Emotional Eating and Food Addiction

WhatABore · Mar 20, 2023

Meg78 said:
Hey everyone

So….. obviously I’m here because I struggle to have a healthy relationship with food. But, I wanted to tell you all about why, as some of you may have spent your entire lives beating yourselves up and feeling guilty about something that was never in your control.

Imagine going to a weight loss club, at first you feel excited and motivated, you learn to count whatever it is they count, you follow the social media accounts, you get a buzz from expertly pulling off a recipe, you go to the weigh ins and the first few go really well, nice big numbers coming off each week, and then one week, it plateaus, suddenly that buzz wears off, you’re frustrated that each week there’s barely any movement on the scales, the more you try the worse it gets, you start to dread the weigh ins and starve yourself on those days, take your shoes off, your cardigan off even your jewellery in the hope it makes a difference on the scales, and the more you tell yourself to stay on track the harder it is, you start to skip weigh ins because you don’t need the judgement, and before you know it you’ve sacked it off, lost your mojo, this weight loss method didn’t work, just like the rest.

I have ADHD and I am pathologically demand avoidant. Some may wonder why this matters, “I’m not hyper this won’t apply to me” - well I’m not hyperactive either -it is so much more complex (and common) than the stereotype led us all to believe! I’m clumsy, terrible balance, always knocking into the corners of furniture… I interrupt people when they’re speaking, if I wait until they finish I forgot what my point was… my two modes are obsessed or avoidant, I either spend 2 days solid staring at Pinterest making plans, or put off a simple chore for two weeks… I find myself trapped on the sofa or in my car a lot, zoned out scrolling, I get annoyed with myself because I have things to do and I’m very aware I’m being lazy but the more I push myself mentally to get up the harder I fight back… every piece of homework in school was left to the very last minute, every exam crammed for the night before, my time keeping has always been terrible but I thrive under pressure, give me multiple tasks and imminent deadlines and I will shine! And, most importantly, every single time I tell myself that I have to diet, that i’m going to be healthy, within days I slip, obsessing over junk cravings and finding ways to sneak snacks or a high calorie lunch, telling myself it’s a one off, “get it out of my system”… only it’s never just the once.

So, if any of that feels familiar to you, you could well be struggling with a form of neurodivergence. I’ve never been hyperactive, I was generally a good (if always late) student, I needed no help in school and until recently had never considered there to be an issue, yet here I am, fully diagnosed and mind blown at why I struggle so much with this area of life. ADHD is basically short-hand for “dopamine seeker” we need it at a much faster rate than a typical brain, so we seek out anything that gives us a rush; gambling, drugs, sex…. It’s no surprise that the most easily accessible addictive substance, food, becomes a problem. Add in the common complication of demand avoidance and it’s a recipe for disaster!

There will be some who read this and find that it doesn’t resonate and that’s ok, we’re not all the same, but there will be a few out there who feel seen for the first time, a lightbulb comes on and everything starts to make sense, and if that’s you, I want you to know that there is so much help and support out there, so many tools and methods to help you accept who you are and understand why your brain doesn’t dance to the beat of the same drum. What’s happening to you is not your fault, you cannot control something you didn’t see, but there are lots of ways to help yourself beyond the usual demands of weight loss fads

I've never thought about this tbh.
I was diagnosed with adhd about 10 years ago and I've never even thought about it linking

Snippysnips · Mar 20, 2023

Meg78 said:
It sounds like you’re in a deprivation cycle, think about your genetics for a moment, your ancestors didn’t have supermarkets, they’d survive on whatever they could hunt or forage, so days of starvation and hunger and when they catch something they’d gorge themselves…. It’s no different for you, even though you’re not interested in food, your biology assumes you’ve entered a lean stage of hunter gathering, and once your appetite is back it will go to town! You’d be best to look into blood sugar balancing, as unknowingly you’ll be causing yourself huge swings up and down which will cause you problems later on

Thanks, I never thought about any of this an I should probably be keeping an eye on blood sugar's as well, I've never really known what causes all this as I know it's not because of weight which is usually the case

Meg78 · Mar 20, 2023

Glittery1 said:
Omg thank you, I can relate to every line in this!

smellsofbiscuits said:
Can I ask you to share some of the resources that helped you heal your relationship with food?

