Re Ioan & his perceived mistakes.
I do not look at Ioan through rose tinted glasses. There may well be things he would have done differently given half the chance & a non
Narc wife but let's not forget he was also the victim of her long term abuse & he is still being abused.
Leaving her would have been very difficult & traumatic, especially leaving the girls behind. I'm willing to bet he had no idea of the lengths she would go, incl' PA, as he had been her target for years so he may have felt they would be ok with her & that things might actually be better for them with him gone until he could sort out joint custody. No more walking on eggshells/hearing them argue/hearing her tearing him down, etc.
Plus to save them he had to save himself first.
She forced his hand with the B reveal & fucked up any hope he had of speaking to the girls one to one about BW as she made sure that
wasn't going to happen & instead filled their heads (& SM) with her own twisted narrative, like the 'daddy promised he would never ever
get a gf', BS. He's been fighting an uphill battle ever since he left regarding seeing them as well as having to endure a vile campaign of hate, far worse than he probably ever imagined & all while trying to heal himself.
The shame attached to men who are victims of DV cannot be overlooked & for someone who already suffered badly from anxiety & panic attacks due to her abuse, this past year I'm sure would have given him some very dark moments not to mention not knowing his head from his arse.
I'm glad he has B by his side as to do this all by himself with no emotional support would have made it all the harder. Why shouldn't he have some
moments of happiness? It hasn't stopped him fighting for his girls.
No, he's not perfect. He's made mistakes. Don't we all. Yes, it stinks the girls are with an unfit 'mother'. It also stinks that he has tried so hard to
see them & she thwarts him all the fucking time. It stinks that she has poisoned them against him, or at least big E from what we know.
He couldn't go in & grab them or he would have faced kidnapping charges & you cannot reason, negotiate or appease someone like Alice.
What was he supposed to do? Go back to her & continue being abused until he had a complete mental breakdown? He would have been no help
to them then.
He has great legal advice & is following it to the letter, playing the long term game to stand the best chance of having them in his life again.
Along the lines of short term pain for long term gain. He has already suffered greatly because of her but he has stood his ground & been brave enough to admit to being a DV victim. He is fighting this in the courts.
None of this would even be a factor but for Alice who has no soul, no conscience & is a Narc monster.
With Ioan I see a man who is damaged & hurting himself but is still trying his very best to be part of his girls lives & do it the right way, despite having all his efforts thrown back at him by that revolting excuse of a human being who masquerades as their 'mother'.
The person I blame is Alice. This is all on her. Speaking as someone who has been through huge trauma leading to a MH breakdown all I can say is it is very easy for those on the outside to know exactly what he should have done. When you're that person living in a huge black hole it's another matter entirely.
Hopefully the courts will favour him as she has been given enough rope to hang herself. We can only hope for his sake & the girls that the courts favour him not only with a PRO but later when custody is on the table.
Sorry for the long post.
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