First of all dont feel any guilt for what happened, you were young and your head would've been all over the place. Your child is now with you, they are healthy and happy so that's what matters. Like others have said maybe counselling would help with your guilty feelings. Plenty of people dont deserve to be parents but you aren't one of them. You chose what was right for you and your child.Hi all, my first post on this thread. Not sure if its the correct thread for me to post and it may be long winded but just wanting to vent about my feelings. If you manage to read to the end, thank you so much, I appreciate it so much.
I’m going to put it behind a spoiler as it regards adoption & child birth and I don’t want to trigger anybody
When i was 15, I discovered i was 8 months pregnant. Quite a lot of it is a blur, however it was somehow decided by my family and my boyfriends family that the baby would be placed for adoption. After a long week in hospital and 2 failed inductions i had a c section. I wore earphones playing music so i didnt get upset by my babies cries. He was taken straight to the neonatal unit and then to a lovely local foster family. I decided I wanted to visit him when he was around 4 weeks old. I went with my social worker and we took photos and made hand/foot casts as I thought i’d never see him again. Time kept passing and after 6 months and so many dealings with social services, it was time to sign the “final” adoption paperwork. At this point I decided I couldn’t do it, it was tearing me apart. I pulled out of the adoption and my baby (eventually) finally came home. I cannot help but feel ashamed of myself that I let other people decide what would happen with MY baby, I feel ashamed i let it go on for 6 months. I feel so robbed of that time with him. I barely have any photos of him from his first 6 months. I feel so guilty sometimes when i look at himme & his dad are still together and actually went on to have another child together. I don’t really know what the point in my post is, i just needed to vent and get it off my chest, I think about it so often. I feel like some people would probably tell me to move on and get over it with it being 12yrs ago
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For me it's the fact that you said the mood swings ebb and flow with your menstrual cycle which suggests a big hormonal clue. What you're describing is common in peri menopause. I would really suggest a GP visit in case you need a referral.
You can also do the holistic things on the side. It didn't have to be one or the other as long as you keep them in the loop if you're taking specific things.
Doctors also struggle with depression/ have mental health issues too themselves. They will not judge you.
You can also do the holistic things on the side. It didn't have to be one or the other as long as you keep them in the loop if you're taking specific things.
Doctors also struggle with depression/ have mental health issues too themselves. They will not judge you.
Here is the screening test that doctors use, framed as a quiz. https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/for-adults/depression/a-test-for-depression
I would really encourage to see a doctor, especially as you said that you have ‘not nice thoughts’. You can definitely help yourself holistically whilst also being under the care of a doctor
I used to not want stuff on my record- it cringes me out to think about what’s on my medical record actually. I’ve tried anti depressants, NHS counselling and private therapy. Unfortunately the private therapist moved online only and I don’t want to be online so stopped it. I think(?) it was working in a way, much more than the others, but it wasn’t ’food/ weight loss specific’ which isn’t available in my area, so while it allowed me to speak about things I’d been holding onto, there was no progress in my food habits and weight related self esteem, which is what I’ve wanted for about 35 years- I’m late 30s 
. In my mind, I’ve tried everything except overhauling diet, and proper exercise. It’s so difficult to actually think about it though without jumping ahead to macros, reps, sets, etc- so I’m trying to start slow, walking, no UPF, etc, but I have zero resilience and any small knock just sends me into a spiral of binging and sitting or just ignoring life. I have a small child, my worst fear being she ends up just like me, so that’s another worry- I can hear my parents and grandparents as I’m talking to her sometimes and I hate myself.
For years I avoided even thinking about the online ‘death clock’ and for some unbeknown reason last night, thought I’d do it so I could be shocked into a big change. Well, what I wasn’t expecting was for it to be so bad. I have about 14 years to live according to the internet, and I’d expected a few years knocked off due to my weight, but it really shook me- even though it’s complete internet garbage! So I can let myself spiral, or I can use it for what I wanted to use it for- insane as it sounds.
