I went to a follow up appointment on Friday to find out why there were no eggs when they went for egg retrieval. The long and short of it was that they don't know. Low ovarian reserve mainly.
They gave us 5% chance of getting pregnant using my eggs, and 30-40% using a donor egg. The wait time is 12-18 months for a donor egg. They also called me later on and said that they had just received news that our area will be increasing funding from 1st April so we get potentially 2 more funded chances, but there are caveats as below:
1) If we use the funding for another round using my eggs and any of the following happens:
-They don't collect any eggs
-The eggs fail to fertilize
-The embryos don't start dividing
Then we lose the chance of a further funded round. We would however get another chance using my eggs if all the above happened and the embryo failed to implant or I miscarry.
2) If we chose the donor route we get 2 rounds, regardless of whether the eggs fertilize and so on.
3)We lose the right to further funding if we self fund another round using my eggs before using the funded options.
Ideally I want to try again with my own eggs, because I'm not ready to write them off yet so I'm gutted that we can't just have one more try with my own before trying donor eggs, and I understand that the chances of it happening are so low so it would probably be in vain.
We are short on time because any treatment needs to start before my 40th Birthday and I'm already 38.
My Partner said we need to go with the stats and that a 5% chance isn't really hopeful, especially when compared with a 30-40% chance using donor eggs. I said I understand that but it's easy for him because it would be his sperm that fertilizes the donor egg, he replied "but you'd be doing all the hard work by growing it - nobody cares about where the flour in the bread comes from, they care how well it's baked!" and that made me laugh even though I'm not sure the analogy has any substance
.
My head is a mess and on top of this my pregnant sister is moaning to all of our other siblings and parents that "most other sisters would be making things for their Niece or Nephew, would be shopping for baby things together, planning a baby shower, getting gifts for the baby and mum to be" and it makes me feel like the shittiest person in the world. I struggled to even look at her when we had a family gathering last week. It was 3 days after the failed egg collection and I felt so devastated by that so I just didn't even want to acknowledge her pregnancy. All the talk was of the baby and her being pregnant and "something must be in the water! because after you announced your pregnancy three other people I know have also announced they are expecting!" and I sat there thinking "not in the water I'm drinking, clearly
" I've had to archive the family WhatsApp group because it feels like a punch to the gut every time a message comes through. I totally get that they are all excited and in their happy bubble, and I so desperately want to be in that bubble with them. I am trying so hard and I've scheduled a counselling session with the IVF clinic in the hope that I can turn these negative emotions into positive emotions and start to feel happy for them, whilst also coming to terms with the fact I will likely never have a child with my own eggs.
Sorry to be a debbie downer, I needed to vent.
we were discharged from our clinic on Monday - a day I never thought would happen!
good luck with your journeys 
I’m so excited and nervous I don’t know what to expect
we only get one round as well at our NHS hospital so I'm trying to throw absolutely everything at this, haven't drank alcohol since NYE, consistent activity whether it's a walk or a workout, cut down caffeine and that's both of us not just me. Just feeling a lot atm and I'm exhausted
