Having a child in today's world?

[LavaFlake]

I'm now 28 and been with my partner in a very strong relationship for 4.5 years. He is 42 so a bit of an age gap but he has no baggage and we are very well matched with family and friend approval on both sides. Sounds cringe but every day with him is a blessing. The reason I mention this is because we've spoken about having children and basically said that in a year or two's time we will revisit and make a decision. If we decide to, we don't really want to hang around for too long because of his age and I would also rather have children in my late 20s/early 30s if possible. Which means a decision kind of needs to be made in the next couple of years!

However, not to sound dramatic but the state of the world is really scaring me at the moment. There's obviously the huge disruptions with COVID-19, but I also feel like the world is very politically unstable at the moment too. And that's before I even get started on climate change - something I personally believe will have a huge impact on the next generation. This is something my partner also feels too.

Biologically, I am really feeling the urge to have a baby with my partner! It's something I guess I've also always planned in my head since being a child (although how much of that is driven by society idk). But I just want a family with this man and tbh just looking at babygros etc is making me very broody! We are both financially secure so that wouldn't be an issue.

I know this is a decision we will make together and we do talk about it a lot! But I basically wanted to an outside perspective on whether my worries about the world are a bit overdramatic? Or would it be selfish of me to choose to have a kid when I am fully aware of the ticking time bomb that is climate change. Does anyone also feel the same about this kinda thing?

 

[Tui]

If you look back at history there has always been some sort of political unrest - poll tax riots, miners strikes, Northern Ireland troubles, 9/11, Iraq, Al Qaeda etc etc. People didn’t stop having babies. I wouldn’t worry too much about the wider political context unless you are literally living in a war zone (and even then, babies arrive as it’s not always possible to stop it!)

I’m 15 weeks pregnant, we had reservations about carrying on trying during COVID but after miscarrying a baby in April which was conceived pre lockdown I had to carry on for my own mental health.
I think the most important think for a child is to have a loving and stable family who can provide love, care and everything they need to hopefully develop into fulfilled and rounded individuals. If you can provide that and you want a baby then I say go for it. There’s always something in the wider context which might make you want to wait for the perfect time, but I don’t think the perfect time exists.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I don't think the worries of the world are overdramatic, but if you really want to have children, I wouldn't let it be the deciding factor - people have been having children during war time, the time of the cuban missile crisis, when there were no vaccinations for diseases during childhood etc.

Note; I don't want children and am not having them. The state of the world and worries about overpopulation etc were a contributing factor, but not the primary reason I simply didn't want them.

 

[clueless]

If you look back at history there has always been some sort of political unrest - poll tax riots, miners strikes, Northern Ireland troubles, 9/11, Iraq, Al Qaeda etc etc. People didn’t stop having babies. I wouldn’t worry too much about the wider political context unless you are literally living in a war zone (and even then, babies arrive as it’s not always possible to stop it!)

I’m 15 weeks pregnant, we had reservations about carrying on trying during COVID but after miscarrying a baby in April which was conceived pre lockdown I had to carry on for my own mental health.
I think the most important think for a child is to have a loving and stable family who can provide love, care and everything they need to hopefully develop into fulfilled and rounded individuals. If you can provide that and you want a baby then I say go for it. There’s always something in the wider context which might make you want to wait for the perfect time, but I don’t think the perfect time exists.

That's wonderful news Tui, congratulations!

I agree, things are rubbish atm yes but you can't just give up on life and what you want because of politics

 

[HanB33]

I'm now 28 and been with my partner in a very strong relationship for 4.5 years. He is 42 so a bit of an age gap but he has no baggage and we are very well matched with family and friend approval on both sides. Sounds cringe but every day with him is a blessing. The reason I mention this is because we've spoken about having children and basically said that in a year or two's time we will revisit and make a decision. If we decide to, we don't really want to hang around for too long because of his age and I would also rather have children in my late 20s/early 30s if possible. Which means a decision kind of needs to be made in the next couple of years!

However, not to sound dramatic but the state of the world is really scaring me at the moment. There's obviously the huge disruptions with COVID-19, but I also feel like the world is very politically unstable at the moment too. And that's before I even get started on climate change - something I personally believe will have a huge impact on the next generation. This is something my partner also feels too.

Biologically, I am really feeling the urge to have a baby with my partner! It's something I guess I've also always planned in my head since being a child (although how much of that is driven by society idk). But I just want a family with this man and tbh just looking at babygros etc is making me very broody! We are both financially secure so that wouldn't be an issue.

I know this is a decision we will make together and we do talk about it a lot! But I basically wanted to an outside perspective on whether my worries about the world are a bit overdramatic? Or would it be selfish of me to choose to have a kid when I am fully aware of the ticking time bomb that is climate change. Does anyone also feel the same about this kinda thing?

