Cptsd mental health chat 💬 and therapy talk

[Longtimelurker xoxox]

Hi everyone I’ve had a look on here anyway a little bit of my story, I’ve suffered with mental health for a long time got so many diagnoses as long as Big Ben! Then I had some severe trauma which has ruined my life in and out of psychiatric wards and finally some therapy starting soon! Just thought I’d make this thread (hope I’ve done it right as never made one before!) for people who are currently battling mental health who would like to rant, rave and for advice ‍🩹

 

[Silverback]

Hello

I was happy to see this thread pop up today. I’ve had MH problems for 30 odd years. Currently battling CPTSD and anxiety. In what feels like my 800th therapy bout at the moment. I honestly think I could do with therapy every week for the rest of my life but can’t afford it!

 

[Longtimelurker xoxox]

Hello

I was happy to see this thread pop up today. I’ve had MH problems for 30 odd years. Currently battling CPTSD and anxiety. In what feels like my 800th therapy bout at the moment. I honestly think I could do with therapy every week for the rest of my life but can’t afford it!

Hi silverback! I’m diagnosed with them also and just had my first therapy session last week! How are you feeling? Having a pretty few crappy days lately wish more people aka family would understand what I’m going through and how my diagnosis affect me but made out to be a drama queen so pretty tit day today! But this thread is for ranting, raving and support as I know there’s a lot of us out there who understand and need it ‍🩹

 

[rainbowlemon]

Hello

I was happy to see this thread pop up today. I’ve had MH problems for 30 odd years. Currently battling CPTSD and anxiety. In what feels like my 800th therapy bout at the moment. I honestly think I could do with therapy every week for the rest of my life but can’t afford it!

Might be London specific but they have a few other areas too. I told my sister to email a few and get on a few lists.

Other affordable options for people on low incomes

Ongoing talking therapy – counselling and psychotherapy – will usually feel like a luxury and out of reach for people on low incomes. The Free Psychotherapy Network is a response to the…

freepsychotherapynetwork.com

I've been doing therapy every 2-3 weeks at the moment.

 

[WhatABore]

Thought I would join a little!
I am diagnosed with CPTSD and BPD.

I have had brief therapy before but finding it very difficult to find one that will take me on! Got stuck feeling like I'm too broken to be helped!

Unfortunately can't afford to go private!

 

[Snippysnips]

I have derealisation-desynchronization disorder an used to get CBT till the place said they didn't want to continue having the therapist so was left on my own after that, struggling like hell to find a job due to how limited I am an how many look down their nose at you here if you have MH or on benifits an been ghosted from the guaranteed interview on job applications as well

 

[Silverback]

Hi silverback! I’m diagnosed with them also and just had my first therapy session last week! How are you feeling? Having a pretty few crappy days lately wish more people aka family would understand what I’m going through and how my diagnosis affect me but made out to be a drama queen so pretty tit day today! But this thread is for ranting, raving and support as I know there’s a lot of us out there who understand and need it ‍🩹

Hey!
I’m up and down. I have a lot of nightmares which are very hard to deal with and I feel anxious all the time- like I can’t relax or ever feel safe. Nobody should be making you out to be a drama queen! People should be kind and supportive of you.

 

[rainbowlemon]

Thought I would join a little!
I am diagnosed with CPTSD and BPD.

I have had brief therapy before but finding it very difficult to find one that will take me on! Got stuck feeling like I'm too broken to be helped!

Unfortunately can't afford to go private!

You're not too broken and you can recover. I read and watched everything I could about BPD. This was my favourite documentary.



For BPD. I had no idea what I was even feeling. I had a cartoon chart with different emotions so could learn to identify them. This book was good for just learning how to cope in general. There's a few charities that can support you when you're in a crisis mode.

Amazon product

This was the one I contacted before and they were lovely.

Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings

Maytree offer a free 4 night, 5 day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence, in a caring, safe environment.

www.maytree.org.uk

For trauma it was about trying to calm the nervous system down.

Amazon product

I also joined a few support groups. It's just one day at a time.

I know it can be overwhelming but you do deserve help. Have you been to your GP? Are you on the waiting list?