Agent Cooper said:
It would be great if you could share some tools or tips that you find helpful, I’m sure there are many people out there who struggle with something similar x

Most important thing to keep in mind is that your brain will dig it’s heels into the ground and pout about doing anything that doesn’t have a reward attached, it’s why meal prepping gets left behind, why we zone out scrolling when we have a huge list of chores…. No reward at the end? Pffffft! You’d think being healthy and slim and happy would be a great motivator but the parts of the brain seeking out dopamine want instant gratification, they’re only interested in short term gains not long term, so you have to think about food and your relationship with it in a whole other way, we’re all told to have an end goal but that doesn’t work for this kind of brain, you need much shorter targets.

Second thing to remember is that your brain will insist on doing a task in the most efficient and also the most thorough manner. Why is that important? Because if there’s no reward in it you won’t be able to start and if you do start you’ll probably never finish, think about all those times you’ve needed to get up and clean somewhere like the bathroom but can’t face it, you already know if you go in with the intention to just wipe a surface you’ll also need to put things back in cupboards and if you do that you’ll notice they need a clean too and since you’re cleaning you should also do the bath aaaand none of that has a reward for you, it’s not efficient it’s time consuming and has endless opportunity for bonus missions also with no reward so your brain avoids it because it can find far easier and quicker sources of dopamine without the effort! How about the times you’ve been hungry and want lunch but you’re stuck doom scrolling here on tattle instead, you’re hungry and want food, how easy would it be to make a sandwich, but you’re supposed to be eating healthily and that involves loads more prep and healthy food doesn’t give you the dopamine rush like this lovely warm sofa and instant knowledge at your fingertips and ooh look there’s chocolate in the cupboard, let’s just stay here……

So we need efficient tasks with short targets that have a reward at the end. Sounds simple, right? You’d think weekly weigh ins with a shiny sticker would help achieve that, only the sheen on that rush ends pretty quickly sadly, and me handing over a huge list of books would see you all rush out, buy them, and then keep rereading the first three chapters because you got distracted or lost interest as waddya know, there’s no reward in reading either!

I found the most success in learning about my food, the processes in how they make things like burgers, the vitamins and what each one does, learning about how they are antagonists to each other and that I could gamify what I eat to absorb more good things, for example having a beef burger with tomato as the vitamin c and iron binds to each other, and avoiding dairy for two hours either side as calcium stops iron being absorbed. From everything I’ve learnt iron and vitamin d are pretty crucial vitamins for us! I made a point in checking in with myself a few hours after eating something processed, I rarely ever felt good it was usually sluggish or headaches or hungry again already! I noticed how crippled the nhs is and that every time I choose junk I’m also choosing to one day be a chronically ill patient. I started to notice that the rush I used to get from junk food wasn’t enough of a pull to make me buy it, I check every ingredients list and if it sounds like a science experiment I put it back, I’m pretty firm with myself about checking every ingredients list nowadays as it really does help to stop my brain interpreting the junk as a reward.

Of course, this strategy only works if your brain still fulfills its reward quotas, so at the same time as reconditioning your brain to stop seeing food as a consequence-free tasty drug rush, you need to find yourself another outlet that works for you; this is very subjective, for some that’s crafting or learning a new instrument, for others that’s exercise, for those like me who prefer a more swamp demon-esque life of laziness I initially chose online shopping addiction …. yip, really. I do not recommend this as a lifestyle choice but it’s a trap others could fall into so I’d rather be honest and tell you all! My dopamine hit now comes from an area I don’t have a word for, I now find excitement in trying to get my bills down as low as possible, finding ways to get my supermarket shop for free for example, finding cashback or vouchers, sort of like that American show Extreme Couponing only not quite as much mental illness. It’s something that keeps me motivated as my challenge is to keep the cost of healthy foods down in a world full of junk, and I use places like M&S so I can buy the fancy fruit as a treat for myself (oh god maybe this IS mental illness) you all see what I’m getting at though I’m sure, right now your brain is using food as it’s most time efficient way to dopamine, it doesn’t matter which diets you try or what methods you put in place to manage it, until you replace your most efficient route it will continue to tread the way to the drive thru.