This was always my worry having a child. The world surrounding us feels like it's in a constant state of decline and it would perhaps be selfish to bring a child into that world when their generation will have to feel it crumbling around them.
However - I am so glad I did have my child. We can be the change we want to see, and teach our children how to help the world get better too. Your child could well be the next figure to change the way the world goes! You have the right idea and it's easy to just focus on the cons when you see the state of the world but somethings gotta give. I honestly believe there will be a huge shift, perhaps in our childrens generation where the world will take a turn for the better. Maybe I'm off my rocker but I do believe we can, and our children can, make the world a better place and it can be beautiful again and a safe place to be.

 

[Crazymummy]

There will never be a right time to have a child, there will always be something going on in the world that could prevent you from having them. The important factors are that you are able to provide that child with the loving and supportive environment they require. I didn’t want children, I have a happy accident that ultimately caused the breakdown of my marriage but i wouldn’t be without my little one and I’d say I’m happier now than i was before i had him. I worry everyday about what type of world he will be in when he is my age (34... he is 2.5) but as long as i raise him with the love i have for him and teach him about the world he ‘should’ be ok.

 

[Platypusfattypus]

From my point of view having children made my world a better place.

 

[bubbadabut]

I remember being in tears a few days before the birth of my first child; it was when the riots in London were raging. I wondered what kind of world I was bringing him into. I went on to have 3 more. As others have said, there's never a right time really, there's always something kicking off somewhere. Kids monumentally change your life, probably more than any pandemic or political strife ever could (in this country anyway).

 

[Belulah]

I wouldn’t let COVID stop you having a baby like others have said there will also be tragedy and horror in the world but it still keeps turning. The joy my child has brought me can not be measured and I’m not sure what sort of life I would have without her. Like a previous poster said having children makes YOUR world a better place and it’s a world you fill with love and nice things.
My girl is in bad poorly but I might go kiss her on the head!

 

[Pixipoppy]

Honestly if you do really want children I wouldn’t see the state of the world as a reason not to - your child would be loved and happy, there are always troubles in the world and life goes on. I actually know more people who got pregnant or had babies this year than any other! That being said, this year has put me off having children for almost certain - however I was already on the fence and a bit selfish so it wasn’t really purely due to covid!

 

[tskiry56]

There will always be something in your life or something going on in the world which will make you question should I or shouldn’t I? But we can’t predict what’s going to happen in life.
If someone told me 7 years ago when I had my son that I would then go through years of abuse at the hands of his dad. I would of never of gone through with having my child. But some experiences in life making us in to stronger and better people.

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

I'm now 28 and been with my partner in a very strong relationship for 4.5 years. He is 42 so a bit of an age gap but he has no baggage and we are very well matched with family and friend approval on both sides. Sounds cringe but every day with him is a blessing. The reason I mention this is because we've spoken about having children and basically said that in a year or two's time we will revisit and make a decision. If we decide to, we don't really want to hang around for too long because of his age and I would also rather have children in my late 20s/early 30s if possible. Which means a decision kind of needs to be made in the next couple of years!

However, not to sound dramatic but the state of the world is really scaring me at the moment. There's obviously the huge disruptions with COVID-19, but I also feel like the world is very politically unstable at the moment too. And that's before I even get started on climate change - something I personally believe will have a huge impact on the next generation. This is something my partner also feels too.

Biologically, I am really feeling the urge to have a baby with my partner! It's something I guess I've also always planned in my head since being a child (although how much of that is driven by society idk). But I just want a family with this man and tbh just looking at babygros etc is making me very broody! We are both financially secure so that wouldn't be an issue.

I know this is a decision we will make together and we do talk about it a lot! But I basically wanted to an outside perspective on whether my worries about the world are a bit overdramatic? Or would it be selfish of me to choose to have a kid when I am fully aware of the ticking time bomb that is climate change. Does anyone also feel the same about this kinda thing?

I don’t have children yet but I really want to. I have had similar thoughts to you so no I don’t think you’re being over dramatic - the world doesn’t seem like a great place at the moment, but having thought about it for several months now, people have kept having children throughout major world events and political unrest. All we can do is provide the best life possible for our children and teach them about the world to help make it a better place

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Hello frau! This is lovely, also funnily we have a very similar life (our ages & partners age!)

If you want to do it, do it. Honestly. I agree completely about covid & political instability & tbh even things like widening inequalities and the general state of this country, there are so many things that are only going to get worse it’s normal to question it. But having that awareness alone shows you’re going to be a fab mum capable of guiding a child through that, teaching them empathy and how important it is to try to make things better (not saying you need to raise a militant child for an impending civil war but just someone who votes, recycles, protests, and is kind init).

