Fibbers, fantasists and other assorted liars

[CarmenGhia]

Inspired by the Jack Monroe threads; how many of us have come across a compulsive liar?

I've known a few and I find them oddly fascinating, especially in the amount of effort they put into maintaining their lies, when the truth would be easier. There's often little or nothing to be gained from a proper fibber's lies, either.

I am dealing with one in a professional capacity at the moment. She has stolen some of my work by plagiarising my writing, multiple times. It has been copy-pasted. There is no doubt. Yet she continues to try and wriggle out of it, claiming it was an accident or a coincidence. She's been removed from a writing job as a result and is still tweeting away as if nothing has happened, promoting her plagiarised work and pretending she's got more lined up (she hasn't - she's been fired!)

I know two others who have multiple ethnic origins, depending on who they are talking to, multiple partners who may or may not be dead and fluctuating numbers of children. One guy whose answer to a mention of anyone's name is "I know, he/she's a good friend of mine," when this is blatantly not the case.

Why do they do it?

 

[Ms Biscuit]

Why do they do it? I don't think anyone knows for sure, but there does seem to be a connection to certain personality disorders.

Here in the U.S. we have a newly minted congressman who has been exposed as a pathological liar. Yay. https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/03/health/santos-lying-disorder-wellness/index.html

"As a result, there’s no evidence-based way to treat it, even though many pathological liars say they want help to stop."

 

[Happyvalley]

I used to work with someone who lied constantly, it was like the lies would just flow out of her mouth without a second thought and they were always just so unnecessary and ridiculous. For instance there was some chat in the office about car clamping and she pipes up yeah my car got clamped last month, it was nightmare, I kicked off etc. Someone else reminded her that she only passed her driving test two weeks before. She went bright red but the lie continued…yeah well it wasn’t me driving it was my boyfriend blah blah. Just really strange, ridiculous lies! There were so many on the daily!

Oh and she said she drove a Ferrari…all on a legal secretary wage she had a Fiesta.

 

[That Forensic Man]

Why do they do it? I don't think anyone knows for sure, but there does seem to be a connection to certain personality disorders.

Here in the U.S. we have a newly minted congressman who has been exposed as a pathological liar. Yay. https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/03/health/santos-lying-disorder-wellness/index.html

"As a result, there’s no evidence-based way to treat it, even though many pathological liars say they want help to stop."

“It is rare to find a public figure who lies so frequently in such verifiable ways,”

Verifiable lying, I like that a lot

 

[TrolleyParton]

Oh boy, I have extensive experience in this area, I am a magnet for compulsive liars. A former "friend", much like Jack Monroe, was a cornucopia of ridiculous fantasies, even down to the spurious claims of multiple illnesses (all of which are conveniently things that are self-reported and can't be tested for), a ridiculous claim of being forced into sex work as it was the only employment that was flexible around her chronic disabilities

Spoiler: TW: sex work

(the sex work story started when she was allegedly sex-trafficked as a teenager but in later years, was making hundreds of thousands as a niche sex worker who specialised in orgy bookings and has done porn etc).

She also claims to have worked in fashion and that she did make-up at London Fashion Week for years (she worked in a couple of higher end retail jobs and the only time she was anywhere near fashion week was when she'd hang around outside, trying and failing to catch the attention of the street-style photographers). The list goes on and on. I frequently check her on Reddit for the absolute lols, other commenters on there keep saying "OMG, you should totally write a memoir" and I'm thinking "Yeah, you may wanna look for it in the fantasy section".

Another person I know was so determined to be seen as a victim that,

Spoiler: TW: domestic abuse

when she drunkenly fell down some stairs outside her flat, she posted multiple photos of her bashed-up face in her socials with hash-tags like #dvsurvivor and #unbroken. She dated a close friend of mine who is a really decent guy, he got fed up with her histrionics and dumped her and then she was going round telling everyone he was an abuser and that he forced her to come off anti-depressants because they limited her sex drive. She had several apparently abusive exes but said she couldn't bring charges against any of them because the police said she'd have to go into witness protection if she did. Her socials are all locked down now but last I saw her, she was replying to barristers on Twitter who were offering pro bono services to DV victims (this was around family court stuff, child custody etc), asking if they'd give her a freebie because her dad was withholding her inheritance when her grandmother died, so not remotely related to anything to do with DV.

