They should be part furloughing you if they don’t have the hours not making you take holiday!Wee rant incoming from me.. (I apologise for any swearing!!)
Fed up of my job taking the piss. I understand due to the current circumstances that shifts may need to be changed at short notice etc but my employer are taking the mickey now. Received a text about thirty minutes ago (not even a bloody phone call) telling me that I'm not needed for tomorrow and I should take it as holiday instead. Well, I don't want to use my holiday allowance just because they don't bloody need me. I refused and they got a bit arsey. It's the fact it's so last minute too, if they had actually called me earlier in the day and explained I probably wouldn't be writing this. It feels as if they don't respect my time at all??
I'm annoyed at being treated like crap by them. They did these sorts of things before COVID so it's not something new but I volunteered to come back from furlough early to help open up again, volunteered always in the past to take up extra shifts and it's like they don't appreciate it at all. I feel like I pick up a lot of the slack and don't even receive a 'thank you'.
It's a shame because I like who I work with but the management aren't exactly good and that causes problems. I've been thinking of leaving but I don't know if this is the best time, what with the economy and everything.
I've been told to keep my head down, wait for the economy to pick up and then leave but it's hard.
Thank you for reading, if you got this farit's been really therapeutic to actually write this. I also want to say I understand how lucky I am to have a job right now, but these problems have been happening for months now and it's starting to become really frustrating.
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Yeah I agree but they say they can't part furlough me. No idea why and they won't explain.
I've contacted my Union for advice.
Rant/vent from me...
I am constantly so very frustrated with myself and I feel like I am stuck in an endless cycle of self sabotage.
On paper I am fairly successful and I know I have a good life...a loving and supportive husband and family, cute little house that we spent time doing up just how we want it, and a decent job. No kids (yet, but just started TTC) and no major life or financial stresses. I do appreciate how lucky I am especially in the current climate.
The thing with me is that I've always been quite a perfectionist type person but equally also quite last minute as I need pressure to get things done. But over the last few years it's like procrastination/laziness as well as indecisiveness has totally taken over every aspect of my life and its really getting me down. It's like I can't make a decision because I'm so scared of making the wrong one or waiting to make the perfect one, but then I end up not making a decision at all.
A few examples past and present- we will book a holiday to somewhere with lots to see and I'll get all excited initially, looking at places to visit online and on Insta and so on, aiming to make sure we see as much as we can and not waste a minute. Yet I'll delay making any actual concrete plans until it gets closer and closer to the time and then all of a sudden I'm so stressed trying to work out where to go and then all of a sudden its not fun any more and my husband ends up doing it all. Same sort of thing even with silly little things like making dinner- I'll think about what to cook but then procrastinate so much that it's gets too late and then it's just a quick bung things together job, or again my husband does it. Basically my mantra is 'I'll do it in a minute' but then a minute becomes an hour, then a day, etc. Little things like sorting car insurance stress me out so much that I have a hissy fit. Or I'll have a lie in on a weekend even though there's so much to do and then end up beating myself up about it or worse, blaming my husband that we've done f all the whole weekend even though it's my fault!
Even frivolous little things seem to follow the same pattern, for example my dress sense. I know it sounds so silly but I love funky clothes and can spend ages on asos but then always end up choosing some dark boring safe flattering outfit because I can't decide what I actually want or am scared what other people will think and then I end up regretting it. Same with any insta posts, same with any of my opinions. Its like I'm so bloody eager to please all the time and not risk being too bold that I am slowly losing all my personality.
I also feel like this is getting worse... I'm in my early thirties yet feel less and less confident every day. If I have some small talk convo eg with a neighbour or even friends I have known for ages I always feel like I'm putting on some simpering facade where I'm all nicey nice with a fake smile on my face that hurts after a while. It's like I'm overwhelmed with social contact and there's times when I'm out either socially or at work (pre covid of course) that being people facing actually gives me a headache by the end of the day as I feel like I'm putting on an act all the time.
I just feel like life is passing by and my inertia/lack of personality/lack of being proactive is really affecting my quality of life and stopping me taking up opportunities or having some great experiences. I have no get-up-and-go attitude even though I want to. I'm scared that I'll be an awful mum because I'll just delay doing things that I know I need to do or end up buying really tit stuff in a panic because I've left it all last minute, or worse having no clue how to do anything.
