CatsWhiskers
Member
Jack Monroe as bowls
- Notice
colouredlines
VIP Member
For those curious about our heroine's battle with alcoholism:
EXHIBIT A: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jan/05/jack-monroe-i-am-an-alcoholic-mea-culpa
In which we learn that she got drunk at parties as a teen (scandalous), that of course she never drank during the Poverty because she was a Good Poor, and that she was planning to save her booze money in a special place, possibly for a forever home.
Features this:
It hasn’t been easy. At the time of writing this, I have been sober for exactly a week. The change has been remarkable. My house is tidier than it has ever been. I have reclaimed my evenings, and my early mornings, free from mental fog and headaches and grumps. My creativity has kicked back into action: in a bid to keep busy, I wrote, created, tested and photographed 50 new recipes last week – that’s half a book!
Which...well.
a) Why the FUCK would you commission a piece on recovery from so someone who stopped drinking a week ago??? That's a bit like getting a New Miracle Diet piece from someone who's given up the carbs for a week and insists they'll live this way forever. Absurd.
b) I've mentioned before that my dad was an alcoholic, and so was one of my best mates. The latter recovered, the former didn't. My dad often tried to get sober. He required medical supervision, because withdrawal from alcohol can literally kill you. He would spend the first few days shaking and sweating, pale, with severe DTs, barely able to get out of bed. When he did get up he was cranky and irritable. My friend talks about his first week off drink as one of the hardest of his life. 50 new recipes? A clean house, even by Jack's standards? Get fucked.
Also features this gem, because every Jack article needs a metaphor that makes no sense whatsoever:
My life can be defined by a kind of alcoholic bulimia. I either binged on it, or deprived myself of it out of misplaced puritanism and later, unaffordability.
(Hi Jack! Former bulimic here. What the fuck are you on about?)
EXHIBIT B: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/dec/29/my-year-of-sobriety-jack-monroe
One year on - yes, Jack got TWO articles out of this, alcoholism is as interesting as veganism and autism combined - we get more nonsense.
This one features lots of accusations of sexual assault:
I found myself pinned to walls by household-name male journalists, who forced their hands inside my shirt and tongues in my mouth, while telling myself I had asked for it, getting in that state. I lost count of the number of boozy lunches with people I considered peers and colleagues that ended with disquieting gropes in the back of taxis and the niggling feeling that I should really stop allowing myself to be so vulnerable.
(Later, she would claim that her sponsor, aka Russell Brand, groped her in the back of a taxi too, no? Just how many times has this happened?)
There are digs at her sponsor, Russell Brand, and there's this:
I slotted a piece of paper into my passport, with the words “Do not serve me – I am an alcoholic” in block capitals, and carried it everywhere. I used it twice. Both times, I burned with shame as the cashier read it, scanned my face for the moment of realisation and handed it back, sweeping the bottles of booze out of my basket and placing them out of reach behind the counter.
In which Jack doesn't have enough willpower to put down the bottles, but enough to show her little card to the cashier. (Also: Jack, don't carry your passport everywhere you go. You're welcome.)
Is Jack Monroe a problem drinker? Maybe. Was she knocking back 200 units a week? I doubt it. Do her experiences fit what I know of recovery, having seen loved ones go through it? Not in the slightest.
So yeah. I'll be over here in Skeptics' Corner.
EXHIBIT A: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jan/05/jack-monroe-i-am-an-alcoholic-mea-culpa
In which we learn that she got drunk at parties as a teen (scandalous), that of course she never drank during the Poverty because she was a Good Poor, and that she was planning to save her booze money in a special place, possibly for a forever home.
Features this:
It hasn’t been easy. At the time of writing this, I have been sober for exactly a week. The change has been remarkable. My house is tidier than it has ever been. I have reclaimed my evenings, and my early mornings, free from mental fog and headaches and grumps. My creativity has kicked back into action: in a bid to keep busy, I wrote, created, tested and photographed 50 new recipes last week – that’s half a book!