Just as you find yourself putting off a task your brain will put off making the change and the more you force it the harder it fights back, try to gradually assimilate information in a fun way, look for adhd memes, watch short tv shows or YouTube clips about how food is made, check ingredients list, focus on what’s in it instead of the calories, does it sound like one of Elon Musks kids names? Nope in the bin you go! Keep the humour and creativity about the ways you seek out learning materials, don’t give yourself a list, find curiosity, look for something that interests you and pursue it, just make sure that if you’re choosing junk food you’re doing it as someone who is educated on what exactly is in it and how that will affect your body, remind yourself that this will hurt you but there are other ways to get the hit you need.

Lastly…. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail! Help yourself by prepping in advance for the areas you know you fall down; are you impulsive? Do you go to the supermarket armed with a list but leave with a dozen goodies you didn’t need? Switch to cash only, or online click and collect. Don’t tell yourself to get up and meal prep, buy the things in, doesn’t have to be fancy most kitchens have rice and beans in the cupboard, wait until you’re already at the kitchen counter and then it’s time to think “we’ll since I’m already here I could just cook up some rice for the week, pretty efficient and quick, actually whilst I wait for the water I’ll just chop some veg too”….etc, find ways to satisfy efficiency and reward, and don’t focus on the food focus on where else you can get a reward whilst working on this, there is no guilt or shame, if the method you tried didn’t work that’s ok, let’s just try a different way, be proud of yourself for trying and having the courage to try again. You cannot help or change the way you were born so stop holding yourself to standards that aren’t designed for you, you live in an age with more availability and freedom of choice than we have ever seen before, these foods are designed to be addictive but you’re intelligent and resilient and absolutely capable of making sustainable changes to your everyday life

shadowcat5 · Mar 20, 2023

I have autism and I have ADHD traits. I want to mention more about it an emotional eating but I don't have energy atm

That said: I do find that working out what my dopamine gratification is food-wise and incorporating into my meals helps. I love salt and fat so I try to make sure I have salty foods with my meals and make sure I have healthy fats. I have other issues that result in emotional eating but that does help

soph30 · Mar 23, 2023

I wish there was as much support for emotional eating as there was for say drinking. I’ve tried downloading sobriety apps but it doesn’t work as we’re not going cold turkey with junk, we’re just cutting down. I’ve tried applying the same principles but it doesn’t work

tomato_paste · Mar 28, 2023

Meg78 said:
And, most importantly, every single time I tell myself that I have to diet, that i’m going to be healthy, within days I slip, obsessing over junk cravings and finding ways to sneak snacks or a high calorie lunch, telling myself it’s a one off, “get it out of my system”… only it’s never just the once.

I'm not diagnosed with ADHD or autism which also seems to be related to demand avoidance, but I have this. So much.

For me it's about never being loved for who I am now / was as a child and not wanting to change to be deserving of love.

Which kind of work agains me trying to love my body and to get healthier so I can have a full and fun life, as my weight is definitely a detriment to some things I would like to achieve.

But it still triggers this massive middle finger to everyone wanting me to be "pretty" to be liked. The rational part of my brain is aware that thin doesn't mean pretty and fat doesn't mean ugly, but my parents definitely let me feel they disliked me a lot whenever I gained weight as a child. My dad at least had a lot of contempt for my weight gain (narc who makes everything about him, including my weight gain and sexual appeal which is gross af but here we are). And my mum enabled it and she also was pretty disgusted by me.

If I think about it too much I feel sick with disgust and rage tbh, so no wonder avoid this topic like the plague.

RachRN86 · Mar 28, 2023

smellsofbiscuits said:
Bloody hell, I clicked on this thread as I was thinking that I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food (no official diagnosis). Your post has absolutely described me to a T.

I tried to get an ADHD diagnosis four years ago but the assessing psychiatrist said it was unlikely I had it due to being educated to post-grad level. Since then I've toyed with self medicating that aspect by taking vitamins, gamifiying water intake ABC exercise as much as I can etc. But food is where I massively fall down. I joke to my friends about not having chocolate in the house due to lack of self-discipline. But it's not a joke, if you know what I mean?

