Cleaning with Mario #22 karma on your arse and stovies out your arse

[It’s All Fake]

* To be sung to the tune Fresh Prince of Bel Air

On the west coast of Scotland I was born and raised
Paisley is where I spent most of my days
Chillaxin and waxin tryin desperately to look cool
And shootin down ma grammar cause I didn’t go to no school
When a couple of influencers who were up to no good
Tryin to flog shit wax melts in ma bespoke neighbourhood
So I got in ma ain lane cause ma maw got all scared
She said you’re moving in with Derek cause he’s got the credit caird.

I moved into his flat around 7 or 8 and yelled to the postie
Hey where’s ma bastard letterbox?!!
Looked at ma plush kingdom I was finally there
And sit on ma throne as the Prince of utter tat and shite.

I know. The last bit doesn’t rhyme but it is tat and shite.

 

[Doodlebug71]

I bet he was Hinching Himself Happy all night long

Page 282 is now stuck firmly to page 283 so aye nae debates on ma page

 

[NaeDebates]

I’m a long time lurker on here but just caught myself listening to my mum telling me a story about someone at her work getting their comeuppance and caught myself saying to mum “oh well, that is karmer on her arse” help me I’ve got melvinitis

 

[DilysMcGillis]

Well, ma lovelies! Whit a rollercoaster of emotions those stories were From seeing the FULL and CLEAR outline of his knob in those trousers to one of my favourite lines of all time: “Me and Derek both love fudge” And I’m so glad he didn’t go for the orange Hallowe’en mug, ma lovelies, without the cut outs it widnae have sloshed joos and Bovril all over those plush monstrosities! Oh, Meirdre, you absolute fanny, never change

 

[EmmaMcL90]

Think I got it

 

[Curtaintwitcher45]

CHRISTMAS EVE BOXES FOR A 37 YEAR OLD MAN AND HIS LAD AS FUCKING IF

Also he’s the only person I’ve ever ever heard say that he’s lost weight and now feels cosy, the boy is an absolute supper

 

[TheNiceBeardMan]

His new WiFi password is 'Page282'

 

[Rocketllama]

What a way to start my morning watching a grown man clean his skid marks off the pan

 

[MaidMarion]

Came on to say what a condescending little prick! The way he is going on about the brand rep that sent him the febreze bottle, "her wee page" wee page this and wee page that, he is basically saying she was nothing last year until she met him and he was some sort of saviour to her, scrotebag, he is a jealous little fucktard and tries to belittle people in the guise of being nice. The woman lives in a penthouse in Glasgow and has a life he could only dream of, jealous little bawhair of a twat.

 

[Cagayu]

View attachment 267156
No Mario, just as you aren’t in my pyjamas sweating your ass off, your dad hasn’t sent me that.
He’s right, he does look awful in beige. He reminds me of one of those bespoke white dog shits you used to see

I can see the resemblance

 

[Babooshka]

My phone has been in a huff for days and I come back to marios penis and Christmas Eve boxes. It’s just too much to take in. His wee boaby will be a bit sore shooglin aboot they leggings. The tip will be glowing like Rudolph’s nose bringing me nicely to the Christmas Eve boxes ffs. Hope it’s sex toys he’s putting in dereks. And some cooling boaby salve in his Is it too early for a drink.

 

[DilysMcGillis]

Hallo, ma lovelies! What an education I’ve had today from Miss Meirdre! I now know how to clean a bin with ammonia and hot water in a tiny, poorly ventilated shower room - perfectly safe & highly recommended. No need to let it drip dry, very time consuming for one as busy as our Meirdre, simply dry it with your “closs”. And I never would’ve recognised the need to label transparent jars - thank god for him, it’s a public service he’s providing for us all - how else could we possibly identify what’s in them? And I’m glad he finally managed to source them - I’ve been trying to get them for ages, ma lovelies, but couldn’t find any for life nor money, not even in this new dayn of dawn. I can’t wait to see his bespoke bed from Danyell’s tat shop bedecked in that wah-full bedset. The static electricity will be off the charts. I was shocked, SHOCKED I tell youse, to see more “blush pink” Xmas shite after Meirdre’s assurances that he wasn’t buying any more unnecessary Xmas shite - “Ah’m jist no’ daen it, ma lovelies” Lo and behold a cacophony of shite, including those baubles - but they look SO luxurious Do they, aye? They look like they cost so much more Oh no they don’t, Meirdre, oh no they don’t And, lastly, that couch looks uncomfortable as fuck - Deek is obviously not allowed to move any cushions

 

[Noseybonk]

Hello ma lovelies. So I am not happy! Marionitis is definately catching, I told you all that about a week ago I said ‘karmar on your ass’ to my husband when he dropped his toast... well today I actually said ‘Nae debates’ in a meeting at work. I live in Manchester, and sound 100% Manc

 

[Anti-influencer]

His entire home gives me anxiety. THERE IS SOMETHING ON EVERY SURFACE.

Mario if you’re reading (which we all know you do, I don’t know how you keep up to be honest this thread is always on fire) I have a Netflix recommendation for you: Tidying Up With Marie Kondo. It’s not even a recommendation at this stage actually, it’s a prescription.

 

[Curtaintwitcher45]

God almighty that couch looks so uncomfortable. Dereks lying there posed like a dead body, there’s nothing natural or comfy about that position, he’s like a fucking corpse that’s been dumped on that sofa. Ahh the price to pay for a freebie

 

[Laura VanderBooben]

Hello ma lovelies how are we all. Ahm fine ahm fine. Ma Queen Hinchy shouted or we out ahm gobsmacked little ol botoxed me? Canny any of Youse believe it or me? Youse all been amazein on this jurnee or me getting the recognition I deserved. I fell a well deserved break coming it's too much jus too much sometimes you don't see the darksides and undestand the pressure that comes with this job aye and so forth. Oan yourself hen mummazz x dahlin didn't send me one obviously cause ahm in ma lane she's in hers.

*pushes imaginary hair behind ears while making up a story to tell about a public serviceman and being in a state of undress*

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

He literally has nothing else to do. No hobbies or interests. Just cleaning his bin. Badly

I was saying this to my friend yesterday. The idea of two grown men having nothing better to do on a Saturday than take pictures of the same cooked breakfast they seem to have every other day, “look round the shops” (for what?!) and then return home to take a nap is just beyond tragic. They’re like a pair of little old women.

 

[twilightgarden]

No Mario, just as you aren’t in my pyjamas sweating your ass off, your dad hasn’t sent me that.
He’s right, he does look awful in beige. He reminds me of one of those bespoke white dog shits you used to see

 

[Poptart]

Dairylea smeared on some crackers and a pile of pickled onions is NOT a cheeseboard. I'm affronted on behalf of cheese.

 

[DilysMcGillis]

This.My perfumes and body lotions/shower gels have a scent NOT my cleaning products.

When he said Fabulosa was like a high end aftershave Fuck me. “In the scent Electrify. In the colour black. In the scent BergamoNt” Fuck off, Meirdre! Also good to see he’s back on the Spiced Pumpkin bandwagon again after declaring his distaste for seeezonull scentsss. Ah just dinnae like them, ma lovelies, they’re no’ fur me...***sprays warm fig air freshener all over his toilet, which is ironic really, as we all quite clearly saw that it had certainly seen a few warm figs recently...