Elle Florence #16 Fisherman Did Well. Forever Linked to Elle. Can't Unring That Bell

[boredstrom]

Annotated Elle Pregnancy Mania Vlog part 3
Tuesday

Elle did not vlog Monday because nothing of note happened, or, as we would suspect, there was nothing to brag about. Is old Elle really back? Is she REALLY back to making these videos because she can finally show off again? The jury is out. I mean it's not like she's waltzing through Nordstrom on a weekday afternoon again right?

HOLY SHIT! We're in Nordstrom! And it's a Tuesday! YES! Elle is going to go see Mama G for dinner and get her nails and toes done. Gosh darn it all, we got our Elle back ladies. Elle gives us some confusing line about how she'll be dining with mom and getting her nails done 'a little bit later after work' but I am not sure what 'work' means any more for her. The law firm where she was listed as working was near her munt to munt townhouse on Bainbridge, and that’s an eternity away from the Bellevue Nordstrom where Elle is soaking in the glow of the hallowed Nordy's mirror. Maybe she is going back to Kirkland to work from home for the rest of the afternoon? Maybe she's completely full of shit? Who knows . . .

She says it is lunch time and she 'stopped' at Nordstrom, but it's not exactly a 'stop' along your route when you're working from home, right. She would have had to make a special trip out to Bellevue Square, I would assume. Does her law firm have offices there too? Why do I try and make Elle's stories line up? I shouldn't bother. We're at Nordstrom's, it's Tuesday afternoon, and let's face it, this has been a long time coming. It just feels right.

Elle is scanning leftover sale items. Oh, and she got a little treat!. Mama G is making a healthy dinner so Elle is bringing a couple of slices from the nearby Cheesecake Factory ($15). Elle doesn't buy anything on camera and tells us she has to head out because she has a 2:00 meeting, so she certainly wants us to believe she is a busy working #girlboss. I don't know what to think any more.

Flash forward to 'afternoon tea' at Mama G's. Must be late afternoon if we're done with our meeting already. Elle flexes a little bit about the fact that she is so crafty that she tops her cheesecake with fresh fruit instead of syrup (how continental!) and then there’s an odd jump where she cuts herself off mid sentence and suddenly we're in front of her favorite nail salon ($80).

Mama G can be heard in the background cooing out the odd reaction noise here and there. I am pretty sure she's not going to be very useful until the time comes for one of them to bust out a card and pay the salon. Elle says her nails have been growing faster the past few months so now she has to get her nails done more frequently. I am sure Mama G's accountant has noticed. Elle wants her nails to be shorter, and most importantly, PINKER to celebrate that the baby trap worked . . . er . . . I mean to celebrate that she’s having a girl. This screenshot pretty much sums up the vibe.

I'm back, bitches . . . .

Total spent for day: $95
Total spent for Vlog: $1315

 

[KikiOoMomo]

Sheesh, Elle heading down the aisle while pregnant is def not where I imagined her 4-5 years ago

Ah, September 2017. Elle had just launched her scarves, just moved in with Joe and was spending like a maniac. It is astounding to see how much she packed in between then and now: two engagements, one pregnancy, six homes, three hundred oatmeal sweaters, $30,000 in moving costs, one pandemic, zero vaccines (?), three Sentaler coats, one Chanel horror story and absolutely zero self reflection.

 

[drewberry_moore]

That story about pre natal fitness classes felt like a meeting that could have been an email.

 

[BethDuttonButFromShein]

Unplanned pregnancymas: A #girlboss guide to creating a life you want to hide

Barefoot and pregnant in Seattle: Baby fish on the way, the only way Elle can make a man stay

Orchard yoga retreat in Seattle: A baby fish with a vapid Elle means a lifetime for the Midwest fisherman in hell

 

[boredstrom]

I’m tired of the narrative that Joe is the bad guy in the relationship. As far as we know he was never emotionally or physically abusive towards Elle. Maybe his delivery in dumping her was poor but I’ve heard of much worse. Personally I’m surprised he tolerated her for as long as he did. The baby talk, spending frivolously, stinky hair, dirty litter box, excessive furniture, and codependent neediness would drive me insane.

I still have this personal fantasy that a couple times a year Joe sits down after a long week at work, warms up a hearty mug of soup in one of the mugs that Elle is still salty that he took, and has a little read of these forums and smiles at how he dodged a bullet by walking out.

If he does, I can only imagine how much soup he spit out when he saw that she's ringless and pregnant. Must be the best feeling in the world to close the laptop for the night and know it's some other dude's mess now.

 

[boredstrom]

How much do you want to bet she'll go on maternity leave soon? lol

Kinda feel like she's been on maternity leave since she left Vancouver.

 

[Drasticactions]

I'm sure we will soon be treated to her insane shopping for the baby. I need to know which stroller is mud-resistant for trips to fishing spots!

