Is your adult life anything like you imagined it would be?

[Justhereforthedrama]

What a great thread.

I wrote myself a letter when I was 13 to open when I was 30 and I lost it!

I can remember that I did specifically write that if I didn't have a cat that I should go out and get one from a shelter, so past me would be pleased that I have 2 shelter cats.

I also wrote down the house phone number of my best pal and wrote that if I wasn't in touch that I should ring her. Turns out I was on the phone to her this morning about going to see a band so past me would also be happy.

I definitely agree that I thought I would be special, and be famous or well respected etc and that I'm actually very happy not to be.

Things that have not gone to plan (or have they?):

- at 25 I clawed my way out of a 3 year long abusive relationship with an alcoholic, angry man, who had stunted personal development and had vicariously stunted mine. I was unemployed, single, no career, didn't own a home, was in debt and had a lot of trauma to process.
- at 26 I had a few months of absolute euphoria, partying, enjoying freedom, and then had a breakdown (long time coming)
- at 27 I had a minimum wage office job. I met my lovely partner who was only 21 and at uni (eek). My family told me this was and inappropriate relationship and was still me lashing out, being irresponsible, processing the past few years. I knew different, he's an old soul.
- at 27 after 3 months of dating I fell pregnant (oops)
- at 27, while on mat leave, I did a qualification
- at 27 after having my baby at Christmas I was made redundant.
- at 29, after an extended mat leave (best redundancy ever, I got 14m with my baby) I got an entry level project management job.
- at 30 I got made redundant while we were in the process of buying our first house
- at 31 I got a more senior PM job.
- at 33 I moved into private industry (from public sector) and got a decent pay rise
- at 36 I got promoted into a senior leadership role

Never mind 'is your life different to what you imagined in childhood?' my life is so far beyond what I imagined 8 years ago.

This actually made me feel really full of gratitude typing this out. How nice.

 

[rainbowlemon]

-I didn't expect the mental illness or the loneliness. I honestly didn't think it would be this hard on the days I really struggle.
-I thought I would be done with the current degree I'm doing at the moment by the age of 23. (30 now and it's my second one not my first as I would have thought ).
-I used to think that you only fell in love once and love alone was enough - it's not.
-I have a full drivers licence but I stopped driving 5+ years ago. It makes me too anxious. Pretending to drive was all the rage when my dad left us in the car with our mum we would climb over to the front seat.
-I never expected that looking after a plant would make me happy.
-I never expected that I would get bored of left over cake in the fridge after a birthday party.

Plus sides :
-I like being able to go wherever I want with just an osyter card.
-I like being able to just eat what I want when I want even if it's 10pm.

 

[Notgonnalie]

It’s much better than I imagined.

when I was a young teenager I always thought I would be single my whole life and live with my parents until they died and then I’d have a million cats for company- no disrespect to anyone who has that life i felt content with that but also felt like I didn’t really have anything to look forward to.

I’m almost 30 now I’ve been with my husband 15 years (married 8 years), we’ve got a wonderful daughter and son and home. I have had a fantastic career and I am so proud of myself for never giving up and accepting my fate because it never was my fate. I wish I could go back and tell that painfully shy girl to be confident, to ignore bullies and to never doubt how amazing you are because you can get through anything!!

 

[judgejohndeed]

It’s much better than I thought it would be. I was a very anxious and depressed teenager and I do wish I could go back and tell her everything would be okay in the end.

 

[Buy.this.tat]

My mum was single after leaving an extremely violent relationship when we were Children and she has never had another long term relationship since. I always thought she must be so lonely and that it was sad that she never met someone else. I thought I’d work my bar job for life after falling pregnant at 19 and splitting with the dad before my baby was born. I thought I would be a sad single mum on benefits at that point. Fast forward 21 years and I have a good job doing book keeping and other admin type work. My kid is turning 21 and amazing. His dad has always been in his life after a bit of a rocky start. The only thing I didn’t expect was to be single at 40 and happy. My boyfriend died 4 years ago and I’ve had the occasional fling but nothing serious since. I have the most amazing life. My friends are the best and I’m enjoying my life and the freedoms I lost having a baby so young. Before lockdown I was taking holidays with friends and being able to do whatever I wanted when I wanted. It made me realise that just because you’re single it shouldn’t mean you’re unhappy

 

[Bleurghgram]

Nope, I thought I’d own a home and be married with babies by 30. I’m 31, living in a houseshare with friends and not even sure whether or not I want children. I have a boyfriend who I have so much fun with but he is a Peter Pan and I’m not sure what exactly our future holds. I wish I hadn’t put so much pressure on myself, I had a breakdown at 27 when I realised it wasn’t all going to fall into place. I hate the thought that I worry my parents too. Ultimately though I enjoy my life and I’m happy which now feels like the point, even if it wasn’t what I expected.

 

[FakeSmile]

I’m married with children which is what I thought would happen but I’m not happy with my life and have a lot of baggage from my childhood. I always thought I’d be happy ‘when I was older’ but it turns out I’m just as unsettled as ever!

 

[~vix~83~]

I always thought I’d be married tall husband sportin the boyband look n children, living near to my parents n family.
But I’m married no children,live over 3 hours away from my family. My husband is paralysed (before I knew him) so not what I thought, but you never know who you fall for. I gave up work to be his full time carer.
But I love my life, love our little council flat in a lovely semi rural village, have a few great friends. Feel a little lost now my brother has has a baby n gonna miss her growin up so closely.

 

[SweetSummerChild]

Quicksand is much less of a problem than I thought it would be…

 

[LennyBriscoe]

When I was a young child, I wanted to be a Teacher and have 3 kids by the time I was 25. My life is nothing like that. I have one child (I wanted more but it wasn’t meant to be), I’m married with a good job.