It's affecting my day to day life and confidence so much that I even notice the weirdest things slowly changing in how I do everyday things. For example, driving. I used to absolutely love driving and be very confident with it. In the last couple of years I've become a much more timid driver, it's hard to explain but I just feel like it's because I've become really anxious about everything in life.
This post may not even make much sense so apologies in advance. I just feel like I'm becoming more and more of a beige shadow of myself and not entirely sure why, it's like I'm scared of making decisions or making a wrong choice because I want everything to be perfect, but then I end up doing nothing which is even worse. This plus increasingly having social anxiety is really impacting me. I've become worried all the time, super sensitive to even the slightest criticism, and randomly cry at the silliest of things. I don't know what it is that is making it all worse but it definitely seems to be worsening. Any suggestions welcome, not expecting loads of advice but even just writing all this is helping.
I am constantly so very frustrated with myself and I feel like I am stuck in an endless cycle of self sabotage.
On paper I am fairly successful and I know I have a good life...a loving and supportive husband and family, cute little house that we spent time doing up just how we want it, and a decent job. No kids (yet, but just started TTC) and no major life or financial stresses. I do appreciate how lucky I am especially in the current climate.
The thing with me is that I've always been quite a perfectionist type person but equally also quite last minute as I need pressure to get things done. But over the last few years it's like procrastination/laziness as well as indecisiveness has totally taken over every aspect of my life and its really getting me down. It's like I can't make a decision because I'm so scared of making the wrong one or waiting to make the perfect one, but then I end up not making a decision at all.
A few examples past and present- we will book a holiday to somewhere with lots to see and I'll get all excited initially, looking at places to visit online and on Insta and so on, aiming to make sure we see as much as we can and not waste a minute. Yet I'll delay making any actual concrete plans until it gets closer and closer to the time and then all of a sudden I'm so stressed trying to work out where to go and then all of a sudden its not fun any more and my husband ends up doing it all. Same sort of thing even with silly little things like making dinner- I'll think about what to cook but then procrastinate so much that it's gets too late and then it's just a quick bung things together job, or again my husband does it. Basically my mantra is 'I'll do it in a minute' but then a minute becomes an hour, then a day, etc. Little things like sorting car insurance stress me out so much that I have a hissy fit. Or I'll have a lie in on a weekend even though there's so much to do and then end up beating myself up about it or worse, blaming my husband that we've done f all the whole weekend even though it's my fault!
Even frivolous little things seem to follow the same pattern, for example my dress sense. I know it sounds so silly but I love funky clothes and can spend ages on asos but then always end up choosing some dark boring safe flattering outfit because I can't decide what I actually want or am scared what other people will think and then I end up regretting it. Same with any insta posts, same with any of my opinions. Its like I'm so bloody eager to please all the time and not risk being too bold that I am slowly losing all my personality.
I also feel like this is getting worse... I'm in my early thirties yet feel less and less confident every day. If I have some small talk convo eg with a neighbour or even friends I have known for ages I always feel like I'm putting on some simpering facade where I'm all nicey nice with a fake smile on my face that hurts after a while. It's like I'm overwhelmed with social contact and there's times when I'm out either socially or at work (pre covid of course) that being people facing actually gives me a headache by the end of the day as I feel like I'm putting on an act all the time.
I just feel like life is passing by and my inertia/lack of personality/lack of being proactive is really affecting my quality of life and stopping me taking up opportunities or having some great experiences. I have no get-up-and-go attitude even though I want to. I'm scared that I'll be an awful mum because I'll just delay doing things that I know I need to do or end up buying really tit stuff in a panic because I've left it all last minute, or worse having no clue how to do anything.
It's affecting my day to day life and confidence so much that I even notice the weirdest things slowly changing in how I do everyday things. For example, driving. I used to absolutely love driving and be very confident with it. In the last couple of years I've become a much more timid driver, it's hard to explain but I just feel like it's because I've become really anxious about everything in life.