There's also free therapy for certain groups as well:

Black Minds Matter UK

www.blackmindsmatteruk.com

If you're Asian:

Mental Health Support — Southeast and East Asian Centre

www.seeac.org.uk

This one if you're religious and they have no set fee but rely on donations:

Questions and Answers - Reach

My counsellor had a great depth of insight and understanding and the ability to put me completely at ease which led to complete openness. Questions and Answers What happens in my first session of counselling? Counselling is always led by your needs. During your first session your counsellor will...

www.reachuk.co.uk

 

[WhatABore]

You're not too broken and you can recover. I read and watched everything I could about BPD. This was my favourite documentary.



For BPD. I had no idea what I was even feeling. I had a cartoon chart with different emotions so could learn to identify them. This book was good for just learning how to cope in general. There's a few charities that can support you when you're in a crisis mode.

Amazon product

This was the one I contacted before and they were lovely.

Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings

Maytree offer a free 4 night, 5 day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence, in a caring, safe environment.

www.maytree.org.uk

For trauma it was about trying to calm the nervous system down.

Amazon product

I also joined a few support groups. It's just one day at a time.

Have you been to your GP? Are you on the waiting list?

I went to a GP years ago and as my CPSD is due to childhood sexual abuse, they referred me to Rape Crisis.
I attended but I didn't find it very good. We just sat in a room and she asked me how my day was and that was it.
So I stopped after 4 sessions as that's all she did every time.

Years later, during lockdown, I realised how much it was affecting me, that along with other struggles from my childhood/adulthood, anxiety ect so I went back to the doctors and they told me it was all self referral now and gave me a website to go on to self refer. I self referred and their response was basically that they can't help me because they think I need to deal with the childhood sexual abuse and ptsd before I tackle the anxiety and adult issues. So referred me to rape crisis again.
I got put on a 14 month waiting list with Rape Crisis. I did have a few phone call sessions about 6 months in, but they were explaining how to cope with flashbacks whilst I'm on the waiting list. A year and a half went by, still heard nothing. Left it until 20 months. Contacted them and was told they no longer offer counselling for hisotirxal sexual abuse and now focus on current sexual violence.
So I went back to the first place and they said they can't help me still unless I deal with that first but they don't know anywhere else that specialise in historical sexual abuse.

And I gave up because without paying, which I can't afford, I don't know where else to turn

 

[rainbowlemon]

I went to a GP years ago and as my CPSD is due to childhood sexual abuse, they referred me to Rape Crisis.
I attended but I didn't find it very good. We just sat in a room and she asked me how my day was and that was it.
So I stopped after 4 sessions as that's all she did every time.

Years later, during lockdown, I realised how much it was affecting me, that along with other struggles from my childhood/adulthood, anxiety ect so I went back to the doctors and they told me it was all self referral now and gave me a website to go on to self refer. I self referred and their response was basically that they can't help me because they think I need to deal with the childhood sexual abuse and ptsd before I tackle the anxiety and adult issues. So referred me to rape crisis again.
I got put on a 14 month waiting list with Rape Crisis. I did have a few phone call sessions about 6 months in, but they were explaining how to cope with flashbacks whilst I'm on the waiting list. A year and a half went by, still heard nothing. Left it until 20 months. Contacted them and was told they no longer offer counselling for hisotirxal sexual abuse and now focus on current sexual violence.
So I went back to the first place and they said they can't help me still unless I deal with that first but they don't know anywhere else that specialise in historical sexual abuse.

And I gave up because without paying, which I can't afford, I don't know where else to turn

I'm sorry that sounds so frustrating and that you've had to wait for so long. Someone I know also worked at this charity. I'll see if I can find others too.

Counselling - Lifecentre

lifecentre.uk.com

Second not exactly free but £1 for every £1000 earnt.

Counselling | OneinFour

oneinfour.org.uk

Not saying you have to do this but I have in the past donated to someone's gofundme for therapy.

 

[Longtimelurker xoxox]

Hey!
I’m up and down. I have a lot of nightmares which are very hard to deal with and I feel anxious all the time- like I can’t relax or ever feel safe. Nobody should be making you out to be a drama queen! People should be kind and supportive of you.

