I can't control my eating

Donutlover · Mar 5, 2021

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with food, I'm a boredom eater mainly and a terrible snacker.

I had a baby last year, still on mat leave and have made no attempt to lose any of the weight. I know I don't need to and we're in the pandemic, but if anything it's just been an excuse for me to eat more. I've started to eat secretly and hide wrappers etc from my husband because I'm embarrassed and this is a massive red flag for me. I'm overweight, have never been obese but I don't know how to help myself. I feel so unattractive and feel like I have lost myself since becoming a parent and take no pride in my appearance anymore and just wear any old thing that fits. My husband would never say it but I just know he doesn't find me attractive like this and I can't blame him.

Simply, I have no motivation and am too lazy to exercise, I'm bored but never stick to a hobby and CBT and things like that don't appeal to me at all.

I don't know what I'm expecting from writing this really, I don't expect anyone to have an answer and I know I have to help myself but I'm just in such a rut and a vicious cycle of greed and laziness.

Sorry for the ramble

Married2019 · Mar 5, 2021

( just to preface my answer by saying obviously I'm not a professional or an expert by any means)
If you have had a baby and are mid pandemic, be kind to yourself. Either one of those events is a massive life change, never mind both! If you are surviving the pandemic (and I mean literally just that) and being a mammy/wife etc, that's a huge achievement by itself, never mind adding extra pressure to yourself. I do understand if it's effecting your confidence though, could you possibly say to your partner I'm struggling with this and ask for some support? Maybe he could mind the baba for you and you do something nice for yourself like put a hair mask in, or paint your nails. That could help you feel a little better and it could take some of the boredom snacking away? Another option is to prep nice treats for yourself, even if it's some yogurt and fruit. Not sure if this was any help but best of luck!

Lollipop2123 · Mar 5, 2021

I totally feel like this too! Sorry I don't really have any advice but what I would say is try and not beat yourself up. Things are pretty crap right now with lockdown and having a baby is wonderful but it's also very very hard! I'm a massive emotional eater - I have a bad day and will then buy a load of snacks etc and binge but it makes me feel even worse x

1001 others · Mar 6, 2021

It's hard!

The only things I can suggest which have helped in my situation (I'd eat all day if I could), are to 1) get rid of all the unhealthy things in your house; and 2) dedicate one of your weekend days to making up all your meals for the forthcoming week (lunches and dinners); and make up little snack pottles (fruit and/or nuts - almonds are good), so you have everything to hand when you're feeling hungry. And make yourself stick to whatever you've planned for that day. Also, drinking water when you're hungry sometimes helps, as it tricks the brain into thinking you're full.

FriendlyBoa · Mar 6, 2021

Perhaps it is time to explore the possibility of getting some professional help to figure out first and foremost why you behave like this. Once you've got that figured out then you can move forward with a plan to tackle it x

zero_craic12 · Mar 6, 2021

I'm the same - completely out of control. Cookies, biscuits, fizzies. Consume consume consume

Good luck.

mindlessness · Mar 7, 2021

I really recommend talking to your GP. I see you aren’t keen on cbt but some therapy might be helpful in working on your self confidence and behaviour patterns. It helps me handle similar issues around food and self esteem.

CosmicCreepers · Mar 7, 2021

I wanted to say you're not alone, I've felt the same way most of my life, I finally managed to lose some weight in 2019 and kept it off for a while, now I'm back to halfway to my original weight again and I can't think of any other reason except lockdown and my mind not being able to get away from the thoughts of food.

I drink tons of water (2-3 litres a day) to help myself feel full and it does help a lot. I've cut out diet soda as I was drinking 8 cans of it a day before. Even though it has no sugar in it was stopping me from losing weight 100%.

I definitely would say see your GP to see if there is any underlying issue that's making you feel the impulse to eat. It's so hard as we all need to eat to survive, it's not like alcohol or cigarettes where you can completely cut it out and be fine.

I hope it works out for you, food is still a problem for me and I think nowadays with the ease of takeaways and cheap junk food it's easy to end up in a bad place.

zero_craic12 · Mar 7, 2021

I wish there was some drug you could take that just makes all your flaws/destructive patterns disappear.

Like that Bradley Cooper movie

Lizzie Mintdrop · Mar 8, 2021

Please take a look at Thinking Slimmer. It has really helped me take control over my snacking. I used to have 3 meals a day, crisps, chocolates, biscuits in between and then a plate of crisps, chocolates and biscuits after my partner went to bed. I started Thinking Slimmer on the 18th January, I haven't dieted, as in calorie counted or restricted myself but I no longer want to eat snacks. I still eat my 3 meals a day and don't only eat 'healthy' foods but I have cut my snacking down to maybe one biscuit or a few crisps every other day. I have lost two inches off my waist in that time but don't feel I have been on a diet or deprived myself of anything.

This programme has been used by the NHS and is endorsed by them.

WilmaHun · Mar 9, 2021

I'm sorry you feel this way! I think we've all put on a bit of weight over this lockdown period, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Could you look at the things you're eating and try to make healthy changes? That way, you can still snack when you're wanting to, but they'll be healthy snacks rather than crisps, chocolate, etc. Swap crisps for carrot sticks, cake for low calorie jellies etc? I know healthy food isn't as appealing as other stuff but that's just one way you could make little improvements.