This post may not even make much sense so apologies in advance. I just feel like I'm becoming more and more of a beige shadow of myself and not entirely sure why, it's like I'm scared of making decisions or making a wrong choice because I want everything to be perfect, but then I end up doing nothing which is even worse. This plus increasingly having social anxiety is really impacting me. I've become worried all the time, super sensitive to even the slightest criticism, and randomly cry at the silliest of things. I don't know what it is that is making it all worse but it definitely seems to be worsening. Any suggestions welcome, not expecting loads of advice but even just writing all this is helping.
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Don’t apologise for needing to vent (i always tell other women not to apologise for existing as we are conditioned to do, but of course also do it needlessly myself a lot).
im no shrink or life coach but sometimes it’s much easier tI see a way through an issue like this when it’s not your own. Even better when you don’t know each other so limited biases.
The thing is, you worry you’re not making sense but on the contrary you’re very clear eloquent and self aware about the patterns and bad habits making you unhappy. That’s so valuable. So many people spend months or years in therapy just to get to the point of awareness you’re already at naturally.
The nextstage after identifying the pattern is zooming in on the trigger. What causes theswitch from excited about the holiday to overwhelmed and putting off then giving up?
I’m sure almost everyone can identify with procrastination issues but I wonder if yours gets so bad because you try to take on too much at once? over-saturating yourself with Holiday research (say) so that you suddenly look at the fifty tabs you’ve opened and panic? Is there a bit of an acceptance that ‘oh no I’ve taken on too much, but I always do this and give up so I’ll just do that again.’ If you tried consciously to do a small bit at a time - book this day trip, make a reservation here etc concentrating only on that one day or evening and accepting there will always be a million options you can’t go through them all. But let’s just get this one thing done and move on to the next. You don’t have to do it all- your husband will help. Similarly with the car insurance- consciously force yourself to do the first step even if that’s just writing down all the options. One thing at a time. Force it until it becomes a habit.
it sounds like you’ve become accustomed to failing as an inevitability, which it isn’t. It’s a bad habit, which you can see happening and thus can change. It’s not like having a weird laugh or snoring, you can change this rather than accepting it as evidence of your failings as a person and getting into this viscous cycle which as you say is getting worse. I’ve only mentioned the more material problems but that’s because o think they are easier to improve first but when you do, the social and confidence stuff will have become less set in stone already - because the pattern is the same. Burst of confidence in something becomes quickly undermined by self consciousness and a self defeating nature.
I hope you don’t mind me saying this stuff to you. It kind of stood out to me because were a similar age - early thirties - and I empathise on certain elements. Self sabotage, procrastination for sure. But I also think we need reminding not to be so hard on ourselves. Life isn’t about trivialities and getting shallow things right. If you have a kind partner, and a mutually loving relationship, a stable home, that’s what’s needed to bring a child up happily. And to live a happy, good life yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but rather than sweat the small stuff , remember to focus on crushing that small stuff as first step of any task. you can do that first step. Even if it’s just the one, you got yourself a house and a man, you can do this !
youve got this love.
My daughter has 2 best friends and their mothers dislike me and don't talk to me which results in my daughter getting left out of after school activities such as her friends going to each others houses, organising things to do for them together outside of school, my daughter gets left out (her friends invite her in school but I never get any phone calls or messages from the mothers inviting her).
I have tried to get in touch with the mothers in the past to ask if mine is invited but I get nothing back.
And as a result of all of this, my child is coming home upset because she feels like she is being left out (which she is, not by her friends but by their mothers).
Last year (it has been going on a while), these two women organised for their children to go trick or treating together and then go back to one of their houses for a little party. Again I never heard a peep, no word of times, where to meet, nothing so I took my daughter out anyway as you do. Who do we see walking down the road but these 2 mothers and their kids. Who run right up to us and they all want to carry on walking together... I get completely blanked by the mums so that was really awkward and not nice for me, then I see another mum who does talk to me with them, she comes over and tells me she had a "last minute" invite apparently. So yeah it's pretty crappy imo!
I don't want to 'have it out' with them because I know i haven't done anything wrong to either of them so it won't achieve anything & could make things worse, they are just not nice women and I don't want people like that in my life. If my child was not friends with their children there would be nothing to discuss but they are best friends and I don't want her to be upset when she is purposely getting left out and it's not the kids fault it's the mums. Please help, my husband is sick of listening to me about it all.
I have tried to get in touch with the mothers in the past to ask if mine is invited but I get nothing back.
