Why have the suddenly become obsessed with hiking?
Like we're supposed to believe they're this 'ultra-fitness family' who go on 10k hikes every day and like to go on walking holidays
The definition of hiking is 'a long walk'.... they can barely walk 5 metres from the car to a PIC-A-NIC spot without gasping for air.
I can just picture in my head the scenes of the vlog if they went 'hiking':
'WE SURPRISED THE GIRLS WITH A 10K HIKE!!" (Thumbnail is a picture of izzy with her mouth wide open looking at a mountain)
- Its a rainy Friday morning in
Leeds sorry Bradford. Lazy picks up the camera. 'GOOODD MORNING IFAM HAPPY FRIYAY' she screeches whilst re-adjusting her fringe.
"I've spent all morning doing baby and me orders and now me and Chris are just waiting for the girls to finish homeschooling before we go out for the day".... we see creepy lurking in the background cleaning the floors.
"Babe...what are you doing?" Asks Lazy.
"Awh yanno man these floors are just so messy and dirty and we don't like dat...nah man gotta have it spotless"
Lazy rolls her eyes.
We then cut to a clip of Jace in his high chair eating some fruit
"This little man has woken up in SUCH...A...BAD...MOOD. He was crying aaaaalllllllllllll night....WeReN'T yOu LiTtLe MaN" Says Lazy in her condescending voice.
Jace proceeds to spoon some fruit into his mouth.
"ClEvEr bOy" cackles Lazy.
"Anyway, we're about to surprise the girls with a little trip out today, they have no idea that we're going hiking. I'm just about to start making some juicy sandwiches for out Pic-a-nic."
Cut to a little montage of Lazy making some ham and salad cream bagels for everyone.
Its now a bit later and Lazy has sat all 3 girls on that ugly kitchen sofa. Isla is restless bouncing up and down, Jace is sat on isabelles knee (surprise surprise) and Esme is miming tik Tok dances.
"Right girls we have a surprise for you"
The girls suddenly gasp as if they've never been surprised before in their life.
"So me and dad thought that because we've not been out in ages, today.....we're....GOING ON A HIKE!"
Isla starts screaming and running round the place, Esme and Isabelle sit there with their mouths wide open before joining in with the screaming.
"You need to go and get changed, and put some trainers on and then we can go"
We cut back to Lazy a little while later....they still haven't left the house yet.
"Guys I've got a bit of a problem, I can't decide which trainers to wear for our hike, usually we only go on short walks, because of Jace (fab excuse) but we've decoded we want to do a longer walk, or 'Hike' today" She rambles.
"Chris thinks I should wear these" as Lazy pans to her Fila dinosaur stompers on her fat feet. "But im really not sure"
Creepy appears from the living room, he's probably been messaging some girls on instagram as he looks only suspicious.
"Nah man, those are fine, it's only a walk we're going on"
Lazy sighs as if picking some trainers is the hardest decision in the world.
"Ugh I don't know guys, anyway we'll catch up with you guys later"
We then turn to Chris sat in the passenger seat of the car.
"Yo wassup Ifam...how..are..you..all...doing...LeAvE a CoMmEnT bElOw AnD lEt Me KnOw HoW yOuR DaY WaS...We're just on our way to a local beauty spot for a walk..."
Lazy quickly cuts in...
"Babe...its a hike, not a walk" she says rolling her eyes....AGAIN
"Alright fool calm down" Creepy replies trying to joke and laugh.
"Anyway as I said we're on our way to a local beauty spot, unfortunately its raining so I don't know how much of a walk we are going to do, but we're out the house and SUUUUPER excited. I'm hoping its super quiet because last time we came here no one was social distancing and people we're just being AbSoLutE fOoLs"
"Yeah like we were walkkkingggg and this other person cut infront of us and like they weren't even 2 metres away" Chips in Isabelle.
"YeH mAn PeOpLe ArE fOoLs...but hopefully today should be all good"
We then arrive at some random car park in the middle of nowhere, and Lazy is still sat in the driving seat.
"I dont know about anyone else family, but we struggle SO MUCH with car rides, like our girls are always VeRy wElL BeHaVeD, but there's just SOMETHING about car rides that makes them argue...all....the....time"
"Errr WE DON'T ARGUE" shouts Esme trying to be sassy.
