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this is a huge red flag. Also she has no blame in this , he is the one behaving badly
How did their relationship end? He should have spoken about this to you beforehand.
May be after a period of reflection, he realised he was in the wrong and just wanted to be a good person
after three years though?!
all someone messaging an ex after three years is doing is just reminding them that they’re there. i would be annoyed about it to OP - he should have known how it would make you feel.
the ex isn’t in the wrong here. it’s her prerogative to tell people. your partner needs to be more respectful of you.
That’s exactly what he thinks. That hes just doing the right thing.
Badly. Well i mean it was a decision made and he’s always said it was more him wanting to end it than her.
I think that too. If it was so innocent a message why not mention it to me first? He never thought i would find out. Thats why.
He is absolutely saying im being ridiculous in that im upset about it.
I do agree in that she hasnt done anything wrong. But she knew what she was doing in mentioning it to others.
you need to break this down:
- he ended the relationship when she didn’t want to? has this always played on his mind? why did he feel the need to message a girl who, after 3 years, has presumably gotten some closure from him?
- you say she told people and knew it would get back to you. i imagine this influenced him telling you as he knew you would find out anyway.
there’s a reason why he randomly decided to message an ex from years ago who he has apparently told you didn’t want to end it with him. and you need to talk to him about it
- he ended the relationship when she didn’t want to? has this always played on his mind? why did he feel the need to message a girl who, after 3 years, has presumably gotten some closure from him?
- you say she told people and knew it would get back to you. i imagine this influenced him telling you as he knew you would find out anyway.
there’s a reason why he randomly decided to message an ex from years ago who he has apparently told you didn’t want to end it with him. and you need to talk to him about it
Thankyou. You have some very good valid suggestions.you need to break this down:
- he ended the relationship when she didn’t want to? has this always played on his mind? why did he feel the need to message a girl who, after 3 years, has presumably gotten some closure from him?
- you say she told people and knew it would get back to you. i imagine this influenced him telling you as he knew you would find out anyway.
there’s a reason why he randomly decided to message an ex from years ago who he has apparently told you didn’t want to end it with him. and you need to talk to him about it
I said that too him- hve you been thinking about the way it ended for 3 years?? She has moved on. So have you. Its been 3 years for gods sake (is what i said)
He didnt tell me. He was unaware she had said something otherwise id never have known.
I think this too. He says he was just saying sorry. But yes from past conversations he was the one who walked away. Does he need closure too do you think?
Urgh, I always think there’s an ulterior motive for this kinda tit. Have you seen the actual message?
I don’t like the sound of this at all. Why is she even on his mind now? Have they had any contact since apart from this ? Is he following her insta/ Facebook etc?
i would be asking him what triggered it? if we were talking a few months with everything still raw then maybe - but what made him feel the need to do this after 3 years? based on what you’ve said, he wanted to apologise to her but why? that’s so random after that length of time.
i misunderstood sorry! but if HE didn’t tell you then that’s even more of a red flag. if it’s an innocent seeking of closure then what is he hiding?
you need to talk to him and establish what exactly he wanted out of the interaction.
Have you asked him how he would feel if the roles were reversed?
Also I know this is sneaky but could you check his messages to see if he’s texting her ? Please trust your instincts on this and don’t make excuses for him. Would you ever text your ex while you are in a relationship?!
my ex did the same tp me, he basically started an emotional affair which was a big reason we broke upWhy do you decide after 3 years to send a message saying sorry ?? I dont get it.
if anything i would be greatful to her tbh, otherwise you would be totally in the dark
I’m sorry to hear that happened to you Emm.
Why would he even think she would want to hear sorry after 3 years? It’s not about being a nice person - it’s self indulgent thinking that she’s been torn up about it for so long.
No I haven’t
Yes. This. Why would she?!! I certainly wouldn’t.
I think its a really selfish thing to do tbh, obviously she would have been upset about the breakup and as someone else said it is just reminding her of.it
I absolutely agree it’s not the girls fault at all. I would be very wary of a man doing this. I know it’s hard to accept but I think you need to be very careful now. You could be letting yourself in for years of torment if you ignore this behaviour. I’m speaking from personal experience. I went through something like this years ago. I was totally gaslighted over it and in the end he left me for his ex.
I wondered if he was drunk and had a moment of madness. I said the same- a few mths after then yes i sort of get that.
i feel very uneasy and the trust has gone.