Do we let our cat live with someone else?

[bolimepipi]

honestly i think it's absolutely terrible that she's doing that!
i wanted to suggest neutering him but since he already is, as @judgejohndeed pointed out, it's just a waiting game. make sure you give him all the exercise he needs: get some toys that dobby can play with on his own but also make sure you play with him yourself. my cat loves feathers she's obsessed with them and you can also get some intelligence toys with snacks that will stimulate him as well.
make sure there's always enough fresh air and if there's a way to open your windows to let air in and he can look outside without actually jumping out, that's great! of course another way to get fresh air and excercise in would be walking him on a lead if he's okay with that.
catnip and feliway are also great, i used the plug in feliway for my cat when we moved house and i really think it helped her.
spend time with him, more than you usually do, if he's cuddly try to really just give him attention during cuddles, no phone or laptop etc.
whenever he responds well to these things, give him a reward treat and time it so that he can connect it to his behaviour.
if it's an option for you - get him a companion? but you can also be the best possible companion for him

oh and i just saw your last message - this might sound funny but actually if you both put a lot of effort into keeping him happy, satisfied and healthy indoors, it could end up being something nice that you do together, and brings you closer

 

[Tublet83]

Could you construct a cat run outside so it’s secure?

I would also play the card with the old lady that cats can carry covid and you wouldn’t want hercatching it via Dobbie. Very dramatic but might make her go away .

 

[emm]

Thank you everyone, I think it’s just going to be a case of persevering with keeping him indoors, I just worry my husband will get sick of Dobby attacking him and let him out. Slightly off topic but with lockdown and me wfh and my husband being furloughed we’re starting to grate on each other being around each other 24/7 pretty much we’re arguing a lot more than we used to so I’m also a bit worried if this is going to cause more problems for us, the last thing we needed at the moment is something that would put us on completely different pages.

I think honestly the cat may be picking up on this tension, which is basically a vicious cycle, and causing them to act out more

 

[iloveanimals]

If you have outdoor space you could get him a catio, that way he can go outside and she cant steal him. My two have a catio and they love it. You can look on ebay , they are not that hard to assemble and not overly expensive. I wouldnt let the woman have your cat no way . x

 

[Emsie]

I share a cat with my neighbour. She is my cat but she goes to my neighbours every so often and they let her in. I've asked my neighbours not to keep her in overnight and to let her out when I'm calling her and it works okay. They tend to let her in if it's raining and we are out etc. I think its cruel to try and keep him in if I'm honest especially as he is used to being out. Can you not come to a compromise with this lady? There is a saying that cats usually have two homes.

 

[LittleMy]

I would feel more sorry for the old lady if she hadn’t gone about it in such a sneaky way. Also, apparently she has form for this if she’s known to take in other neighbourhood cats. What is there really to stop her getting her own? Because she can’t be bothered so she’ll just take yours? It’s not on. She’s a thief, and I’d threaten her with legal action if she didn’t back off.

It’s not fair that you have to keep your cat indoors because she’s basically trying to poach him at every turn. He obviously doesn’t like it, and would be the same if he was stuck in her house all day which has been happening. The fact that he runs out as soon as her door is open says he doesn’t like it. If it was one of my cats whom I love and care for very much, I’d lose my tit.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I’m honestly in disbelief that anyone can read the first post here and suggest that sharing the cat with this old woman is going to work? She’s saying ‘give him back’ and is deliberately trying to keep the cat in her house, avoiding opening the door to give him back...there will be no sharing going on here let’s be honest. She will just keep him.

She’s a thief, and I’d threaten her with legal action if she didn’t back off.

Completely agree with this!

 

[Milliehaha123]

God what a nightmare - can’t she get her own cat?!

Could you maybe say to her that you’re happy for dobby to visit her but for this to work long term she needs to get a cat flap so that he can come and go as he pleases? I mean this is a mad option but otherwise I fear you’ll lose him or have to keep him indoors forever which seems mean

 

[Shutterbug99]

Yeah, why can't this woman get her own cat? Honestly, some people.