And as a result of all of this, my child is coming home upset because she feels like she is being left out (which she is, not by her friends but by their mothers).
Last year (it has been going on a while), these two women organised for their children to go trick or treating together and then go back to one of their houses for a little party. Again I never heard a peep, no word of times, where to meet, nothing so I took my daughter out anyway as you do. Who do we see walking down the road but these 2 mothers and their kids. Who run right up to us and they all want to carry on walking together... I get completely blanked by the mums so that was really awkward and not nice for me, then I see another mum who does talk to me with them, she comes over and tells me she had a "last minute" invite apparently. So yeah it's pretty crappy imo!
I don't want to 'have it out' with them because I know i haven't done anything wrong to either of them so it won't achieve anything & could make things worse, they are just not nice women and I don't want people like that in my life. If my child was not friends with their children there would be nothing to discuss but they are best friends and I don't want her to be upset when she is purposely getting left out and it's not the kids fault it's the mums. Please help, my husband is sick of listening to me about it all.
Wow they sound more childish than their daughters. Nothing worse than being the left out kid. Sympathy to your daughter. It sucks. Tween age girls in groups of three can be brutal.
Are you sure you have all the facts though? Why do you think they have a grudge against you ? Could it be that the two other kids are ganging up on your poor daughter and leaving her out of stuff as is so common then saying ‘my mum won’t let me come to yours’ or even ‘my mum doesn’t like your mum so we can’t play’. I ask because it sounds like juvenile primary school politics... tho of course if you get a frosty response face to face there’s obviously something there too (so ridiculous may I say. You act civilly for the sake of, and as an example to, your children.) I know it’s a sad, mean thing to hear but I surely if the kids really wanted your daughter to go trick or treating or come over to play they would have some sort of say with their mothers?
I’m sorry. I remember how cruel girls can be at that age as I say. And the ludicrous lies and excuses ‘Oh we wanted you to come but my mum didn’t ring yours.’
I won’t keep on with this because of course it’s just a suggestion and I don’t know more than what you’ve said . So could you try and invite the two girls to yours? Meaning contacting the dreaded mothers but not explicitly to discuss the issues rather for something perfectly reasonable - then see how they respond? Could you learn more about what’s going on by trying that ? (I’ve no idea how corona rules factor in . Does anyone?)
I’m absolutely sick of being taken advantage of at work because I’m good at my job and too soft! Doing stuff way above my pay grade for very little praise no financial reward, barely even a thank you to be honest. Whilst others who are paid more than me and could be doing the tasks I’ve been set get away with doing sweet f all because they’re useless and lazy. Instead of management dealing with them being useless and doing nothing, I’m being asked to pick up their slack and being hideously underpaid for it. Really annoys me... i graft as hard as I can and get the very rare bit of appreciation, I cause no issues and go out of my way to help others and it feels like being a decent person you actually get punished for whilst the lazy people get rewarded by being left to be lazy!
I don’t think there’s a solution but it helps to get my annoyance out!
I don’t think there’s a solution but it helps to get my annoyance out!
I know, I honestly didn't think would come across thngs like this when I had kids. I never even experienced anything like this when I was at school.
My daughter says she has been invited by her friends and I think they would tell her if their mothers said she wasn't allowed.
One of the girls recently came up to her as we were walking home from school and asked if she could go on the park and she'll meet her there if she is allowed.
I wasn't planning on going to the park but I said OK and we went. We're there till tea time and didn't see this friend (I wasn't surprised). Next day at school my daughter asked why she didn't come to the park and she told her "my mum says your mum needs to speak to her if you want me to go somewhere". Hmmm it was this girls idea!
This particular girl, her mum is very harsh on her. There is strict and just cruel so it doesn't surprise me that she said that. I mean, she doesn't have to approach or even speak to me if she came to the park. Just let the kids play together ffs.
The other mum, I have messaged her and asked to get the kids together and she just has plainly ignored me and not replied and I don't see her at school because her kid has a different drop off time.
But come September when they all go back, I will see both of the mothers at school and towards the end of year when normally people go trick or treating or arrange to meet up at events outside of school at things that are on for kids (if there is any this year), if its like this now and was the same last year then I don't know what I'm going to do. It is not nice to see my daughter upset because she can't be with her friends.
