This OP . This person was not right for you and you do deserve better . Don't be like me and years down the line wonder why you were not 'good enough' you were too good that's why it did not work .
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What could he possibly say that will make you feel better? Absolutely nothing. Whatever he says will make you feel like tit and you will keep turning it over in your mind and feel even worse.
Try and find a way to make peace with it, journalling is a great way to do this.
Eventually you will care less and meet somebody else x
Try and find a way to make peace with it, journalling is a great way to do this.
Eventually you will care less and meet somebody else x
I agree with what everyone else has said. It sucks, but closure is a myth, in my humble opinion.
OP, sending you all the good vibes in the world. One day this will all be a distant memory
and you’ll be so much happier. When I had my absolutely devastating breakup, a couple of books were my absolute bibles: Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan Elliott and It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Ahrendt. Highly recommend!
As an aside, it’s actually a bit emotional for me to read all this stuff - I also had a pre lockdown breakup and I swear to God I’m the only person in my extended social circle to ever get dumped so while I’m sad for everyone else here who’s been through it, it makes me feel way more normal! It was my second ‘big’ breakup so I knew the drill and did all the right things during lockdown: therapy, exercise, feeling feelings but also taking charge of my mental health and and also got a new job and new flat and new car. Dated a few guys and was feeling good and almost recovered from it but this month I can. not. stop. thinking about him. I think it’s lockdown and all the engagement and new baby announcements I keep getting from my friends, maybe? I’m praying the universe will reunite us but I know that if I reach out it’ll only end in (my) tears. Anyone else had that, where you think you’re well over someone and then months later it all comes flooding back? I’m sure it’ll pass and I have to put in the effort to at least try to change my thought patterns but it’s so hard.
And @Upintheair83, your post gave me hope as our situations sound relatively similar, so thank you
OP, sending you all the good vibes in the world. One day this will all be a distant memory
and you’ll be so much happier. When I had my absolutely devastating breakup, a couple of books were my absolute bibles: Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan Elliott and It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Ahrendt. Highly recommend!As an aside, it’s actually a bit emotional for me to read all this stuff - I also had a pre lockdown breakup and I swear to God I’m the only person in my extended social circle to ever get dumped so while I’m sad for everyone else here who’s been through it, it makes me feel way more normal! It was my second ‘big’ breakup so I knew the drill and did all the right things during lockdown: therapy, exercise, feeling feelings but also taking charge of my mental health and and also got a new job and new flat and new car. Dated a few guys and was feeling good and almost recovered from it but this month I can. not. stop. thinking about him. I think it’s lockdown and all the engagement and new baby announcements I keep getting from my friends, maybe? I’m praying the universe will reunite us but I know that if I reach out it’ll only end in (my) tears. Anyone else had that, where you think you’re well over someone and then months later it all comes flooding back? I’m sure it’ll pass and I have to put in the effort to at least try to change my thought patterns but it’s so hard.
And @Upintheair83, your post gave me hope as our situations sound relatively similar, so thank you
Oh hun I’m sorry to hear you are going through all of that. I know how hard break ups can be and how it’s almost unfathomable to understand how people can treat you.I agree with what everyone else has said. It sucks, but closure is a myth, in my humble opinion.
OP, sending you all the good vibes in the world. One day this will all be a distant memory
As an aside, it’s actually a bit emotional for me to read all this stuff - I also had a pre lockdown breakup and I swear to God I’m the only person in my extended social circle to ever get dumped so while I’m sad for everyone else here who’s been through it, it makes me feel way more normal! It was my second ‘big’ breakup so I knew the drill and did all the right things during lockdown: therapy, exercise, feeling feelings but also taking charge of my mental health and and also got a new job and new flat and new car. Dated a few guys and was feeling good and almost recovered from it but this month I can. not. stop. thinking about him. I think it’s lockdown and all the engagement and new baby announcements I keep getting from my friends, maybe? I’m praying the universe will reunite us but I know that if I reach out it’ll only end in (my) tears. Anyone else had that, where you think you’re well over someone and then months later it all comes flooding back? I’m sure it’ll pass and I have to put in the effort to at least try to change my thought patterns but it’s so hard.