Which...well.
a) Why the FUCK would you commission a piece on recovery from so someone who stopped drinking a week ago??? That's a bit like getting a New Miracle Diet piece from someone who's given up the carbs for a week and insists they'll live this way forever. Absurd.
b) I've mentioned before that my dad was an alcoholic, and so was one of my best mates. The latter recovered, the former didn't. My dad often tried to get sober. He required medical supervision, because withdrawal from alcohol can literally kill you. He would spend the first few days shaking and sweating, pale, with severe DTs, barely able to get out of bed. When he did get up he was cranky and irritable. My friend talks about his first week off drink as one of the hardest of his life. 50 new recipes? A clean house, even by Jack's standards? Get fucked.
Also features this gem, because every Jack article needs a metaphor that makes no sense whatsoever:
My life can be defined by a kind of alcoholic bulimia. I either binged on it, or deprived myself of it out of misplaced puritanism and later, unaffordability.
(Hi Jack! Former bulimic here. What the fuck are you on about?)
EXHIBIT B: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/dec/29/my-year-of-sobriety-jack-monroe
One year on - yes, Jack got TWO articles out of this, alcoholism is as interesting as veganism and autism combined - we get more nonsense.
This one features lots of accusations of sexual assault:
I found myself pinned to walls by household-name male journalists, who forced their hands inside my shirt and tongues in my mouth, while telling myself I had asked for it, getting in that state. I lost count of the number of boozy lunches with people I considered peers and colleagues that ended with disquieting gropes in the back of taxis and the niggling feeling that I should really stop allowing myself to be so vulnerable.
(Later, she would claim that her sponsor, aka Russell Brand, groped her in the back of a taxi too, no? Just how many times has this happened?)
There are digs at her sponsor, Russell Brand, and there's this:
I slotted a piece of paper into my passport, with the words “Do not serve me – I am an alcoholic” in block capitals, and carried it everywhere. I used it twice. Both times, I burned with shame as the cashier read it, scanned my face for the moment of realisation and handed it back, sweeping the bottles of booze out of my basket and placing them out of reach behind the counter.
In which Jack doesn't have enough willpower to put down the bottles, but enough to show her little card to the cashier. (Also: Jack, don't carry your passport everywhere you go. You're welcome.)
Is Jack Monroe a problem drinker? Maybe. Was she knocking back 200 units a week? I doubt it. Do her experiences fit what I know of recovery, having seen loved ones go through it? Not in the slightest.
So yeah. I'll be over here in Skeptics' Corner.
misshydrangea
Active member
So I originally stumbled on this thread purely out of curiosity as to who Jack was. The Wiki is one of the funniest things I’ve read.
Whats not funny is using alcoholism as an attention seeking mechanism. I have seriously struggled with drinking and it’s also something that affects other members of my close family. As others have stated - 200 units a week is just ludicrous.
I actually grew up in a working class family and my mother made nutritious and tasty food on a tighter budget than that charlatan has ever had to adhere to.
What I’m saying here, is that in the space of 24 hours - I’ve gone from not knowing who this twat is - to seeing enough of her Twitter content to surmise that she’s in the top 10 of Britain’s biggest wankers.
Thanks for introducing me to the smol impoverished pixie - this thread is hilarious. I’m happy to be here as a brand new member.
Whats not funny is using alcoholism as an attention seeking mechanism. I have seriously struggled with drinking and it’s also something that affects other members of my close family. As others have stated - 200 units a week is just ludicrous.
I actually grew up in a working class family and my mother made nutritious and tasty food on a tighter budget than that charlatan has ever had to adhere to.
What I’m saying here, is that in the space of 24 hours - I’ve gone from not knowing who this twat is - to seeing enough of her Twitter content to surmise that she’s in the top 10 of Britain’s biggest wankers.
Thanks for introducing me to the smol impoverished pixie - this thread is hilarious. I’m happy to be here as a brand new member.
