Guy problems.

[mochibean]

So I am really into this guy, and 2 weeks ago he gave me the signals he likes me back. Making jokes looking at me and smiling when we make eye contact, just being all around sweet. Having awkward conversations and just enjoying each others company. Since though he's a bit hot and cold. One day he seems totally interested, the next not at all. It's getting frustrating.

Should I just ask him straight up wtf is going on because we're too old for games. I'm 27 he's 30. I can't be bothered to play silly games and for nothing to happen.
This has been going on since just before Christmas. Just him showing interest in me, and then kinda not, but then 2 weeks ago I was so sure. SO SURE.

Today though, we spoke a bit but I didn't get anything back from him really. I can't get him out my head, I really like him.
Idk if he's just shy, he's outgoing but maybe he's shy with relationships. Unsure what he wants, he keeps saying he wants to settle down? How can you ever if you don't give anyone a chance. Or he just doesn't like me anymore.

Idk I'm confused and a bit hurt. I really like him.

 

[laughing]

May be he is just being friendly and you are reading too much into it?

 

[rather not stop]

Sounds like he likes the attention. Just ask him.

 

[mochibean]

May be he is just being friendly and you are reading too much into it?

Idk, I don't look at people I'm friendly with like that.

Like it's possible, but personally I'd not treat an acquaintance in that way unless I was interested in them. Or be making flirty jokes/sexual jokes if I was just trying to be friendly, it's be overstepping a mark for me.

It's just annoying for me tbh.

Sounds like he likes the attention. Just ask him.

I quite like it too tbh. I'm just kinda shy so I didn't wanna say anything but I feel like since it's been a while now one of us needs to say something.

 

[Scorpihoe]

Sounds like he just doesn’t know what he wants so he’s not committing to anything or getting too involved

 

[mochibean]

Sounds like he just doesn’t know what he wants so he’s not committing to anything or getting too involved

Yeah this was one of my thoughts.

It's just annoying for me because I'm not a mind-reader and I feel a bit like he's playing with my feelings.
Like there's attraction and chemistry there but I know that it's not the be all and end all. I just wanna get to know him better, that way he can figure it out tbh.

I'll see how it goes. At the end of the day it's up to him what he wants or doesn't want.

 

[Pinkblush]

Men don't usually hang around. They get in quick before someone else comes along so if he's been like this since xmas maybe he just likes a flirt now and again. I know you said you're quite shy but could you casually suggest a coffee (takeaway coffee and a walk if you're under restrictions). You might get more of a handle on whether he's genuinely interested or not.

 

[LinaLamont]

Idk, I don't look at people I'm friendly with like that.

Like it's possible, but personally I'd not treat an acquaintance in that way unless I was interested in them. Or be making flirty jokes/sexual jokes if I was just trying to be friendly, it's be overstepping a mark for me.

If he’s making sexual jokes before he’s even asked you on a date then that’s a red flag. If he wanted to pursue something he would. Don’t waste your time on this guy would be my advice.

 

[mochibean]

If he’s making sexual jokes before he’s even asked you on a date then that’s a red flag. If he wanted to pursue something he would. Don’t waste your time on this guy would be my advice.

I figured it was just his way of showing his interest and pushing the boundaries a bit. I left out that us having any sort of relationship would be difficult due to us working together. I could be wrong though, I tend to overthink to the extreme.

Men don't usually hang around. They get in quick before someone else comes along so if he's been like this since xmas maybe he just likes a flirt now and again. I know you said you're quite shy but could you casually suggest a coffee (takeaway coffee and a walk if you're under restrictions). You might get more of a handle on whether he's genuinely interested or not.

Yeah, I'll give it a try if I've got the guts. I'm just afraid of rejection.
I'm the type to like someone for a long time before agreeing to anything, I like things to sort of grow before we jump straight into dating. If he does just like a flirt I'm not up for that, I don't have the energy to put into someone I like who isn't interested in taking it further.

I quite like the chase and being chased to be honest, but since it's been a while I'm getting fed up now.

