That time I walked away from marriage
Diren Kartal <
[email protected]>
Sun 2/01/2022 2:03 AM
I've had a bit of crazy day
It started busy with work and followed through with mixed emotions about some shit that happened in the past.
I'm talking about this because it actually helps me, also gives you an indication of what I'm like I guess
Also might explain to you why I love my life so much right now.
#deardiary
I won't lie I'm good with being vulnerable about most things but not great about this topic
In 2017 I went through something that actually created some fuc*ing trauma in my head.
I walked away from a 7 year relationship where I actually walked out of a wedding a couple months out and yes I was the groom.
Girls that reading this are thinking
"Diren you're a scumbag"
In my defence, I didn't want to be in my 30s, suicidal and regret every decision in my life.
I knew I wanted more for my life and knew if i went ahead with it, it would have ruined me.
This is me being dead serious about that last comment, no bants what so ever, I wouldn't joke about that shit.
It was a tough time, I broke my best friends heart and still havent really forgiven myself or really processed it.
fu*k me I'm actually typing this on an email #fuckit
So today I was thinking about why I have trust issues, why I find it difficult to trust girls that have been in my life or are in my life.
It's because my kindness and care has been taken advantage of in the past due to other peoples insecurities,
which affected me in a way that I feel like I have to protect myself
It also has probably caused me to do shit that I shouldn't have done maybe.
It's mad right, when you think someone loves you you think they would never take advantage of you.
Truth is people do, they don't always do it on purpose but they do.
Well the wrong people do anyway.
When someone relies their whole happiness on your existence it's fu*ked
It's toxic, creates stress, pressure and does not end well.
Today I was looking at some messages I was getting from my X and you know what, fu*k me no wonder I have fear of being trapped.
Yes you should never allow past experiences to dictate what you do today but man a lot of things I just read made me realise how crazy that time was.
I havent really spoken about it or thought about in detail.
Sometimes it takes a special person to talk to you without any judgment about these topics.
Those people are special and when you find them, make sure you look after them.
I have it and I'm grateful for it.
This is me talking about a very personal and vulnerable topic.
I could go into more detail but to be honest I don't want expose that person or their insecurities which led them to be like that.
All i can say is, I'm working through it and you should too.
I've had a lot of clients that have been open with me about their bad habits around food and training
once they open up about it their progress is just unreal
with Project X I create this environment
A healthy, trusting space that helps you fix what's in your mind which leads to unreal physical progress.
It's takes strength to open up about these things and i'll be there to support and help you grow
For all details about what's like to be in the Project X fam
>>>>
Click here
Maybe one day I'll do a podcast about it. When the time is right.