Chit Chat #27

[Peaches_xox]

@whisperchat

Spoiler: Termination/pregnancy loss

from a different point of view I have also had a termination and it didn’t really mess me up that bad. I think everybody is different and some people cope with it better then others. Everybody has different reasons as to why they do it. As you all know I’ve also had a MC and Ive found that a lot harder to cope with then the termination. So I’m not saying your friend isn’t lying but she might just be coping with it a bit better. If she is a liar though you’re probs best off just not being her friend!

 

[whisperchat]

@whisperchat

Spoiler: Termination/pregnancy loss

from a different point of view I have also had a termination and it didn’t really mess me up that bad. I think everybody is different and some people cope with it better then others. Everybody has different reasons as to why they do it. As you all know I’ve also had a MC and Ive found that a lot harder to cope with then the termination. So I’m not saying your friend isn’t lying but she might just be coping with it a bit better. If she is a liar though you’re probs best off just not being her friend!

Yeah, I get where you're coming from and I do feel bad for doubting her but I just have this gut feeling that I can't shake.. I think I just see it from my point of view because when I went through the MC it was the lowest point of my life and some things she's told me about her experience with the termination just don't really add up. I googled something about her pregnancy that she told me and then asked her.. she had googled the same thing and copied and pasted it to me.. I was reading the same thing word for word..

 

[ordinaryjelly]

Hello everyone, just wanted to pop in and ask a question or get advice because you're all lovely on here.. never done a spoiler thing before so I hope it works..

Spoiler: friend trouble/sensitive pregnancy talk

if you suspected a close friend of lying would you call them out? Or would you just leave it and let them keep digging their own grave. I have this friend which I've known since I was about 13 (28 now so a long time) in 2018 I went through a horrific time, I lost a pregnancy and it really messed me up.. I can only just talk about it now without crying so I'm making progress lol. She knows all this.. She knows how bad I went through it.. and now she's telling me she's had to have a termination because her bf can't afford to look after her and a child. If anyone has ever been through it on here you'll know how mentally and physically straining it is when you lose a pregnancy. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But since she's told me its happened to her she's been out, drinking, partying, having reunions with other friends... she told me she was living in her car because she was moving in with her boyfriend.. (how? you'd need to be near a toilet at all times) she's told me not to tell anyone, her mum or boyfriend absolutely cannot know for some reason.. like wtf? It probably sounds awful but I think she's lying about it.. She's lied about stuff before and been caught out.. (her boyfriend nearly broke up with her once because of it) she even stole a shampoo and conditioner from my house once and swore blind it wasn't her but I saw it in her bathroom weeks later I don't know...help.. what do you think I should do? it's driving me mad.. I can't stop thinking about it.

I am so sorry you have had an experience that has effected you that way. Which is an entirely normal reaction, btw. I hope you have had support around you even if you are unable to actually talk about it right then.

As for your friend, how I deal with it now would depend entirely on what kind of friendship I'd want to salvage afterwards. People do cope in very different ways with things. There is no right or wrong way, just different people managing the same thing differently. If I wanted to be friends after (and given your situation I would find it difficult) I'd have to say something like "I am sorry you have gone through this experience, when it happened to me I found it difficult to cope and because of my experience this is hard for me" save see what she says.

If I was less invested in the friendship I'd say something a bit more inflammatory. Not that I knew she was lying because maybe she had the abortion behind his back and her mum doesn't know, we can never know. I'd say somethng like "your experience is so different to mine but a few things don't really add up" and see how she responds depending on that and what she said would depend on if I felt able to be friends with her in the future.

But friends wouldn't make you feel worse and they certainly would not steal from you either.

Be kind to you. I am sure this situation is dragging up all kinds of memories and triggers for you.

 

[coconochanel]

I like a Twister as they are refreshing.

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Hello everyone, just wanted to pop in and ask a question or get advice because you're all lovely on here.. never done a spoiler thing before so I hope it works..

