End of the baby years

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

It’s been helpful to read that I’m not alone in my feelings. Thank you all for sharing.

My kids are 6 and 3. After having my first I felt I wanted three but my husband was set on two. He has since been made redundant, I’m the main earner now and we just cannot afford another child. We would need a bigger car for a start, and we would only be able to afford for me to take 3 months maternity leave.

I feel a wave of grief when I think about how I’m never going to have another baby. Which feels so wrong considering I have two healthy children and haven’t lost anything real, just a possibility. My head knows two is enough, that I would struggle to give enough time and energy to a third, but my body tells me differently.

My body feels like it needs to have more babies, I’m convinced it’s a biological thing built in to keep women breeding. Maybe it’s my age (late 30s) and my body is trying to make the most of what is left of my fertility. I really wish I could hold my newborn baby for the first time again and feel that rush of love.

Definitely feel you on the biological need! I’m 37 and I really feel like my time is running out and I hate how stressed it’s making me. Especially when my boyfriend thinks we’ve put this to bed and is starting to get annoyed with me continually bringing it up

 

[Chocolate2008]

Definitely feel you on the biological need! I’m 37 and I really feel like my time is running out and I hate how stressed it’s making me. Especially when my boyfriend thinks we’ve put this to bed and is starting to get annoyed with me continually bringing it up

I think your BF is being unfair. He has two kids but you don’t. It’s a tough one because it’s not like you can agree to meet in the middle - you’re either having another baby or you’re not. I saw a post randomly somewhere from a woman who’d told her partner if he agreed to a baby she’d do all of the work. I only have my own experience but I thought “Nooooooooo”, I don’t think it could ever work - in reality she’d want the help, and the child can’t be left feeling unwanted by daddy.
I think your feelings have more merit (I don’t know how else to phrase it!) - you want another child, whereas I want another baby, the thought of another child is exhausting.
On holidays with the 2 & 4 year old - constant meltdowns, endless fighting, the 4 year old peed on a couch in our Airbnb (so more to get it cleaned), I had to physically assault him to remove him from a shop as he was trying to grab toys, he says things like “I want a hot chocolate AND a crepe”. The 4 year old’s asthma is bad and he keeps coughing on stranger, ideal when people are worried about Covid! The 2’year old had a meltdown so badly at lunch that she was trying to bite her dad as the waiter was trying to put the food down, and keeps throwing stuff in restaurants.
There is no way my husband would sign up for another baby. I really missed them being 2 & new, it was so much nicer I easier!

 

[Giftinghell]

My daughter turns five soon and it’s giving me huge emotions! I’m not very emotional about birthdays and her growing up hasn’t affected me like this before so was interested to see this post! I almost feel sad for her that those baby years are done and life just gets harder and harder as we get older

 

[Greeneyes21]

I totally get this. My baby has just turned 5 and I'm very lonesome about it all. She is one little character and as cute as a button. Shes always loved hugs, kisses and cuddling on my knee. She comes out with the cutest phrases and I have adored every minute of her. I regularly say "I'm going to miss her so much" and my older girl who is 9 laughs at me and says she's going nowhere. I just know what happens from having 2 older. They stop wanting hugs, they stop wanting kisses, they get too big and cool for your knee. The cuteness disappears.
I adore babies and toddlers, definitely my favourite stage. I love the pure innocence of them. I will struggle not to cry on her first day of big school next week !

 

[LittleMy]

My baby will be 5 on Wednesday and it’s killing me. The longing for another baby is strong atm but realistically I know it’s me viewing things with rose-tinted glasses. There are so many reasons we shouldn’t, we don’t even have a big enough house for starters. My two children already share a room. I also have some health issues going on atm which make me wonder if I even could have anymore children. It doesn’t help either that my almost 7 year old keeps talking about wanting a little sister.

