How to interpret my management's behavior?

[TheGlossy]

Hi all,

I am writing to ask if anyone can provide me with their opinion on my management's behavior and where to take it from here.

I joined this company a year ago after 5 years experience with a competitor and a top-tier consulting firm. The role is more junior than I had anticipated despite it being a lateral move originally. I started in this team around the same time as four other people (all at the same level as me across US/Ireland). Since day 1, the management has shown a severe lack of interest in me - examples as follows:

• They introduced each new joiner with a email to the larger network - all of them except me.
• Every single project that comes up is assigned to one of the other new joiners, never me, unless it's purely tedious (e.g.: system testing when we're not an IT team)
• Our remit of expertise is slowly expanding across two additional areas - every single new joiner has been involved in the other two areas, except me (and it's not a lack of experience/knowledge as none of these people have the required background either - it is a regulatory subject and despite having two legal qualifications, they clearly don't deem me suitable enough)
• I expressed interest in taking part in two other areas of expertise and when a project came around, they assigned it to the other new joiner I'm mentioning below
• If there are projects coming towards our local team in Ireland, they always assign it to the other new joiner (who bombed a lot of projects, but no one cares) - they even removed one interesting add-hoc task from me to assign it to him when he's had no exposure either. He's getting slammed with tons and tons of work and always claims he is "overwhelmed".
• I have no had a single 1-1 since I joined last year, when all the other new joiners have regular 1-1s

Granted, I'm not the type of person who is a "look at me" type of individual and I believe I can run my projects without being "babied", but they don't seem to give me any material to go above and beyond my daily tasks to justify a promotion. They seem to want me to stick in my lane of daily operations, which doesn't cut it for me given my previous experiences and how beneficial those were. Yet, they have the nerve to say you need to take on additional ad-hoc projects (even if I express interest, it goes into thin air).

I'm incredibly confused, especially as our direct manager locally has been on leave for an extended period of time and his manager (our former manager) has taken over in the interim, but it was the same even when he was around. He showed a great deal of favoritism towards that other new joiner. In any case, I feel as though they want to slow down my progression purposefully. They simply don't care about me at all. If I reach out to ask a question, of course, they will be responsive, but that's about it really.

It is incredibly unsettling as in my previous companies, I was highly visible and always developed strong relationships with managers.

How to interpret this and what should I do?

Thanks.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’m sorry you feel like this. Is your manager based in the US or Ireland? Are you the only new started in Ireland?

 

[TheGlossy]

I’m sorry you feel like this. Is your manager based in the US or Ireland? Are you the only new started in Ireland?

The management structure is a bit complicated (and quite frankly, it is rather representative of their culture):

When I started, my manager was the SVP based in the US. Shortly after, they moved into a team lead structure. My team lead is now based in Ireland and the SVP is now his manager. However, my team lead has been on extended leave for months now and we have an interim team lead based in Asia. He is a nice person, but does not handle performance related matters for the Ireland team, the SVP does. He just approves leaves etc...He follows the orders of the SVP who basically calls the shots at this point. The SVP very proactive with all the other new joiners from my understanding, including the other person who started at the same time as me in Ireland. The SVP is also not the team lead for the US new joiners, there is a team lead under them.

No - there's another guy who started as the same time as me (and he's the person mentioned in the thread - the one who gets all the projects locally despite his questionable knowledge etc...). The rest of the new joiners are based in the US. I can understand the US new joiners are getting preferred treatment as they're in the same location as the SVP, but it doesn't justify why the other new joiner in Ireland is getting a more favorable treatment than me and I think this is the latter that is causing my headache.

Apologies, it is quite a complex structure and I'm trying my best to explain it in clear terms.

 

[usandthem]

This is frankly an awful situation. I think you need to start with resolving the not getting your 1:1s first as this is an obvious employee right your management is not meeting. If you haven’t queried it, email your line manager to ask why you are not getting them. Have you had appraisals at all? In your 1st year of work you should have had ideally a 6-month review/initial setting of objectives which should be followed up by an appraisal at the 12-month mark. If you don’t get satisfactory response from your line manager, armed with the email exchange, try and speak to HR. Your 1:1s are vital conversations to address your progress and professional development. I’m sorry you are going through this, I’ve been in a similar situation and moved jobs as soon as a better role became available. Hope you get some resolution xx

 

[JoeBloggs]

The management structure is a bit complicated (and quite frankly, it is rather representative of their culture):

When I started, my manager was the SVP based in the US. Shortly after, they moved into a team lead structure. My team lead is now based in Ireland and the SVP is now his manager. However, my team lead has been on extended leave for months now and we have an interim team lead based in Asia. He is a nice person, but does not handle performance related matters for the Ireland team, the SVP does. He follows the orders of the SVP - she's the one who basically calls the shots. She's very proactive with all the other new joiners from my understanding, including the other person who started at the same time as me in Ireland. The SVP is also not the team lead for the US new joiners, there is a team lead under her.

