I don’t know what to think?

[Hayles1990]

So, please do not think I’m a terrible person. Please.
a few months ago my friend told me he had a brain tumour. Nothing more was said about it, I didn’t want to seem insensitive so I left it, but naturally I was concerned so I asked what sort of tumour it was, malignant or benign, he said “They think benign...I’m not sure actually they didn’t say”
He then told me that he was having injections at the pharmacy that were pain relief and also to shrink the tumour, that the nurse put into his thigh but has now taught him how to do them himself at home? My Nana has had a brain tumour, never did she administer any pain relief and any injections for pain she had weren’t in her thigh? I am fully aware that he could have a very different type of tumour and I am sorry if I am wrong. When my Nana had a tumour they told her she would lose her short term memory but her long term memory would more than likely be fine. My friend is telling me that he forgot his mums name the other day and that she was his Mum and then asked me what my children were called as he had ‘forgotten’. I have lupus and I’ve had a bad year with it. He has now started, whenever I have mentioned any symptom at all, “Oh I’ll be ok you know, you don’t have to worry about me, if that’s what is making you worse” “Oh you have no idea what a headache is....try having a brain tumour”. No I don’t have a brain tumour. But, I do suffer horrifically with my own symptoms and that doesn’t make me any less able to complain than him.
I never, ever, want to accuse anyone of lying about this. I don’t want to accuse him of lying but some of the things he is saying do not add up. At all.
He’s said that his ‘thigh injections’ have stopped the growth but it’s not getting smaller, but it’s stayed the same, but he thinks they lied to him because his headaches are getting worse and worse and he can’t cope. He says “I will be fine” and then in the next breathe is saying “Stop with the lupus stuff, I know you have it but I have a brain tumour” he guilty trips me constantly, if I can’t call or speak to him he will text me saying “Well we don’t know how long I’ve got left so make the most of it” “Oh I know you are in bed with a migraine but I’m in pain and it would really cheer me up if you could get passed that and call me..” “your kids will be there forever but I don’t know how long I have so can you just talk to me instead please”.
But nothing he has said about his disease is what my past experience is and I could be so wrong and I’m sorry if i am, I am truly sorry. But I’ve never heard of self medicated thigh injections to shrink brain tumours and I can’t find anything about this at all. PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong, I never want to abandon a friend in need but I have a family and my own health problems too that need rest and time and I’m exhausted by it all.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Just going by what you said at the top - if he genuinely had a brain tumour they wouldn’t have just not told him his own treatment plan, whether it was benign or malignant. He’d be under a consultant and have a plan for what the next step is (surgery? Chemo?). If it’s some benign thing I highly doubt he’d get injections to shrink it at a pharmacy. I know it’s covid times but Jesus Christ God knows maybe he has got something going on but this all smells a bit fishy to me from what you’ve said.

 

[Hayles1990]

Just going by what you said at the top - if he genuinely had a brain tumour they wouldn’t have just not told him his own treatment plan, whether it was benign or malignant. He’d be under a consultant and have a plan for what the next step is (surgery? Chemo?). If it’s some benign thing I highly doubt he’d get injections to shrink it at a pharmacy. I know it’s covid times but Jesus Christ God knows maybe he has got something going on but this all smells a bit fishy to me from what you’ve said.

Thank you! I’m glad it’s not just me that thinks this whole thing is crazy and a bit far fetched. I thought I was going mad. It doesn’t help that the guy is over 26 stone, has been told to eatwell and exercise MULTIPLE times by doctors and literally gains 4 stone a year. If he does have a tumour surely he should be more motivated to eat properly and make his body the healthiest it could be now

 

[Bae56]

You're not a bad person, there's a reason something has aroused your suspicion. It all sounds odd. Cancer treatment doesn't get carried out in a pharmacy & definitely not by a pharmacist. A brain tumour is serious, depending where it sits can be connected to various organs. Cancer is treated by a specialist at consultant level. Pharmacists are limited on what they can do over the counter in comparison to even GP, never mind a consultant.

I had a friend (acquaintance) who faked cancer. It's a disgusting thing to do.

To say basically, don't bother with your kids, just me as they'll be here forever. I don't like the sound of that.

There's something going on with your friend, that's for sure but I'd be doubtful that it is what he says it is.

 

[newtoyou]

I don’t know anything about cancer so can’t help with that.

But if your instinct is saying something is off, it probably is. Deep down there’s likely a reason that you think he’d lie - eg has he done stuff like this before (trying to get your attention?). Is there anyone that you could confirm his diagnosis with? Eg bringing it up casually with a family member to see if they know anything about the tumour

 

[bubbadabut]

Just asked my husband (Doctor) and he says yes it's probably dexamethasone. He would have been taught how to do it initially and then would pick up his ongoing shots from the pharmacy.

The story sounded weird to me as I'm not medical, but he didn't think it odd at all, answered straight away that it's a standard thing.

