How to keep relationship/marriage exciting

[BettyCrocker]

-Agree to put the phones away for the evening
-do something nice for each other - no necessarily sexual but give each other a massage, share a bath together, listen to
Music you both used to enjoy, dig out old photos and reminisce
-cook a meal together, eat at the table with candles and music on, treat it like a date - both get dressed up etc
- play games - board games/card games/silly games - anything that gets you both engaged in it and gets you talking/laughing
-make plans for after lockdown - sit and write them down together over a bottle of wine
- find a new tv show to watch together
- exercise together
- get sexy - spend time in bed together, reconnect, buy toys and accessories online and enjoy each other

 

[Natterbox80]

One thing my H and I never do is conform to what we should be doing by societal standards. We tried staying up for New Years but we have smallies so an early night was more appealing. We don't do Valentines and all that rit. We don't sleep together as he has insomnia and our relationship is all the better for it

But what we do is be faithful, respectful and loyal. It sounds like your relationship is just fine as it is. Don't spend you time worrying about what you should be doing and enjoy things as they are if you can.

 

[Marie95]

One thing my H and I never do is conform to what we should be doing by societal standards. We tried staying up for New Years but we have smallies so an early night was more appealing. We don't do Valentines and all that rit. We don't sleep together as he has insomnia and our relationship is all the better for it

But what we do is be faithful, respectful and loyal. It sounds like your relationship is just fine as it is. Don't spend you time worrying about what you should be doing and enjoy things as they are if you can.

This was very well written and so true. I'm definitely a sucker at trying to keep in with the 'norm'. Big wedding, going away for Valetines every year etc. I need to remember who the duck cares about any of that. You definitely made me remind myself how grateful I am for our relationship

 

[Natterbox80]

This was very well written and so true. I'm definitely a sucker at trying to keep in with the 'norm'. Big wedding, going away for Valetines every year etc. I need to remember who the duck cares about any of that. You definitely made me remind myself how grateful I am for our relationship

I am so glad what I wrote reminded you of what is important And remember, almost the whole world is in the same boat and peoples priorities will hopefully change going forward.

I was like that in previous relationships. My H point blank refuses to conform and if I don't like it, I can lump it. It took me a while to change my mindset, but it is the best relationship I have ever been in.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I am so glad what I wrote reminded you of what is important And remember, almost the whole world is in the same boat and peoples priorities will hopefully change going forward.

I was like that in previous relationships. My H point blank refuses to conform and if I don't like it, I can lump it. It took me a while to change my mindset, but it is the best relationship I have ever been in.

I think I try and be the conform to norms and my husband isn’t. I’m getting there as our relationship is the longest of anyone I know our age. We’ve had our ups and downs but we’re loyal, faithful and love each other. We try and enjoy each other’s hobbies as best we can but also have time to enjoy things separately. We tend to stick with a box set one of us has chosen, we cook together and try to talk more. As long as your happy, who cares what anyone else is doing.

 

[Rlaw1978]

Stop trying to see marriage as something that needs to be exciting, just spend time together, doesn’t need to be so called date nights, just be in each other’s company and be 100% honest. Simples.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

When I'm with my girl for a period of time, I make sure we have a night where computers, tablets and phones are either switched off, or left in another room so that there's no distractions.

We then either watch a good film together, or play board/card games for 2 or 3 hours with music in the background and a few drinks to hand.

Or, if the mood takes up we play Strip Poker, or Strip Snakes & Ladders, Strip Monopoly, or Strip Twister

Or just having a heart-to-heart chat about anything and everything often helps break the monotony and open up new thoughts and ideas

I think also it helps if you had some "me time"

Don't spend 24/7 with your partner, but instead both should have some "me time" for a few hours, and do what you want to do even if your partner isn't overly keen.

Too much familiarity can only breed contempt in the long run, so keep things fresh and different

 

[Dipdab]

Were fortunate as neither of us can work from home so weeknights are when we catch up. On the weekend we’ve been having date night at home. Been wearing something other than joggers and start by making cocktails. I really enjoy cooking so have been doing some nice 3 course meals for us. No phones allowed and we get the fancy plates and glasses out .

