How long did it take you to get over you “situationship”

[justheretoread99]

I was seeing a guy towards the end of last year. Only around 2-3 months. We spoke everyday and would see each other every other day. One day it just ended and after an argument and a blocking I was left (embarrassingly) heartbroken.

This year I’ve been okay. Although I haven’t seen or really spoken to anyone else. But tonight, I’ve just had a massive cry for the first time in months and keep asking myself why aren’t I fully over it. I feel so pathetic and low. How long did it take for you to get over someone you weren’t even in a relationship with?

 

[JoeBloggs]

I was in a relationship with my ex for 3 months, 12 years later I still think of it and him occasionally. If you fall really hard, then it will always be there lingering. Personally you have to learn to live with it, it’s effectively grief of what could of been.

 

[Kim Mild]

I honestly think that people you don't have official relationships with often have the biggest impacts.

 

[Jeronimo]

I would say mine took around 9 months after only 2 months of a situationship!

I then went on holiday for 3 weeks, came back and met my now husband the absolute love of my life! Realised the situationship was actually limerance (google this- loads of really good information). Sounds so cliche but as time passes it gets easier, it really does- promise!

 

[Elles20]

Literally years - not crying about it, but just that he pops into my head every now and again. I echo with the above poster who said they make the biggest impact because you're always wondering what would have happened if you actually got the chance to be a real couple.

In my mind I don't think I would go back to him if he suddenly appeared in my life again but he'll always be that weakness in me, if that makes any sense.

 

[Secretadmirer]

I was seeing someone for about five months, quickly caught feelings and I was desperate for it to become a relationship but he obviously didn’t want it to be. He started making excuses as to why he hadn’t responded to texts or meeting up with me less and less and then he literally just ghosted me I was devastated for ages and over thought it for sooo long (literally more upset than when my relationship ended but I think that’s because it had fizzled out and I knew it was coming to an end where as with this I wanted it work and was really starting to like him if that makes sense) . Two years after this he actually randomly popped up and tried to talk to me again and those same feelings tried to sneak back but I was happy at the time and able to realise and be like nah, you’re an idiot boy bye so I promise you won’t feel like this forever!

I do think these can sometimes be the worst kind of things to get over. Of course if you speak to someone daily and see them almost everyday for a couple of months they’ll be some feelings there regardless of the status on it, that’s not unusual but with not being in an ‘official’ relationship you’re left confused by your feelings and almost feel like you shouldn’t feel that way because it wasnt ‘official’ I also think it then feels like you’re not feeling like you’re getting full closure when it ends either. Especially if it ends suddenly and unexpectedly when you’d maybe hoped for more and you’re left thinking about the reasons and possibilities.

 

[justapossum]

I was seeing a guy towards the end of last year. Only around 2-3 months. We spoke everyday and would see each other every other day. One day it just ended and after an argument and a blocking I was left (embarrassingly) heartbroken.

This year I’ve been okay. Although I haven’t seen or really spoken to anyone else. But tonight, I’ve just had a massive cry for the first time in months and keep asking myself why aren’t I fully over it. I feel so pathetic and low. How long did it take for you to get over someone you weren’t even in a relationship with?

It took me quite a while as I tried my best to block out all my feelings - but the minute I actually allowed myself to feel, it got easier. I wrote down everything that was going through my head and that helped a lot as I learnt that I was actually in love and heart broken over the "what ifs" and "could bes". I was crying over the guy and the relationship that I created in my head, but not the guy I was actually "seeing".
It took a lot of mental and conscious effort to take him off the pedestal that I put him on and realistically think about what he was like and what he offered - once I stopped romanticizing him and started picking apart little things, I realised that he wasn't actually that great and there was a lot of things I wouldn't have been happy about if we did end up in a relationship (as I so desperately wanted at the time).

So don't feel pathetic, it's completely normal the way that you are feeling. But maybe just try to write down your feelings, and have a think about whether it is actually him that you miss, or the potential of him. Do you find yourself being upset because you can't do all the things you could have done together? Because that'll mean that you're missing the relationship you wanted, but didn't actually have. This sort of realisation can help you move on.

 

[justbeingnosy98]

Gosh, I find situationships so hard to get over - I think it’s partly the thought of “what could have been” if it worked out! Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’ll be ready when you are ready

Whatever you do DO NOT try to contact him again. It never ends well!

 

[dancingqueen5678]

I think sometimes they can be harder to get over cause there's usually no closure like you would have with a relationship. So you get into a habit of speaking constantly and feelings growing and then it ends with no real explanation cause you're in it enough to really owe each other anything. Also sometimes cause it's such early days you don't know someone that well so you kind of idealise someone and your brain like adds information to make someone seem better or seem to be what you want if that makes sense?

 

[boomska]

I was in a situationship for 9 months. He didn’t want a relationship and I did and we argued LOADS towards the end & it ended. I started no contact for two weeks and I reached out. He told me he was seeing someone. Then started no contact again for a month and reached out again and he admitted he was in a relationship.

it’s been a month since I last spoke to him and I sometimes get sad, really down especially when there’s events I.e my birthdays, or things we used to talk about I.e films/shows being advertised. I know it’ll be a while to get over him but got to give it time.
One day at a time
Start no contact
No stalking social media!!
Good luck xx

 

[ATV2021]

I would say mine took around 9 months after only 2 months of a situationship!

I then went on holiday for 3 weeks, came back and met my now husband the absolute love of my life! Realised the situationship was actually limerance (google this- loads of really good information). Sounds so cliche but as time passes it gets easier, it really does- promise!

limerance!! I've had my final awakening after Googling that. Thank you for that - I now recognise the person I was in my situationship vs the person I am now which is someone more grounded and developing my self love and worth (the book how to stop giving a s*** is amazing too)

 

[Niamhm]

It took years to get over my situationship. We were friends with benefits on and off for a couple of years, spoke everyday, I fell hard but I don't think he did, he was never ready for a relationship or to date etc until he did, just not with me. It was really tough to get over and hurt my self esteem a lot in the beginning but then I met my husband and it made me realise and accept how damaging the whole situation was. You'll get over him in time, give yourself time x