BettyCrocker · Mar 9, 2021

Donutlover said:
I've always had an unhealthy relationship with food, I'm a boredom eater mainly and a terrible snacker.

I had a baby last year, still on mat leave and have made no attempt to lose any of the weight. I know I don't need to and we're in the pandemic, but if anything it's just been an excuse for me to eat more. I've started to eat secretly and hide wrappers etc from my husband because I'm embarrassed and this is a massive red flag for me. I'm overweight, have never been obese but I don't know how to help myself. I feel so unattractive and feel like I have lost myself since becoming a parent and take no pride in my appearance anymore and just wear any old thing that fits. My husband would never say it but I just know he doesn't find me attractive like this and I can't blame him.

Simply, I have no motivation and am too lazy to exercise, I'm bored but never stick to a hobby and CBT and things like that don't appeal to me at all.

I don't know what I'm expecting from writing this really, I don't expect anyone to have an answer and I know I have to help myself but I'm just in such a rut and a vicious cycle of greed and laziness.

Sorry for the ramble

From reading your post, and with the absolute greatest of respect, do you think you could be suffering in some way from post natal depression? It’s very very common. Just the way you say you feel you’ve lost yourself and take no pride in your appearance makes me think this is more than just feeling a bit crap about baby weight?? Hiding what you are eating is also a red flag.

Id urge you to sit down and have a chat with your husband. Talk to him. Tell him exactly how you are feeling and what you are doing, I know that might be hard but you need to get this out there and you need his support.

try doing some gentle things to ease you into a healthier lifestyle - make it a routine every day to take the baby out for a walk in the pram/push chair. Get out in the fresh air, it’s an easy way to get moving. Plan your meals for the week, buy only what you need for the meals and don’t buy in any chocolate/crap or snacks. Drink lots of water.

When you have free time in the evenings or whenever so some self care - have a bath/ get some nice body scrubs or treats to use in the bath, do your hair etc just start to do little things to look after yourself again and bring you back to yourself.

MadameOvary · Mar 9, 2021

The problem with having a small baby is that you lack sleep and then your body craves sugar to keep you going... But the issue with sugar is that once you've eaten it, you crash, crave more sugar and on it goes... a vicious cycle that makes you fat. I have a massive problem with sugar that can get out of hand if I'm not careful, so know how it goes.

It is going to take a huge effort to break the cycle, but you can do it... talk to your husband to get him to be your support buddy. Tell him you're not having takeaways for a couple of months and to be firm about refusing if you ask. Don't have biscuits, fizzy drinks, squash, cake, puddings and chocolate / sweets in the house anymore. Seriously, you do have to think like an addict. Get rid of the temptation and know that if sugar is nearby, you'll crave it then give in - there's no point lying to yourself about that as it's nasty stuff. Look into low carbing by cutting out potatoes, white rice, pasta and bread as this will stabilise your blood sugar levels and stop the cravings - I know he's a pain in the arse (albeit probably a well meaning one) but Joe Wicks the Bodycoach has a load of 15 minute meal recipes online that you can use and which won't make meals a chore when you have enough to do already. When you want a snack, have an apple and a piece of sliced cheese.

Also - the first 10 days will be hell and you'll feel like crap as you body adjusts

Getting thinner is 80% diet and 20% exercise so you'll also need to add in regular fitness, though don't go mad with it at first as this can make your cravings worse. Just aim for a 30 minute walk a day, prefereably pushing a pram uphill for part of it. Honestly - this works. Since Christmas I've lost 10 pounds that snuck on last year / 2019 thanks to eating many hotel breakfasts full of toast and croissants when travelling with work.

Purrrrrrr · Mar 21, 2021

Sorry for bumping. I hope you are doing OK?
To be fair to you the circumstances of these last 12 months has knocked everyone for 6. I especially feel for new parents, you cannot do what all new parents want to do show off your baby do normal things. take your baby to soft play meet other new parents, make new friendships. It's a lonely, and I expect disappointing time for you. give yourself a break and don't be hard on yourself.

Is your eating problem mainly sugar and high carb foods? If it is that is also my problem. I am a carb addict in fact I have an addictive personality and been addicted to almost everything in my lifetime. 11 years ago I gave up booze (I'm an alcoholic) , ciggies ( 60 or more a day depending on how much I was drinking) and drugs. (amphetamines and opiates)
The above were easy to give up, did them all at the same time as can't do one without the other.

Sugar, I've come off it many times but it always calls me back. its the most addictive thing I have ever had and just as soul-destroying as other addictions. When I am eating sugar, grain and higher carbs my mood drops to the floor, I cant function properly, can't think properly, I have no motivations to do anything. just getting out of bed is an effort and staying out of bed even more so.

For me, the only thing that helps me is to keep myself in ketosis. everything changes once I am in ketosis, my mood is steady and happy, my brain is clear and rather than being always hungry and obsessing over food I rarely am when off the carby stuff.

I first read your post while in the grip of a 6mth binge. I thought I really wish I could help this lady but had nothing to give right then. Last Sunday I rebooted myself and this time I have also stopped the sweeteners. Sweeteners also make me crave more sweet things until before I know it im gradually eating higher carbs and then pow I'm out of ketosis and feeling crap again
I'm hoping that this time I will keep on track with the cutting out of sweeteners as well.

This post might not help you at all but I'm hoping it does. If it does and you would like to chat or have more info feel free to PM me.