It wasn't official with him when you drunkenly kissed his friend, how dare he manipulate you into thinking that you did something absolutely terrible! I'm livid
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He has used this as a way to manipulate you. You weren’t official at the time and if he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have let this get in the way. I’m really sorry that he’s dragged you along.
Move on, you deserve better than this.
Oh this guy is an absolute rat. Please know your worth and cut him off
Posted something similar in another thread recently (which didn’t go down well either so apologies in advance) but sorry, this is just ridiculous.
For some odd reason people seem to feel entitled to have everything they want when they want it because we ‘only get one life’ or some other similar balls.
You’ve spent the last however many years sleeping with this man knowing he’s got a girlfriend. Do you not have any respect for her or yourself? Does she deserve that? No, but let me guess it’s made YOU happy so you’ve done it regardless. Why can’t you just find another man? A single man that you can date and sleep with without wrecking anyone else’s life in the process cos that’s what it could do. If his girlfriend found out she could maybe spend the rest of her life feeling insecure, wounded and affected by all of this. You might literally ruin her life and you’re ok with that? She might never have a normal relationship ever again.
All the excuses about confidence and self-esteem are rubbish, if you have low self esteem speak to a therapist and work on yourself. How is sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend going to help matters and make you feel more confident and better about yourself? It’s no one else’s responsibility to make you happy least of all someone else’s boyfriend.
I’m sorry to be blunt and I appreciate that you probably don’t want to hear all of the above cos you just want someone to tell you that ‘you deserve him, he should leave her for you’ etc. But yeah it’s just another opinion I guess to add to the pile
For some odd reason people seem to feel entitled to have everything they want when they want it because we ‘only get one life’ or some other similar balls.
You’ve spent the last however many years sleeping with this man knowing he’s got a girlfriend. Do you not have any respect for her or yourself? Does she deserve that? No, but let me guess it’s made YOU happy so you’ve done it regardless. Why can’t you just find another man? A single man that you can date and sleep with without wrecking anyone else’s life in the process cos that’s what it could do. If his girlfriend found out she could maybe spend the rest of her life feeling insecure, wounded and affected by all of this. You might literally ruin her life and you’re ok with that? She might never have a normal relationship ever again.
All the excuses about confidence and self-esteem are rubbish, if you have low self esteem speak to a therapist and work on yourself. How is sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend going to help matters and make you feel more confident and better about yourself? It’s no one else’s responsibility to make you happy least of all someone else’s boyfriend.
I’m sorry to be blunt and I appreciate that you probably don’t want to hear all of the above cos you just want someone to tell you that ‘you deserve him, he should leave her for you’ etc. But yeah it’s just another opinion I guess to add to the pile
With respect it really wasnt a self esteem issue. I was young, didn't want any commitment and was happy to have sex with them. I wasn't expecting anything from them and didn't see being the other woman as a demeaning thing. You may well have done but then you'd have made a different choice then me. I know where I was self esteem wise at that time 
I wouldn't do it now, but then I'm in a different time in my life. Oddly enough my self esteem is the lowest its been in my life in some areas such as my looks.
I wouldn't do it now, but then I'm in a different time in my life. Oddly enough my self esteem is the lowest its been in my life in some areas such as my looks.
No one happy and well rounded purposely gets involved with attached people. Self esteem, arrogance, attention etc. Its a scummy move.
I was just going to post this, if you’ve been with someone who is attached then there’s issues deep down regardless, even though you might want to think you were just young and carefree and didn’t want commitment there was a reason why you went for a guy with a wife/girlfriend and not a single chap with no strings. That’s just psychology unfortunately. We rarely do things like that for no reason at all.
Exactly and let's be honest, if he was that serious about the OP, it's not likely his friend would have kissed her in the first place. As she said, what she and this guy had was "a bit of fun". OP, I'm amazed you're even bringing up a drunken kiss from over a decade ago when you were a free agent as something terrible
As someone who’s done it I fully agree. I’ve also been cheated on and it completely destroyed me but that was my karma. It made me realise what I could’ve inflicted on another person had she ever found out which thankfully she didn’t. We all have to learn hard lessons in life and take responsibility for our own actions.
He wasn't actually in a relationship at the time so wasn't currently cheating.
You're missing the point. The point is that you weren't in a relationship with him and a drunken kiss with his friend did not give him the right to cheat on his GF and string you along for 12 years
please stop making excuses for him and stop trying to justify his behaviour.
are you listening to anything that we are all saying here?????
No one in their right mind is going to tell you what you want to hear.
End it, and work on yourself.
Give an ultimatum and end up hurt either way as nothing will change.
Stay as you are, putting your life on hold with a pretend pen-pal relationship whilst knowingly assisting in hurting another woman.
End it, and work on yourself.
Give an ultimatum and end up hurt either way as nothing will change.
Stay as you are, putting your life on hold with a pretend pen-pal relationship whilst knowingly assisting in hurting another woman.
I was replying to a question someone asked. I was explaining that when I kissed his friend, he was actually single and had no ties to anyone hence we didn't speak for a while because he was upset. I am listening, I am very grateful for every piece of advice I've been given.
i see you’ve just edited this comment to remove the section about waking up today and blocking him.....?
I deleted it because I hadn't finished the message and it posted without the last bit. I woke up today and I've blocked him. He then tried to call me off a different number and I blocked that to. I've not given him any explanation. I've just ended it. I think I've always known how bad this situation is and I feel like a terrible person honestly for what I've allowed him to do to his girlfriend and for ever being a part of it. I'm just going to focus on myself now, healing from my past relationship and being a better person morally. Thank you all so much for your advice.
I hope you can stick to your guns and stay away. You dont deserve to be strung along like this, and his girlfriend doesnt deserve it either. I hope you can work on yourself and feel stronger.
That sounds like a very sensible decision. Total cliché, but they really are plenty more fish in the sea. Lovely ones who are available and with whom you can actually build a proper life. Be strong and stick to it.
Well done on blocking him. It is a big step!! Hope you are feeling ok. It is definitely for the best and I hope he doesn’t worm his way back in or turn up at your door .. but I don’t think he will. You are better off without a man like that. 12 years is such a long time. I hope you find happiness with someone. There are good guys out there