How did you know you wanted kids?

[TheGlossy]

Hello,

Lately I have been thinking about this whole kids topic - not sure why, it's a bit sudden. A bit confusing.

I'm turning 31 this year and my eggs are obviously not getting any younger. Prior to this year, I had never felt this "maternal" instinct some women talk about. However, I'm not sure if this is just a temporary "baby fever" related to the fact that society has conditioned me to think that I need to have kids or if I truly want to have kids. Most females in my circle told me they've always wanted to have kids. They just know/knew supposedly.

For those of you who have kids - how did you know?

 

[ChampagneBox]

I feel the same, constantly wondering if it’s ME that wants kids or my biology telling me I want kids

 

[disneys]

I pretty much always have ! I had baby dolls as a child , always was very maternal towards our cats etc from a young age

My husband and I got together in our early twenties and we established we wanted children someday pretty early on

We never decided to try though .. about 6 years into our relationship I decided to come off the pill as it was giving me migraines .. one night we got a bit sozzled and didn’t use a condom … low and behold , our son was here not long after . I was 28 !

hes 2 this year and we are desperate to grow our family

 

[Definitelyme]

I had my eldest at 26, and just had my fourth at 34. You still have LOADS of time, you’re not past it yet I know someone who had their third baby at 46!

In regards to how I knew, I just always did. There was no moment of realisation, it was just part of me. I couldn’t ever imagine a life without having children, there was never a possible future I imagined in which I didn’t have kids.

 

[FakeSmile]

I didn’t have some realisation, I think in my head getting married and having children was just the thing that you do. I got married 5 years ago and have just had my third baby in 3 and a half years, so I guess in some ways I’m living the dream

 

[Sally1993]

My fiancé and I would go for days out. We’d end up at places like the zoo. I suddenly felt like something huge was missing. I should be pushing a buggy - i thought that it would give me so much more purpose and enjoyment if I was showing my baby the world.

We’d also bought our first house and had two empty bedrooms just sat there. Once we knew we had a bedroom for them each and could give them a normal, happy life, we went for it!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I had my daughter young but over recent years I would feel broody but still knew I didn’t actually want another one. I think you just know if it’s right or not.

 

[BubbleTea99]

This is so interesting. I'm trying to work this out for myself, I'm slightly younger but I wonder if when I reach my 30's I may suddenly really want children. Right now I just feel that I haven't lived.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Hello,

Lately I have been thinking about this whole kids topic - not sure why, it's a bit sudden. A bit confusing.

I'm turning 31 this year and my eggs are obviously not getting any younger. Prior to this year, I had never felt this "maternal" instinct some women talk about. However, I'm not sure if this is just a temporary "baby fever" related to the fact that society has conditioned me to think that I need to have kids or if I truly want to have kids. Most females in my circle told me they've always wanted to have kids. They just know/knew supposedly.

For those of you who have kids - how did you know?

Same position here - 32 and turning 33 soon. Always “wanted” kids growing up, was never against the idea. Assumed I’d hit 30 and my biological clock would start ticking and I’d be ready to have a baby. The opposite happened… the more I see friends/family starting to settle down and have children the more I think that’s not what I want. I love the idea of having a cute little baby to look after, or the bond you get with a child, and I do want a ‘family’ - I just don’t think I can mentally/physically go through pregnancy, childbirth, loss of sleep, loss of identity, loss of independence etc etc for 18+ years. Is that what is really going to make me happy? Or is that what I’ve been conditioned to think makes me happy?

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Always knew I wanted kids from quite young. First child wasnt planned but ran with it and had another a few years later.

What I would say is, Ive found parenthood quite difficult, so much more tricky than I see other people finding it.

So I think noone is truly ready either and there is no 'right' time. Costs way more than youd ever imagine in both time and money.

In saying all of that Id never change it and I know I made the right decision.

 

[StrawberryCream]

I always wanted kids from a young age too, I had my first when i was 23 and my second at 27 and I knew I would never be totally happy unless I had my own family. I think if you are conflicted I would lean more towards having them, as you often hear of women regret not having children but you rarely hear someone say they regret having them.

 

[mcfeez]

I always wanted kids from a young age too, I had my first when i was 23 and my second at 27 and I knew I would never be totally happy unless I had my own family. I think if you are conflicted I would lean more towards having them, as you often hear of women regret not having children but you rarely hear someone say they regret having them.

I think your last point is more around the social taboo of admitting out loud that they regret having children. Can you imagine someone saying that and it going down well?

 

[Pixipoppy]

I always wanted kids from a young age too, I had my first when i was 23 and my second at 27 and I knew I would never be totally happy unless I had my own family. I think if you are conflicted I would lean more towards having them, as you often hear of women regret not having children but you rarely hear someone say they regret having them.

I always hear the opposite (or at least “see”people writing that they regret having kids or that they feel they would be happier if they never had kids.. I guess no one would admit it in real life). I also remember seeing something in a science museum and it was a chart of people’s happiness over their lives and it always dipped for the people who had children, whereas those that didn’t it just stayed level and slowly rose. I think that was actually the moment in time I questioned if I actually wanted kids (I was 29 at the time).