There is no point in depriving yourself the joy of loving a child & getting to watch them grow up. For at least 16 years your home will be their safe haven and you’ll have armed them with the tools to make sense of the scary world they’ll have to go out into. There are a million things to worry & hate yourself about (trust me I’ve made an iPhone note of them for my therapist ) so this’ll be a never ending cycle but it’s all perfectly normal. I love love though so appreciate this is very airy fairy. x

 

[Lhm87]

No I don’t think you’re being over dramatic at all. I agree with you on many points. My son is a teenager now. I brought him up in simpler times and I will not be having any more children. The world is not a nice place at the minute. Social media makes children’s lives very difficult (I work in law enforcement so I know how bad it is). We also have a bad education system in the UK which I have experienced first hand.
I’m all for Children having a loving home etc etc, but there is so much to it and outside of our control. A child’s whole life is in our hands which is a big thing to deal with. What happens to them in the first 18 years WILL decide who they are in adulthood.
Covid alone wouldn’t stop me having more children but the next generation is going to be massively impacted by many many factors which most wont think of when deciding to have children. Yes children are a blessing and I love mine, but thinking of the life the next generation may have does scare me.

 

[littlepup]

I am pregnant now and raising a little girl in this world terrifies me. Everyday I see hate and dangerous attitudes (probs should get off tattle ) and I don't know how i'm going to raise her with a healthy mind and soul. But I can control what she is exposed to and for a short period and just hope it's enough to make her strong and resilient physically, mentally, emotionally.

But what I really came to say was that if you do want children and are ready, begin the process sooner rather than later. Don't wait for 'things to get better'. I won't go in to detail but I thought i'd be pregnant 4-5 years ago and it's only happened now. I was almost aging out of IVF on the NHS should I have needed it and going into a high risk age category. Every year older increases the risks to your baby and if you are an anxious person like I've been and I think every expectant mother is, the state of the world has nothing on the worry of baby being healthy. Mitigating some of this risk and worry is in your control whereas the greater state of the world isn't.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Adviser123]

I see a lot of comments/questions on tattle about having a child “before it’s too late” and I’d say the same thing to everyone.

You won’t regret having a baby but you might regret not having one.

I was also worried about bringing a child into the world after knowing how much I’ve always hated life, I would never want to put a child in the same situations I’ve been in where life can be that miserable you just don’t want to be alive. Since having my daughter a year ago my outlook on life has completely changed... I’m a lot more at peace with the world, I have a purpose to get up everyday and live my best life and I never thought I’d gain something so good in life after always having bad luck.

Everyone’s story in life is different and you know the answer to your question more than anyone but I’d say if you want a child then don’t hold back, especially over something you can’t control in life.

Good luck x

 

[Vploco646]

The whole covid situation has definitely stopped me wanting to try for a baby. Covid situation affected my life entirely. Social life's non existent, people are in fear of each other. I live in a diff county to my family. No way would I cope if travel restrictions were to continue. I couldn't bring a child in to the world without my family and so much uncertainty x

 

[Pixipoppy]

I see a lot of comments/questions on tattle about having a child “before it’s too late” and I’d say the same thing to everyone.

You won’t regret having a baby but you might regret not having one.

I was also worried about bringing a child into the world after knowing how much I’ve always hated life, I would never want to put a child in the same situations I’ve been in where life can be that miserable you just don’t want to be alive. Since having my daughter a year ago my outlook on life has completely changed... I’m a lot more at peace with the world, I have a purpose to get up everyday and live my best life and I never thought I’d gain something so good in life after always having bad luck.

Everyone’s story in life is different and you know the answer to your question more than anyone but I’d say if you want a child then don’t hold back, especially over something you can’t control in life.

Good luck x

Lots of people do regret having kids though. I think some women who are “on the fence” about it feel pressured into having a baby - as it’s the done thing, and then they regret it. However in OPs case it sounds like she genuinely does want a kid but it’s just the circumstances with the world that is putting her off so I agree she should go for it.

 

[Milliehaha123]

OP I am in the same situation completely as you. I think my main concern is climate change- the fact our children’s lives will be considerably harder than ours in many ways. I read an interesting article about how we all seriously need to think about the future of the world and the standard of living which will come with environmental change. I don’t think there is a right or a wrong answer tbh here as nobody has a magic mirror into the future

 

[Lhm87]

Lots of people do regret having kids though. I think some women who are “on the fence” about it feel pressured into having a baby - as it’s the done thing, and then they regret it. However in OPs case it sounds like she genuinely does want a kid but it’s just the circumstances with the world that is putting her off so I agree she should go for it.

I regret it. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.