.

To be honest, I do think these things must stem from some deeper PD or difficult upbringings, so I have a certain amount of sympathy, but then these also always seem to be the same people who are lecturing everyone else about how they should be in therapy and "owning their tit" etc. When whatever quack therapists they are seeing are clearly not doing them much good. It's an interesting topic.

 

[Melian]

A former friend claimed he was a paramedic. A mutual friend discovered this wasn't the case. She (mutual friend) told me he's lying about his eldest being Autistic.

Went on a date with someone who seemed a bit too close to his ex (they have children together,I'm not expecting him to cease contact completely) they supposedly got back together after i decided I didn't want to take it any further.i was told she wasn't his ex and they're together, as I suspected.

 

[shadowcat5]

I knew a guy once who told me had 20 kids and had his first at 14. He told another woman that worked with us that he had 11 kids 24 hours later which begged the question, how many did he actually have and how do you lose 9 kids in the space of a day?

 

[overdueanadventure]

I had an acquaintance who just got more and more far-fetched with her tales of woe - she told us that she had a bad childhood, was adopted against her mum's wishes - and then her ma came and stole her away in a speedboat..

Not sure what was going on with her. She clearly was a very unhappy person, but you couldn't help her.

 

[CarmenGhia]

A former friend claimed he was a paramedic. A mutual friend discovered this wasn't the case. She (mutual friend) told me he's lying about his eldest being Autistic.

Went on a date with someone who seemed a bit too close to his ex (they have children together,I'm not expecting him to cease contact completely) they supposedly got back together after i decided I didn't want to take it any further.i was told she wasn't his ex and they're together, as I suspected.

The fact that so many tell the same lies, or variations of them, is one of the things I find so interesting. I've had that story about "getting back with the ex for the sake of the kids", as have a few of my friends.

The emergency services and the military also appeal to fantasist-type liars.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I'm also fascinated by liars, especially ones in the public eye. I've known a couple in real life and they're hard work. There seems to be a weird facial expression when they know they've been rumbled but they keep nailing their point home anyway.
This is an article about Sara Grasso who managed to fool everyone in the Melbourne legal community. Sorry about the quality, it's an old case.

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[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

But don't pathological liars believe their lies? My ex-SIL is a pathological liar which we only found out after the divorce when my brother told us some of what he went through. He said she would tell lies but actually believe that is what happened.

I work with a compulsive liar and I don't get why you would lie because he's so easily caught out, it's stupid. And everybody at work openly mocks him. It makes it difficult because you never know in terms of work if you should believe what he is saying or not. My favourite saying to him is that "Denial is not just a river in Egypt" because he is forever denying it's him that has done something. Honestly you could have him on camera saying something and he will say it's faked or that the camera is lying because that's not what he said

 

[shadowcat5]

But don't pathological liars believe their lies? My ex-SIL is a pathological liar which we only found out after the divorce when my brother told us some of what he went through. He said she would tell lies but actually believe that is what happened.

I work with a compulsive liar and I don't get why you would lie because he's so easily caught out, it's stupid. And everybody at work openly mocks him. It makes it difficult because you never know in terms of work if you should believe what he is saying or not. My favourite saying to him is that "Denial is not just a river in Egypt" because he is forever denying it's him that has done something. Honestly you could have him on camera saying something and he will say it's faked or that the camera is lying because that's not what he said

I think they do or they know they're lying and just don't really care. There has to be some kind of dopamine release when they do. I've known a few liars (one including Von Trapp father from my previous post). One was when I was a teenager so I can forgive her somewhat. She would make up people and add you on myspace as them, she basically catfished before it was a thing. She'd lie about having pets, moving house or people dying but she had 2 sisters who could confirm it was a lie. Was so bizarre. The sad thing is, she ended up with an emergency medical condition, she could have died, but no one believed her even though it was true. I hope she got the help she needed cause there must have been something going on there.

