Thank you for your kind words. I really wasn't in the best place to say thank you yesterday, but I feel better today.I think the phrase “I should be” is all too familiar with me. Feel what you feel, some things like your friendship ending has got you down and that’s fine to feel sad, it doesn’t matter how brief it was. You don’t need to feel anything that you don’t (hope that makes sense) I’ve really given up on counselling tbh. I just don’t feel like anyone is actually understanding what gets me down and it’s like a tick box process and giving me tasks for a week about thinking how I used to be to be happy and really a lot has happened to me the past 10 years, maybe I won’t get to feel that way again and it’s really not helping me to try and focus on that person. Long story short I think I’m going to quit therapy for a while. Tattle can be my therapy and I don’t have to payhere for anyone who wants to chat
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Some days are ok. But most days are bad. I feel very stuck, unfulfilled and I’m just tired of it all. Having a disability is horrible (M.E which is moderate). I don’t know why I bother sometimes. Argh it’s all so frustrating because I want to be happy and healthy so badly.
In tears. Feeling so low.
Do you have anyone who you could talk to, off line, who knows what you are going through?
No, my Mum does as much as she can but she’s at her limit. Sorry for offloading, I didn’t mean to annoy people.
You're not annoying anyone.
You're not annoying anyone. Offload away x
My elderly mum had a fall at home, taken to hospital, spent 24 hours in A&E before being moved to a small, single bay ward (nothing broken thank goodness). Ten days later she is seriously ill with flu, despite testing negative on admission. 
I’m as straightforward as people get, and honestly no one is going to be annoyed by you posting how you feel on this thread of all places. Just let it out.
The world feels a lot of a mess atm, but the saving grace is listening to each other and remembering our humanity.
Thank you lovely peopleI’m as straightforward as people get, and honestly no one is going to be annoyed by you posting how you feel on this thread of all places. Just let it out.
The world feels a lot of a mess atm, but the saving grace is listening to each other and remembering our humanity.
I just feel utterly useless day in and day out. I can’t do much because I’m so ill, can’t go out so I’m stuck in the house all day long. I really want a job because if I had a job then that meant I was well enough. I’m 34 and because of this illness it is almost certain I won’t be able to have a family of my own. I had so many dreams and they were taken away from me and I get so angry. I developed a binge eating disorder and my weight ballooned and it’s hard to lose weight when you can’t exercise. Everyday I wake up and I loathe the way I look. I want to punch myself every time I look in the mirror. It gets so exhausting and so overwhelming.
I'm really sorry you're feeling that wayThank you lovely people
. I know we've spoken a bit about it before. I understand in some way how difficult it is when you're not where you thought you'd be in life and it seems impossible to get there. Are there any things constructive / hobby wise you can do at home? I don't have an illness but I can relate to how you feel in some way, especially with not being where I want to be in life and feeling like I will never achieve what I had dreamed of growing up. I feel like sometimes when I'm not concentrating on anything I can let my mind wander and get into a spiral of ruminating on every way my life is not fulfilling, which ends up making me feel worse. I don't know if that is how you feel, but if it is, one thing that helps me is to set a goal - any goal - with something I enjoy. Even if I start small I can eventually channel my thoughts into it rather than more unhappy thoughts. Like at the moment I'm trying to get better at photography and read more. So I might not have my own home or family, but I've just spent my time enjoying a few good books which I wouldn't have done otherwise.
i’m sorry life has taken you down this path. it’s so unfair. you need to remember you are so much more than what you *thought* you would be. it’s okay if the future you thought you were going to have is now different. i don’t know what your illness is, and i don’t expect you to say, but are there support groups? somewhere you could make friends with people who understand? having a friend who really understands how you feel can make so much differenceThank you lovely people
The past couple of days have been hell, like mania. I became completely fixated on the thought of wanting a dog or some kind of pet, obsessively searching all day and even during the night and even registering to message people who had pets for sale on a site. Had emotional breakdowns because I felt desperate to have a companion to look after. I have absolutely zero desire for a baby, nor am I able to have one, but I keep getting completely overwhelmed by feelings of wanting a furry friend, even though I have allergies and feel anxious about the thought of actually getting a pet. It’s a good job my partner was working at home to at least stop me from doing something utterly stupid but he’s gone back into the office today.
I know in the grand scheme of things this is stupid minor tit but I absolutely hate how I feel after these episodes. It’s like another person hijacks my brain, impulse control is non-existent and I’m in a total spin. Last month I was convinced he was going to leave me even though he’s the only person in my life who does care and support me. I would have probably posted about this in the PMDD thread but it’s not active.
Every single month feels like this for one reason or another. I am so tired.
I know in the grand scheme of things this is stupid minor tit but I absolutely hate how I feel after these episodes. It’s like another person hijacks my brain, impulse control is non-existent and I’m in a total spin. Last month I was convinced he was going to leave me even though he’s the only person in my life who does care and support me. I would have probably posted about this in the PMDD thread but it’s not active.
Every single month feels like this for one reason or another. I am so tired.
i found out today that the girls from my old job (we were all made redundant last september) met up for drinks a few weeks ago and no one invited me 
i already find making friends as an adult hard, and most of my friends are from back home (i moved away 6 years ago) so i only really have 1 friend in my new town, barring my partner and our toddler. i don’t know what’s wrong with me
i already find making friends as an adult hard, and most of my friends are from back home (i moved away 6 years ago) so i only really have 1 friend in my new town, barring my partner and our toddler. i don’t know what’s wrong with me
anyone else absolutely paralysed with a mix of anxiety, sadness and unbridled rage at current events? the world is always awful, always has been but right now its suffocating me. i imagine social media algorithms are part of the reason i feel im drowning, but i also cant look away.
i know the answer is to stay off social media but i also feel like its wrong to look away, if that makes sense, even if i know that isnt true at all.
i know the answer is to stay off social media but i also feel like its wrong to look away, if that makes sense, even if i know that isnt true at all.