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

My baby will be 5 on Wednesday and it’s killing me. The longing for another baby is strong atm but realistically I know it’s me viewing things with rose-tinted glasses. There are so many reasons we shouldn’t, we don’t even have a big enough house for starters. My two children already share a room. I also have some health issues going on atm which make me wonder if I even could have anymore children. It doesn’t help either that my almost 7 year old keeps talking about wanting a little sister.

Yes my step daughter keeps begging us for a sister I’m like you don’t need to convince me! It’s your Dad you need to get on board.

 

[geegeex]

My son is two and my husband and I have agreed we are one and done. Pregnancy was not easy on me, I was constantly sick and developed preeclampsia so it’s not something I want to go through again. My son was born in June 2020 and honestly the first year or so was really traumatic. We had no baby groups so I couldn’t meet any mum friends (still don’t have any), my son was a nightmare sleeper and my husband worked abroad 90% of the time. Throw in some family drama and it was a really horrible, lonely and honestly soul destroying time in my life. Anyway, it still breaks my heart that I never got to enjoy the newborn and baby stage, it’s mostly been blacked out to be honest. I have no desire to go back to the baby days or have another but my god, it destroys me that I pretty much hated the first 18 months of my sons life.
Sorry if this is totally off the topic!

I could have wrote this myself. Sending you lots of love, it’s not been an easy ride but we made it

 

[Chocolate2008]

I totally get this. My baby has just turned 5 and I'm very lonesome about it all. She is one little character and as cute as a button. Shes always loved hugs, kisses and cuddling on my knee. She comes out with the cutest phrases and I have adored every minute of her. I regularly say "I'm going to miss her so much" and my older girl who is 9 laughs at me and says she's going nowhere. I just know what happens from having 2 older. They stop wanting hugs, they stop wanting kisses, they get too big and cool for your knee. The cuteness disappears.
I adore babies and toddlers, definitely my favourite stage. I love the pure innocence of them. I will struggle not to cry on her first day of big school next week !

Ah! Best of Lucy! Sounds like a lovely little girl!

What are the good things about having older kids? I’m trying to focus on that!

I think some of my grief if you will is that I wasn’t that happy pre kids. I loath my job, I don’t really have any interests (aside from my internet addiction) so I won’t know what to do with the extra time!

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Ah! Best of Lucy! Sounds like a lovely little girl!

What are the good things about having older kids? I’m trying to focus on that!

I think some of my grief if you will is that I wasn’t that happy pre kids. I loath my job, I don’t really have any interests (aside from my internet addiction) so I won’t know what to do with the extra time!

Reading through this thread has made me a bit emotional. We’ve been extremely lucky to have 3 healthy boys, my youngest is only 7 months but I feel like I already miss every stage. As someone said above, I don’t want another baby I want my baby’s back!

But what’s getting me through my kids getting older (eldest starts school next week) is:
- being able to play board games together, good ones…not shopping game for the 135773rd time
- being able to leave the house without a buggy/sling/the kitchen sink
- bike rides and walks/advewhere little legs don’t get tired
- them being able to put themselves in the car
- theme parks/big once in a lifetime holidays that everyone can enjoy and remember (if we are lucky enough!)/days out that everyone enjoys not just the kids (as much as I secretly enjoy these too)
- lie ins
- them being able to read to me/read independently
- having a laugh together / having “grown up” conversations
- being able to shower without having to make sure everyone has snacks/something to distract/are napping
- watching them grow into their own people with actual interests, watching them be excited by learning new things etc

That being said, I will really miss how all of my children are at this stage in their life. They absolutely crack me up regularly, make me tear my hair out but are so funny and lovely and affectionate and I will definitely miss it but equally my partner is done with babies and the older my 7mo gets and the easier it gets, I think I am too.

 

[CherryBakewell]

I could have wrote this myself. Sending you lots of love, it’s not been an easy ride but we made it

Thank you It’s definitely been a rollercoaster! Hope you’re okay and come out the other side