There are a lot of these cat ladies around, you know. We have one near us. When we first moved in, I was warned by a neighbour that if my cat ever went missing, I would find the cat at this woman's house. I was like, huh? Apparently, this woman has a habit of collecting 'waifs and strays' only they are not waifs and strays, they are pets. It hasn't been an issue for me as my cat is an indoor cat. She has always been an indoor cat - so she's quite happy indoors. She likes a bit of fresh air in the summertime, though, so when it's nice outside, we go out in the garden (she wears a harness). I think your cat will eventually adapt to being indoors only. However, if you want to leave YOUR cat out then you should be able to without this woman interfering. The cat is microchipped and registered to you - so the next time he goes 'missing' and this woman doesn't answer the door - call the police. Make her life as difficult as she's been making yours. What a nuisance. I know I would get pretty damn nasty with anyone who took my cat like she's been taking yours!

Also, has she been removing his collar? Five times? She has absolutely no right to do that. Say it to her. Tell her she's being a nuisance, that her behaviour is unacceptable and that you'll be getting the authorities involved if she doesn't stop. There are plenty of cats in the world (thousands upon thousands of homeless cats). She doesn't need to take yours!

 

[Ilando]

What a tricky situation. Just a word of caution to anyone who is thinking it’s as simple as just not letting your cat out.

our cat loves going out and spends hours exploring. When we moved house, we obviously kept him in for a few weeks. He became ill despite being healthy for 8 years and ended up with bladder stones and needing surgery.
The vet was convinced that it was caused by our cat being stressed about not going out and being forced to use a litter tray.

Having said of of that, I’d hate the thought of my cat being ‘owned’ by a random stranger and would feel very possessive about my lovely furball

 

[Flossy2019]

I would feel more sorry for the old lady if she hadn’t gone about it in such a sneaky way. Also, apparently she has form for this if she’s known to take in other neighbourhood cats. What is there really to stop her getting her own? Because she can’t be bothered so she’ll just take yours? It’s not on. She’s a thief, and I’d threaten her with legal action if she didn’t back off.

It’s not fair that you have to keep your cat indoors because she’s basically trying to poach him at every turn. He obviously doesn’t like it, and would be the same if he was stuck in her house all day which has been happening. The fact that he runs out as soon as her door is open says he doesn’t like it. If it was one of my cats whom I love and care for very much, I’d lose my tit.

I second this. There is nothing stopping her getting her own cat. She lives alone she’s at home all the time any animal shelter would choose her first. As they always say they want re homed cats to go to quiet houses with no other animals. She’s trying to pull a fast one and doesn’t deserve any sympathy. Sadly if h wants to go out I probably would let him out , but I wouldn’t want her to entice him in again. She sounds like a nasty piece of work. You can’t just take someone’s pet. It is cat napping! Can’t you explain to your husband a bit? Men just want an easy life and if he causing hassle he is going to want to let him out. I’ve never had a cat that doesn’t want to go out as my two are soft and love indoors. I don’t think she will come to any agreement as she is obvs lying about times and calling him as soon as you have him back. What a sneaky witch. Can’t you get a cat that looks like yours and give him to her pretending it’s dobby. As cats do look similar

 

[Shutterbug99]

Been thinking about this @Shesaidwhat? and I'm not being critical of you in any way - but is it possible that you have been too nice in your dealings with this woman? I am the person that goes in all guns blazing, it's true, but people don't tend to cross me twice (lol!). I'm just saying, no more Mr. nice guy with this one! x

 

[judgejohndeed]

Just a word of caution to anyone who is thinking it’s as simple as just not letting your cat out.

Your cat might've also become ill because you moved house though to be honest - cats can find this stressful.
I have 3 rescue cats, 2 were actually feral when we got them. It's the ones who lived outside who run away when we open the door, they have zero appetite for going outside again. The others have tried and sometimes we've taken them out for a bit so they can see what it's like but they don't clamour to get out.
Depends on a lot of things including how big the house is and if the litter tray is the right size. I've known people get adult cats those tiny litter trays for kittens and moan they aren't using them, but it's like if an adult tried to use a potty. Also, you're actually meant to have the number of cats you have plus one in terms of litter trays so one cat should have two trays. Even the litter could've affected your cat, if they're used to going outside then you can get litter that feels more like the outside, there's lots of different types.

People have different views on indoor cats, personally I don't think it is cruel and I would never let my cats outside. Nobody lets dogs roam wild. People hit cats with cars and just drive off, people set their dogs on them and around where I live there's a lot of cat baiting etc. Plus you never know what they're going to eat - antifreeze and plant fertiliser etc that can make them ill, biting into mice and birds carrying all sorts. For some reason sometimes people just really hate cats and are absolutely vile about them, it's like some people view cats as vermin. If you have an adequate sized home there is nothing cruel about keeping cats indoors.