Another guy said he owned a coffee shop that made millions and that he made loads of money streaming video games. 1. he worked in amazon. and 2. we found him online, he had 5 followers. It was nuts

 

[PunkyMonkey]

The emergency services and the military also appeal to fantasist-type liars.

I'm very familiar with the emergency services and the number of men lying about being police officers on dating sites is staggering.
Mates run alleged coppers/paramedics past me as a matter of course now and on one particularly memorable occasion a "silver commander" who couldn't disclose his department to my friend because it was so hush hush was, in fact....

A police community support officer that I recognised, and a married one at that. Pillock.

It's weirdly reassuring to know that other people have had experiences with completely delusional friends, I'll come back with my own stories soon after dredging my memory for the colossal whoppers they told!

My best friend reckons I'm a "nutter magnet" (apologies if that is offensive, it's her term and I'm not sure how to rephrase) because I'm autistic but seems like it's not all that rare after all?

 

[Black.bird]

A friend had been on several dates with her new man, a self-professed lawyer; and a group of us happened to bump into them on a date one night. One of our group is a lawyer, and to make conversation she asked him where he worked - "Oh, private practice" (of course) - what area of specialty - "A bit of everything" - but shortly after answering he'd cough and take a sip of his beer. It was just so obvious he was lying. She looked him up afterwards and sure enough he wasn't a lawyer. He was a petrol station attendant - nothing wrong with that job whatsoever, but why lie?! He was even wearing a suit - claiming he'd come straight from "work".

I'm always wary of people who talk about how much they have or how GREAT their business is doing ... I wonder if they're trying to sell me something, are trying to fit in, in some way (but how - I certainly don't boast about what I do or don't have), or are just full of shite. I've known people who look rich on the surface - they have lovely newish shiny cars, huge houses in nice areas, gorgeous wardrobes - but as soon as one piece of the puzzle moves (GFC, recession, interest rate rises ...), their house of cards comes tumbling down. I couldn't live like that.

 

[iieee]

I used to know a woman, her daughter and my daughter were friends at school (in year R). She was absolutely nuts. She couldnt even keep up with it herself. Example: she had her son assessed for autism. She told me that they had said he did not have autism, but had some markers so they understood why she had thought that. The next day on Facebook she was saying that her son's school weren't providing him what he needed and he was autistic and it was an outrage.

Another time, she texted me saying her daughter had been run over by someone on a bike, gone flying, and her face was covered in blood and bruises. It sounded horrific. I saw them later that evening and there wasn't even a scratch. I doubt the bike went anywhere near her.

Another time I offered to look after her daughter so she could get a haircut, which should have taken a couple of hours at most. She disappeared for around 4-5 hours, wasn't responding to texts. When she finally came back she had a bizarre story about the hairdresser having a panic attack mid haircut and fleeing the salon, then having to wait hours before another person was available to finish the cut.

Finally it came to a head when she accused my (4 year old) daughter of bullying and beating up hers, when I refused to force her to apologise (after speaking to the teacher who said nothing of the sort had happened) she went completely scorched earth and started accusing me of stealing from her, posted this all over Facebook where other school mums could see it and sent abusive messages. I blocked her then she carried on using first her husband and then her son's accounts. This was honestly the worst period of my life and we ended up moving away to get away from her.

The funniest thing is my husband googled her during all this and found loads of stories in the local news of her claiming various things had happened to her. All the daily mail sad face type stories. The last one was about her daughter being traumatised by a dead bird in their garden. Absolute fruitcake and the scariest part is I think she believes it all 🫠

 

[Norfolking Good]

I went to college with a guy who just lied and lied and what was so funny was it was so over the top that it wasn’t even vaguely believable! One of my favourites was he was late for college because he had been on the Paddington train which crashed killing a number of people. Firstly we lived in north Essex so to be on that train made no sense… In the end I used to call him out every time he lied with ‘no that never happened did it’ and he did stop (whilst in front of me) but I think it was an attention thing or an insecurity where he wanted to be noticed. 20 plus years on and he still bullshits for Britain on FB but it’s rather sad to see now.