Jack Monroe #265 Jack Monroe got a bus

[Pocahontas]

Toot toot, beep beep.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

I thought there was a rolling contract? Or have I misremembered.

It’s a rolling contract whenever she needs to claim that she’s insecurely housed and she’s locked into a year long contract whenever she needs to claim that her extended poverty is due to the extortionate rent. A choose-your-own adventure: the lying bastard edition.

 

[jenny2603]

Toot toot, all aboard the Monroellercoaster! Not sure why she went for FirstName BunchOfNumbers to characterise all of us, unless she specifically has it in for @jenny2603 or she thinks @heretoreaditall2019's first name is actually Heretoreaditall. She must know that there are more of us named after her furniture and possessions, including but not limited to the sentient mirror and charity shop Le Creuset.

This all ends with me and Jack crashing through the window of the Spite Orangery in an Alexis and Krystle style bitch fight.

 

[PortiaControl]

Imagine being offered a wonderful opportunity and the cabal of mithering ninnies being your first thought Goodness me. Someone's clearly very happy and assured with their current life choices.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Toot toot, all aboard the Monroellercoaster! Not sure why she went for FirstName BunchOfNumbers to characterise all of us, unless she specifically has it in for @jenny2603 or she thinks @heretoreaditall2019's first name is actually Heretoreaditall. She must know that there are more of us named after her furniture and possessions, including but not limited to the sentient mirror and charity shop Le Creuset.

Do you know how jealous I am of you guys with cool usernames? I legit thought tattle was some fucked up illegal shit when the MOD drama of 2019 started and there’d be some sort of Ashley madison style data leak of all our emails so the name was half a declaration of my innocence?? Life is so unfair why can’t I be named after frau folklore

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Jack’s being a little fucking smarm with fellow manic pixie dream enby Laurie Penny because Laurie got absolutely bodied by JK Rowling on Twitter yesterday after a long, self-indulgent thread where she claimed that bad book reviews had given her c-PTSD. She then back-pedalled in Monroe fashion like “I didn’t say that, I just meant it triggered a pre-existing condition” but even as someone who would not immediately fall with Rowling on gender issues it was patently obvious that that was implied. Laurie was using serious, debilitating illness to silence dissent, all while blithely unaware that probably hundreds of thousands of people struggle with similar symptoms without the money or ability to self advocate to be even diagnosed, let alone treated (familiar ).

Penny and Monroe are cheeks of the same arse: no integrity and a predilection for claiming that what they - both professional writers - wrote, has been misconstrued. Predictably, though, Jack stayed out of the actual issue because she’s a snivelling fence sitter who doesn’t want to lose any Patreons who are also Rowling stans, so she’s being obsequious to Laurie off to the side instead. Jack is Belgium in 1939 but all the chocolate is actual shit.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Pls God let it be the real housewives of Thorpe Bay

 

[colouredlines]

I hope one of the MPs is a lurker (or even better, one of our regular posters) and when it's time for questions, they whip out a list:

"I'd like to start by asking you about the whereabouts of the vegan crackling recipe. Then could you please confirm how many engineers are needed to fix a basic Wordpress website. Finally, why do so many of your pets disappear?"

 

[traumatised sideboard]

OMG the synchronicity @BubbleDuck and @traumatised sideboard ! It looks like two sides of a really bizarre version of Connect 4!

Connect Poor.

 

[jenny2603]

Handy timeline of what we know about Jack's Fashy Fundraiser

1st Feb 2022
Jack confirms £500 raised in the first hour, confirms she'll receive payment from Teemill on 4th March and will provide regular updates.

Jack Monroe on Twitter: "For absolute transparency, orders are fulfil…

archived 7 Mar 2022 11:02:36 UTC

archive.ph

3rd February 2022
Just over £10k was raised on the first day. That will be going to the Trussell Trust. Everything raised after the first day will go to yet to be announced charities. Trussell Trust know about all this and are happy.

https://archive.ph/0D0z3

*Tumbleweed*

4th March 2022- First payment from Teemill to Jack is due
Fraus email Trussell Trust for an update.

*Tumbleweed*

7th March 2022

A hero squig makes reference to only the first days funding going to the Trussell Trust. Jack loses her shit and says it's all going to the Trussell Trust, then says one tweet later she has signed legal agreements with all the charities concerned. She accuses Hero Squig of harassing her for raising £10k for charity. No explanation is provided for the total being over £10k and rising on 3rd Feb but back down to just £10k by 7th March. Jack then tries to convince everyone she is bursting at the seams and has never been so happy as she's now motivated by spite against the cabal.

https://archive.ph/0D0z3

TLDR: Fuck knows.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Me, me, me - how can I make this about me?

No, Jack, your taxes absolutely contribute to the welfare state, should you choose to pay them.

 

[MancBee]

Getting people to do her homework for her at the last minute, again

View attachment 1110300

She's staying in the shitty bungalow for another year, apparently

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Literally writing a book about it

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And once more, saying people shouldn't have to do that thing she also recommends they do

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No mention of her father being one of those landlords that squiggle thinks society is run for, and Jack will presumable benefit from in due course. Or will Jack refuse her inheritance because it has been extorted out of poor tenants?

 

[colouredlines]

View attachment 1111411

Jack's got a Lidl bag

View attachment 1111412
View attachment 1111413

Okay, this is actually quite funny.

1) a lot of these appear to be commercial spice blends. Surely most cooks tend to make their own? Especially if you live in the UK, where you have access to so many spices due to migration, it's so easy to throw a few together (not to mention better for the budget...).

2) there are duplicates here, for example she has two pots labelled Cape Malay. Has Jack ever cooked Cape Malay food?

3) she's an idiot - she has one pot labelled Furikake. Furikake is not a spice, it's a general term in Japanese food for anything dry that you put on top of rice. It could be sesame salt, different types of seaweed, egg yolk mixed with things, dried salmon flakes...it's a very, very broad term. Plus, Jack doesn't cook Japanese food!

4) two to the right of Vanilla, does that say METH?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I keep glancing at this picture and thinking they’re in a video shop.

Obviously not like a Blockbusters or anything fancy like that, but the wee local one that would rent out videos and sell all kinds of crap.

 

[Geetbo]

"I was served several Section 21 notices for no real reason". I think Iqbal might have something to say about that.

YOU SHAT IN A BAG. LJC give me strength.

 

[PinkMariner]

Jack, if you are reading here - this is some serious advise for you.

If you are STILL locked into your AST for another year, someone is screwing you over. For the months now, maybe longer, you have claimed you are locked in for a year. Either you have managed to negotiate yourself a seriously shit tenancy, or you are misunderstanding the terms. Get in touch with Shelter. They are arseholes to landlords and love to fight them. They will help you. You should not still be locked in.

*NB - unless you are lying, which of course could not possibly be the case could it!

 

[skronkywildcat]

The Big House is slang for prison, not parliament.

 

[Shimmering]

Jack's just jealous because the cabal live rent-free in her head.

I thought Jack was having to be helped to bed by concerned family members? Now suddenly she's cranking out the miles (and farts) on that water rower?

We won't be long going from "ridiculously happy loving life" to an ominous reply to a squig along the lines of "you have no idea just how far from ok I am".

Jack - I'm happy if you earn an honest living. I'm only here because seeing people taking innocent squiggles' pensions and heating allowance makes me sad

Toot toot, motherfuckers!

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Fraus I've been offered a new job but I can't talk about it with friends at work yet (not actually resigned from this job/spoken to my manager yet) even though I'm absolutely fizzing over...I've not been on a bus, but am I jack?