No - there's another guy who started as the same time as me (and he's the person mentioned in the thread - the one who gets all the projects locally despite his questionable knowledge etc...). The rest of the new joiners are based in the US. I can understand the US new joiners are getting preferred treatment as they're in the same location as the SVP, but it doesn't justify why the other new joiner in Ireland is getting a more favorable treatment than me.

That was my thought process, if they were all in the US. I’m not sure of your gender but could it be that? If you are female and he’s male. Maybe she sees you as a threat?

 

[TheGlossy]

This is frankly an awful situation. I think you need to start with resolving the not getting your 1:1s first as this is an obvious employee right your management is not meeting. If you haven’t queried it, email your line manager to ask why you are not getting them. Have you had appraisals at all? In your 1st year of work you should have had ideally a 6-month review/initial setting of objectives which should be followed up by an appraisal at the 12-month mark. If you don’t get satisfactory response from your line manager, armed with the email exchange, try and speak to HR. Your 1:1s are vital conversations yo address your progress and professional development. I’m sorry you are going through this, I’ve been in a similar situation and moved jobs as soon as a better role became available. Hope you get some resolution xx

Thank you. It is awful indeed as I have no idea where I stand and it's now really allowing me to grow my confidence in my job.

I haven't had any appraisal or performance review since my year-end review after 4 months with the team lead. Nothing since. In my previous companies, we used to have monthly or quarterly 1-1s, which gave a good guideline as to how you're progressing and your areas of improvements. It's very unsettling. I'm contemplating moving internally, but this lack of management oversight is turning into an issue as I have to tell the manager before applying according to internal policy and any prospective manager is going to want feedback from my manager - both instances being quite tricky as I don't have any rapport with them nor are they seeking to build one with me either. I'm therefore thinking of moving externally at the risk of looking like a job hopper.

That was my thought process, if they were all in the US. I’m not sure of your gender but could it be that? If you are female and he’s male. Maybe she sees you as a threat?

I don't know, I thought of that originally, but then again they have 2 females in the US and one male (new joiners), so this doesn't seem to be an issue over there. I really can't understand their logic.

 

[usandthem]

You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why you are being treated so unfairly. Prob consider if you moved internally what are the chances you will end up being treated in the same way. Is there any co-worker you are close to? Worth trying to suss out more info about the dynamics between staff? Have you checked ex-employee reviews about the company online?

 

[TheGlossy]

You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why you are being treated so unfairly. Prob consider if you moved internally what are the chances you will end up being treated in the same way. Is there any co-worker you are close to? Worth trying to suss out more info about the dynamics between staff? Have you checked ex-employee reviews about the company online?

That's what I thought as well. I have no guarantee that an internal move will solve my issue.

I don't have any co-worker I'm close to (we've been working remotely since I started). This is a huge issue for me because I always had a group of "work friends" in the past and we would openly talk about our plans, frustrations etc... This team is so dry, it's ridiculous. They're incredibly transactional and aren't the warmest people to be honest. You can't get anything from them, I tried.

I did check ex-employee reviews and it's a mix of good and bad. There aren't many reviews highlighting team-related issues. It's all mainly around salary, work-life balance, processes and understaffing. Not much in relation to management/employee dynamics.

For instance today, I got a Workday notification saying that I had been assigned as someone's buddy (a female new joiner in the US). I thought great maybe something different (this is something I already did on countless occasions in previous jobs, nothing exciting, but still). Except once again, the manager failed to communicate this beforehand and didn't even bother to send an email to discuss this. Plus, it turns out everyone in the team is this person's "buddy". What's the purpose?

You're right, I'm just going to mentally exhaust myself trying to comprehend their intentions.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

That's what I thought as well. I have no guarantee that an internal move will solve my issue.

I don't have any co-worker I'm close to (we've been working remotely since I started). This is a huge issue for me because I always had a group of "work friends" in the past and we would openly talk about our plans, frustrations etc... This team is so dry, it's ridiculous. They're incredibly transactional and aren't the warmest people to be honest. You can't get anything from them, I tried.

I did check ex-employee reviews and it's a mix of good and bad. There aren't many reviews highlighting team-related issues. It's all mainly around salary, work-life balance, processes and understaffing. Not much in relation to management/employee dynamics.

