Getting closure from ex

[Cocoflowers]

As I'm going through the same thing when my relationship ended very quickly end of the july and he has ghosted me since ive known him for 13 years dated 3 times i know what your going through! Ive had some really dark times in the last few months and i still cry nearly every day ive even reached out to his family and friends.

Stay strong and take each day as it comes. Just remember it's his lost not yours x

 

[bookworm1403]

I agree with what everyone else has said. It sucks, but closure is a myth, in my humble opinion.

OP, sending you all the good vibes in the world. One day this will all be a distant memory and you’ll be so much happier. When I had my absolutely devastating breakup, a couple of books were my absolute bibles: Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan Elliott and It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Ahrendt. Highly recommend!

As an aside, it’s actually a bit emotional for me to read all this stuff - I also had a pre lockdown breakup and I swear to God I’m the only person in my extended social circle to ever get dumped so while I’m sad for everyone else here who’s been through it, it makes me feel way more normal! It was my second ‘big’ breakup so I knew the drill and did all the right things during lockdown: therapy, exercise, feeling feelings but also taking charge of my mental health and and also got a new job and new flat and new car. Dated a few guys and was feeling good and almost recovered from it but this month I can. not. stop. thinking about him. I think it’s lockdown and all the engagement and new baby announcements I keep getting from my friends, maybe? I’m praying the universe will reunite us but I know that if I reach out it’ll only end in (my) tears. Anyone else had that, where you think you’re well over someone and then months later it all comes flooding back? I’m sure it’ll pass and I have to put in the effort to at least try to change my thought patterns but it’s so hard.

And @Upintheair83, your post gave me hope as our situations sound relatively similar, so thank you

YES!!! It comes flooding back at the weirdest times - it's been over a year and I've seen other people since but the other day I was driving home from work and all of a sudden went to call him as if it were only yesterday we'd split.

P.S. OP I never went for closure and I'm so thankful I didn't. It honestly worked out in my favour!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

What could he possibly say that will make you feel better? Absolutely nothing. Whatever he says will make you feel like shit and you will keep turning it over in your mind and feel even worse.
Try and find a way to make peace with it, journalling is a great way to do this.

Eventually you will care less and meet somebody else x

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Have you tried talking via Zoom or Skype? Not quite the same as face2face, but a bit more personal than texting.

If not, how about writing an old fashioned letter inside a suitable card and post it to him, and take it from there?

With Christmas and new year coming up your emotions will become even more delicate and vulnerable until you get some form of closure, and even then it will take time to heal.

Good luck

 

[Bellaboo83]

@Bellaboo83 No he dipped off the radar and I’ve been busy with work. Good idea about writing a letter then burning it. I think this time of year has reopened a lot of emotions for me.
!

I went through a breakup at the same time and I'm finding this time of year hard too, especially thinking about Xmas day and nye

 

[Likkleone]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all your replies and advice. I’ve been strong and haven’t contacted him to ask to chat re: closure because this is tough time of year for me (never been a fan of christmas) and I’m absolutely dreading thinking about Christmas Day and New Year as we always spent it together so this year is going to be very different! Luckily I have family who I’ll be spending it with.

I’m very busy with my work, studying to gain a PhD so that keeps me occupied. But thoughts of him creep in at the most random times like a few posters have said - I was hoovering earlier and thought of him, weird!

I wasn’t expecting my healing to be linear and easy. I have good and bad days. On the bad days I want to speak to him, scream at him, text him. On the good days I think how independent and strong I am. Hopefully I’ll have more good days than bad in the future.

I don’t think I will seek closure from him, but I’m very aware that I have some belongings at his house which is playing on my mind (clothes mainly). I would like these back but not sure how to approach it. And tbh, I’m thinking they’re just clothes that are replaceable and not important in the grand scheme of things.

Thanks again xx

Could you ask someone else to pick Up your things? Be careful opening up those conversations. If you can forget those clothes, then do.

wishing you so much happiness and luck with your phd!

 

[under the ivy]

Thanks for all your replies so far - I’m a mix of what everyone has said so far. Part of me needs answers so I can move on but part of me thinks I’m stronger than this and he shouldn’t control my emotions anymore! It’s all very confusing and a vicious cycle.

@Londoncailín and @LaurieLaurie you’ve both said what my friend said to me tonight! It’s just finding that strength inside me to think that way at the moment.

@Bellaboo83 No he dipped off the radar and I’ve been busy with work. Good idea about writing a letter then burning it. I think this time of year has reopened a lot of emotions for me.

@Bezolabub I did think about sending him a Christmas card with a note and leaving it at that. I just think that might be what he’s expecting? I’m so confused!