Difficult people at work

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

This is one of the things that is making me dread finding a new job and going back to work, all the arseholes. I can’t handle being spoken down to and being treated badly. I see red. I come across as this quite shy person, but when people push me too far, I flip and show them I’m not to be pushed around. I’d just love to find a job one day where I don’t have to constantly deal with arseholes.

 

[Lechat]

interested to hear people advice for dealing with difficult people. Whether rude, won’t get back to you, won’t take any responsibility or actions, turns every reasonable ask into a big deal... I’m interested to know what you find works with difficult people at work especially senior managers.
I get people are busy and so on but finding since working from home a new level of arseholery is starting to exist. Maybe people just find it easy to be a keyboard warrior??

 

[Hendrix]

We use Gmail at work now but back in the days of Outlook, one of my colleagues received a rude email one day and he replied professionally then added 'fuck you' at the bottom and changed the font colour to white too brave for my liking

 

[Hendrix]

I think it’s good to set those boundaries to be fair. I hate chasing people for a response. I know peoples inboxes get busy but some people never seem to reply.

i think there’s a good chance that the work culture at many firms will get more difficult and toxic with wfh, I’m not how firms overcome making employees deal with each other respectfully especially when some people seem to enjoy being an arsehole!

What annoys me about my work is the senior members of staff get away with sending a cheeky or rude email, if it was me my manager would be on the phone telling me it's not on and could lead to disciplinary action if it continued

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Just CC in the manager, if they’re being rude or not replying to you, escalate the issue with the appropriate person!

For emails I always found escalating it to someone higher up works well to get a fast reply For face to face arseholes remember they’re usually insecure, don’t put up with any shit, just use company policies to get rid of the fuckwits



Walking away helps, also treat them exactly how they treat you, but be nice it drives them mad!

If it’s someone in a superior position, stop making their job easier and show them exactly how much of an arsehole you can be, when spoken down to

If it’s someone in the same role, do your best to ignore them, treat them like they don’t exist, but also use your company policies to deal with anyone treating you badly!

I’ve tried all sorts! I think because I can be quiet, I become a bit of a target, but then people are surprised when I snap back at them and they generally don’t do it again, but there’s always another one I was bullied my whole life growing up and I have been bullied in work places too, I’d do anything to be in a job where it didn’t happen anymore.

 

[Hendrix]

For people who don't reply I chase them twice and if no reply on the third email I copy in their manager which works 99% of the time, for any level of staff whether they are below or above me. This isn't me being a dick this is a process I have to follow in my job. If there's still no response I escalate to my manager who deals with it from there.

We use Skype as an IM and getting responses on that since working from home can be a challenge.

I definitely believe people are more brave as they are working from home and don't need to deal with others face to face.

 

[Loulou_23]

Arseholery brilliant

A few people on my team have definitely turned into / got more Arseholery since working at home! And management who get away with murder but god help if you do the same!

 

[Lechat]

have to admit many arseholes I’ve come across in my career are white men in their 50s in senior positions. i know that’s a very broad generalisation but I wonder if there’s a generational difference. I’m in my 30s and find managers my age would hate to be seen as hierarchical or to upset people on purpose. could just be my experience tho!

 

[Paradisefalls]

I find this really interesting to read everyone’s experience since wfh became the norm.

I started my current role 4 days before lockdown so I only know the people I work with in this way. I thought there was a higher than usual concentration of assholes but thought it was just the company/client way but maybe it is the keyboard warriors. The client I work with hasn’t had a great time through the pandemic - multiple redundancies and closures so I do try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

I will say I find it a lot easier to detach from asshole behaviours and don’t let it get to me as much now as I would have previously when working in an office. I get much less frustrated by them.

In terms of how I deal with them I try to ignore the asshole elements of what they say. An old boss of mine gave me the best professional advice about 6 years ago - take the emotion out. If you can take the emotion out of what you do or out of what someone who is being a dick to you is and just stick to the facts it definitely helps and it usually catches them off guard as they normally do it to get a response.

Like a previous poster wrote - if someone doesn’t respond to me - I will chase twice and after that I will flag to my line manager who usually just tells me to chase weekly from there on in and that’s it.

also I always remind myself that there is no point in getting pissed off about them as it won’t make them change but will just frustrate me so it becomes a lose/lose situation for me.

 

[Lechat]

The level of arseholery was pretty epic when I was working forain IT company 3 or 4 years ago. Give someone the word "manager" in their job title, and all of a sudden they're jumping all over you demanding this, that and the other while riding their highest of high horses.

Fuck all that, and the horse they rode in on. I went the self-employed route and now I manage my own destiny. And yet ironically, I still get emails from those very same faux managers still struggling to understand some of the projects I did for them some 4 years ago!

this is very true, some people really change as soon as they get a certain title. I don’t get it, I treat everyone the same from the cleaner to an executive. Everyone is worthy of respect!

I bet that’s a key perk of being self employed as you get away from all the hierarchical bullshit at work.

 

[whatktdid]

I find this really interesting to read everyone’s experience since wfh became the norm.

I started my current role 4 days before lockdown so I only know the people I work with in this way. I thought there was a higher than usual concentration of assholes but thought it was just the company/client way but maybe it is the keyboard warriors. The client I work with hasn’t had a great time through the pandemic - multiple redundancies and closures so I do try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

I will say I find it a lot easier to detach from asshole behaviours and don’t let it get to me as much now as I would have previously when working in an office. I get much less frustrated by them.