Not a vet or anything by the way, have just had lots of cats my whole life and volunteer at a cat rescue.

 

[Jellybeansoup]

I love cats so much and pet all the neighbourhood ones here but I would never dream of cat napping one! Is he potentially being overly enticed to go into her house by her jangling the treat bag? Maybe tell her a little white lie and say he’s on a very special diet and she must not feed him anymore as even though she thinks she’s being kind, anything outside of his allocated food could be hurting him? He might naturally go off her a bit if he stops getting fed. Good luck!

 

[judgejohndeed]

She lives alone she’s at home all the time any animal shelter would choose her first. As they always say they want re homed cats to go to quiet houses with no other animals.

Yes definitely, sounds like she would be a perfect home for older gentle cats nearing the end of life who just want a nice home to laze around in and aren't bothered going outside. Really not defensible for her to steal a cat who already has a home when there are so many needing homes. Especially older cats are harder to rehome, everyone wants the cute kittens but they need more attention etc so an older cat sounds perfect for this lady

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

So a little update my husband was chatting with his friend and he asked about Dobby as he could see him in the background so my husband explained. His friend then said he was friends with the woman’s son on Facebook and said he’d send him my husbands number and ask him to phone in to see if might help. So her son has phoned and said she’s been telling him that we’ve given Dobby to her, and he’d been meaning to check with us as he’s found collars in her drawer. However he hasn’t been visiting her due to the fact she’s tested positive for Covid and he tried to find us on Facebook but she gave him wrong names.
My husband has also promised although he’s threatened to kick him out he’d never actually do it especially as we’re both of the opinion that if Dobby goes out again we’ll never get him back off her and that he’ll clear out Pets at Home if need be if it means Dobby stays safe with us so that’s made me feel a bit better.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Jesus
bleeping
Christ....



by the way I don’t care if old biddy made clothes for orphaned children in the past and hand delivered them on foot.
She’s a psycho biiiiitch.

 

[Flossy2019]

So a little update my husband was chatting with his friend and he asked about Dobby as he could see him in the background so my husband explained. His friend then said he was friends with the woman’s son on Facebook and said he’d send him my husbands number and ask him to phone in to see if might help. So her son has phoned and said she’s been telling him that we’ve given Dobby to her, and he’d been meaning to check with us as he’s found collars in her drawer. However he hasn’t been visiting her due to the fact she’s tested positive for Covid and he tried to find us on Facebook but she gave him wrong names.
My husband has also promised although he’s threatened to kick him out he’d never actually do it especially as we’re both of the opinion that if Dobby goes out again we’ll never get him back off her and that he’ll clear out Pets at Home if need be if it means Dobby stays safe with us so that’s made me feel a bit better.

What. A. Horrible. Woman !!!!! How dare she do all those things. No wonder she’s lonely if she acts and lies like that! Glad your husband wants to keep him. Hope you’re feeling better about it. And hope he settles down for you

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Been thinking about this @Shesaidwhat? and I'm not being critical of you in any way - but is it possible that you have been too nice in your dealings with this woman? I am the person that goes in all guns blazing, it's true, but people don't tend to cross me twice (lol!). I'm just saying, no more Mr. nice guy with this one! x

Possibly although she annoyed me that much on Sunday she got both barrels, however I also get the impression it goes one ear and out the other and this sweet old lady act is just that and she knows exactly what she’s doing.

 

[Ilando]

So a little update my husband was chatting with his friend and he asked about Dobby as he could see him in the background so my husband explained. His friend then said he was friends with the woman’s son on Facebook and said he’d send him my husbands number and ask him to phone in to see if might help. So her son has phoned and said she’s been telling him that we’ve given Dobby to her, and he’d been meaning to check with us as he’s found collars in her drawer. However he hasn’t been visiting her due to the fact she’s tested positive for Covid and he tried to find us on Facebook but she gave him wrong names.
My husband has also promised although he’s threatened to kick him out he’d never actually do it especially as we’re both of the opinion that if Dobby goes out again we’ll never get him back off her and that he’ll clear out Pets at Home if need be if it means Dobby stays safe with us so that’s made me feel a bit better.

What a nutter! You’re doing the right thing x