 

[Magee]

During lockdown, we have really made an effort to;

- Get ready at the weekend, dress up, make up, get out to the butchers/fruit and veg shop and plan cooking a new recipe or something that takes a little bit of effort. Set the table, light candles, use the fancy table cloth! I love that separation of midweek meals to weekend dining, it keeps it fresh
- Local walks, even if it’s cold and raining! We make a huge effort with this, only because we like coming home to a warm house, hot toddy or a fancy hot choc together
- We both have different tastes in TV, so we found a new series we would both like and watched that together
- Enjoy the down time away from each other. Pamper yourself from head to toe! Do something that makes you feel good during this time.

I think above all, accept life is going to be low energy, it won’t be exciting for quite awhile longer! If you constantly seek excitement you’re only going to disappoint and frustrate yourself xx

 

[Charlierose]

My husband says he loves me and finds me attractive yet we haven't had sex since 2019 and even then I think we only had it 3 times that year. Its not me its him. I would do it all the time if I had my own way. I've tried asking him about it and at first it was cos he was over weight and didn't feel comfortable but he has lot 4 stone now and weight on or off he says he has always been confident. At first I tried starting things and I ended up giving up because there is nothing worse than trying to kiss your husband and have them physically push you away.
Lately we've spent more time together and been watching a series together and doing a special dinner every Friday. But still nothing. I feel terrible because I'm a woman moaning that we aren't having sex, that I should be happy I have someone who loves me but as werid as it sounds having sex lifts my spirits, makes me happy especially in this depressing time and makes me feel close to my partner. Honestly its making me feel so unattractive and large and every time I talk to him and say these things he tells me I'm being stupid...
Ffs I've had more one night stands than sex with my husband of 8 bloody years. Please someone just be honest with me....what do you think is going on?

 

[SunshineDreamer]

We turn our phones off, go for a swim, have dinner then just talk. Most of the time we end up staying up until the early hours of the morning. I love it.

 

[slugella]

My husband says he loves me and finds me attractive yet we haven't had sex since 2019 and even then I think we only had it 3 times that year. Its not me its him. I would do it all the time if I had my own way. I've tried asking him about it and at first it was cos he was over weight and didn't feel comfortable but he has lot 4 stone now and weight on or off he says he has always been confident. At first I tried starting things and I ended up giving up because there is nothing worse than trying to kiss your husband and have them physically push you away.
Lately we've spent more time together and been watching a series together and doing a special dinner every Friday. But still nothing. I feel terrible because I'm a woman moaning that we aren't having sex, that I should be happy I have someone who loves me but as werid as it sounds having sex lifts my spirits, makes me happy especially in this depressing time and makes me feel close to my partner. Honestly its making me feel so unattractive and large and every time I talk to him and say these things he tells me I'm being stupid...
Ffs I've had more one night stands than sex with my husband of 8 bloody years. Please someone just be honest with me....what do you think is going on?

I think communication is key for this. It could be something small that is easy to fix but will take some work and if he isn't willing to discuss it with you then you won't be able to get to the bottom of it. If you manage to have an honest discussion about it, then depending on what comes out in that conversation then the next step could maybe be couples therapy if that's an option for you?

Other than the sex do you feel happy and secure? Me and my partner went through a long time of no sex but we spoke about it often and knew that we were happy regardless and would work on it and get back there eventually.

 

[Charlierose]

I think communication is key for this. It could be something small that is easy to fix but will take some work and if he isn't willing to discuss it with you then you won't be able to get to the bottom of it. If you manage to have an honest discussion about it, then depending on what comes out in that conversation then the next step could maybe be couples therapy if that's an option for you?

Other than the sex do you feel happy and secure? Me and my partner went through a long time of no sex but we spoke about it often and knew that we were happy regardless and would work on it and get back there eventually.

We've had our ups and downs but yes happy. I feel wrong for wanting sex and moaning when we are happy. But I've always felt sex is important in a relationship and always felt it makes me feel really close to my partner.

He isn't very open nor is he great at talking about things especially if he feels its a dig at him.

 

[slugella]

We've had our ups and downs but yes happy. I feel wrong for wanting sex and moaning when we are happy. But I've always felt sex is important in a relationship and always felt it makes me feel really close to my partner.

He isn't very open nor is he great at talking about things especially if he feels its a dig at him.

Don't feel wrong, it's normal to want to have sex with your husband so you have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. He should want to work on it if it's something that is important to you.

It's a good sign that you feel happy otherwise. It's hard to advise how to go about it as I don't know you or your partner but I definitely think you need to say that it's something you want to work on and talk about. Try to find out how he feels about sex, is it just that he's never in the mood as it could be related to libido and something a doctor could possibly help with, or maybe a confidence/body image thing, is it because when you initiate maybe it's late at night and he's tired or something. So many things it could be.