 

[Pinkblush]

I figured it was just his way of showing his interest and pushing the boundaries a bit. I left out that us having any sort of relationship would be difficult due to us working together. I could be wrong though, I tend to overthink to the extreme.



Yeah, I'll give it a try if I've got the guts. I'm just afraid of rejection.
I'm the type to like someone for a long time before agreeing to anything, I like things to sort of grow before we jump straight into dating. If he does just like a flirt I'm not up for that, I don't have the energy to put into someone I like who isn't interested in taking it further.

I quite like the chase and being chased to be honest, but since it's been a while I'm getting fed up now.

Rejection is not nice to experience but at least it stops the guessing game of 'does he or doesn't he' like me
Good luck

 

[mochibean]

Rejection is not nice to experience but at least it stops the guessing game of 'does he or doesn't he' like me
Good luck

Exactly, then I can move on to better things.
I hate wasting my time and feeling all types of ways I shouldn't have too. Thank you!

 

[Lhm87]

If a man genuinely likes you and wants to pursue something ‘proper’, you’ll know about it. Sounds to me like he just likes the attention and maybe just wants to hook up. I go by the rule ‘if he likes you, you’ll know; if he doesn’t, you’ll be confused’

 

[mochibean]

If a man genuinely likes you and wants to pursue something ‘proper’, you’ll know about it. Sounds to me like he just likes the attention and maybe just wants to hook up. I go by the rule ‘if he likes you, you’ll know; if he doesn’t, you’ll be confused’

That's why I was so happy a couple of weeks ago because I felt like I knew but now nah. I'm disappointed tbh, from what we spoke about before I thought he was better than that smh.

 

[Inforapenny]

Nope don't pursue it. If he doesn't pursue you he's not interested in anything serious.
I know this flies in the face of equality but in my experience men like the chase and if you make it easy they won't see you as anything more than a bit of fun.

 

[Raininvain]

No, hes just playing games with you, if he was properly interested you would know. Just move on and forget him.
Also stop flirting with him, just block him.

 

[mochibean]

No, hes just playing games with you, if he was properly interested you would know. Just move on and forget him.
Also stop flirting with him, just block him.

It's in person not online haha, it's not that simple. But I'll just stay out of his way best I can.

 

[Raininvain]

It's in person not online haha, it's not that simple. But I'll just stay out of his way best I can.

If he was really interested he would have asked you out by now. If its a work situation I was just stick to that full stop.x

 

[mochibean]

If he was really interested he would have asked you out by now. If its a work situation I was just stick to that full stop.x

Yeah definitely. I actually can't be bothered with having it on my mind anyway, especially whilst at work.
I'll not stop finding him hot af, but I'll get over it.

 

[Caramel Latte]

I was in a similar situation before and from my experience when i rushed things (cuz i liked the guy for so long) it fizzled.
My guy also thought about "settling down" but seemed too freaked out when i was more upfront.
I say yours could be just having fun, enjoying your company, could be flattered to have a shy person be less shy with him.
My advice would be to try and not take him too seriously. If he is serious he will be more direct sooner or later, so better not wait for him. You can still have a crush on him and joke around (I know i would) but just don't expect too much to avoid disappointment.

 

[mochibean]

I was in a similar situation before and from my experience when i rushed things (cuz i liked the guy for so long) it fizzled.
My guy also thought about "settling down" but seemed too freaked out when i was more upfront.
I say yours could be just having fun, enjoying your company, could be flattered to have a shy person be less shy with him.
My advice would be to try and not take him too seriously. If he is serious he will be more direct sooner or later, so better not wait for him. You can still have a crush on him and joke around (I know i would) but just don't expect too much to avoid disappointment.

This advice is super helpful thank you.
I'm 27 but after only one long term relationship of 10 years I have 0 experience with guys, so I have 0 experience in anyone other than my ex really. I'll try not to put anything on him - at all and just enjoy his company too. I do enjoy talking to him and having a laugh after all.