PoorPatrol
VIP Member
“Serves 0”
Orphan_Black
VIP Member
Jaaaack Monroe, Can she cook it? Jaaack Monroe, no she shan't!
Brian Butterfield
VIP Member
Here's some free advice, Jack. These simple things have really helped me find true contentment and gratitude in my life.
1. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.
To take responsibility for your life, is to take responsibility for your powers of thinking, feeling, speaking and acting, because this is the structure of all human experience. You create your life with your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.
You take responsibility when you accept that the thoughts you have, are your thoughts coming from your mind. How you feel happens in your body and is a result of your thoughts. The words you speak come from your mouth and voice. The actions you take, are taken by you.
What this means is that nobody can make you think, feel, say or do anything. Nobody can push your buttons, because you are the button maker! In the same way you don’t have control over how other people respond as they respond from their mindset.
2. Stop blaming
Stop blaming your partner, parents, economy, your upbringing or the dog for your misfortune. Blaming keeps you in victim mode and robs you of changing your situation.
When you stop blaming and accept responsibility, you shift from victim to victor. Now you can look at the situation and decide what to do about it.
Ask yourself, “What is my role in this?”
3. Stop complaining
Complaining is another form of blaming and playing victim as if you have no choice. It also shows that you focus on lack, things going wrong, things happening to you. In everything not going according to plan, there is a gift, there is a bigger picture.
Ask yourself, “What is the gift here? What can I learn from this?”
4. Refuse to take anything personal
This is a biggie. Assuming that everything is about you. Taking any form of disagreement as a personal attack. Remember, you don’t have control over how other people respond, you only have control over how you respond.
Refuse to take anything personal. It is most probably not about you, but about the issue at hand. Instead of making assumptions, rather ask questions. This is a very powerful and liberating practice, with never ending surprises.
Ask yourself, “Is this about me, or the issue at hand?”
5. Make yourself happy
Taking responsibility for your happiness is liberating. Firstly to realize that happiness does not come from outside of you. It is not the job of your partner, parent, friend, child, to make you happy.
To be happy is a decision and the gateway to happiness is gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal and you will find lots to be happy about.
Also, do things that make you feel happy. Listen to your favourite music, surround yourself with beauty, express your creativity, do acts of kindness, etc.
Ask yourself, “What about this could make me happy?”
6. Live in the present moment
Life is now. There is only one moment, now. The past is history, the future is a mystery, so there is only now, this moment. Take responsibility for this moment and make the best of it to redeem the past and create the future you want. Paulo Coelho wrote something to this effect in his biography.
Be the gatekeeper of your thoughts and refuse to have a rerun of the same 60000 thoughts of yesterday if they do not get you want you want in life.
Choose your thoughts carefully in every moment and when you become present you have the awareness of what you are thinking and feeling. This then allows you to interrupt thoughts that do not serve you. Deliberately change them in the moment to what you want to create in that moment to shape your future.
Ask yourself, “Am I in the present moment and what do I want?”
7. Use the power of intention
You have the power to choose. In fact, you are making choices all the time. Tea or coffee, red dress or black dress, hair up or down, yoga or go for a run. Even by not making a choice, you are making a choice.
Become intentional in making choices by having a vision in mind. A vision for your life, your business, your relationship, your health, wealth, etc.
Living intentionally by deliberately making choices to move you forward toward manifesting your vision or outcomes, is consciously taking responsibility for your life.
Ask, “Is saying yes to this moving me towards my goal?”
8. Feel calm and confident
When you take responsibility for your life and experience, you step into a place of calm confidence. You feel calm because you know that you are consciously in charge of yourself and that you can choose how you respond.
You feel confident that you will not fall into victim-mode by sucking up other people’s verbal vomit. They can keep those gifts.
Ask yourself, “What do I choose to accept from this conversation and how do I choose to respond?”
9. Look for the good in people
There’s a saying that we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their behaviour.