On the other hand, I am sure the nursery and all baby purchases will be a feminine pink explosion. Isn't buying everything gendered a bit old fashioned? Imagine if the baby grows up to be a tomboy or into outdoor sports (fishing like dad or camping like Joe). Elle would die at that! I know she wants to be in matching pink outfits and would insist her daughter play with dolls and other 'girly' toys. Here's to hoping her daughter is a goth who puts Elle in her place

Seriously future Lavender Pearl Vera Rose Destiny please if you read here in the future. Find me on social media and I will help you with all the goth music that will annoy your s club 7 listening mom. All the Vampire movies that will horrify your mom's hallmark movie sensibilities. I will sacrifice my time for such a worthy cause.

 

[BethDuttonButFromShein]

Actual quote from her Nordstrom Haul baby video (just before 6 min mark):

“My understanding is ‘today’s’ babies need at least five or six reclining options” - Elle Florence

TODAY’S BABIES?! What does that even mean?! She looks so smug when she says it — but at the same time she seems completely clueless. She’s also creating a storyline to buy this baby so much stuff, including multiple ‘reclining options’. Whoever asked if Elle has ever actually been around children raises a great question! For selle this baby is the best excuse ever to accumulate more STUFF!!

 

[lottydottyda]

"History repeats in destiny."

I can't with Smelle stans.

I don’t think this stan realizes how awful that actually sounds. I’d be embarrassed reading that if I were Elle.

Proof she is way further than we think in her pregnancy:
1) It is a December baby AND they could name her Destiny
2) she already bought a stroller with papa Fishy so he seems to be involved in the pregnancy
3) Poor thing has no friends she is going to have a pregnant lady meeting with subscribers

I really do think he is involved with the pregnancy and excited for the baby, not because he loves Elle but to fulfill his “manly” obligation.

Fanfic scenario of how it all played out: Once she found out she was pregnant, she confessed to him during one of their evening snuggles at her place, using doe eyes and her baby voice “I’m pregnant”…then he gets pissed and scared. “How did this happen?! How could you do this to me!!!” he exclaims. She cries, realizing that wasn’t the reaction she hoped for and protests, “I didn’t know!!! It was an accident! Please don’t be mad at me, I can’t do this alone!!!”

“I need some time to think” he tells her before he heads out the door. Elle sobs gently in her $1,000 recliner, for a brief moment regretting forgetting to take her pills.

A week later, Fishy calls her up, asking her on a date. He tells her he was mad at first but maybe this baby will be a good thing. He’s 40 now and realizes he needs to have some meaning and purpose in this life, and he wants to be a good Midwestern guy and father. His parents never raised him to be a deadbeat dad and that abortion is a big no-no. Squealing in delight, Elle hugs him, tells him she can’t wait to start their own little family, and that she will be the best mother on the planet! And, to not worry because her mother will help with the baby, too! It will take a village to raise little Vera Rose, she’ll be in the best of hands!

LMFAO.

 

[declinespecificinformatio]

Elle doesn't strike me as conservative. Her parents weren't (ever?) married themselves. She was raised by a single mom. She's never mentioned going to church or participating in organized religion. She moves in with boyfriends super fast. Even Joe admitted that when Elle brought up moving in together, he thought at first it was going too fast.

What she is is vain. She wants to look like she's winning in life and make sure people know it. She wants the bougee lifestyle, the trophy apartment, the elite private members club membership, the trophy boyfriend/husband/"her daddy", the big white "clawsic" wedding, the trophy children. She'll sneer at popular things because she has a superiority complex (eg Barefoot Dreams sorta, microwaves, etc). But when enough of her subscribers make a comment about her bad attitude, she'll backtrack because she craves their admiration.

 

[lannx]

My twin left a comment on the pregnancy post congratulating her and wishing Eric good luck, the post was deleted the account blocked.
Take from that what you will...

 

[daytripper]

The look: country bumpkin cosplay

The shot: nondescript stand of foliage where one could discreetly pee during a long afternoon of watching fishing

The vibe: Aquatalia boots rotting in storage unit

 

[boredstrom]

So typical of Elle. Whines about not having a stupid Coach wristlet, invents a story in her mind that that’s why the cool girls didn’t like her. But did she ever save up to buy herself one? She mentioned working in a jewelry store in high school right?

Yeah, I think it's a lot easier to stomach the story that the mean girls don't like you because you don't have the right wristlet than it is to accept that you're insufferable and lack any self-awareness. It's the same thing that allowed her to watch Joe close the door and say 'wow he did that because he didn't like me vlogging.'

 

[boredstrom]

Annotated Elle Pregnancy Mania Vlog part 2
Sunday

Ok first things first, I forgot to add Saturday's planters to the running spending total, so that has been fixed.