There’s something my therapist told me about I also get a lot of nightmares it’s to do with cptsd let me try and find it you basically change the narrative of the nightmare. This man who does it has worked with people with ptsd, war veterans I feel the exact same way I can’t remember ever feeling safe its coming up to a year free from pysch wards which is also making me feel weird

 

[WhatABore]

I'm sorry that sounds so frustrating and that you've had to wait for so long. Someone I know also worked at this charity. I'll see if I can find others too.

Counselling - Lifecentre

lifecentre.uk.com

Second not exactly free but £1 for every £1000 earnt.

Counselling | OneinFour

oneinfour.org.uk

Not saying you have to do this but I have in the past donated to someone's gofundme for therapy.

Thank you! I'll have a look into them both!

 

[ProfessorColdheart]

Thank you! I'll have a look into them both!

I only just stumbled on this thread looking for something similar. I'm glad rainbowlemon mentioned One in Four. Their book https://oneinfour.org.uk/product/the-warrior-within-handbook/ really helped me to understand the lasting impact of what happened to me. As someone else said I'd been to Rape Crisis and had a similar unhelpful experience. I went for therapy in my 20s and just had CBT or just talking about the past. Neither of which helped much or permanently.
The book I've linked to covers emotions, the nervous system and breaks down the information from "the body keeps the score". I wish i'd known 20 years ago that the issues I have had are actually neural pathways and nervous system issues and i wasn't just "mad" or "not coping". The link between our mind/emotions and bodies is very important.
I'd also recommend EMDR but if not affordable then look into bilateral stimulation you can do yourself at home.
PTSD UK have a pretty good website.

Another resource I've found helpful is the Therapy in A Nutshell You Tube channel (or on Spotify too). She's American I really rate her videos. I've had a lot of (paid for) therapy and she covers alot of stuff I paid to learn for free. She has a specific playlist for trauma and PTSD but I've dipped into her anxiety and depression stuff too. They're not too long and can be helpful https://www.youtube.com/@TherapyinaNutshell
Julie Smith's book Why Did Noone Tell Me This Before is also pretty good for "self-therapy".

I realise its a bit late on this thread but if someone else pops in here felt like a good idea to share this stuff. We work hard and alone to recover ourselves so whatever we can do for the next person who suffers will make our work slightly more worth it for me.

 

[Lola Ruby]

So glad there's a thread on this! After struggling for a while in several aspects of my life I decided to get a referral to see a therapist. This will be the third time I will be going to therapy - the first time was when I was diagnosed with ADD in my mid 20s and the second time was a few years ago when I was struggling with my confidence. Both times were helpful in some ways but felt like I was just 'scratching the surface' of my issues. When I saw this new therapist last week she asked about what I was struggling with then delved a bit deeper and asked me to tell her about my life - she said it sounds like (C)PTSD and that I would need to be referred to a therapist who specialises in treating it through EMDR. She even said that the CBT I had before isn't as effective in the treatment of (C)PTSD as EMDR so I am looking forward to starting and hopefully actually getting somewhere with it. I have another appointment this week and she's going to help me with the referral etc but it looks like most places near me have a waiting list and around a 6 week wait before the initial intake.

I'm not sure why but it feels like the years of just 'getting by' and struggling with certain things have now come to a head and I'm just realising so many things about myself and patterns in my life and feel like I need proper help to be able to move forward. I can't even really describe it but it's like just this realisation has triggered something and it has me questioning so many of my beliefs, my relationships etc... plus I'm exhausted all the time now, which seems to have come out of nowhere. I feel like I can never have enough sleep and struggle through my day before collapsing on the sofa and scrolling on my phone for hours because I have 0 energy for anything else. I just feel so burnt out and wonder if it's connected in some way. Is there anyone else who recognises this?

Thanks for everyone's suggestions in terms of reading etc. I actually have 'The Body Keeps the Score' but only managed a few pages last year so will definitely be reading that over the next few weeks!

 

[Silverback]

Hi all. Really struggling today. I just feel horribly anxious all day and I can’t put my finger on why. I feel spaced out and horribly nervous and like I can’t take in what’s going on around me.