In terms of how I deal with them I try to ignore the asshole elements of what they say. An old boss of mine gave me the best professional advice about 6 years ago - take the emotion out. If you can take the emotion out of what you do or out of what someone who is being a dick to you is and just stick to the facts it definitely helps and it usually catches them off guard as they normally do it to get a response.

Like a previous poster wrote - if someone doesn’t respond to me - I will chase twice and after that I will flag to my line manager who usually just tells me to chase weekly from there on in and that’s it.

also I always remind myself that there is no point in getting pissed off about them as it won’t make them change but will just frustrate me so it becomes a lose/lose situation for me.

I definitely agree with this. I got a little upset from a rude IM someone on my team at work sent me last week, but the thing is, while the way they messaged me was definitely rude, the content of the message itself was actually quite useful constructive criticism of my means of communicating with him/how we could better work together.

He later apologised for being rude, but I also let him know that while I didn't appreciate his choice of words, I would take into account how we could work better together in the future & the source of his mis-expressed frustration.

 

[Lechat]

Arseholery brilliant

A few people on my team have definitely turned into / got more Arseholery since working at home! A management who grt away with murder but god help if you do the same!

im glad it’s not just me seeing this trend! yes totally agree managers get away with rudeness that wouldn’t be tolerated from others.
I keep thinking am I too nice, maybe I should just go down the route of being a blunt arsehole and see what happens

 

[Lechat]

What annoys me about my work is the senior members of staff get away with sending a cheeky or rude email, if it was me my manager would be on the phone telling me it's not on and could lead to disciplinary action if it continued

totally agree. I could t behave like some people do as I would get pulled up on it! I’ve noticed the people who are often arseholes tend to have an arsehole boss so their behaviour is obvious ok on their teams. It’s amazing how the same firm can have various sub cultures which totally clash

 

[Kim Mild]

Arseholery is a brilliant word.

I wonder if people are more confident at home and this makes them cocky.

 

[1001 others]

I think there are asshats in every office. Every job I've ever left has been because of the people, not the work itself. Isn't that sad?

I used to think that freelancing remotely would fix all the "dealing with awful people" issues but sadly it doesn't.

 

[Paradisefalls]

good advice, I agree about taking the emotion out of things even though sometimes it’s really hard. I always take things too personally. sometimes when Ive had a shitty email I’ll wait before responding as need the time to cool off and not be tempted to write an angry response back!

oh that’s actually reminded me of something else that helps me - if someone has really annoyed me either in person or via email I will write out what I want to respond to them - usually in the notes on my phone or a draft email and then delete it.

often just writing it out and getting it off my chest is enough. If I am still angry I will keepit in drafts and decide once I’ve slept on it whether it is worth sending/discussing or not. It’s good to get perspective and not be too hot headed and reactive.

 

[WilmaHun]

I work with somebody very difficult - and his girlfriend! He is a solicitor who runs this office, his girlfriend is the same level as me.

Said person is very set in his ways (which are completely archaic, slow and sometimes, just ridiculous!). I recently visited another office where they trained me on a new system which is so fast, efficient and makes the job so much easier. The person (and his partner) who I work with are not even willing to try and learn to use it. They say "we've been doing it this way for years and not prepared to change now". He also told me to stop doing it the new way I've been shown. I simply pointed out to him that he does not in fact pay my wages, the partner at the other office does, and therefore I will be doing as the partner says. I told him that if he doesn't like how I do things, he should take it up with the partner (I know he won't because that would mean he gets told I am right and he is wrong). His girlfriend also feels the need to echo anything he says, even though she is at the same level as me and has no authority.

I always just come back with "well you're more than welcome to take this up with the people who pay my wages". They just roll their eyes and laugh at me!

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

oh that’s actually reminded me of something else that helps me - if someone has really annoyed me either in person or via email I will write out what I want to respond to them - usually in the notes on my phone or a draft email and then delete it.

often just writing it out and getting it off my chest is enough. If I am still angry I will keepit in drafts and decide once I’ve slept on it whether it is worth sending/discussing or not. It’s good to get perspective and not be too hot headed and reactive.

I do this all the time !!! Write that email.... then delete it. I try not to be upset anymore by the nonsense and disparity and blatant favouritism and almost fraudulent in its execution at my work. I have learnt that even outlining my thoughts sensibly is just ignored. So I save myself the hassle and frustration and get on with doing my job as well as I can and try not to get involved anymore. I’m lucky to be in a position that a lot of the crap doesn’t directly affect me anymore.

 

[Lechat]

I think it’s good to set those boundaries to be fair. I hate chasing people for a response. I know peoples inboxes get busy but some people never seem to reply.

i think there’s a good chance that the work culture at many firms will get more difficult and toxic with wfh, I’m not surehow firms overcome making employees deal with each other respectfully especially when some people seem to enjoy being an arsehole!

 

[Mulholland Drive]

The level of arseholery was pretty epic when I was working forain IT company 3 or 4 years ago. Give someone the word "manager" in their job title, and all of a sudden they're jumping all over you demanding this, that and the other while riding their highest of high horses.

Fuck all that, and the horse they rode in on. I went the self-employed route and now I manage my own destiny. And yet ironically, I still get emails from those very same faux managers still struggling to understand some of the projects I did for them some 4 years ago!