Can I ask you to share some of the resources that helped you heal your relationship with food?

I have A masters degree and was diagnosed with ADHD your psychiatrist clearly doesn't know much about ADHD! I would go back to your GP and ask for a referral x

adviseplz · Apr 11, 2023

Meg78 said:
Hey everyone

So….. obviously I’m here because I struggle to have a healthy relationship with food. But, I wanted to tell you all about why, as some of you may have spent your entire lives beating yourselves up and feeling guilty about something that was never in your control.

Imagine going to a weight loss club, at first you feel excited and motivated, you learn to count whatever it is they count, you follow the social media accounts, you get a buzz from expertly pulling off a recipe, you go to the weigh ins and the first few go really well, nice big numbers coming off each week, and then one week, it plateaus, suddenly that buzz wears off, you’re frustrated that each week there’s barely any movement on the scales, the more you try the worse it gets, you start to dread the weigh ins and starve yourself on those days, take your shoes off, your cardigan off even your jewellery in the hope it makes a difference on the scales, and the more you tell yourself to stay on track the harder it is, you start to skip weigh ins because you don’t need the judgement, and before you know it you’ve sacked it off, lost your mojo, this weight loss method didn’t work, just like the rest.

I have ADHD and I am pathologically demand avoidant. Some may wonder why this matters, “I’m not hyper this won’t apply to me” - well I’m not hyperactive either -it is so much more complex (and common) than the stereotype led us all to believe! I’m clumsy, terrible balance, always knocking into the corners of furniture… I interrupt people when they’re speaking, if I wait until they finish I forgot what my point was… my two modes are obsessed or avoidant, I either spend 2 days solid staring at Pinterest making plans, or put off a simple chore for two weeks… I find myself trapped on the sofa or in my car a lot, zoned out scrolling, I get annoyed with myself because I have things to do and I’m very aware I’m being lazy but the more I push myself mentally to get up the harder I fight back… every piece of homework in school was left to the very last minute, every exam crammed for the night before, my time keeping has always been terrible but I thrive under pressure, give me multiple tasks and imminent deadlines and I will shine! And, most importantly, every single time I tell myself that I have to diet, that i’m going to be healthy, within days I slip, obsessing over junk cravings and finding ways to sneak snacks or a high calorie lunch, telling myself it’s a one off, “get it out of my system”… only it’s never just the once.

So, if any of that feels familiar to you, you could well be struggling with a form of neurodivergence. I’ve never been hyperactive, I was generally a good (if always late) student, I needed no help in school and until recently had never considered there to be an issue, yet here I am, fully diagnosed and mind blown at why I struggle so much with this area of life. ADHD is basically short-hand for “dopamine seeker” we need it at a much faster rate than a typical brain, so we seek out anything that gives us a rush; gambling, drugs, sex…. It’s no surprise that the most easily accessible addictive substance, food, becomes a problem. Add in the common complication of demand avoidance and it’s a recipe for disaster!

There will be some who read this and find that it doesn’t resonate and that’s ok, we’re not all the same, but there will be a few out there who feel seen for the first time, a lightbulb comes on and everything starts to make sense, and if that’s you, I want you to know that there is so much help and support out there, so many tools and methods to help you accept who you are and understand why your brain doesn’t dance to the beat of the same drum. What’s happening to you is not your fault, you cannot control something you didn’t see, but there are lots of ways to help yourself beyond the usual demands of weight loss fads

I just wanted to say a belated thank you for your message. Since you posted my ears have pricked up on other symptoms and turns out a lot of what I thought were my personality traits could actually be due to ADHD/ADD (including depression which I thought was the issue). I had a GP appointment earlier today and I’m now starting the process for a referral and all that. So thank you for opening my eyes and ears to what could be the root problem of all my issues. It was genuinely such a relief when it all clicked

tomato_paste · Apr 21, 2023

adviseplz said:
I just wanted to say a belated thank you for your message. Since you posted my ears have pricked up on other symptoms and turns out a lot of what I thought were my personality traits could actually be due to ADHD/ADD (including depression which I thought was the issue). I had a GP appointment earlier today and I’m now starting the process for a referral and all that. So thank you for opening my eyes and ears to what could be the root problem of all my issues. It was genuinely such a relief when it all clicked

How did you go about getting a diagnosis?