Make it your new habit to look for the intentions behind people’s behaviour. So often when we understand where someone comes from, we let go of judgement.
One excellent practice is to remove the labels we hang onto people like bibs around their necks and that somehow gives us permission to treat them in the worst possible way. Often this applies to the people closest to us.
Ask yourself, “If I just see him/her as a human being, how will I respond differently?”
Another effective practice is listening to understand instead of listening to respond. This means to practice asking questions to really understand what the other person means, instead of waiting for a chance to interrupt and voice your important opinion.
This allows you to take responsibility to intentionally have illuminating conversations and fulfilling relationships, because the person that you are talking to will appreciate your attention, like and trust you and support you in return.
1. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.
To take responsibility for your life, is to take responsibility for your powers of thinking, feeling, speaking and acting, because this is the structure of all human experience. You create your life with your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.
You take responsibility when you accept that the thoughts you have, are your thoughts coming from your mind. How you feel happens in your body and is a result of your thoughts. The words you speak come from your mouth and voice. The actions you take, are taken by you.
What this means is that nobody can make you think, feel, say or do anything. Nobody can push your buttons, because you are the button maker! In the same way you don’t have control over how other people respond as they respond from their mindset.
2. Stop blaming
Stop blaming your partner, parents, economy, your upbringing or the dog for your misfortune. Blaming keeps you in victim mode and robs you of changing your situation.
When you stop blaming and accept responsibility, you shift from victim to victor. Now you can look at the situation and decide what to do about it.
Ask yourself, “What is my role in this?”
3. Stop complaining
Complaining is another form of blaming and playing victim as if you have no choice. It also shows that you focus on lack, things going wrong, things happening to you. In everything not going according to plan, there is a gift, there is a bigger picture.
Ask yourself, “What is the gift here? What can I learn from this?”
4. Refuse to take anything personal
This is a biggie. Assuming that everything is about you. Taking any form of disagreement as a personal attack. Remember, you don’t have control over how other people respond, you only have control over how you respond.
Refuse to take anything personal. It is most probably not about you, but about the issue at hand. Instead of making assumptions, rather ask questions. This is a very powerful and liberating practice, with never ending surprises.
Ask yourself, “Is this about me, or the issue at hand?”
5. Make yourself happy
Taking responsibility for your happiness is liberating. Firstly to realize that happiness does not come from outside of you. It is not the job of your partner, parent, friend, child, to make you happy.
To be happy is a decision and the gateway to happiness is gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal and you will find lots to be happy about.
Also, do things that make you feel happy. Listen to your favourite music, surround yourself with beauty, express your creativity, do acts of kindness, etc.
Ask yourself, “What about this could make me happy?”
6. Live in the present moment
Life is now. There is only one moment, now. The past is history, the future is a mystery, so there is only now, this moment. Take responsibility for this moment and make the best of it to redeem the past and create the future you want. Paulo Coelho wrote something to this effect in his biography.
Be the gatekeeper of your thoughts and refuse to have a rerun of the same 60000 thoughts of yesterday if they do not get you want you want in life.
Choose your thoughts carefully in every moment and when you become present you have the awareness of what you are thinking and feeling. This then allows you to interrupt thoughts that do not serve you. Deliberately change them in the moment to what you want to create in that moment to shape your future.
Ask yourself, “Am I in the present moment and what do I want?”
7. Use the power of intention
You have the power to choose. In fact, you are making choices all the time. Tea or coffee, red dress or black dress, hair up or down, yoga or go for a run. Even by not making a choice, you are making a choice.
Become intentional in making choices by having a vision in mind. A vision for your life, your business, your relationship, your health, wealth, etc.
Living intentionally by deliberately making choices to move you forward toward manifesting your vision or outcomes, is consciously taking responsibility for your life.
Ask, “Is saying yes to this moving me towards my goal?”
8. Feel calm and confident
When you take responsibility for your life and experience, you step into a place of calm confidence. You feel calm because you know that you are consciously in charge of yourself and that you can choose how you respond.
