DW I understand where you're coming from, I'm just imagining this poor woman waisting her life with this scumbag and I feel sick, I'd want to know. He absolutely wasn't having a moral dilemma at all, it's hard to realize when you're the woman involved with a man like that. Happy OP felt comfortable asking for advice.
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I will never be able to tell her unfortunately. Hopefully, she will one day find out something for herself so that she can also move on. He's been such a big part of my life for so long that it's going to be hard but I will stick to my guns as I know I deserve better & I don't want to be involved with someone in a relationship any longer. Your advice has been so appreciated because I have never spoken to anybody about this.
I think the next weeks will be so hard to stick to that resolve. Come back to us if you need some more support
I've just got home from work & he's outside my house. I've turned around and driven to my parents as he doesn't know where she lives. I am adamant that I am sticking to this but whilst I can change my number, I can't change my address. It hasn't even been a full day since I've blocked him. What do I do now?
He hasn’t made it round in 8 weeks but you block him for half a day and he’s on your doorstep?! I’d message to say you’re done And don’t want to see him in case he’s concerned for your well-being/safety.
ETA: as in, hasn’t realised he’s blocked and thinks you’re incapacitated
ETA: as in, hasn’t realised he’s blocked and thinks you’re incapacitated
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What a stalking creep! I'd suggest unblocking him to send him a message telling him it's over and to stay the hell away from your house or you'll be calling the police. And then tell him you're going to block him again
He's bricking it, it's nothing to do with concern
Exactly!! Don’t meet him to ‘talk it over’, he’ll just manipulate you all over again. Just move on. He’ll soon get the message if you mean it.
I meant concern in the sense that he hasn’t actually worked out he’s been blocked and thinks OP is incapacitated in some way. I’d be surprised that after 12 years he’d go to being blocked before thinking OP had been taken ill, lost her phone or something. I agree, he needs a message then blocked again just so it’s clear.
But it just goes to show, half a day!! He must have been so used to an immediate response.
If my partner who I live with didn’t reply to me it’d be a good few hrs after work home time before I became truly concerned.
I unblocked him and sent him this:
I've just seen that you're outside my house. Didn't want you to be concerned in any way but I blocked you this morning because I don't want this anymore. I'm no longer going to be a side chick or a second option & I choose to be a better person, to focus on myself and not have you in my life. Please accept this and do not message me or turn up at my home again.
His reply: How can you throw away 12 years just like that? Whats the reason?! I've been fully open and honest with you the entire time. I've poured my heart out to you, I've been there whenever you've needed me. I love you for ducks sake and you can just end it just like that?! Come back to your house, I need to see you.
I've blocked him again. Going to stay at my parents for a bit. He has to go home to his gf at some point.
I've just seen that you're outside my house. Didn't want you to be concerned in any way but I blocked you this morning because I don't want this anymore. I'm no longer going to be a side chick or a second option & I choose to be a better person, to focus on myself and not have you in my life. Please accept this and do not message me or turn up at my home again.
His reply: How can you throw away 12 years just like that? Whats the reason?! I've been fully open and honest with you the entire time. I've poured my heart out to you, I've been there whenever you've needed me. I love you for ducks sake and you can just end it just like that?! Come back to your house, I need to see you.
I've blocked him again. Going to stay at my parents for a bit. He has to go home to his gf at some point.
Please try to stay strong. Don't reply back to him and explain it to him. You deserve so much better than to be treated like this and like the others have said if he really did want to be with you he would.
Without wanting to sound patronising, well bloody done! As you say he has to leave sometime. Not sure why he said what’s the reason as you explained clearly. Stay strong
Thank you. I feel heart broken but I know this is for the best. I'm going to miss him so much, I can't even lie about that but I know deep down that this entire situation is wrong & even in his reply, he makes it all about him. I wouldn't have had the courage to do this had it not been for the amount of replies I've had and even though some were hard to hear, I'm glad people didn't sugar-coat anything, I needed to hear it allWithout wanting to sound patronising, well bloody done! As you say he has to leave sometime. Not sure why he said what’s the reason as you explained clearly. Stay strong
Good for you!!Thank you. I feel heart broken but I know this is for the best. I'm going to miss him so much, I can't even lie about that but I know deep down that this entire situation is wrong & even in his reply, he makes it all about him. I wouldn't have had the courage to do this had it not been for the amount of replies I've had and even though some were hard to hear, I'm glad people didn't sugar-coat anything, I needed to hear it all
his reply was bull. Hold your head high now, knowing you deserve more than that.Of course you’ll miss him, and don’t try and push all those feelings aside. He’s been part of your life for a long time and it’s going to be a big change for you. But I really hope you find someone wonderful and new, and all yours, soon xThank you. I feel heart broken but I know this is for the best. I'm going to miss him so much, I can't even lie about that but I know deep down that this entire situation is wrong & even in his reply, he makes it all about him. I wouldn't have had the courage to do this had it not been for the amount of replies I've had and even though some were hard to hear, I'm glad people didn't sugar-coat anything, I needed to hear it all
We're all proud of you! I think many of us are probably speaking from experience and know the right thing to do, as much as it hurts.
You're right that reply was about him. He will be angry and will probably be manipulative for a while now. Good that you have somewhere safe to stay.
You're right that reply was about him. He will be angry and will probably be manipulative for a while now. Good that you have somewhere safe to stay.
Especially if he starts saying things that make you question your decision.What’s the reason? Erm maybe because you’ve stringed me along for years. bleeping wick. Shame he hasn’t been open and honest to his girlfriend
or maybe the reason is because you have 100s of women behind you making you see what a pleb he is 
Well done for sticking to your guns, no doubt it is incredibly hard and you’ll feel lost and heartbroken but you are better than this
Yes, yes, yes!! I’m so glad you saw that his reply was all about him.
He was trying to reinforce how much you need him, make you feel like you owe him.
If you get weak and unblock him at any point please look out for this in anything he says. Even if you look at old messages. See where he’s tried to reinforce how you need him and owe him and keep plugging away at changing your own perspective on what he’s been saying.
Good luck to you xx
He was trying to reinforce how much you need him, make you feel like you owe him.
If you get weak and unblock him at any point please look out for this in anything he says. Even if you look at old messages. See where he’s tried to reinforce how you need him and owe him and keep plugging away at changing your own perspective on what he’s been saying.
Good luck to you xx
I’ve spent most of today reading the thread and can I just say that from your first message to this most recent one, it sounds as if you’ve realised you deserve more than this and I’m so glad you can see that! His response to your message, he hasn’t even really listened to what you’ve said, like you’ve said it’s all about him.Thank you. I feel heart broken but I know this is for the best. I'm going to miss him so much, I can't even lie about that but I know deep down that this entire situation is wrong & even in his reply, he makes it all about him. I wouldn't have had the courage to do this had it not been for the amount of replies I've had and even though some were hard to hear, I'm glad people didn't sugar-coat anything, I needed to hear it all
You’ve been really strong and the next few weeks will be hard but you’ll be so much better for it. If you feel a wobble coming on, just message here x
You did the right thing
You knew that you needed to move on and you did
You knew that you needed to move on and you did