In my life I’ve had bereavement (both parents), which isn’t uncommon given I’m 41. But I’ve also had a ridiculous amount of game changers and depression and anxiety on top of that. I don’t think I’m really happy but I don’t know how to change it.

Little Lenny who wanted to be a teacher had no idea what life was really like

 

[Happy Lady]

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Hated school, but managed a good career that I enjoyed. Married at 23, struggled financially, but had two great kids. Husband became an alcoholic and died when we were in our 40s leaving me as a single mum.

I then met my current chap who I've been living with happily for the last twelve years - he supports me and we have lovely holidays together. My kids are grown up, both have degrees, good jobs, lovely partners, and I'm going to be a Gran for the first time next year.

So I would say to anyone who is feeling low, I've been there and I know it's a struggle. Pick yourself up, find a job that you enjoy, hopefully with a few great people. Don't be lonely - get out there. And I wish you all the very very best, love health and happiness.

 

[Taetae95]

Love that we all think we'll be married with kids and house by like 25, and that that's so old! Whilst it's not what I imagined and I've had those crises about not reaching milestones etc, I'm happy with where I am now. Don't want kids or care for material things really and as long as I'm happy and comfortable I'm not in a rush for anything else either, just taking it as it comes!

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I've always been a bit of a drifter, a little free spirited so I never had many aspirations. I wanted to be an artistic person, and to be able to use those abilities, possibly be paid for my efforts. It was not to be, I now work in a job that is affecting my mental health, I end up crying after almost every shift. The money is hardly a compensation.
Another one of my desires, was to have a boyfriend and be in a loving relationship. I was never really interested in having a family, or being married. At least this part of my life has turned out well, I have known my partner for over 30 years, and have been with him since 2012. He has been an absolute rock in my life, I am lucky to have him.

 

[emm]

Not at all. I’ve never really thought about it until now. But now I’m sad thinking about it. I always thought I’d be out clubbing all the time and going on girls holidays. Reality is I fell out with my friends on my first girls holiday which was shit, we ended up splitting into 2 groups and have drifted entirely. I don’t have much of a social life. I have about 4 real friends. I’ve been in a relationship since I was 17 which I never thought I would be. I’ve been walked over and cheated on in said relationship and still stayed but I never thought that would happen to me. I’ve been overweight and insecure for all of my teenage years, and I still haven’t lost any weight. If young me saw me now, the harsh reality is that they would be very disappointed and embarassed

honestly as someone much older than you 4 friends is a lot! if your relationship makes you feel bad end it. Plain and simple, do not think twice. I have been in your situation and which I had ended things. Wishing you all the best

 

[TheGlossy]

For me, it depends on the various stages of my "day-dreaming".

If I compare to my vision of adulthood as a child, I'd say I've surpassed most of my then goals.

If I compare to my vision of adulthood during college, I'd say it's 50/50. I thought I would:

• be engaged between 28-30 (I'm turning 31 this year and haven't dated in 5 years)
• have a fantastic career track with progression (my performance is great, I have top tier companies on my CV, but I've been stuck at the same entry level for the last 7 years)
• have a solid group of friends or a best friend (my friends are fleeting for the most part and real friendship are hard to come by)
• have my driver's license (the whole thing has been a debacle for the last 2 years - more of a financial drain than anything)

Other than that, I'm simply trying to move forward without stressing about this too much. I'd rather not meet a target on time an surpass it ten folds at a later stage, then meet it on time and be dissatisfied. The last 2 years were pretty much taken away from us due to COVID and that's one thing to keep in mind. Things could have taken an entirely different trajectory if it weren't for it. Things are progressing the way they're meant to. I tried pushing for things in my 20s, but I now realize it's pointless. Whatever is meant to happen will happen.

 

[loobyscoobydoo]

No because I'm poor

 

[HoGi]

I always said I wouldn't be a suit working in an office doing a 9 to 5. And that's exactly what I do except I'm on flexi time.

I thought I would have kids by now but I don't

But otherwise I think I'm more comfortable than I ever imagined

 

[Bleurghgram]

-I didn't expect the mental illness or the loneliness. I honestly didn't think it would be this hard on the days I really struggle.
-I never expected that looking after a plant would make me happy.
-I never expected that I would get bored of left over cake in the fridge after a birthday party.

Plus sides :
-I like being able to just eat what I want when I want even if it's 10pm.

I really feel all of these!

 

[LittleMy]

No. I didn’t expect to be plagued with mental illness for a start but I have been since very early on in my life (I just didn’t realise that’s what it was at the time). I had so much potential to do well in life career-wise but the aforementioned struggles put paid to that and killed any desire to better myself. I never expected to end up working in the care sector for as long as I did, or to love it as much as I once did. I didn’t want children for a long time, but when I did have them, I didn’t imagine they would both have additional support needs and that I’d end up giving up my job to care for them. I always knew I’d get married, that’s the one thing that I predicted correctly. Luckily I’m married to a man who is lovely, understanding and cares about me and our children deeply. I never thought I’d still be living in the same area that I grew up in or that I’d drift apart from my best friend.

 

[miamae]

Defintley not, I thought I’d be on my own forever!
I was 16 when I had my daughter, living at home with my parents, embarsssed that I was a teenage mum barely leaving the house as I was constantly being verbally abused by her dad and his friends.

Fast forward 7 years, I have a lovely partner (drives me mad but lovely) who has adopted my little girl, we have a 2 year old son and a baby on the way next year. I have a fab job and have 2 degrees and am so proud of what I achieved when things were so tough