the hospital if needs be but I’m afraid I won’t be able to get your candle out for at least a week. Please be patient! I’m trying my best. Please don’t share this message on social media.

 

[Bleurghgram]

Troubling news frauen, I’ve just noticed my boyfriend follows Jack on Twitter. I’ve got no idea how long this has been going on for and I don’t know how I can confront him without having to explain this weird corner of the internet I lurk on. Guess I’m just going to have to be single

 

[Ostapbender]

What do we think the story is behind the gun tweet and deletion?
Marxist Daddy fired an artillery cannon down a suburban street. Whilst ironically singing. Fuck knows why. It makes not one bit of sense.
Or. And yes this takes a leap of imagination.
SHE LIED.

Ring ring
"Hello? Jack, take that tweet down. The lads at the Artillery Club have been asking questions, I don't need this."
"Ughhhhh Dad-"
"Listen love, when people think Dave Hadjicostas, they think foster carer, RAF man, community pillar, slayer of fires. I can't have them thinking Dave Hadjicostas, commie gun maniac of Southend."
Jack, the inheritance dancing in front of her eyes, heaves a sigh. "Such a tiring day and now this." *Delete*

 

[Boyo]

What the actual fuck does she look like? What has she done to her hair? Is it burgundy? And is she wearing a quilt? It must be freezing in Southend today as I'm out and about with no jacket on

Dear God she looks terrible. She looks like Ozzy Osborne

 

[blurstoftimes]

tfw you need to get away from the village trifle as quickly as humanly possible

 

[Veronicaaa]

Why, what's he going to do, bore us all to death with his bad politics takes? Like father like daughter?

 

[Veronicaaa]

That's because he's describing himself entirely inaccurately Jack.

 

[colouredlines]

I hope her dad gets an ASBO.

 

[Veronicaaa]

The person who asked a general question about why recipes have big rambling bits at the start, which Jack took personally despite it not referencing her at all, has had to lock her account thanks to the Jackolytes' abuse.

 

[Toffee finger]

Asked my mum if she heard anything. Turns out she was even closer than I thought she may be as she’d gone to a friends a 2 minute walk from Big Dave’s road.

Apologies for the terrible WhatsApp cropping.

(not sure why she included the fact they were drinking tea, what a Thorpe Bay sentence )

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Wtf even is that machine? Did he make it? Is he gonna be on robot wars??

Trigger warning police violence -

It’s beyond belief you’re allowed to just let gunshots off on a residential street when someone’s been tasered to death for wielding a screwdriver in Chelsea. To be white, middle class, and in Thorpe Bay ey!