I have to agree with this comment. I really don't think I am ready. My head tells me its the right thing to do but my heart says, if he was using me why would he invest so much time in me. I never ever message him first, even though I know he's alone in the evenings, he's always done the chasing the whole 12 years, why would he support me and help me in so many ways if he just wanted sex which he rarely gets from me anyway. Other than the fact he's in a relationship, he has never ever done anything or said anything to hurt me, he is a constant positive in my life but I know I can't live this way forever. XYou really don’t sound like you are ready to let him go, you almost sound like you are thinking of reasons not too?
Are you scared of giving him an ultimatum in case he doesn’t choose you?
Im worried you are putting your life on hold for him and it sounds like you deserve a lot better
Maybe he's not using you, but he's also not choosing youI have to agree with this comment. I really don't think I am ready. My head tells me its the right thing to do but my heart says, if he was using me why would he invest so much time in me. I never ever message him first, even though I know he's alone in the evenings, he's always done the chasing the whole 12 years, why would he support me and help me in so many ways if he just wanted sex which he rarely gets from me anyway. Other than the fact he's in a relationship, he has never ever done anything or said anything to hurt me, he is a constant positive in my life but I know I can't live this way forever. X
he’s in a relationship with another woman.I have to agree with this comment. I really don't think I am ready. My head tells me its the right thing to do but my heart says, if he was using me why would he invest so much time in me. I never ever message him first, even though I know he's alone in the evenings, he's always done the chasing the whole 12 years, why would he support me and help me in so many ways if he just wanted sex which he rarely gets from me anyway. Other than the fact he's in a relationship, he has never ever done anything or said anything to hurt me, he is a constant positive in my life but I know I can't live this way forever. X
I've just read this thread, you are so right, but I don't think she's ready to leave him, blimey I wish she would, 12 years, you come in this life once, it'll be upsetting, but you are worth so much better than the way he's been treating you.he’s in a relationship with another woman.
rhey bought a house together.
they have a dog together.
he has CHOSEN TO BUILD A LIFE WITH THIS WOMAN. HE HASNT CHOSEN YOU. IF HE REALLY LOVED YOU, HE WOULD BE WITH YOU.
what are you expecting to happen here? It’s been 12 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its not about the physical act of sex. Let’s be Frank - he’s having regular sex with HIS GIRLFRIEND.I have to agree with this comment. I really don't think I am ready. My head tells me its the right thing to do but my heart says, if he was using me why would he invest so much time in me. I never ever message him first, even though I know he's alone in the evenings, he's always done the chasing the whole 12 years, why would he support me and help me in so many ways if he just wanted sex which he rarely gets from me anyway. Other than the fact he's in a relationship, he has never ever done anything or said anything to hurt me, he is a constant positive in my life but I know I can't live this way forever. X
I am male so I hope that the person seeking advice doesn’t mind me responding, but I 100% endorse this reply. Good luck!Personally, I wouldnt even bother with an ultimatum. If he actually loved you, respected you and wanted to be with you; he wouldnt have hurt other women in the process and he would be with you now. Will you actually respect him after 12yrs of being, essentially, his pen pal? Please put yourself first. You are a single mother working hard, he is some gobshite lying to his partner and emotionally cheating. You're worth far more than that.
I really do not mind you responding. Its nice to have a male perspective. Thank you xI am male so I hope that the person seeking advice doesn’t mind me responding, but I 100% endorse this reply. Good luck!
Ergh. Hes a prick.This is an example of a message he sent me a few months ago.... this was when I was going through a rough time.
''I don’t think you’re a let down at all, I know the troubles you’re having and the reasons why you’re like this but you keep everything bottled up instead of talking about it which makes things worse and you know you can talk to me about anything. I love you so much and not seeing you on a daily basis kills me, I haven’t seen you properly in almost 8 weeks, do you not understand how hard that is for me?'' xxx
This may give more of an insight in to the type of things he says. However, after reading all of your replies, I definitely need to think about this in a different way to what I have been because I know I cant put my life on hold forever. X
I really do not mind you responding. Its nice to have a male perspective. Thank you x
Always remember, actions speak louder than words. So sorry you are going through this and I hope you find the strength to move on xThis is an example of a message he sent me a few months ago.... this was when I was going through a rough time.
''I don’t think you’re a let down at all, I know the troubles you’re having and the reasons why you’re like this but you keep everything bottled up instead of talking about it which makes things worse and you know you can talk to me about anything. I love you so much and not seeing you on a daily basis kills me, I haven’t seen you properly in almost 8 weeks, do you not understand how hard that is for me?'' xxx
This may give more of an insight in to the type of things he says. However, after reading all of your replies, I definitely need to think about this in a different way to what I have been because I know I cant put my life on hold forever. X
I really do not mind you responding. Its nice to have a male perspective. Thank you x
Second this, complete prick. Totally keeping you where he wants you, if I received that message from someone with a girlfriend I would absolutely feel instant ick because its so clear it’s emotional manipulation and you’re there to stroke his ego. Get rid ASAP, you are worth so so so much more than that.Ergh. Hes a prick.
oh.my.godThis is an example of a message he sent me a few months ago.... this was when I was going through a rough time.
''I don’t think you’re a let down at all, I know the troubles you’re having and the reasons why you’re like this but you keep everything bottled up instead of talking about it which makes things worse and you know you can talk to me about anything. I love you so much and not seeing you on a daily basis kills me, I haven’t seen you properly in almost 8 weeks, do you not understand how hard that is for me?'' xxx
This may give more of an insight in to the type of things he says. However, after reading all of your replies, I definitely need to think about this in a different way to what I have been because I know I cant put my life on hold forever. X
How about that for 12 years he’s Let you know that you’re not worth leaving his partner for. Being with you is less important that a mortgage, that he could take back out of, or The dog. What does he really stand to lose? You’re not worth more than that. That’s what he’s saying.Other than the fact he's in a relationship, he has never ever done anything or said anything to hurt me, he is a constant positive in my life
I think I've allowed myself to be treated this way because until today, I've never thought about it in the same way as someone does on the outside so I've never thought I was being treated badly especially when I compare how he is to me with how my ex was. My ex didn't support me with anything, when I ended up in hospital 5 months after giving birth, the man this post is about was there for me, I could have died. The man I was with at the time didn't support me at all. When I passed my degree, my ex didn't even say well done, the other guy sent me flowers to my work. And its not about material things for me, just having the support of him is something I've never had in any relationship. When my ex was bringing me down, he was bringing me up. He gave me the courage to leave a dangerous, toxic relationship. He makes me feel good about myself. I just need to find that in someone else I suppose.How about that for 12 years he’s Let you know that you’re not worth leaving his partner for. Being with you is less important that a mortgage, that he could take back out of, or The dog. What does he really stand to lose? You’re not worth more than that. That’s what he’s saying.
I’d go as far as to say he’s dangerously manipulative. What do you think he’s saying to his partner, what does she think she’s pursuing here? He’s a grade A arsehole. He’s fucking two women’s lives up under the guise of being the good guy.
12 years!!!! If you can’t let him go you need to accept that you are the other woman and he is using you. He has made a life with his partner. If she and you needed him at the same time, you would not be the priority as he’s proven. Why would you let yourself be treated that way and say he loves you?
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