Jack Monroe #205 Overdeliverer

[DinosaurSenior]

It's your accounts, Jack. Your accounts.

 

[colouredlines]

It's last year's Comic Kitchen video, minus the filter.

 

[Pocahontas]

Can't reveal that, but I won.

 

[Pocahontas]

Jack can't travel on a plane because there's no precedent for a plane chaos. The Jack Monroe Train Chaos™ is a critical part of her brand. What's she going to do, almost get sucked out of the plane when someone (probably a man) accidentally opens the door at 30k feet but is saved when her Mediterranean arse plugs the gap? A Twitter pile-on caused by the lack of eggs in the mid-flight meal? Being recognised as the great Jack Monroe by an air stewardess who sidled up to her with a six pack of Yakult quietly and gently saying she was a huge fan of her body of work? Absurd.

Spoiler: Just a bit of fun

 

[Satisfying Click]

Jack would be far too trembly and awkward to confront a manager face to face. She’d wait until she was behind her keyboard.

Good point!

Real life interaction
Jack: Hello, can I get a refund on this sideboard
Manager: You can, but we'll need the receipt, please

Twitter:
I went to the store and very politely asked for a refund on my sideboard. The manager looked down their nose at me, sensing I was a poor. "Got yer receipt?" They spat, and I felt my tattoos being judged. I started trembling, for I, Jack Monroe, had fed it to the rabbit mistaking it for vegetable peelings. I tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. The manager started laughing. I slowly, gently backed away, until I found a quiet corner for my safety. I overheard the manager laughing, and I heard the words, "Traaazers? Bird?" and I, Jack Monroe punched the wall.

 

[Emmapism]

Jack 'it could have fed three'

Morgan Freeman voice 'it categorically could not have fed three'

 

[DinosaurSenior]

I'm just in from a night on the town and was going to have a bacon sandwich, but am now thinking I'll just have broccoli in a bap.

 

[MancBee]

Spoiler: Potentially ED triggery - but probably a lie

View attachment 747306

Yet she fits into clothing suitable for an 11 year old. One minute smol, smol, smol, next it's huge, huge, huge.

4 stone on her frame would be impossible to hide. Just an out and out lie.

 

[kachoochoo]

Hello & welcome @Luna-Lovegood hope you stick around to witness a Sunday/ Full moon Jack chaos in real time the cabal do not disappoint.



Strangely even this doesn’t make it in the top three disturbing things I’ve seen on this thread.

well, exactly. the whole mussels and pears thing happened for a start

Diligent grunker @JayRamShamFour has perfectly timed the liking of my post from thread #146 about keys and their interchangeable nature.




LJC moves in mysterious ways. The past and the present are aligning. When Orphy B comes up with another accurate prophesy it will complete the holy time continuum triangle and we can perform the ancient Pythagoras ritual

coincidentally, jrsf's just reminded me of perhaps the best thing I've ever posted on this horrific site of libellous mithetering ninnies

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

That is not my idea of intimate or romantic. Looks nice enough but how is that either of those things?

If someone described a restaurant as intimate and romantic to me I would image a little more privacy between the tables, not crowded so close you could hear someone fart on the next table.

We're talking about someone who took Louisa Compton to a Harvester for the unlimted salad bar and then proposed after two episodes of EastEnders.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Regarding the recently deleted celery, purchased in Edinburgh...

What did Jack actually make from it? Was it in the slurry foisted on mythical tramps? It probably went in the bin along with the c.w.h and the lettuces. I hate the thought of wasted food!

So many of Jack’s stories deserve one of those end of a movie credits scenes where they tell you what everyone got up to next.

 

[blurstoftimes]

inspired by jack’s brave crusade to bring unfashionable and mysterious vegetables back, i’ve just invented this crazy new concept which is slicing cabbage thinly and eating it like a salad. I think i’ll call it, ‘Slaw’

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Omg she said her hidden talent is singing

It certainly isn't cooking!

(How're ye all?! Thanks to those asking after me.
Radiation to the head was WAY more debilitating than first anticipated. Slowly, softly, gently finding my feet again.)

 

[Alansbigplate]

She looks good here although I’m guessing she’s given her poverty story on both barrels he is looking rather shellshocked.

 

[colouredlines]

I know we've looked at the Twitter delete sprees, but did we ever look at the Instagram ones?

Here they are, stat lovers:
View attachment 751737
View attachment 751738
View attachment 751741
View attachment 751742

Wow.

The only one I ever specifically noticed that she deleted was the Sophie the dog breakfast bowl (all other breakfast bowls remain). But I've just had another look, and I have bad news.

Brace yourselves.

Have a bubble buddy on hand with smelling salts.

It pains me to say it, but...

Celery, Edinburgh is gone.

 

[Ellabella]

Lads, I think I know you all well enough now to confess that I've been on Come Dine with Me.

AMA (well don't because of ).

 

[colouredlines]

Is she not supposed to talk a bit more about the product?

My phone lockscreen is a tin of Del Monte pineapple!

In a crisis, I would call the Man from Del Monte. There's nothing a tin of fruit cocktail can't fix!

I missed Love Island because I ate too many Del Monte prunes, and was...otherwise engaged. Check out my Twitter for a livetweet extravaganza!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Jack can't travel on a plane because there's no precedent for a plane chaos. The Jack Monroe Train Chaos™ is a critical part of her brand. What's she going to do, almost get sucked out of the plane when someone (probably a man) accidentally opens the door at 30k feet but is saved when her Mediterranean arse plugs the gap? A Twitter pile-on caused by the lack of eggs in the mid-flight meal? Being recognised as the great Jack Monroe by an air stewardess who sidled up to her with a six pack of Yakult quietly and gently saying she was a huge fan of her body of work? Absurd.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Fair assumption

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I take it back, (facts are important). ONE person has noticed.