Also when you get out of it it can be tricky to get back at it! They do say the more sex you have the more you want so hopefully you will get there. I think there is a thread in advice somewhere about this which might be more helpful! It's a poll I think, possibly titled how much sex is normal or something along those lines.

 

[If i told you …]

My husband says he loves me and finds me attractive yet we haven't had sex since 2019 and even then I think we only had it 3 times that year. Its not me its him. I would do it all the time if I had my own way. I've tried asking him about it and at first it was cos he was over weight and didn't feel comfortable but he has lot 4 stone now and weight on or off he says he has always been confident. At first I tried starting things and I ended up giving up because there is nothing worse than trying to kiss your husband and have them physically push you away.
Lately we've spent more time together and been watching a series together and doing a special dinner every Friday. But still nothing. I feel terrible because I'm a woman moaning that we aren't having sex, that I should be happy I have someone who loves me but as werid as it sounds having sex lifts my spirits, makes me happy especially in this depressing time and makes me feel close to my partner. Honestly its making me feel so unattractive and large and every time I talk to him and say these things he tells me I'm being stupid...
Ffs I've had more one night stands than sex with my husband of 8 bloody years. Please someone just be honest with me....what do you think is going on?

Im in exactly the same position as you. We are in our mid fifties and haven’t had sex for five years now. We even sleep in different bedrooms. He like your husband is overweight and he has told me that he was frightened of having a heart attack if we have sex. I have got used to it now and I occasionally take matters into my own hands … if you know what I mean.
I’m comfortable with this because we have both retired from work and since March we have spent every minute in each other’s company and throughly enjoyed it. We have only argued about five times in that time.
I guess what I’m saying is that we have a deeper love for each other and sex doesn’t get in the way

 

[Charlierose]

Im in exactly the same position as you. We are in our mid fifties and haven’t had sex for five years now. We even sleep in different bedrooms. He like your husband is overweight and he has told me that he was frightened of having a heart attack if we have sex. I have got used to it now and I occasionally take matters into my own hands … if you know what I mean.
I’m comfortable with this because we have both retired from work and since March we have spent every minute in each other’s company and throughly enjoyed it. We have only argued about five times in that time.
I guess what I’m saying is that we have a deeper love for each other and sex doesn’t get in the way

I wouldn't mind so much but I'm 36 and my husband is only 33. I don't feel ready to be done with sex just yet.
I feel like I'm being punished for having so much sex before my husband

 

[HoneyBee29]

I think this last year or so has been tough on everybody’s marriages and relationships. We are guilty of doing exactly the same. I’m very happy in my marriage but things can become monotonous. If he’s off he picks me up from work we come home make dinner sit in front of the tv usually I’m watching something he’s on his phone or vice versa. Also I thought we where the only couple that did this happy to know we aren’t lol. We would have usually had a date night once a month went out to the cinema or dinner or lunch or something which we haven’t been able to do. He works 12 hr shifts 4/5 days a weeks and I would have been working full time so in normal circumstances we would find it hard to get a night or a day together so we always tried to make one day/night a month we’d go out and then any other times in between we’d usually have movie dates and dinner in the house. I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and not really in the mood for sex as such as it’s just uncomfortable now. We try to have a night or two a week where we watch a series together or a movie without phones etc, we’ve also been sorting stuff together for the baby so there’s that too. It is difficult though when your limited to what you can do but we’re just trying to get through the current situation and come out together the other side of all this mayhem. I honestly think it will make our relationship stronger

 

[bolimepipi]

- do things that engage an interesting conversation: like solving personality tests together or doing the 36 questions to fall in love. these things are kind of cliche, but whenever we do something like this, we find out things about each other that we didn't know before, and that's very exciting

- get drunk together, play a drinking game and play some music from your teens, it's so fun to get drunk in your home haha

- cook together: first you'll have the nice conversation while picking out a recipe; make it an interesting, long and maybe a bit more complicated recipe so that you can take your time making it and split duties in the kitchen - you'll enjoy the meal so much more after this, and the process even more

- definitely try to have your own time and your own hobbies (tv, laptop, phone etc excluded) so that you can spend quality time apart and have something to talk about once you see each other again. even just meeting a friend for a walk and coming home to tell your bf about it

- movie or tv show marathons with your phones away. actually watching and commenting on what's happening on screen!