I’ll try to be brief with the background:
My mum has been married to my step dad for nearly over 20 years. He is very much the love of her life, to the exclusion of pretty much everything else. They were very insular, just spend time with each other and don’t have a circle of friends or hobbies or anything.
Step dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer 18 months ago and was expected to make a full recovery after responding well to chemo. Devastatingly, it’s now spread to his liver, bones and brain. He has been given 12 months to live if he has continuous chemo.
Aside from the difficulty of dealing with this emotionally and mentally, my mum is also struggling with the physical aspects of caring for my step dad. Their lives have completely changed - he is now in a wheelchair and sleeps a lot when not being very unwell from the constant chemo. It’s a very bleak existence for them both. There’s a lot of anger and resentment at the situation from my mum - she tries to be stoic but that’s not her personality, unfortunately! I kind of get it because I am similar. She struggles with doing everything to care for him and is exhausted.
I am 200 miles away so can’t offer much physical support. She probably wouldn’t let me in the house anyway as she says my step dad doesn’t want anyone to see him so ill.
I suggested to my mum that maybe counselling would be a good idea as she is obviously going through a lot and is caught in this cycle of getting frustrated with my step dad, then hating herself for blowing up and not wanting what little time they have left together to be so fraught. She went mad at me, saying she’s just exhausted but doesn’t need counselling.
I don’t really know how to help. She told me not to call her so much because it was getting too much so I respected that and tried to give her some space. Then when I did call her, she went mad at me for not calling and saying my brother has been calling every day.
I get it, she’s taking her anger out on me that she’s feeling about this awful situation. And I’ll keep trying to help however I can and I get that sometimes that help might mostly just be a listening ear.
I don’t know. I don’t know what I am after. Feel quite helpless.
My mum has been married to my step dad for nearly over 20 years. He is very much the love of her life, to the exclusion of pretty much everything else. They were very insular, just spend time with each other and don’t have a circle of friends or hobbies or anything.
Step dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer 18 months ago and was expected to make a full recovery after responding well to chemo. Devastatingly, it’s now spread to his liver, bones and brain. He has been given 12 months to live if he has continuous chemo.
Aside from the difficulty of dealing with this emotionally and mentally, my mum is also struggling with the physical aspects of caring for my step dad. Their lives have completely changed - he is now in a wheelchair and sleeps a lot when not being very unwell from the constant chemo. It’s a very bleak existence for them both. There’s a lot of anger and resentment at the situation from my mum - she tries to be stoic but that’s not her personality, unfortunately! I kind of get it because I am similar. She struggles with doing everything to care for him and is exhausted.
I am 200 miles away so can’t offer much physical support. She probably wouldn’t let me in the house anyway as she says my step dad doesn’t want anyone to see him so ill.
I suggested to my mum that maybe counselling would be a good idea as she is obviously going through a lot and is caught in this cycle of getting frustrated with my step dad, then hating herself for blowing up and not wanting what little time they have left together to be so fraught. She went mad at me, saying she’s just exhausted but doesn’t need counselling.
I don’t really know how to help. She told me not to call her so much because it was getting too much so I respected that and tried to give her some space. Then when I did call her, she went mad at me for not calling and saying my brother has been calling every day.
I get it, she’s taking her anger out on me that she’s feeling about this awful situation. And I’ll keep trying to help however I can and I get that sometimes that help might mostly just be a listening ear.
I don’t know. I don’t know what I am after. Feel quite helpless.