It's not an excuse. I was just explaining why we didn't see each other often because that is the case. I was always the one who was to busy to see him. Anyway, it's done and over with now.
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Bin the note. Delete every single one of his messages/emails. Delete ever single photo you have of him. Get rid of any momentos or anything you have from him.
This thread has given me goosebumps for a few reasons.
For one, I've been able to take the advice here and apply it to my ownlife. It's a different context, but a draining relationship is a draining relationship. I have different friends and a sister that I value so much that I don't notice how little they value me (all unrelated circumstances). They've enjoyed the 100% I've put in and only throw in enough effort to keep stringing me along. I've blocked them too since reading this and I'm feeling empowered and alive.
No explanations because I'll just get sucked back in. I'm not being impulsive. It's one of those things where you've subconciously realised for a long time that keeping contact with someone is hurting you and you need to say goodbye to for your own emotional well-being. This thread was just the catalyst for me.
OP, you are incredible in your strength and power right now. It's uplifting to read and inspired my own strength.
Fellow tattlers, this is my first experience where the advice is unanimous. I swear I have goosebumps. We all unanimously saw the situation for the way it is. That's powerful!
For one, I've been able to take the advice here and apply it to my ownlife. It's a different context, but a draining relationship is a draining relationship. I have different friends and a sister that I value so much that I don't notice how little they value me (all unrelated circumstances). They've enjoyed the 100% I've put in and only throw in enough effort to keep stringing me along. I've blocked them too since reading this and I'm feeling empowered and alive.
No explanations because I'll just get sucked back in. I'm not being impulsive. It's one of those things where you've subconciously realised for a long time that keeping contact with someone is hurting you and you need to say goodbye to for your own emotional well-being. This thread was just the catalyst for me.OP, you are incredible in your strength and power right now. It's uplifting to read and inspired my own strength.
Fellow tattlers, this is my first experience where the advice is unanimous. I swear I have goosebumps. We all unanimously saw the situation for the way it is. That's powerful!
I'm glad that this thread could do some good for you. I have definitely learnt a lot from it also and have realised my worth.This thread has given me goosebumps for a few reasons.
For one, I've been able to take the advice here and apply it to my ownlife. It's a different context, but a draining relationship is a draining relationship. I have different friends and a sister that I value so much that I don't notice how little they value me (all unrelated circumstances). They've enjoyed the 100% I've put in and only throw in enough effort to keep stringing me along. I've blocked them too since reading this and I'm feeling empowered and alive.
OP, you are incredible in your strength and power right now. It's uplifting to read and inspired my own strength.
Fellow tattlers, this is my first experience where the advice is unanimous. I swear I have goosebumps. We all unanimously saw the situation for the way it is. That's powerful!
You go, honey! Glad this thread helped you, too. Look how powerful we can all be when we support one another! XThis thread has given me goosebumps for a few reasons.
For one, I've been able to take the advice here and apply it to my ownlife. It's a different context, but a draining relationship is a draining relationship. I have different friends and a sister that I value so much that I don't notice how little they value me (all unrelated circumstances). They've enjoyed the 100% I've put in and only throw in enough effort to keep stringing me along. I've blocked them too since reading this and I'm feeling empowered and alive.
OP, you are incredible in your strength and power right now. It's uplifting to read and inspired my own strength.
Fellow tattlers, this is my first experience where the advice is unanimous. I swear I have goosebumps. We all unanimously saw the situation for the way it is. That's powerful!
I know the op has stated that they've stopped contact with the bloke and I am proud of them for that as I know how painful it is to move on from someone you love, especially if they've been in each other's lives for 12 years, I can't help but only have sympathy for the girlfriend in this.
Imagine how it would feel to find out that your partner of however long had been seeing a woman behind your back all of the duration of your relationship, you'd feel broken. I've never to my actual knowledge been cheated on, but have friends who have been and it made them very insecure (in some cases more than already) and broke them. Op has mentioned in another thread that she has a son with another man who she only left a few months back but was with this man for over 8 years, so not only has she cheated with a taken man but she cheated the whole time almost she was in a relationship with her son's dad. There definitely is issues going on inside of the OP that they need to face and sort out, but hurting others in the process doesn't make it okay just because you are insecure and unhappy. I'm genuinely not trying to be a witch to the op, but please op realise your actions hurt others.
Imagine how it would feel to find out that your partner of however long had been seeing a woman behind your back all of the duration of your relationship, you'd feel broken. I've never to my actual knowledge been cheated on, but have friends who have been and it made them very insecure (in some cases more than already) and broke them. Op has mentioned in another thread that she has a son with another man who she only left a few months back but was with this man for over 8 years, so not only has she cheated with a taken man but she cheated the whole time almost she was in a relationship with her son's dad. There definitely is issues going on inside of the OP that they need to face and sort out, but hurting others in the process doesn't make it okay just because you are insecure and unhappy. I'm genuinely not trying to be a witch to the op, but please op realise your actions hurt others.