For instance today, I got a Workday notification saying that I had been assigned as someone's buddy (a female new joiner in the US). I thought great maybe something different (this is something I already did on countless occasions in previous jobs, nothing exciting, but still). Except once again, the manager failed to communicate this beforehand and didn't even bother to send an email to discuss this. Plus, it turns out everyone in the team is this person's "buddy". What's the purpose?

You're right, I'm just going to mentally exhaust myself trying to comprehend their intentions.

Life is way too short to be putting up with this crap. Sometimes things just aren’t a good fit and from everything you’ve said, it just sounds like this company just isn’t the right place for you. Honestly, I’d start actively looking for something else in a different company. Keep your head down for now, just do your job and don’t worry about any of the other stuff, and make plans to leave.

 

[TheGlossy]

Life is way too short to be putting up with this crap. Sometimes things just aren’t a good fit and from everything you’ve said, it just sounds like this company just isn’t the right place for you. Honestly, I’d start actively looking for something else in a different company. Keep your head down for now, just do your job and don’t worry about any of the other stuff, and make plans to leave.

Thank you. I agree. I left my previous company for less than that.

I've been looking, but the market really isn't that great for my industry. I hope this will start picking up again with things slowly getting back to normal. I'll just keep doing my job, but will not try to actively go above and beyond, as it's not acknowledged nor recognized. This is a dead-end and a clear case of poor culture fit. It's been affecting my mental health severely to be honest. I haven't been as depressed regarding my work ever, even during extremely challenging times in previous jobs. I feel disregarded, isolated and unappreciated. It's crystal clear I'm just a number, not an employee.

Hopefully, I'll find something soon enough.

 

[Swipeuplikeandshare]

I would put time in your managers diary send a agenda and talk everything through
Don’t wait for them anymore

 

[1001 others]

I'm 50/50 on Betty's and Swipe's advice ... in some ways I think it's a good idea to tackle the behaviour head-on and give them a chance to do better ... but on the other hand, if they're asshats then why bother investing time and energy in something that will never get any better.

I'm sorry you're being treated, and feeling like, this. It's not fair, nor is it reasonable.

 

[Swipeuplikeandshare]

As a manager I personally do regular check in and make sure everyone is treated fairly
I message them at random points of the week just to check in and see how they are
However they also put time in my diary to speak to me on issues or problems they have and sometimes you need to do that
Our organisation is all about taking power of your career etc so you’re expected to drive performance management meetings as an employee (although I have diarised to prompt my team)
As a former HR person I would say you need to speak up and document the meeting and output

 

[Welshgal]

I‘m sorry you are going through this, it sounds bloody awful. It is definitely not somewhere I personally would stay.
So keep and eye out for something new and once you have something lined up, perhaps you could bring it up just to get some clarity and give the company the chance to better them? But definitely try to leave it honestly sounds toxic af

 

[Sunflower91]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it must feel really crappy. I went through something similar at my last job- I was told to pick up more projects and get more project based hours in but my manager was never delegating them to me. Since then I’ve moved jobs and had around 4 different managers and the advice I would give is that you’re not going to be looked at as a job hopper if you move jobs and that it’s really important to have management that leave you feeling supported and enabled/ empowered to do things. I’m with some of the above posters in that I tackle things head on if I’m not happy with the direction something is going or if I don’t feel heard but that’s something I’ve had to learn to do as I’ve gone on in my career. The first time you do it is the hardest but having these conversations can really help- you have the power to give them the benefit of the doubt and change their behaviour.

 

[TheGlossy]

Thank you for the kind help, everyone! Really appreciate it!

I honestly don't know if I have the strength to try and give them the benefit of the doubt. I sensed something was wrong on day 1 and my intuition certainly hasn't failed me. I've been giving them the benefit of the doubt for 6 months now, but it's crystal clear where there agenda is headed. I'm now getting bossed around by someone at the same level as us, it's ridiculous. You never get a thank you for anything, yet when you come back from one day of OOO, they're already forcing you to assist on someone else's project as a "volunteer" when you already you have your own projects going on.

While I'm grateful to have a job during the pandemic and feel awful for complaining, I don't want to keep subjecting myself to their neglect and lack of consideration which is affecting both my mental health and my confidence in my abilities. The market isn't that great at the moment, but it's even worse for my industry (financial services). It's completely dry and I'm not even getting a single recruiter call. The market has also become more stringent and now requires you to have a plethora of qualifications that don't necessarily relate to one another (for instance, chartered accountancy + data analytics or CFA + PMP etc...). The criteria is so restrictive that even though I have a good enough background, it's not sufficient.

I'm utterly confused. I love Ireland, but I'm contemplating moving somewhere else if nothing comes out of my search by December and that's already a long stretch.