We're braless and paintless out in the backyard and Elle is showing off the stroller ($1100) that Mama G bought for the expecting newlyweds . . . er . . . newly partnered? Maybe just newly not breaking up for now? Who knows? Not me.

I know people do drop that kind of money on stroller/bassinet combos, but I also know you can get away with spending much less. Honestly though, $1200 is kind of cheap in Florencebucks. What gives Mama G? $1200 is barely a year of candles for Elle. You could have at least bought princess an assortment of strollers in jewel tone colors! It's not like they're just going to get covered in spit up and crusted cheerio slime, right?

Elle makes sure we know that assembly of the stroller was handled by the Fisherman. Normally this would just be Elle gloating about the fact that people are serving her by doing things she has no interest in being assed to do herself, but things have gotten so bad that she needs to remind us that he's even still around and participating in this whole baby fiasco to begin with.

Elle says the messy lawn is a work in progress. It's a 'labor of love' that they are working on. Who landscapes on a rental? Oh dear.

Mama G may have paid the bill, but Elle was the one on the website picking out the stroller color. She went with a charcoal for the older-baby stroller insert because she expects the baby to be wearing lots of bright colors by the time she is big enough to move out of the bassinet . . . Right. Spit up and crusted cheerio slime Elle. Remember that. Another insecure little 'partner' reference to make sure that we know he had some input on the color choice. She actually says the stroller was in the Nordy's sale, but not in the color 'they' wanted so they bought elsewhere and presumably paid full price for their color pref.

Elle tells us that she loves the leather accent details on the handle, which reminds her of the leather Mercedes Benz uses. Ok, Elle. I have to defer to you on that one, you've spent more time sitting in a Mercedes dealership trying to get your ass kissed than I have. But Fisherman . . . oh dear sweet Fisherman, what have you gotten yourself into?

Elle likes the modern yet clawsic look of the stroller in bassinet mode. Perplexing to the princess, however, is how she is going to hang her purse on the stroller (because tipping isn’t a thing) and where her hot coffee is going to go. She bought a coffee cup holder that didn't fit, and as someone pointed out, a lot of stroller manufacturers aren't looking to encourage people to keep hot drinks near their newborn like that, but none of this has intruded into Elle's world yet. Priorities, right?

I mean I can't act like I am all-knowing on what she's in for because I don't have kids, but a lot of people here do, and holy crap Elle you're not going to be worrying about showing off your clawsic chevron flap and double skim half caf chai latte when you have a screeching 3 month old to deal with while you try to dash home in a sudden Kirkland downpour. Like she really thinks she is going to have the time and energy to get all dolled up, accessorize, and pour the perfect cup of Java before setting out for a walk around the cul de sac. This is gonna be good.

Elle shows us her work-from-home desk. Curiously absent is almost everything I have seen on an attorney's desk, but whatever. Plenty of arts and crafts stuff though. Some jewelry biz shilling, because why not? The laptop is paused mid-Gossip Girl. Elle is excited to watch the Hamptons episodes. Do you have Hamptons money Fisherman? She sure as hell doesn't mean Hampton Roads, you know.

Elle is not wearing any paint here. She's equally amounts oily and shiny because I can only imagine what her poor body is going through, but through it all is a glow. I'm sure she'd like everyone to think it’s the glow of pregnancy, but really, it's the glow of finally, for the first time in a LONG time, one of Elle's plans finally working. At least for the time being. There’s no month to month any more. No escaping a failed engagement on an overnight flight to Hawaii mid-vlogmas. No coming home from the charity shopping gala to to packed bags and a ‘sit down, we need to talk’. Sure, she looks like a stodgy woman in her 40's, but gosh darn it, she looks like a stodgy woman in her 40's who got what she wanted! Finally.

Elle is cucking up some halibut for dinner along with some scalloped potatoes from Mama G's recipe book. Elle can't resist the chance to brag that, although her take on scalloped potatoes won't be as good as her mothers’, they are much better than what you would get in a steakhouse because they are not as oily. She's really gotta triple down on those domestic skills I guess, she's got some pretty big asks if Fisherman were to agree to fund half the lifestyle she hints at. This is REALLY going to be good once that baby arrives.

Total spent for day: $1100
Total spent for Vlog: $1220

 

[boredstrom]

Ok ok, since we got the first multi-day weekly vlog from Elle in what feels like ages, let's break it down with a new 'Annotated Elle' series. There's a lot here, so going to take it one day at a time.

Saturday.

Surprise! says Elle. Surprise that she actually uploaded this week? No, surprise that her brown-ish hair is back. Credit where its due she looks a LOT better than the blonde fiasco. Elle makes sure we know that she had fun being blonde and doesn't regret it. I mean if she can't come out and admit she regrets the Rick fiasco, why would we expect her to be able to do it with a hair color change?

