1. Cyril Abiteboul
Always number one. But you knew that already. What do you mean, he's not a team principal anymore? I can't hear you...
2. Guenther Steiner
Are Haas any good? No. But are they improving? Also no. They are possibly getting even worse. They may look like fucking wankers, but at least they always respect the budget cap. Possibly because Gene counts every dollar he puts into the team.
Guenther has single-handedly carried DTS and has given us excellent quotes over the years, such as "fucking everything is fucked up at the moment", "I don't fucking... I don't fucking know", "it's a fucking mess", and "this is fucking madness".
3. Toto Wolff
I'm quite scared of Toto. He is quite possibly the most alpha male to ever walk this earth and it makes me very nervous. We also owe him a lot for THAT WAS SO NOT RIGHT, I think I say this to myself every single day.
4. Andreas Seidl
I don't see much of him because I'm reliant on Sky Sports' coverage and they only ever speak to Horny. But I quite like him. Everyone thinks Zak is team principal but Andreas seems to polite to do anything about it.
5. Jost Capito
I just... feel bad for him. I'm not going to say anything mean because I feel like he'd somehow find out and get upset. He seems too nice. Like a gentle grandfather.
6. Otmar Szafnauer
He always seems kinda sad. I have no strong feelings. But if he could kindly leave Alpine so Cyril could come back, that would be great thanks.
7. Frédéric Vasseur
Not gonna lie I thought he was in his mid-60s. Turns out he is only 54 and 10 years younger than Jost?! And I thought Williams would be the team to cause premature aging...anyway. Blamed Latifi for Alfa's troubles. Fair comment. Can't disagree.
8. Franz Tost
I know sod all about him but I know there are a few AT girls here so help me out. Also seems like a nice grandfather type.
9. Mike Krack
Who even is this. I don't think I've ever heard him speak. Google tells me he's from Luxembourg. I don't think I have ever known of anyone to come from Luxembourg.
10. Christian Horner
Everyone loves to hate Horny but it's justified. He is a twat. He knows it though. Suppose it's hard to care when you're a millionaire.
11. Mattia Binotto
My enemy. Pointed his finger in a very aggressive manner at Charles. Never accepts blame for anything. Bonus point awarded for choosing to only only speak in Italian for the most recent series of DTS, despite being completely fluent in English. Still the worst though. To the bottom of the list with you.
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