And @Upintheair83, your post gave me hope as our situations sound relatively similar, so thank you
I struggled for years to get over my ex, it was hard work but the more I busied my mind and bettered myself the more self love I had and I truly knew my worth. And as silly as it sounds I think it shows on the outside and you attract similar people. It was a journey really and it’s something that you grow through. I got to the point where I realised I would never ever get an apology from him, and I accepted that. But as I mentioned years later he did contact me and explain himself which was a massive thing. But by that point I didn’t need it if that makes sense as I had made peace with it.
I also mentioned that I do still think about him, and it’s true and I would never lie about that. But its not like before, and I certainly would never want to be with him. But I suppose it’s almost a sentimental thing. I do sometimes wonder why not me? But then I truly know he would never have made me happy!
It just took me years to realise that. You will get there too.
I really hope you find some peace. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling- don’t fight it or feel guilty. But then let it pass and focus on something else. I’m so glad you are reading things like that- it’s all about mindset. Honestly just be kind to yourself and enjoy the little things in life. I really wish you all the best, just look at how strong you have already become and how well you are doing. No man is ever worth the hurt he’s causing you and if they hurt you like that, then they aren’t for you. I promise you, you will soon find it easier. Much love hun xxxxxx
YES!!! It comes flooding back at the weirdest times - it's been over a year and I've seen other people since but the other day I was driving home from work and all of a sudden went to call him as if it were only yesterday we'd split.I agree with what everyone else has said. It sucks, but closure is a myth, in my humble opinion.
OP, sending you all the good vibes in the world. One day this will all be a distant memory
As an aside, it’s actually a bit emotional for me to read all this stuff - I also had a pre lockdown breakup and I swear to God I’m the only person in my extended social circle to ever get dumped so while I’m sad for everyone else here who’s been through it, it makes me feel way more normal! It was my second ‘big’ breakup so I knew the drill and did all the right things during lockdown: therapy, exercise, feeling feelings but also taking charge of my mental health and and also got a new job and new flat and new car. Dated a few guys and was feeling good and almost recovered from it but this month I can. not. stop. thinking about him. I think it’s lockdown and all the engagement and new baby announcements I keep getting from my friends, maybe? I’m praying the universe will reunite us but I know that if I reach out it’ll only end in (my) tears. Anyone else had that, where you think you’re well over someone and then months later it all comes flooding back? I’m sure it’ll pass and I have to put in the effort to at least try to change my thought patterns but it’s so hard.
And @Upintheair83, your post gave me hope as our situations sound relatively similar, so thank you
P.S. OP I never went for closure and I'm so thankful I didn't. It honestly worked out in my favour!
Hi everyone, thank you so much for all your replies and advice. I’ve been strong and haven’t contacted him to ask to chat re: closure because this is tough time of year for me (never been a fan of christmas) and I’m absolutely dreading thinking about Christmas Day and New Year as we always spent it together so this year is going to be very different! Luckily I have family who I’ll be spending it with.
I’m very busy with my work, studying to gain a PhD so that keeps me occupied. But thoughts of him creep in at the most random times like a few posters have said - I was hoovering earlier and thought of him, weird!
I wasn’t expecting my healing to be linear and easy. I have good and bad days. On the bad days I want to speak to him, scream at him, text him. On the good days I think how independent and strong I am. Hopefully I’ll have more good days than bad in the future.
I don’t think I will seek closure from him, but I’m very aware that I have some belongings at his house which is playing on my mind (clothes mainly). I would like these back but not sure how to approach it. And tbh, I’m thinking they’re just clothes that are replaceable and not important in the grand scheme of things.
Thanks again xx
I’m very busy with my work, studying to gain a PhD so that keeps me occupied. But thoughts of him creep in at the most random times like a few posters have said - I was hoovering earlier and thought of him, weird!
I wasn’t expecting my healing to be linear and easy. I have good and bad days. On the bad days I want to speak to him, scream at him, text him. On the good days I think how independent and strong I am. Hopefully I’ll have more good days than bad in the future.
I don’t think I will seek closure from him, but I’m very aware that I have some belongings at his house which is playing on my mind (clothes mainly). I would like these back but not sure how to approach it. And tbh, I’m thinking they’re just clothes that are replaceable and not important in the grand scheme of things.
Thanks again xx
Could you ask someone else to pick Up your things? Be careful opening up those conversations. If you can forget those clothes, then do.
wishing you so much happiness and luck with your phd!