Birthday parties, both these girls had parties at the beginning of the year. My child got an invitation and we went and at both parties, neither of the women spoke to me. One was a big one so I didn't see her much but the other was very small and there was only me and the other mum there! They spent the whole time talking to each other and didn't speak to me at all. I was sat on the same table too and I am certain at the end before I left they were laughing behind my back and shut up when I turned around
They are just horrible women. One has a lot of drinking friends and the other says women don't get on with her. I did for a time until she started being funny. I should have seen it from the start but I didn't and I feel stupid I (thought) I was good friends with them both for a long time.
I feel sorry for these women when they have teenage daughters because they can't stop them going out and hanging out with who they want then and I have visions of them being at my house all the time because I don't keep kids apart who are friends!
It's horrible to see your child upset because they feel they are being left out. It seems the mums arrange things so both kids already know and start talking about it in school, and my kid gets like a second hand invite "you can come too!" but by that point she's already feeling left out. It's not the kids fault it's 100% the parents.
Whenever we can have friends over (not sure with the virus) then I think that's my only avenue really to invite both of them to my house and go from there.
(I just don't want to speak to these women
).Re: any grudges. Well I used to go out out with one of the women and she liked to get really drunk and I'm not a big drinker so after the last time we went out, I think she realised I wasn't that kind of friend and just stopped inviting me out and in turn, stopped talking to me and the other deleted me off all social media and hasn't spoken to me since (she loves social media, has about 6 Instagram accounts). But with her though, I think the friendship was always 1 sided as it was always me going to her, me inviting her out etc.
I think the solution is to stop doing these things and if you are asked just say that it's above your pay grade. They can't deny that. Do you have appraisals in your work place?
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youre so right it is what I should do but I find it so hard to say no as I don’t want to be any less thought of. It’s a stressful work environment at the minute as the stress dies down for everyone I’m going to try and get the courage to say my piece!I know, I honestly didn't think would come across thngs like this when I had kids. I never even experienced anything like this when I was at school.
My daughter says she has been invited by her friends and I think they would tell her if their mothers said she wasn't allowed.
One of the girls recently came up to her as we were walking home from school and asked if she could go on the park and she'll meet her there if she is allowed.
I wasn't planning on going to the park but I said OK and we went. We're there till tea time and didn't see this friend (I wasn't surprised). Next day at school my daughter asked why she didn't come to the park and she told her "my mum says your mum needs to speak to her if you want me to go somewhere". Hmmm it was this girls idea!
This particular girl, her mum is very harsh on her. There is strict and just cruel so it doesn't surprise me that she said that. I mean, she doesn't have to approach or even speak to me if she came to the park. Just let the kids play together ffs.
The other mum, I have messaged her and asked to get the kids together and she just has plainly ignored me and not replied and I don't see her at school because her kid has a different drop off time.
But come September when they all go back, I will see both of the mothers at school and towards the end of year when normally people go trick or treating or arrange to meet up at events outside of school at things that are on for kids (if there is any this year), if its like this now and was the same last year then I don't know what I'm going to do. It is not nice to see my daughter upset because she can't be with her friends.
Birthday parties, both these girls had parties at the beginning of the year. My child got an invitation and we went and at both parties, neither of the women spoke to me. One was a big one so I didn't see her much but the other was very small and there was only me and the other mum there! They spent the whole time talking to each other and didn't speak to me at all. I was sat on the same table too and I am certain at the end before I left they were laughing behind my back and shut up when I turned around
They are just horrible women. One has a lot of drinking friends and the other says women don't get on with her. I did for a time until she started being funny. I should have seen it from the start but I didn't and I feel stupid I (thought) I was good friends with them both for a long time.
I feel sorry for these women when they have teenage daughters because they can't stop them going out and hanging out with who they want then and I have visions of them being at my house all the time because I don't keep kids apart who are friends!
It's horrible to see your child upset because they feel they are being left out. It seems the mums arrange things so both kids already know and start talking about it in school, and my kid gets like a second hand invite "you can come too!" but by that point she's already feeling left out. It's not the kids fault it's 100% the parents.
Whenever we can have friends over (not sure with the virus) then I think that's my only avenue really to invite both of them to my house and go from there.