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

I always knew I wanted a family, not so desperate to have children as such, but obviously to make a family you generally have children. I’ve never been a ‘baby’ person, so I had no particular longing for babies. In fact I think I had reluctantly held only two babies before my own I just timed when I thought was the ‘right’ age (for me that was after marriage, once my career was established etc) at 30 and 33. Luckily being a loving mother came instinctively, I loved the baby stage when mine were little. But now mine are older, I’m straight back to not being a baby person.

 

[TheGlossy]

This is so interesting. I'm trying to work this out for myself, I'm slightly younger but I wonder if when I reach my 30's I may suddenly really want children. Right now I just feel that I haven't lived.

Thank you for all these great inputs! It's very interesting to read different perspectives & experiences.

When it comes to regrets, I'm not sure how I'd feel if I wound up not having kids. The thing is I'm certain I only want one child, not more for a whole variety of reasons. I actually heard some women say they regret having kids (in my own family), but it's having kids is they were supposed/expected to do in life. I would personally feel incredibly guilty of I were to have a child only to realize I made a mistake. It must be an awful feeling to regard your child as a "burden" or a "mistake". This is probably why I'm undecided.

I've also noticed my attitude towards kids is slightly different than it used to be. I suddenly find myself smiling at them if they stare at me and even comment on how cute babies are. I didn't have much interest in that before - if anything, they didn't trigger any emotions in me at all. I also sometimes think about what my type of parenting would look like. When I walk past schools, I imagine myself waiting to pick up my kid. I went to the park the other day and I started thinking about how I'd take my kid to play at the park after school. That sort of stuff that never crossed my mind before.

I'm still trying to decipher whether this sudden "baby fever" truly stems from an inherent instinct that was there all along and it simply manifested now because I wasn't ready for it before or whether this is due to the lockdown and its related loneliness. It could be when things go back to "normal", I'll suddenly forget about this whole thing. It's very confusing.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I don’t have children and I don’t want children (I’m 25 and getting married next year). My partner and I discussed early on about children and we both agreed, we are happy as we are.

I think I do have wobbles, people on social media make having a child look like a walk in the park most of the time and they don’t usually share the hard bits. Then there’s seeing all the baby clothes, the pram and imagining that cute little baby in them and I start to question if it’s something I want?

but then I realise, it’s just not for me. My best friend had a baby and it’s just cemented for me how much I don’t want one. Don’t get me wrong, her baby is so cute, but he is exhausting! I spent an hour with them and I felt drained just watching him zoom around.
I also don’t want the responsibility, I’m very happy being carefree!

I think one thing I would say is, don’t let society try to influence your decision or social media.

 

[Giggling Squid]

I’m on a similar position. Just turned 32, always adamant that I didn’t want children, I like my life, I like the freedom of being able to live for me - which works out well because my partner cannot have children.
Recently though, I’ve started wondering whether I don’t want kids still or whether I know I can’t so it’s not an option. I do wonder sometimes if I’ll change my mind and it’ll be too late

 

[CreamCrackers]

Really interested in all the replies to this thread! I was never very maternal, I could take or leave babies/kids and I never had the baby doll in the buggy when I was younger.

My husband and I are together a long time and very happy and financially comfortable. We both assumed kids were the natural next step so we started trying but it hasn't happened for us. It's been difficult and upsetting at times and we've been told that ivf is the next step. I'm in my early 30s now and in the last year I've really started to wonder if I actually want kids or if I've been conditioned to think I want them. Its crazy how much motherhood is thrown at us every day in advertising and social media! My husband and were only saying last week that nothing is missing in our life and how much we love our freedom and independence. So we're wondering is it worth the financial, physical, emotional cost of IVF if we don't really miss what we don't have?? It's such a tough decision!!

 

[Suzyfickle]

I'm 36 and I've always known I don't want kids. I've never felt "broody" and I know I never will - for me it's actually the extreme that I can't understand why anyone ever wants them! My friends have got kids and I just think, why would you do that to yourself - now your life is never yours to just do what takes your fancy. If someone tells me they're having a baby my automatic reaction is to say "oh I'm sorry, was that on purpose?" I just can't get my head around it, it seems bonkers!

Having said that I also know I don't ever want a relationship (never had one, never will) so I'm probably just wired wrong

 

[5678]

I'm 36 and I've always known I don't want kids. I've never felt "broody" and I know I never will - for me it's actually the extreme that I can't understand why anyone ever wants them! My friends have got kids and I just think, why would you do that to yourself - now your life is never yours to just do what takes your fancy. If someone tells me they're having a baby my automatic reaction is to say "oh I'm sorry, was that on purpose?" I just can't get my head around it, it seems bonkers!

Having said that I also know I don't ever want a relationship (never had one, never will) so I'm probably just wired wrong

agree with every single thing you’ve said about children. I can’t understand why anyone has them.