"Muuummm that's actually so unfair like it wasn't even like a proper argument" says Isabelle in her drawled out tone.
Lazy rolls her eyes
"I mean it wasn't a proper proper argument, but it was something about Isla taking something of Esme's and Esme has just SuCh A FiErY PerSonALiTy that she can't help but argue and then Isla got upset because Isabelle took Esme's side"
We see Isla in the back of the car looking very sulky,
"Anyway, we're just about to start our little hike, Chris is just getting Jace out the car, the girls are getting the pic-a-nic and then we're heading off"
We cut to some edgy montage...a Chris ingham special as we know it. The girls walking together in a line up a pathway....and Jace toddling too.
There's a clip of Izzy taking edgy/Tumblr pictures and 'MoDeLlInG' for her instagram #teenmodelsofinstagram, and Esme throwing rocks into a nearby pond with Isla.
"So guys, we've just started walking up this hill and its SOOOO STEEP" Says Lazy out of breath.
"Yeh its actually ridiculous man how steep it is" Says creepy, who is also out of breath.
"Like I don't know how people manage to do this" she cackles
We cut to some more crappy montage clips.
The next proper clip we see is them on some random hillside having a pic-a-nic...they're only halfway up the hill.
"So its about half an hour later, and we've just done half the walk, we've walked for ABSOLUTELY AGESSSSSS and so we've just stopped for our pic-a-nic, thank God its stopped raining" Says Lazy
She pans to the rest of the family who are obviously all sat on those babyandme play mats eating soggy looking bagels and Pringles. Isla still looks like she's in a strop, and Izzy is taking yet more pictures for instagram.
Cut to a montage of Jace walking on some grass and Esme making a tik Tok.
The minghams have had enough and are now walking back down the hill...creepy picks up the camera at the least flattering angle of his greasy mop covered by his beanie and that awful red tracksuit top.
"So unfortunately, we we're going to walk up right to the top, but unfortunately its just too busy for us, we thought it would be quiet but No OnE Is SoCiAl diStaNciNg and we just don't feel safe" Says Creepy squinting at the camera.
"Yeah like we just don't want to risk it if people aren't following the guidelines, but we'll probably come back another time, when its nicer weather and do the full walk" Says Lazy whose behind him, really out of breath.
"YEH YEH YEH MAN DEFFO! Just a shame those FOOLS aren't social distancing for us"
In the background we hear Iddy Biddy Isla yapping to Lazy and Isabelle is taking...you guessed it...even more pictures...as we cut to another edgy montage by the one and only 'PrOfEsSIoNaL viDeOgRaPhEr' Chris Ingham.
The next clip is the usual car footage of them driving down some country road. And then we cut to the Minghams much later on.
"So guys we've been back home for a while now after our little hike, we're all super tired. I'm sure we must have walked at least 15k today, if not more, like we were walking fo about an hour and thats absolutely ages! Anyway we've just had dinner, im about to put Jace to bed and I think the girls are having a sleepover tonight in the cinema room" She waffles on.
"Oh mannnn look at these caterpillars!" Yells creepy
Lazy waddles into the kitchen from the lounge.
"OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! THEY ARE LICHERALLLYYYY 892845 TIMES BIGGER THAN YESTERDAY!"
Lazy turns the camera round to show us the caterpillars.
The clip cuts to the girls in the 'CinEmA RoOm'
"So guys, me and the girls are having a little sleepover tonight because its Friday and we just thought it would be nice" says Isabelle
"YEAHHH!" screams Isla desperate to get on camera.
Some random montage of them setting up the sofa bed and getting quilts and snacks.
"Anyway guys, we're so tired from our walk today that we're just going to put on a film and end the vlog here" Says Izzy with Esme and Isla beside her.
"We will see you guys tomorrow....."
Esme is pulling a stupid face in the camera, and izzy laughs as if its the funniest thing she's seen in her life
"OMG Esme STOOOOPPPPPPP" Izzy laughs.
Isla also laughs.
"Esme why do you have to pull those faces all the time" Isla says in her annoying squeaky voice
"Isla shush im ending the vlog" Says Izzy
"Anyway guys we're ending the vlog here and we'll see you guys tomorrow...mwwaahhhh"
THE END
(I Hope some of you get some entertainment out of the little vlog I just wrote
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