(I just don't want to speak to these women
Re: any grudges. Well I used to go out out with one of the women and she liked to get really drunk and I'm not a big drinker so after the last time we went out, I think she realised I wasn't that kind of friend and just stopped inviting me out and in turn, stopped talking to me and the other deleted me off all social media and hasn't spoken to me since (she loves social media, has about 6 Instagram accounts). But with her though, I think the friendship was always 1 sided as it was always me going to her, me inviting her out etc.
I think the solution is to stop doing these things and if you are asked just say that it's above your pay grade. They can't deny that. Do you have appraisals in your work place?
Definitely, go for it. You won't be any less thought of. They might actually realise they can't take you for granted. Tell them to either, pay you what you should be paid for the work you do or ask someone else who does get paid for it.
Nerve wracking but you will be glad you've spoke up. Good luck
You’re right it will be so much better. I’m going to try and speak up when I’m back next week. It sucks that workplaces can sometimes be like that but I suppose it’s easier to take advantage of those that are happy to help and try and do the best job they can than challenge the ones that aren’t pulling their weight!
What I would do with this situation is encourage your daughter to make other friends maybe out of school etc so that her focus is upon them. I would just have a hi, bye if I had to with them and I'd explain to your daughter that we as a family were busy doing other things etc, so she doesnt have much free time anyway. I would shift the focus away from them and the girls. No way would I be having it out with them or showing that you are at all bothered. They just sound like witches and you get this everywhere in all situations. Your daughter can see these friends at school, thats enough anyway.
I know. I haven't said anything to them for that reason, they are just total witches. I definitely focus on her other friends and doing things outside of school as a family or with some other friend, I just find it hard because these 2 girls are her best, best friends and she is theirs.
If they invite my daughter round when in school, then it's up to those children to ask their parents and then ask me. Not me go chasing them for an invite she probably wouldn't have got otherwise from the parents. I always reiterate this when she is upset. I can only imagine the conversations that go on in the other houses, it will only backfire when they're older I'm sure. Horrible having to console your child from being upset and feeling left out because their friends mums can't be civil enough to not let what their issues are, effect the childrens friendships.
Thanks for your advice, you have confirmed what I am already doing is the right thing.
If they invite my daughter round when in school, then it's up to those children to ask their parents and then ask me. Not me go chasing them for an invite she probably wouldn't have got otherwise from the parents. I always reiterate this when she is upset. I can only imagine the conversations that go on in the other houses, it will only backfire when they're older I'm sure. Horrible having to console your child from being upset and feeling left out because their friends mums can't be civil enough to not let what their issues are, effect the childrens friendships.
Thanks for your advice, you have confirmed what I am already doing is the right thing.
It sounds pathetic, but in the grand scheme of things its a blip.You always get cliques in everything, they are just being nasty because they get off on the power/control aspect of it. It wouldnt surprise me if they fall out themselves and then one tries to come crawling round. I'd just forget them personally. What age is your daughter?
Thank you. This really helps and to be honest I have been told in the past how self aware I am of these sorts of issues. In a way it almost makes things worse in my twisted way of thinking because in my head I'm like 'right you know what the issues are so why the hell aren't you actually doing something about it'. Sometimes I feel like if I were more ignorant or less intelligent I'd be fine about a lot more things, like they say ignorance is bliss.Don’t apologise for needing to vent (i always tell other women not to apologise for existing as we are conditioned to do, but of course also do it needlessly myself a lot).
im no shrink or life coach but sometimes it’s much easier tI see a way through an issue like this when it’s not your own. Even better when you don’t know each other so limited biases.
The thing is, you worry you’re not making sense but on the contrary you’re very clear eloquent and self aware about the patterns and bad habits making you unhappy. That’s so valuable. So many people spend months or years in therapy just to get to the point of awareness you’re already at naturally.
The nextstage after identifying the pattern is zooming in on the trigger. What causes theswitch from excited about the holiday to overwhelmed and putting off then giving up?
