Hey everyone
Soā¦.. obviously Iām here because I struggle to have a healthy relationship with food. But, I wanted to tell you all about why, as some of you may have spent your entire lives beating yourselves up and feeling guilty about something that was never in your control.
Imagine going to a weight loss club, at first you feel excited and motivated, you learn to count whatever it is they count, you follow the social media accounts, you get a buzz from expertly pulling off a recipe, you go to the weigh ins and the first few go really well, nice big numbers coming off each week, and then one week, it plateaus, suddenly that buzz wears off, youāre frustrated that each week thereās barely any movement on the scales, the more you try the worse it gets, you start to dread the weigh ins and starve yourself on those days, take your shoes off, your cardigan off even your jewellery in the hope it makes a difference on the scales, and the more you tell yourself to stay on track the harder it is, you start to skip weigh ins because you donāt need the judgement, and before you know it youāve sacked it off, lost your mojo, this weight loss method didnāt work, just like the rest.
I have ADHD and I am pathologically demand avoidant. Some may wonder why this matters, āIām not hyper this wonāt apply to meā - well Iām not hyperactive either -it is so much more complex (and common) than the stereotype led us all to believe! Iām clumsy, terrible balance, always knocking into the corners of furnitureā¦ I interrupt people when theyāre speaking, if I wait until they finish I forgot what my point wasā¦ my two modes are obsessed or avoidant, I either spend 2 days solid staring at Pinterest making plans, or put off a simple chore for two weeksā¦ I find myself trapped on the sofa or in my car a lot, zoned out scrolling, I get annoyed with myself because I have things to do and Iām very aware Iām being lazy but the more I push myself mentally to get up the harder I fight backā¦ every piece of homework in school was left to the very last minute, every exam crammed for the night before, my time keeping has always been terrible but I thrive under pressure, give me multiple tasks and imminent deadlines and I will shine! And, most importantly, every single time I tell myself that I have to diet, that iām going to be healthy, within days I slip, obsessing over junk cravings and finding ways to sneak snacks or a high calorie lunch, telling myself itās a one off, āget it out of my systemāā¦ only itās never just the once.
So, if any of that feels familiar to you, you could well be struggling with a form of neurodivergence. Iāve never been hyperactive, I was generally a good (if always late) student, I needed no help in school and until recently had never considered there to be an issue, yet here I am, fully diagnosed and mind blown at why I struggle so much with this area of life. ADHD is basically short-hand for ādopamine seekerā we need it at a much faster rate than a typical brain, so we seek out anything that gives us a rush; gambling, drugs, sexā¦. Itās no surprise that the most easily accessible addictive substance, food, becomes a problem. Add in the common complication of demand avoidance and itās a recipe for disaster!
There will be some who read this and find that it doesnāt resonate and thatās ok, weāre not all the same, but there will be a few out there who feel seen for the first time, a lightbulb comes on and everything starts to make sense, and if thatās you, I want you to know that there is so much help and support out there, so many tools and methods to help you accept who you are and understand why your brain doesnāt dance to the beat of the same drum. Whatās happening to you is not your fault, you cannot control something you didnāt see, but there are lots of ways to help yourself beyond the usual demands of weight loss fads