I do have ideas for hobbies, such as I like colouring in and I like the idea of drawing. But I draw like a 2 year old and even though I have pictures saved in Pinterest of artists I like and I think to myself I can copy them I then talk myself out of it saying ‘what’s the point, you’ll just throw the pieces away if they aren’t good and that’s a waste of paper’. And ‘it’s silly trying to draw at 34 when you have teenagers who are naturally better than you’. With colouring in I have some colouring in books that were gifted to me and I talk myself out of it by going ‘it’s silly to waste pencils on colouring it when it’s not even you’re own artwork’.I'm really sorry you're feeling that way
I don't know if that is how you feel, but if it is, one thing that helps me is to set a goal - any goal - with something I enjoy. Even if I start small I can eventually channel my thoughts into it rather than more unhappy thoughts. Like at the moment I'm trying to get better at photography and read more. So I might not have my own home or family, but I've just spent my time enjoying a few good books which I wouldn't have done otherwise.
like I constantly put myself down and down to the point that I don’t do anything and I have lost enjoyment in almost every facet of life.
I do enjoy listening to audiobook as reading is a challenge for me at the moment but even I struggle if I don’t understand a book or enjoy it and I see many people do then I wonder what’s the problem, it must be me, I’m the dumb one.
Reading this all back it sounds so exhausting and it truly is. I don’t know how to break the cycle of being so hard on myself. Like I didn’t ask to get M.E as a young teen but it does feel, when I look back on myself, that I’m punishing myself for it all and it’s exhausting. I really don’t want to hate myself but I feel I can’t stop because if I do this horrible voice creeps in ‘you’re weird, you’re pathetic, why do you think you can be anything else?’
I don’t mind sharing, I have M.E (also known as CFS though I don’t like that name). I’ve had it since a young teenager and for the past six years, maybe more, it’s got very bad and I can hardly leave the house, I can’t work, even cooking is a challenge. I live with my mum who is basically my carer (she cooks for me, does the laundry and I help out where I can). Something she can do in half an hour can take me two hours. And she is very supportive but I feel it should be the other way round, I should be helping my mum, I should be looking after her. She means the world to me and I’m very lucky we get on so well.
I’ve tried support groups and I have found them helpful in the past. I might reach out again and see if they have any advice for me. That’s a good shout
I understand, sometimes when you are in the frame of mind it is difficult to get out of, and everything feels impossible. You sort of get in that mindset of "what is the point." But for example, with drawing, if you enjoy it i don't think it matters if someone else is better than you at it. You should do it for you and not for anyone else.
I remember when I started running and I liked it but would put myself down for being slow and almost talked myself out of it. And then my friend told me "we all start somewhere, we dont come out of the womb as athletes" and I try to apply that advice when I approach new things now. I mean, just because we arent perfect at something it doesnt mean we cant enjoy it, and we all start somewhere to get better at something.
If you enjoy drawing do you look at tips and things online? Or set yourself goals with it? Or do you just draw as you feel?
I know these are small things in the end, it must be really tough living with ME and coming to terms with how it profoundly changed your life and I know youve said before that youve felt let down by doctors. I just hope these small hobbies or looking after your cat brings a sliver of light to your days.
Aww thank you for remembering I have a cat! He’s my little baby
I know we can disagree in the politics thread but I do appreciate how you have offered me advice and listened to me when I’m upset. It means a lot. With your photography, what sort of images are you taking? Do you have a camera or do you use your phone?With drawing I have styles I like but and I try to follow some people on YouTube but because they are so talented I put myself down. But for that small window before I’ve damaged my confidence I do really enjoy myself. Sometimes I just draw random shapes and squiggles and colour those in. I think I have a real hang up about being behind on things so if I start something and I’m no good at it then I’m like that’s it! Which is very silly. Because if you had come to me and said that you were struggling with running and your feelings around it I’d give the same advice your friend did! I just don’t get this disconnect I have with apply that advice to myself.
hi girlscout, I also have ME, have done for the last 10 years (in my 40s). Returned to work two years ago after some unexpected improvement, although I’m not better. Anyway, I can relate to what you say in your posts all too well.. the self-loathing, the grief, the binge eating. It’s such an isolating experience overall, which is hard for any brain to cope with, so I hope you can offer yourself compassion when you feel “useless”I don’t mind sharing, I have M.E (also known as CFS though I don’t like that name). I’ve had it since a young teenager and for the past six years, maybe more, it’s got very bad and I can hardly leave the house, I can’t work, even cooking is a challenge. I live with my mum who is basically my carer (she cooks for me, does the laundry and I help out where I can). Something she can do in half an hour can take me two hours. And she is very supportive but I feel it should be the other way round, I should be helping my mum, I should be looking after her. She means the world to me and I’m very lucky we get on so well.
I’ve tried support groups and I have found them helpful in the past. I might reach out again and see if they have any advice for me. That’s a good shout
. I often go into freeze mode and in some respect I know it’s normal - what brain copes well with all the horrors that come with ME?! This is unfair and not your fault. I’m so glad you have your mum, she sounds wonderful. I find it hard to reach out for support, although I have my sister and partner. Every time I see your posts, I feel a little less alone, so thank you 