I’m sure almost everyone can identify with procrastination issues but I wonder if yours gets so bad because you try to take on too much at once? over-saturating yourself with Holiday research (say) so that you suddenly look at the fifty tabs you’ve opened and panic? Is there a bit of an acceptance that ‘oh no I’ve taken on too much, but I always do this and give up so I’ll just do that again.’ If you tried consciously to do a small bit at a time - book this day trip, make a reservation here etc concentrating only on that one day or evening and accepting there will always be a million options you can’t go through them all. But let’s just get this one thing done and move on to the next. You don’t have to do it all- your husband will help. Similarly with the car insurance- consciously force yourself to do the first step even if that’s just writing down all the options. One thing at a time. Force it until it becomes a habit.
it sounds like you’ve become accustomed to failing as an inevitability, which it isn’t. It’s a bad habit, which you can see happening and thus can change. It’s not like having a weird laugh or snoring, you can change this rather than accepting it as evidence of your failings as a person and getting into this viscous cycle which as you say is getting worse. I’ve only mentioned the more material problems but that’s because o think they are easier to improve first but when you do, the social and confidence stuff will have become less set in stone already - because the pattern is the same. Burst of confidence in something becomes quickly undermined by self consciousness and a self defeating nature.
I hope you don’t mind me saying this stuff to you. It kind of stood out to me because were a similar age - early thirties - and I empathise on certain elements. Self sabotage, procrastination for sure. But I also think we need reminding not to be so hard on ourselves. Life isn’t about trivialities and getting shallow things right. If you have a kind partner, and a mutually loving relationship, a stable home, that’s what’s needed to bring a child up happily. And to live a happy, good life yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but rather than sweat the small stuff , remember to focus on crushing that small stuff as first step of any task. you can do that first step. Even if it’s just the one, you got yourself a house and a man, you can do this !
youve got this love.
To your points I don't think there is a specific trigger about when I start to panic or get overwhelmed, it just creeps up. I feel like I literally just have this can't be assed attitude all the time and would rather sit on the sofa and watch endless repeats of Friends, yet in reality thats not what I actually want because I do know I want to travel the world, be successful, have a busy social life etc.
But often because of this procrastination or inertia or whatever one calls it, my life lately just feels like one big groundhog day as I keep doing the same monotonous tit on repeat- waking up later than I should, feeling groggy the rest of the day, watching crap TV instead of eg going for a walk even though I love walking. Then at the end of the day I'm like why the hell have I done this to myself yet again.
I guess writing things down more will help so I will try to do that. One way or another I need to push myself out of this rut!
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Hi, im really at the end of being able to cope with this situation now and need any advice or if anyone has been in the same situation. I’ve been renting as a student in a standard student contract for a private property with 6 tenants. Two of the housemates (F/N Bill & Ben) have decided that from feb 2020 they were going to stop paying rent so now the house is in nearly £7,000 of arrears from the 2 of them. The tenancy ends in August and the rest of us 4 who have been paying our rent are now just so stressed with trying to get Bill & Ben to pay what they owe but both Bill & Ben have been refusing to believe that they are doing anything wrong or that they will be causing us 4 any inconvenience - even though we have explained that we will be taken to court and obviously lose because Bill & Ben signed a contract and owe that rent! It is a joint contract so we are all responsible (all student contracts from this area are joint which is just so wrong). Their guarantors are ignoring the agencies, refusing to pay and dont care what happens. The agency and a private lawyer us 4 contacted have said our best option now is to (as a 4) pay the arrears before end of tenancy and take Bill & Ben to small claims court ourselves to reclaim that money back from them legally, we know that we will have to do this but it’s such a stressful, horrible situation and I am terrified of it getting so legally tired up. Has anyone been in a similar situation to this and been okay in the end?
No I wouldnt pay you will never see that money again because they wont pay even if the small claims court finds against them. I'd say to the LL its for Bill and Ben to pay.. Let the LL/Lettings agency whatever take Bill and Ben to court. I'd tell them to piss off and that I wasnt paying extra full stop.I'd also contact student welfare for some support, its a despicable way for them to behave.
How can they not pay even if small claims court finds them guilty??
What will happen is they will either not turn up in the first place or will not pay or will say they have no income or ability to pay. If they have no income then obviously they cant get their money, or they will have to pay 50p a week or something daft like that. The lettings agency/LL will pressure you 4 because its the easiest way for them to get their money. I'd just say to them contact Bill and Ben for that 7 grand,and keep reiterating this and doing a return to sender back on all letters to you.Its their problem not yours. Bill and Ben are cunts and know exactly what they are doing.