I've been to therapy for 20 years for major depression and while things have gotten A LOT better there's still this kind of big underlying issue of procrastination, avoidance and just plain insecurity that I feel like I cannot solve with my therapist. She thinks it's depression only but she also says I can't have ADHD because I'm not hyperactive and I'm able to focus on tasks for a long time. But a) hyperactive is not necessarily part of it and b) yes, I can, but it's hyperfocus with addictive tendencies where I can't stope even if I know I should, such as reading or scrolling the web.

And it feels like my brain is just cleaved in two and constant self sabotage... shouldn't 20 years of therapy have changed anything in that regard?

adviseplz · Apr 21, 2023

tomato_paste said:
How did you go about getting a diagnosis?

I've been to therapy for 20 years for major depression and while things have gotten A LOT better there's still this kind of big underlying issue of procrastination, avoidance and just plain insecurity that I feel like I cannot solve with my therapist. She thinks it's depression only but she also says I can't have ADHD because I'm not hyperactive and I'm able to focus on tasks for a long time. But a) hyperactive is not necessarily part of it and b) yes, I can, but it's hyperfocus with addictive tendencies where I can't stope even if I know I should, such as reading or scrolling the web.

And it feels like my brain is just cleaved in two and constant self sabotage... shouldn't 20 years of therapy have changed anything in that regard?

Well, I haven't been diagnosed with anything, my GP just said she was going to refer me - so it might be that later down the line someone doesn't agree. But I will probably keep pushing for a different opinion if that is the case.

I had been writing down a list of things that I originally thought were my personality, but after doing some reading, are in fact symptoms of ADHD/ADD. I had examples and I asked my partner and close friend to help me as well. Of course, the list was all over the place before my appointment so I wrote it out properly and went through some of them with my GP, and then left it with her.

But I wouldn't say I'm hyperactive either - definitely wasn't when I was at school. From what I've read ADD is the non-hyperactive 'version' I think, but most people just focus on ADHD.

I think there is an ADHD/ADD thread on here, I'm not on it but might be helpful to you and thought I'd say in case you hadn't seen it.

adviseplz · Apr 21, 2023

@tomato_paste
I meant to add good luck!! Definitely book in with your GP as a first step. You'll feel so much better knowing that you're getting it looked into, just prepare yourself for a slow process with some knock-backs but hopefully, you won't have many/any!

Catsandcoffeechoc · Apr 21, 2023

I struggle with binge eating a lot. I'm 31 and I've been binge eating since a child. Its usually crisps, chocolate and biscuits. It's a cycle I can't seem to break.
I wasn't overweight as a child or teen but I started to gain weight about 20 years old but then lost 3 stone and got to a healthy weight. I then kept it up until I had my son. Lost the weight again and then gained 4 stone. I stayed at 15 stone until I had my daughter then I've got to about 17/18 stone and for four years I haven't managed to control my weight. I did manage to diet and lose two stone back in 2020 but it went straight back on.
I'm addicted to sugar eat a family size chocolate bar a night or bag of sweets. Sometimes biscuits in between. Its so embarrassing I try to calorie count and last not even a day.
I haven't weighed myself recently but I'm probably close to 18 stone and I'm only tiny at 5 foot. I don't take care of myself and completely hate how I look. I'm jealous of people who can wear nice clothes and hate going out now. We moved area 6 months ago so I now have no friends in the area. All I do is stay at home when my kids are at school and the eating in the evening seems to be my way of pacifying the loneliness.
Anyway sorry for it being so long! But I haven't told anyone else I have a binge eating and food addiction.