 

[ProfessorColdheart]

So glad there's a thread on this! After struggling for a while in several aspects of my life I decided to get a referral to see a therapist. This will be the third time I will be going to therapy - the first time was when I was diagnosed with ADD in my mid 20s and the second time was a few years ago when I was struggling with my confidence. Both times were helpful in some ways but felt like I was just 'scratching the surface' of my issues. When I saw this new therapist last week she asked about what I was struggling with then delved a bit deeper and asked me to tell her about my life - she said it sounds like (C)PTSD and that I would need to be referred to a therapist who specialises in treating it through EMDR. She even said that the CBT I had before isn't as effective in the treatment of (C)PTSD as EMDR so I am looking forward to starting and hopefully actually getting somewhere with it. I have another appointment this week and she's going to help me with the referral etc but it looks like most places near me have a waiting list and around a 6 week wait before the initial intake.

I'm not sure why but it feels like the years of just 'getting by' and struggling with certain things have now come to a head and I'm just realising so many things about myself and patterns in my life and feel like I need proper help to be able to move forward. I can't even really describe it but it's like just this realisation has triggered something and it has me questioning so many of my beliefs, my relationships etc... plus I'm exhausted all the time now, which seems to have come out of nowhere. I feel like I can never have enough sleep and struggle through my day before collapsing on the sofa and scrolling on my phone for hours because I have 0 energy for anything else. I just feel so burnt out and wonder if it's connected in some way. Is there anyone else who recognises this?

Thanks for everyone's suggestions in terms of reading etc. I actually have 'The Body Keeps the Score' but only managed a few pages last year so will definitely be reading that over the next few weeks!

I've had several bouts of therapy at different points in my life. I reckon we're only able to deal with what comes up at that time. Therapy in my 20s helped me get by but therapy in my late 30s really changed things and I suddenly realised a load of stuff that had impacted me that I had not really let myself think about. It was important and life changing but also I felt pretty stupid that I'd been vulnerable and mistreated and hadn't even been noticing. . .

Things "came to a head" for me too and once I started therapy (I had EMDR too) I too had that exhaustion and recognition of patterns. I think you probably are burnt out and you're finally letting yourself feel whats been going on for a while. We're brilliant at blocking stuff out. When I had EMDR it really helped but I also felt like I was sad and grieving ALL the time. It really wore me down because I wanted to feel better but I actually just felt like crying most of the time and that didn't feel much better. I also had a lot of unrelated memories come back which was weird. A few years on I think for me I would say there's just a lifetime of grief and the only real way out of it all is to feel your feelings. Let them be there. Don't fight them. Just let yourself feel it. Its the only way through. But it is in no way as easy as it sounds.

My trauma was complex too but there were within that particular stand out events that really hurt me. One of them was 31 years ago when I was a child but I only recently actually felt any feelings about it and realised how horrific it felt for me. I just didn't feel safe to have that feeling before now. So then its like you're back at 0, you have to sit with the horror and let yourself react to it like you would have. Which can feel ridiculous when you are in your adulthood and it happened all that time ago. But unless you let it out it stays in and for me that resulted in physical illnesses and difficulties with anxiety and depression. Its a long road.

The Body Keeps the Score is brilliant, but its a bit intense when you're actually going through stuff. My cognitive processes are not as sharp when I'm going through trauma reactions. Maybe just read the stuff about what helps and leave the understanding for later would be my advice, but we're all different.

Best wishes. I'm mainly replying so you know you aren't alone so if nothing else I've said helps - know that.

 

[Longtimelurker xoxox]

Glad I’ve started this thread even though I’ve not wrote in it, currently doing processing work and it’s brought up a childhood trauma that has knocked me for six starting edmr In 2 weeks honestly I feel hollow I feel like I’m not in my body dissociating mad just feel so rubbish

 

[Silverback]

Does anyone else struggle to concentrate on stuff? Really struggling with work at the moment.

 

[HitnMiss]

Yes I struggle to concentrate. I feel like I can never get on top of my workload. It's so frustrating isn't it.

 

[shadowcat5]

Does anyone else struggle to concentrate on stuff? Really struggling with work at the moment.

yes. I find it gets bad when my anxiety is bad.