. In my mind, I’ve tried everything except overhauling diet, and proper exercise. It’s so difficult to actually think about it though without jumping ahead to macros, reps, sets, etc- so I’m trying to start slow, walking, no UPF, etc, but I have zero resilience and any small knock just sends me into a spiral of binging and sitting or just ignoring life. I have a small child, my worst fear being she ends up just like me, so that’s another worry- I can hear my parents and grandparents as I’m talking to her sometimes and I hate myself. For years I avoided even thinking about the online ‘death clock’ and for some unbeknown reason last night, thought I’d do it so I could be shocked into a big change. Well, what I wasn’t expecting was for it to be so bad. I have about 14 years to live according to the internet, and I’d expected a few years knocked off due to my weight, but it really shook me- even though it’s complete internet garbage! So I can let myself spiral, or I can use it for what I wanted to use it for- insane as it sounds.
This is the only place I know I have anonymity.
I don’t even know what to say.
I just want this struggle to stop.
I don’t have the energy to talk.
I have just sat on the sofa all day on off crying.
I need to be able to pull it together for later today but I’m too tired. I’ve been pulling it together for too long and now I can’t.
I don’t even know what to say.
I just want this struggle to stop.
I don’t have the energy to talk.
I have just sat on the sofa all day on off crying.
I need to be able to pull it together for later today but I’m too tired. I’ve been pulling it together for too long and now I can’t.
Talked about meeting a new consultant psychiatrist back in Autumn. It was a bit rocky but he said he was in it for the long term with me.
Got a phone call today to say he’s moved on.
Got a phone call today to say he’s moved on.
How are you doing @InkHeart
I'm ok thank you. I think I have bad anhedonia, but I don't have negative emotions. Except when I pine for the ex, but that's getting very infrequent.
How are you?
I'm definitely finding the sertraline helping, I've just seen you across a few threads having a tough time mentally and physically so wanted to check in x
I hear you and am exactly the same position. I keep asking myself when things will get better 🥲
I’m not having a good day been at dentist today ended up with a tooth out after four days of pain and dentist missing the abscess on Friday when I was there. I’ve also had to deal with the horrible school mums who have been making my life hell from last august. I’m feeling so down in the dumps and I keep thinking moving my son schools as I can’t put up with it anymore. The only thing stopping me is he’s sociable and made lots of wee friends and settled unlike me who nobody ever wants to be friends with. I’ve lived where I am all my life and it’s an ok wee village but dealing with this crap everyday is really affecting my mental health. (I’m already on mirtzapine for depression)
What are the school mums doing? I hate the school run!
What are they doing or saying? Just leaving you out? Is there anyone that's nice that you can chat to? The school gates can be a battle ground. I have one lovely school where we all chat away and the other one no one even says hello to me.
I stopped doing the school run. I had to for my own mental health. I get on better with men always have
Anyone have any tips on how to get a type1 diabetic teen to take accountability for not taking her insulin ? She suffers with mental health issues & obviously has a pnd but still waiting on diagnosis 
I really am at breaking point with 2hrs sleep max per night and they violent outbursts .
I really am at breaking point with 2hrs sleep max per night and they violent outbursts .
Not leaving me out I’ve had one of them come for me outside the shop last august police go involved, the same group follow me up to collect my child walking close to me trying to intimidate me saying stuff, I’ve had them pushing me and today I had one of them go for me in the playground. I speak to a couple of the mums and couple of dads. I hate the cliques and the adults behaving like kids. My child has only started school so lots of years of it to go plus my second is at nursery so will have it to do again although that lot are a nicer bunch
But why are they singling you out? I'd be worried that they'll get their kids to pick on yours too.
I wouldn't stand for that. They'd get a bloody good whack if they did it to me
I feel absolutely rit. Different things going on in my life (parent metastatic cancer and my own health issues), just thinking about how I’m feeling makes me cry and normally I’m not really an emotional person. Sometimes when I feel a bit down/tit I go on dating apps, I don’t even know why, but last week I downloaded a dating app and I matched with a guy from university. I just matched because I know him and would be nice just to catch up as friends. I dated a different guy (they are friends) in university on and off for 2/3 years and it ended about 8 years ago. I graduated 7.5 years ago and haven’t seen him in 7 years and he has also been in a relationship for the same time. Since I’ve matched that guy I can’t stop thinking about my ex and I’m so upset and so close to contacting him even though I know I really really shouldn’t. I know it’s not fair on him and especially not fair on his girlfriend. I hate that I feel like this, think about him and knowing he is happy and probably never thinks about me.