I think the OP has stated enough times throughout the thread that what she did was wrong. Don’t beat her up for it, she came here for advice not judgment. I’ve been cheated on and it is brutal, and while I personally think the OP owes it to the girlfriend to tell her the truth, that is a decision that only she can make. She did the right thing by cutting him out of her life, one thing at a time.
@Welsh1 how have things been overnight and today?
Whilst it's true that OP has done wrong, she came here an open book to seek advice.
The precedent you set when you judge people that are seeking help is that only angels can be helped.
She has admitted fault, as well as expressed remorse and guilt. It doesn't excuse it, but at least she holds herself accountable. I would hate for anybody to feel like they can never reach out, for fear of being judged.
His message kind of says that it's ok that I cheated on my girlfriend with you because I was open about it. As if that makes the situation any better.Thank you. I feel heart broken but I know this is for the best. I'm going to miss him so much, I can't even lie about that but I know deep down that this entire situation is wrong & even in his reply, he makes it all about him. I wouldn't have had the courage to do this had it not been for the amount of replies I've had and even though some were hard to hear, I'm glad people didn't sugar-coat anything, I needed to hear it all
He should love you enough to realise you deserve better than this.
Keep strong.
I woke up this morning to another letter through my door begging for me to unblock him as he has some things to say and that he loves me. I put it in the bin and haven't unblocked him. I'm determined to stick to this but I just feel really upset today which is normal I guess.
Exactly. What a d*ck
Whilst I fully appreciate your message, I wasn't looking for sympathy in this, just advice. I will now be working on myself so I can become a better person but I fully accept that what I've done is immoral and wrong.
You know what's striking in all of this? It's still about him. He hasn't asked you to explain your feelings, only declared that he has things to say, that he is upset, that he has been there for you.
He has proven that he's looking to regain control and is only concerned with himself.
Shocking.
I'm sorry but you'd said "The thing that makes it harder for me is that we don't see each other very often in person, due to his life commitments and im also a full time working, single mother". I would also assume that if he didn't live with another woman he'd live with you or maybe be there in the evenings/mornings sometimes at least. As you say, it doesn't matter now, I just don't want to see you still making excuses for him as it makes teasier to go back.
At the start you said 'I have 2 options now, completely cut him off knowing how much I would hurt him or continue as we are'.... Your concern was knowing how much you would hurt him! He has done a very good job of making himself the victim here. The bloke is an out and out bleep that's been hurting 2 women for years, destroying them even. He doesn't deserve your concern or excuses.
I’m not saying he hasn’t got feelings for you and it’s obvious that things run deep. But I think if it’s been going on this long and his excuse is a dog and a mortgage then he isn’t willing to leave his gf- for whatever reason. But if a man really wants something and he thinks he could have total happiness with you, he would have done it already.
I wish you lots of strength to get over this guy because I think it will take a lot, but don’t be second best for anyone.
I wish you lots of strength to get over this guy because I think it will take a lot, but don’t be second best for anyone.
I know some people are saying tell his girlfriend what he's been up to but from my knowledge when people do this, the girlfriend often refuses to believe them!. Then the man goes on to make excuses and lies saying that he has been hounded for years by a total lunatic /ex who wont leave him alone etc. Also that he didn't want to tell her because he wouldn't want to upset/scare her etc.
Very few women will leave their partner/husband they just prefer to believe their lies even when its obvious what they have been up to.
Stay strong OP, and concentrate on yourself and child. Even if you don't meet anyone else straight away at least you wont be having your head battered by this wick.
Very few women will leave their partner/husband they just prefer to believe their lies even when its obvious what they have been up to.
Stay strong OP, and concentrate on yourself and child. Even if you don't meet anyone else straight away at least you wont be having your head battered by this wick.
I agree with the above, it's not the OP's place to tell the girlfriend. It would only add further guilt. Her best bet is to focus on herself and getting over this cretin
I still think that should be the girlfriend’s choice to decide for herself with all the facts. It was a friend who told me everything that my cheating boyfriend had done, they even had proof, and as devastated as I was at the time, I was glad they did tell me. I can’t imagine wasting years with a cheater and having children with him, tying me to him for life. I do agree however that OP should focus on herself at the moment.
Still all about him
I should imagine it’s natural to be very upset, he’s been a big part of your life. Maybe try focusing on what you’ll do moving forward, plan some fun things to do with your little one in the run up to Christmas to take your mind off it? Not sure why other people are continuing to debate and have a go at OP. She has very clearly stated all that happened, and now is trying to move forward. Instead of rehashing what’s been said a million times, how about we try and provide continued support to OP?