Grudge holders

[Vee6]

Absolutely. I’ve never been able to hold a grudge , maybe to an unhealthy extent the other way (it does leave you in a position to be taken advantage of).

Overall though, I think it’s a much healthier mindset. I always find a while after falling out with someone I just don’t care that much about whatever it was anymore. However angry I was at the time. Even if I don’t want to go back to how things were, I will rarely if ever not want to be civil. Being angry at someone for an extended period hurts nobody but yourself and your own happiness.

I’m shocked at the story from the OP about being blocked when you reached out after 15 years. I’m sorry for you to do the right brave thing and have a reaction like that...but your ex friend sounds like a severely unhappy person to be that bitter so perhaps you can take solace in you having worked on yourself and moved on while she is still stuck in the nonsense of the past.

My ex boyfriend was a bit like that. He almost revelled in certain stories of being hard done by. He was never wrong in his stories but sometimes ten years would have passed and whatever it was would sound so petty. Like he had one about not being invited to someone’s wedding. I never understood it. But I guess it explains why he refuses to even acknowledge my concern for his wellbeing during a global pandemic... grudge holders are the worst. I hope to avoid them more successfully in the future....

I had an ex boyfriend like that too! Was never wrong, was always everyone else. No self awareness. Must be awful to be so bitter

 

[Vee6]

Go on...what was the comment?

 

[Gym&Tonic]

Go on...what was the comment?

I won't repeat it on the off chance someone knows me posts on here and sees it. You'll just have to take my word for it that it was a massive overreaction.

 

[StephenTJackson]

Life is short, the world is wide. What's the point in grudges, just either forgive or just get rid of the person, the grudge is totally pointless waste of energy. It takes too much effort to hold a grudge.

 

[Blackbird]

I'm a Scorpio - it's what we do

 

[Vee6]

I hold some grudges and I’m not ashamed. Of course I don’t hold every argument/fall out against someone and I can be civil with most people. Sadly there’s a handful of people on this earth that I will forever hold a grudge against, I won’t be civil and tbh there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It would cause me more misery pretending to be friendly than if I just ignored them.

out if interest...if they apologised and meant it...would that change things at all?

 

[Vee6]

We had similar a fall out after a night out just before my wedding. There was some tit for tat bitching and then nothing for 10 years. We would check up on each other on social media (she admitted this)
I got drunk and was thinking about events that had occurred in the last 10 years and how I'd grown so I emailed her. She replied!!! We caught up and forgave but have never met up I don't think we will ever have that friendship back

But maybe the basis is there if you both wanted to put in the work and build on the friendship. That would have been my dream.

 

[Prinfluencer]

From a place of curiosity not judgement I would love to know why some people hold grudges forever more?
By the way I’m not talking about things like abuse or anything that is unforgivable ect.

the other day I was writing on a thread on here about a fall out with a friend about 15 years ago when we were in our early 20s. Was over something silly, both at fault but I was over dramatic and we never spoke again.
Then a couple of years ago I had a weird sort of existential crisis which lastest months and has changed me forever. It coincided with randomly bumping into this old friend and we ignored each other. This encounter merged with the crisis and I wrote her a long email expressing how sorry I was about the way things turned out and how much I missed her. I am a very different person now than I was then, I’ve grown and changed and don’t have any need to hold on to an old grudge or any other one from the past. She blocked me on everything and never acknowledged the email.

With all this time on my hands now I’ve been thinking about it, and about grudges in general.

if anyone does tend to hold a grudge long after something should matter, why is that? just curious about it all...
P.s I’ve had a sleeping tablet so sorry if this is a load of nonsense

We had similar a fall out after a night out just before my wedding. There was some tit for tat bitching and then nothing for 10 years. We would check up on each other on social media (she admitted this)
I got drunk and was thinking about events that had occurred in the last 10 years and how I'd grown so I emailed her. She replied!!! We caught up and forgave but have never met up I don't think we will ever have that friendship back

 

[Gym&Tonic]

I’m another who can’t be dealing with grudges, especially over petty stuff. For example one of my Aunties has never really forgiven her sister in law for a comment she made to her at a family wedding in the early 1970’s, so you are talking 50 bloody years ago or thereabouts. They are civil to each other but there is always an underlying friction there.

If you knew what the comment was you’d realise just how pathetic it is.