adviseplz · Apr 21, 2023

Catsandcoffeechoc said:
I struggle with binge eating a lot. I'm 31 and I've been binge eating since a child. Its usually crisps, chocolate and biscuits. It's a cycle I can't seem to break.
I wasn't overweight as a child or teen but I started to gain weight about 20 years old but then lost 3 stone and got to a healthy weight. I then kept it up until I had my son. Lost the weight again and then gained 4 stone. I stayed at 15 stone until I had my daughter then I've got to about 17/18 stone and for four years I haven't managed to control my weight. I did manage to diet and lose two stone back in 2020 but it went straight back on.
I'm addicted to sugar eat a family size chocolate bar a night or bag of sweets. Sometimes biscuits in between. Its so embarrassing I try to calorie count and last not even a day.
I haven't weighed myself recently but I'm probably close to 18 stone and I'm only tiny at 5 foot. I don't take care of myself and completely hate how I look. I'm jealous of people who can wear nice clothes and hate going out now. We moved area 6 months ago so I now have no friends in the area. All I do is stay at home when my kids are at school and the eating in the evening seems to be my way of pacifying the loneliness.
Anyway sorry for it being so long! But I haven't told anyone else I have a binge eating and food addiction.

I'm so sorry you are feeling like that, please know that you are absolutely gorgeous and shouldn't feel the need to hide away

It's a lot to combat but try and think one small step at a time, otherwise you're setting yourself up for a fall. A lot of what you said really resonated with me, so my tips would be:

- Try and find some connection with other people whilst your kids are at school. I live alone and even going to a coffee shop during the day helps when I have no other plans. It does take a bit of effort to find something to do, or socialise with new people etc but it will be totally worth it.

- Go for short walks - now the weather is hopefully getting nicer, it's more appealing to go outside start off with 10 minutes around the block and listen to something that will make you feel good. I save podcasts to listen to for my walks as it makes it more enjoyable. Endorphins from exercise and Vitamin D are real and do make such a difference.

- Try not to care what you're wearing, or be conscious that you don't think you look how others do. I have one nice dress that fits me at the moment, and I can't afford to buy any new clothes, and I literally wear it every time I go out (which actually isn't that often so I thought I could get away with it ) but a couple of people commented saying that I always wear it and I just had to laugh it off and say 'ah yeah getting my cost per wear out of it'. Fuck em.

Know that when you're mentally healthy, you'll be in a stronger place to resist your cravings.

- Something that has helped with my binge eating is genuinely eating a nutritiously balanced meal, whilst not denying myself anything. I didn't have one last night (as wanted to use up stuff in the fridge) and then went out to buy a bag of pasta (which I ate half of) and a massive bar of chocolate later that evening. But the rest of the week I haven't felt the need to do that because I've eaten well and felt satisfied (or the cravings have been easier to dismiss). I really enjoy @emnutirition's recipes on instagram and often make recipes from Gousto - as you can access them without having to buy the weekly boxes. Saying that, if your budget can allow it, I found it a great service as I also didn't have to think too much about what I was going to make. And when I was ordering, I wasn't binge-eating.

I also only think of one meal at a time, and this helps me to not get overwhelmed too much or think 'well I've ruined it for this meal, so I'll eat whatever I want for the rest of the day'.

I will also add, that maybe the nutritious thing is just me, and may not apply to everyone? But figure out what your triggers are and try and manage those. I know mine is sometimes spending time with my mum so instead of eating my feelings afterwards I try and take that feeling out in other ways - like ranting to a friend or watching a comedy that is guaranteed to make me laugh and forget about the snide comments she made haha.

ETA - whilst I recommend Emnutirion's instagram, I have unfollowed all other food accounts and tried to change my algorithm so I don't get many food recommendations - as I find them sooo triggering!

- The chocolate/sugar is a tricky one, as it's soo addictive and yummy, but the Lindt dark bars are my healthier option of choice. The flavoured ones, like mint/orange/salted caramel are around 50% I think, so not as dark as 70%, but still feel rich whilst satisfying my sweet tooth - I only have a couple of squares and that is genuinely enough.. but if I do fancy more I will allow myself to have some more. There are so many flavours too that I don't get bored either. Annoyingly inflation has meant they're not as reasonably priced as they once were, but they're worth it.

Don't try all these at once, pick 1 that is manageable and keep it up for a week or two - or even a month - then add in something else. Know that it's a slow process and you're not going to change overnight but it will slowly get better. And if you have a set back that is totally fine!!! Just start again and you'll get back on track

Emotional Eating and Food Addiction

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