Earning more than your partner

[roarke]

This situation is fine if you’re both open about financial situations. If he’s offering to pay for things then asking for money to pay his bills then you need to have an open and frank conversation about it.

If it’s a consideration that he’ll stay home and look after your child when it’s born then that could work out well for you, but the fact you’re considering abortion and leaving him says a lot.

Give him an ultimatum. Life is too short to worry about other people’s feelings when you know something isn’t right.

 

[YetAnotherObsessionx]

Like others have said, regardless of what you earn it's his lack of willingness to be equal in this relationship that is the problem. He does not sound like he would be a supportive, proactive, reliable father. You said this was the right time to have a baby - perhaps age-wise, yes, but relationship-wise, no... imagine if your own father had been like this? If one of your friends was thinking of having a child with someone like him, what would you say to them? Have the bag-for-life-free holiday, go to Singapore (am jealous!) and even have the baby if you really think it's right... but ditch the guy. It sounds like he brings nothing to your relationship except stress and frustration. He'd be like having two dependants, not just one.

 

[Rxt156]

If it’s bad now it’ll only get worse.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I keep thinking this thread says eating more than your partner.

You would cope just fine as a single parent.. I have brought my daughter up without her dad since day 1.
I’m assuming he’s provided nothing towards the cost of baby items? He will only be more of a burden that you don’t need once the baby is here and I guarantee you won’t be able to stand him..!

If you love him you need to be ridiculously firm with him and get him to sort his life out or fuck off.

We don’t live together at the moment but we’re looking … with his budget we’d be living in a student squat so I think I’m going to have to end up paying for us to live somewhere nice.

I feel like an awful person but I’m tempted to get an abortion and take my work up on the offer to relocate to the Singapore office. But I do think now is the right time to be a mum! Such a shitty situation!

If you want an abortion then go for it. I’d never have knowingly been a single parent.

 

[Definitelyme]

Can you afford to raise a baby on your own? Because obviously he won’t be contributing financially at all if he can’t even take care of himself. Can you afford to pay for the lifestyle of all 3 of you? And importantly… do you want to?

Could you take the job in Singapore and keep the baby too? Does it have to be one or the other?

 

[Kim Mild]

It's one thing lacking ambition and giving up your job / not working. Expecting your partner to sustain your lifestyle is another and something for the couple to deal with.

Arsey behaviour is something no-one needs to put up with .

A Bag For Life? This is a troll post, right?

The bag for life proper tickled me

 

[Lulu Goss]

I think it’s fine to pay for things from time to time but if he’s quit his job and isn’t looking for a new one, I’d have to have a conversation and tell him to get his arse in gear.

The fact that you’re having a baby together means he needs to be contributing! I earn more than my partner, we have a mortgage together and a baby on the way and although I do pay a little bit more into things than he does, he still contributes his fair share.

Paying for dinners and holidays is one thing but if you’re going to end up paying for everything for your baby too I expect it’ll wear thin very quickly.

 

[lozzapaloozza]

I don’t think you can expect your partner to care about having a lavish lifestyle - not everybody cares about designer and if that bothers you then maybe he isn’t the partner for you

However, that aside I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about his lack of ambition in life, especially considering you have a baby on the way. You probably should’ve addressed this before having a baby with him and before it got to the stage where he’s quitting work because he “can’t be bothered” and getting fired because he’s always calling in sick. Maybe there’s something deeper going on? Like depression? Why would you book a holiday with him knowing you’d have to pay for everything but then being unhappy you’ve had to pay for everything? Surely you should’ve told him to pay for half upfront and then if he didn’t refuse to go? I think you’ve let him behave like this for far too long which will make it harder to resolve. And maybe he shouldn’t be wasting his money on cigarettes and champagne but rather supporting your child (I had a nosey at your other posts)

 

[grumpycat]

@Blahblahahaaa77 good for you!! Enjoy your holiday, you deserve every single second of it.

 

[Gossgirl12]

A Bag For Life? This is a troll post, right?

My ex was like this. Whenever we'd go away for a weekend break or something, he'd also use some type of carrier bag

 

[Raininvain]

We don’t live together at the moment but we’re looking … with his budget we’d be living in a student squat so I think I’m going to have to end up paying for us to live somewhere nice.

I feel like an awful person but I’m tempted to get an abortion and take my work up on the offer to relocate to the Singapore office. But I do think now is the right time to be a mum! Such a shitty situation!

If it was me I'd pay for some counselling around the whole situation to help you decide what you really want to do. I really wouldn't want to be stuck with him, so he would be gone but the issues around the baby are more difficult I think. I think he sounds like a waste of space and a loser sorry. Of course you can leave him, just because you are having a baby doesn't stop you moving on from him.