I don't think the desperation blonde incident bothers her much anyway, because given the prevailing theories on here, even though that may not have worked, it seems the nuclear baby trap did, at least for the time being. I am not willing to say the nuclear baby trap was 100% intentional. I probably SHOULDN'T give Elle the benefit of the doubt and believe that this really could have been an accident, but with everything we know about her . . . And speaking of nuclear, Three Mile Island was an accident and still kind of a disaster . . .

Of course her 'partner' helped with the box dye job. He was probably really glad to get it back to brown-ish too. Lemonade from lemons, right? 'Partner' still seems so forced every time she says it. Can't exactly call him Bunny when things feel this transactional.

3 new dresses. She says they only cost $30 each, so maybe Fisherman is 'Rick' rolling her and making her cut back on her spending. Good luck there buddy. They're still living out of boxes. Elle would probably prefer we believe this is because the baby was a frantic surprise, but I think most of us would theorize that when someone is forced into things they didn't want, they tend to move very slowly from lack of genuine motivation. Elle tells us they did the box hair dye because she couldn't stand to sit in a salon for 4 hours, but I smell a frugal Fisherman here . . .

Today is Florence Sister Saturday. Time to brunch and go frut shopping! What the heck is frut? Oh, fruit . . . why say it wrong two times then right the third time? Our Elle is back ladies! I love that we're calling the yard a 'garden'. So European! What do Canadians call their yards? I could be dinging her unfairly here, but I doubt it.

Elle is doing a cottagecore pregnancy because her tummy is sore. Sure, Elle. Has nothing to do with the fact that Fisherman is the type of guy who goes to see cosplay Vikings. Can you imagine a 'cottagecore' pregnancy with Joe in Yaletown? I sure can't.

And now we're at brunch. The sisters Florence drove way out to a golf course for their meal. Elle remarks that they are having a 3 generation meal. Groan. Yeah Elle, you two got what you wanted. Poor Fisherman. I hope he at least tagged along and is playing some golf while his multi-generational headache noshes on sandwiches and frites.

Some new planters for the back deck ($30, estimated). Elle comments that 'they' repainted the deck in a bold color before consulting with her before they moved in. This confirms they are not moving in to anything Fisherman owned or was living in prior, unless she's playing tricks on us and 'them' is Elle + baby and Fisherman was already there.

I have to say, we're going to need to be REAL careful when it comes to pronouns in Elle videos going forward, because I can see her using us and we to refer to various pairings, while leading the viewer to assume it is her and Fisherman. They (he) COULD still own the place, I owned a townhouse once where the condo association forced us all into the same deck color so everything matched, but yeah, I suspect they're renting as most of you do.

Elle is organizing her home office. I see a lot of arts and crafts stuff and not a whole lot of 'busy attorney' setup. She shills her jewelry a little. Nothing to see here. We'll see you ladies tomorrow!

Total spent for day: $90
Total spent for Vlog: $90

 

[NotFalling4it]

The reality of motherhood is going to be a rude awakening for her. I could not believe how clueless she sounded complaining that her $1200 stroller didn't come with a cup holder and that she doesn't yet know how she's going to hang her purses from the Uppababy. With all of the things that doofus has to learn, those are her concerns!
She is sort of in the glory days of pregnancy. You feel good physically, you aren't yet in the 'omg, my baby is going to be here in a few weeks' panic, and you get a lot of attention. That's going to change once the baby is born. I am laughing remembering her 'traumatic' Chanel 'horror story' video. Giving birth is going to ruin her psychologically.

$1200 for a stroller? WTH? With that money, Elle could have bought herself another useless handbag. She must be crying a little inside!

Reality will eventually catch up to her. The birthing "horry story" will be rich! She will definitely whine about how the hospital staff were not attentive enough to her needs. She'll pout about how the experience did not meet her lifelong "vision" of giving birth in a peach orchard to the song of bluebirds, with a violin serenading the entrance of bebe Chanel Perle LaMer into the world, or some such nonsense. The aftermath of caring for a baby with only her mother and part-time baby daddy for support will also be a major blow to whatever fantasy she is spinning in her head. Physically and psychologically, this ninny has no idea what she is in for and zero fortitude for the coming shitstorm. I am here for all of it! Buying popcorn now.

 

[rougepurcouture]

Speaking of “I will,” how about a throwback Thursday?

 

[thecatlass]

Chris got her into luxury brands.
Joe got her into spending all her salary on herself.
SS got her into BBQ and country music.
Rickets got her into Trader Joe's and pompous quotes.
And Fishy got her pregnant.

 

[NopeNotEver]

Some fans of her are unhinged. PAY ATTENTION TO ME, MOMMY!

 

[BethDuttonButFromShein]

Maternity babymoon shoot with our petite chou. I haven’t seen fishy myself, but Rick fits the bill, I mean — look at that hat! I guess she has a type!! “I will”