Co-parenting

[Spidey2020]

anybody else doing this?

50/50 here but I feel like I do most of the parenting and he gets to be a fun Dad and commended for ‘stepping up’.

I go periods of being ok and then times where I just find it so so hard sharing my children with somebody who just have totally different outlooks.

I know I need to just let go because I can’t control what happens when they are not with me.

I just worry about the effect it has on my children and lessons they are learning. Learning to use the other parent to get what they want if one says no for example. Becoming ‘spoilt’ and materialistic.

 

[samwilzrhcp]

50/50? He must be doing something right, at least he’s not an every other weekend Dad.

I have my kids 4 nights one week then 2 nights the week after so this works out at 42% but that’s purely due to distance, I recently moved in with my partner (July last year) 40 minutes away, otherwise I would ensure i have them that extra night to make it 50/50. This isn’t including holidays where I have have them extra by the way.

It’s been a rollercoaster since me & my ex split a few years ago, but where we’re at now it works, & the most important thing I learned was she does her thing & I do my thing, it’s more like parallel parenting than co parenting.

And kids are smarter than we give them credit for, they will 100% try playing one parent off against the other, even if you were still together, it’s part of growing up, just don’t take it personally.

 

[Spidey2020]

50/50? He must be doing something right, at least he’s not an every other weekend Dad.

I have my kids 4 nights one week then 2 nights the week after so this works out at 42% but that’s purely due to distance, I recently moved in with my partner (July last year) 40 minutes away, otherwise I would ensure i have them that extra night to make it 50/50. This isn’t including holidays where I have have them extra by the way.

It’s been a rollercoaster since me & my ex split a few years ago, but where we’re at now it works, & the most important thing I learned was she does her thing & I do my thing, it’s more like parallel parenting than co parenting.

And kids are smarter than we give them credit for, they will 100% try playing one parent off against the other, even if you were still together, it’s part of growing up, just don’t take it personally.

The fact that you said ‘he must be doing something right’ to him being 50/50 is exactly one of my points.

 

[WhatABore]

I have recently started the co-parenting situation.
At the minute, he only sees them for 2 hours on a Saturday and 2 hours on a Sunday. But I feel like I am dreading when/if it gets to him having them more.
Not being able to control the people they are around is a big thing for me too!

He has already quickly become the "fun" parent. Whilst we were together, he'd never buy them things like he does now. Now he buys them magazines, toys, everything

 

[klarakluckbag]

anybody else doing this?

50/50 here but I feel like I do most of the parenting and he gets to be a fun Dad and commended for ‘stepping up’.

I go periods of being ok and then times where I just find it so so hard sharing my children with somebody who just have totally different outlooks.

I know I need to just let go because I can’t control what happens when they are not with me.

I just worry about the effect it has on my children and lessons they are learning. Learning to use the other parent to get what they want if one says no for example. Becoming ‘spoilt’ and materialistic.

First of all, you should commend yourself for "stepping up", and managing to co-parent with such a mature and selfless attitude. I completely understand that it must be really difficult to hand over your most precious things into the care of someone that you don't particularly like, it is a sacrifice, but it's one that you must make for the sake of your children, who will one day understand just what you (and their father) have done for them.

Most kids are spoilt and materialistic to an extent, it's just their nature, and even when couples are together, one parent tends to be the "bad guy", and one doles out the big treats....I used to moan at my husband, who would buy our son whatever he wanted, I used to make him do chores to earn his pocket money, or make him save up if he wanted big-ticket items (games consoles etc), so that he could understand the value of things. It's probably harder to do this when your children are living in two households, but honestly, they will appreciate the little things, like having clean clothes, food on the table, and a supportive mum who makes them do their homework, just as much as all of the flashy presents...they might not say it, but they will.

Try to work with your ex if you can. If you don't want your child to have any treats because (for instance) they have been playing up at school, then explain to him that you need to be consistent with punishments, and to both be on the same page. I know that this can be quite difficult sometimes, but even if he won't play ball, the fact is that your children are benefiting from having both parents in their lives, and you should be proud of yourself for making that happen.