 

[Bae56]

Just asked my husband (Doctor) and he says yes it's probably dexamethasone. He would have been taught how to do it initially and then would pick up his ongoing shots from the pharmacy.

The story sounded weird to me as I'm not medical, but he didn't think it odd at all, answered straight away that it's a standard thing.

Goodness. Good job someone on here knows for sure.

 

[Scorpihoe]

Hi, as the person above said, Dexamethasone is used to reduce swelling by some brain tumours (which helps to relieve headaches and other symptoms)...so his story adds up?

you’re not a bad person by the way. If I didn’t know that, I would be a little suspicious too

 

[Pixipoppy]

Just asked my husband (Doctor) and he says yes it's probably dexamethasone. He would have been taught how to do it initially and then would pick up his ongoing shots from the pharmacy.

The story sounded weird to me as I'm not medical, but he didn't think it odd at all, answered straight away that it's a standard thing.

Oh wow I had heard of this as a drug for covid actually. Either way from what OP said he is being a fool and I suspect deliberately being vague to guilt trip her.

 

[Chip1984]

Brain tumour or not, the guy sounds like a bleeping fool. I'd steer clear.

 

[Scorpihoe]

I read this quote that said “just because the person next to you is in a full body cast, doesn’t mean your broken leg doesn’t hurt”.

he’s putting you down and saying your illness or symptoms don’t match up to his, therefore you have no reason to complain (which is total bull). Even if he has a tumour, he’s not a friend!

 

[Hayles1990]

Just asked my husband (Doctor) and he says yes it's probably dexamethasone. He would have been taught how to do it initially and then would pick up his ongoing shots from the pharmacy.

The story sounded weird to me as I'm not medical, but he didn't think it odd at all, answered straight away that it's a standard thing.

Thank you for replying! I am glad I know that now, I appreciate that so much.

Brain tumour or not, the guy sounds like a bleeping fool. I'd steer clear.

I am starting to realise that perhaps he is toxic for me. I feel so guilty about wanting him out of my life completely because of his illness and I realise that I also have children and a fiancé that need me too. I struggle enough with my own illness to have the added guilt of thinking I’m not being an attentive enough friend. It is constant guilt tripping and shaming for ever complaining about myself. I think this has just made me realise I’m done?

 

[Dipstick]

Just to play devil's advocate here...depending where the brain tumour is, it could have an impact upon his behaviour. You could start to see a totally different person emerging. That may explain his demanding behaviour/lack of empathy/selfishness etc. So maybe don't judge him too harshly.

You can only manage what you can manage though. And your family and health have to come first, so don't feel too guilty if you can't meet his demands.

 

[Bae56]

I am starting to realise that perhaps he is toxic for me. I feel so guilty about wanting him out of my life completely because of his illness and I realise that I also have children and a fiancé that need me too. I struggle enough with my own illness to have the added guilt of thinking I’m not being an attentive enough friend. It is constant guilt tripping and shaming for ever complaining about myself. I think this has just made me realise I’m done?

It's a shame as there was never going to be a positive outcome from the post. Either the friend is unwell or was being dishonest about being unwell.

Hayles remember it's okay to have limitations with what you can do to support when you don't keep well yourself and have a family to look after. You need to be well for your own sake and responsibilities.
Don't make any permanent decisions on your friendship at this stage. At least you know he hasn't lied about this but his feelings could be all over the place at the minute, he's probably scared. You can be a friend to him but you shouldn't have your own feelings and concerns undermined.

 

[Giggling Squid]

Very different situation, but I had to give myself injections for the pain after I had hip surgery - so, it is a thing.

However, some of the things he’s come out with, like your kids being around forever makes him sound like a bit of a fool regardless of whether or not he has a brain tumour

 

[Warpaint]

He sounds very draining and not a very good friend. Concentrate on your own issues and family and keep him at arms length. And if he carries on whining just cut contact.

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

Sounds like a friend I had a few years ago! Not called Dave by any chance is he?!

This guy made out her had a brain tumour, worked as a paramedic etc. Was all lies! Absolute sick b!

 

[Rocknrolla]

Brain tumour or not he sounds like a right tit

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I think you’re right to be suspicious. My dad had two brain tumours and they were both in different parts of his brain - one was removed and one couldn’t be - so there are different severities for want of a better word and different treatments.

It seems strange to be suffering memory loss but still the only treatment seems to be the thigh injections? Even if it was palliative care, that doesn’t sound right to me although I’m no Doctor.

If I was you, I’d look after yourself in this, it sounds like a difficult situation all round. I’m sorry he’s dismissive of your condition. If you feel you can push him for further details for your own peace of mind then I don’t think that’s too unreasonable IMHO it may be better to tell him you’re there for him as a friend but keep a ‘safe’ distance. You don’t need this, it sounds exhausting.

 

[Millyve]

Sorry to hear what you are going through but please put yourself and children first, don’t feel like a bad friend for being a bit suspicious about what he’s told you but you have every reason to suspect he’s not being completely honest. Have you spoken to him more about his treatment plan?