You feel confident that you will not fall into victim-mode by sucking up other people’s verbal vomit. They can keep those gifts.
Ask yourself, “What do I choose to accept from this conversation and how do I choose to respond?”
9. Look for the good in people
There’s a saying that we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their behaviour.
Make it your new habit to look for the intentions behind people’s behaviour. So often when we understand where someone comes from, we let go of judgement.
One excellent practice is to remove the labels we hang onto people like bibs around their necks and that somehow gives us permission to treat them in the worst possible way. Often this applies to the people closest to us.
Ask yourself, “If I just see him/her as a human being, how will I respond differently?”
Another effective practice is listening to understand instead of listening to respond. This means to practice asking questions to really understand what the other person means, instead of waiting for a chance to interrupt and voice your important opinion.
This allows you to take responsibility to intentionally have illuminating conversations and fulfilling relationships, because the person that you are talking to will appreciate your attention, like and trust you and support you in return.
BlendedSlop
VIP Member
In honour of the above, I'm going to start a "Jack Monroe as bowls" thread. Here's what I've got so far:
colouredlines
VIP Member
The foreword for Jack Monroe's Recovery Recipes by Jack Monroe:
They still wouldn't stop. Even though they knew that I was battling long-held demons, the internet bullies turned to mercilessly mocking my appearance, comparing me to pieces of crockery.
I took a deep breath, although inside I was howling like a shewolf in heat. This band of mithering ninnies, with their shadowy connections to Germany and Russia, had already destroyed my relationship and attempted to sabotage my flourishing career. I had even heard rumours that one of them, based in Manchester, had told Marcus Rashford not to work with me again, accusing me of attempting to murder him through unconventional soup ingredients.
I knew that this time, I couldn't let the trolls win.
I furiously cracked an egg into a cold frying pan, turned on the heat, and added a lick of lard and plenty of black pepper. As the egg cooked for precisely 45 seconds - the ideal time for a runny yolk and wobbly white, transluscent as the skin on an old man's hand - I told myself that I would be strong. I would turn this around.
It was not the first time I'd faced adversary. Back when I was a destitute single mum, my son once looked up at me from his bowl of Weetabix mashed with water and asked... (cont. pg 48)
They still wouldn't stop. Even though they knew that I was battling long-held demons, the internet bullies turned to mercilessly mocking my appearance, comparing me to pieces of crockery.
I took a deep breath, although inside I was howling like a shewolf in heat. This band of mithering ninnies, with their shadowy connections to Germany and Russia, had already destroyed my relationship and attempted to sabotage my flourishing career. I had even heard rumours that one of them, based in Manchester, had told Marcus Rashford not to work with me again, accusing me of attempting to murder him through unconventional soup ingredients.
I knew that this time, I couldn't let the trolls win.
I furiously cracked an egg into a cold frying pan, turned on the heat, and added a lick of lard and plenty of black pepper. As the egg cooked for precisely 45 seconds - the ideal time for a runny yolk and wobbly white, transluscent as the skin on an old man's hand - I told myself that I would be strong. I would turn this around.
It was not the first time I'd faced adversary. Back when I was a destitute single mum, my son once looked up at me from his bowl of Weetabix mashed with water and asked... (cont. pg 48)
BlendedSlop
VIP Member
Sorry, I'll stop now...
I'm assuming there's been a chaos of some description given the number of pages since yesterday - looking forward to my lunch break Grunk!
I'm assuming there's been a chaos of some description given the number of pages since yesterday - looking forward to my lunch break Grunk!
People-huv-tae-know
VIP Member
Congratulations to @kachoochoo for coming up with such a fabulous title. Also thanks to @Emmapism for quoting it and putting me right. Also to @HotesTilaire for nominating it.
Welcome to thread 184 stalkers!
Jack has asked for new friends and she is asking for a friend
Manchester, you have been warned!
Jack is staying at a hotel. She wants us to know but she doesn't want us to triangulate her in case it's all lies.
Jack decides to show us her hotel fridge (is it a smeg I wonder) even though no one asked. She references the mysterious treatment again and calls the cabal stalkers, n'awwww. Anything but retweet that campaign.
I write the recap as I read the thread so imagine my shock horror when the fridge is revealed to be a Smeg
It is too Jackish for words.
We also discover that Jack does not want everyone to know she has Kombucha just in case the squiggles are forensic or in her words 'to pre- empt tittery', no titters at the back please. Jack has too much respect for the Cabal's triangulation skills to bother removing it from the fridge though.
The Kombucha company retweet Jack's fridge pic and thank her. Maybe she will go viral with it (rock n roll).
The discerning fraus are not convinced this is a hotel fridge. The mystery deepens as it revealed the fridge is full of pretentious hipster drinks that are worth a small fortune. Would a hotel affected by Covid restrictions really spend the £££ on a literal food expert that no one has heard of.
We see evidence of a real troll, the first in a year I think. Hopefully they have been put in their place back under the bridge.
Finally Jack's Good food for bad days which includes and inception soup recipe is being featured on world book night. For some reason there are quite a few copies going free.
Just for fun there is a poll running as to where you think Jack might be. Based on previous fibs and boasts, I'd say anything is possible and the truth is out there. Only Jack and Jimmy Nail know what that is though.
Welcome to thread 184 stalkers!
Jack has asked for new friends and she is asking for a friend
Manchester, you have been warned!Jack is staying at a hotel. She wants us to know but she doesn't want us to triangulate her in case it's all lies.
Jack decides to show us her hotel fridge (is it a smeg I wonder) even though no one asked. She references the mysterious treatment again and calls the cabal stalkers, n'awwww. Anything but retweet that campaign.
I write the recap as I read the thread so imagine my shock horror when the fridge is revealed to be a Smeg
It is too Jackish for words.We also discover that Jack does not want everyone to know she has Kombucha just in case the squiggles are forensic or in her words 'to pre- empt tittery', no titters at the back please. Jack has too much respect for the Cabal's triangulation skills to bother removing it from the fridge though.
The Kombucha company retweet Jack's fridge pic and thank her. Maybe she will go viral with it (rock n roll).
The discerning fraus are not convinced this is a hotel fridge. The mystery deepens as it revealed the fridge is full of pretentious hipster drinks that are worth a small fortune. Would a hotel affected by Covid restrictions really spend the £££ on a literal food expert that no one has heard of.
We see evidence of a real troll, the first in a year I think. Hopefully they have been put in their place back under the bridge.
Finally Jack's Good food for bad days which includes and inception soup recipe is being featured on world book night. For some reason there are quite a few copies going free.
Just for fun there is a poll running as to where you think Jack might be. Based on previous fibs and boasts, I'd say anything is possible and the truth is out there. Only Jack and Jimmy Nail know what that is though.
Housekeeping
*]
Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.
There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.
New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
*]
Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.
There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.
New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
Last edited:
colouredlines
VIP Member
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
That Diva list is stupid. I can think of ten lesbians here alone that are more influential than Jack. I know this because - as per cabal rules - I hate gays so I keep a list of all of them and arrange them in order like MySpace friends. I make a special note of all the successful and/or autistic ones because there's truly nothing worse than a successful autistic gay. Not even someone who fries salad, instigates unwarranted Twitter pile-ons or continues to take people's money despite not having fulfilled any of their promises for over five months.
Switchstreetz
VIP Member
Long live the bowls
DorothyZbornak
Member
In Jack’s likes. Presented without comment 
Nottonightbabe
VIP Member
Lumpyspaceprincess
VIP Member
This is much more fun than counting teeth!
Attachments
veryfondoftea
VIP Member
This is slightly off current topic but I sometimes feel sorry for Jack and then I remember only a few weeks ago she accused and identified someone as an abuser and then forgot all about it the next day. Absolutely blows my mind.