Spoiler: friend trouble/sensitive pregnancy talk

if you suspected a close friend of lying would you call them out? Or would you just leave it and let them keep digging their own grave. I have this friend which I've known since I was about 13 (28 now so a long time) in 2018 I went through a horrific time, I lost a pregnancy and it really messed me up.. I can only just talk about it now without crying so I'm making progress lol. She knows all this.. She knows how bad I went through it.. and now she's telling me she's had to have a termination because her bf can't afford to look after her and a child. If anyone has ever been through it on here you'll know how mentally and physically straining it is when you lose a pregnancy. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But since she's told me its happened to her she's been out, drinking, partying, having reunions with other friends... she told me she was living in her car because she was moving in with her boyfriend.. (how? you'd need to be near a toilet at all times) she's told me not to tell anyone, her mum or boyfriend absolutely cannot know for some reason.. like wtf? It probably sounds awful but I think she's lying about it.. She's lied about stuff before and been caught out.. (her boyfriend nearly broke up with her once because of it) she even stole a shampoo and conditioner from my house once and swore blind it wasn't her but I saw it in her bathroom weeks later I don't know...help.. what do you think I should do? it's driving me mad.. I can't stop thinking about it.

On the supposed theft part, are you sure she didn't just buy the same brand as you?

 

[whisperchat]

On the supposed theft part, are you sure she didn't just buy the same brand as you?

No because my auntie brought me it back from America…it was an American brand.. it was lovely stuff and I was telling her about it, she was really interested.. next thing I know it’s in her bloody bathroom! I laugh about it now but at the time I was furious. My other friend told me that she stole it too.. apparently after we fell out over it and swearing it wasn’t her she admitted it to my other friend couldn’t make it up.

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

No because my auntie brought me it back from America…it was an American brand.. it was lovely stuff and I was telling her about it, she was really interested.. next thing I know it’s in her bloody bathroom! I laugh about it now but at the time I was furious. My other friend told me that she stole it too.. apparently after we fell out over it and swearing it wasn’t her she admitted it to my other friend couldn’t make it up.

Okay, so you still have this thief in your life for what reason?

 

[whisperchat]

Okay, so you still have this thief in your life for what reason?

Because I’m obviously a mug who puts up with crap and let’s people get away with it ! Trust me I know…

 

[WilmaHun]

Because I’m obviously a mug who puts up with crap and let’s people get away with it ! Trust me I know…

I think it's very easy for outsiders to judge and instantly say "well you shouldn't have remained friends with them" but life is never that black and white. When you have a relationship with someone on any level whether it be friends, partners, family etc, they do things wrong but because of the relationship you let things slide and you put up with stuff when people wrong you. It doesn't mean you're a mug, it just means you tried to be the best friend you could! Now you've realised perhaps they're not the best person to have in your life and you can start to distance yourself. You're not a mug though!

 

[watermelon sugar]

Because I’m obviously a mug who puts up with crap and let’s people get away with it ! Trust me I know…

you are not a mug! It’s easy for people to judge and be like ‘why do you have these people in your life’ even though they’ve treated you bad. Sometimes it not easy to cut toxic people out of your life! You’re definitely not a mug

 

[whisperchat]

I think it's very easy for outsiders to judge and instantly say "well you shouldn't have remained friends with them" but life is never that black and white. When you have a relationship with someone on any level whether it be friends, partners, family etc, they do things wrong but because of the relationship you let things slide and you put up with stuff when people wrong you. It doesn't mean you're a mug, it just means you tried to be the best friend you could! Now you've realised perhaps they're not the best person to have in your life and you can start to distance yourself. You're not a mug though!

Thank you, it’s hard to distance yourself from people you’re so fond of… I love her like a sister we’ve grown up together and I’ve given her so many chances… when our friendship is good it’s really good and we have so much fun but now I’m just thinking is it all worth it.. do I keep letting her get away with it..kinda walking all over me in a way!! Ffs I don’t know anymore I’m glad In a way that she felt she could tell me something so sensitive and trust me but if it’s all a lie then I’m done

 

[watermelon sugar]

I think it's very easy for outsiders to judge and instantly say "well you shouldn't have remained friends with them" but life is never that black and white. When you have a relationship with someone on any level whether it be friends, partners, family etc, they do things wrong but because of the relationship you let things slide and you put up with stuff when people wrong you. It doesn't mean you're a mug, it just means you tried to be the best friend you could! Now you've realised perhaps they're not the best person to have in your life and you can start to distance yourself. You're not a mug though!

you worded it better than me

 

[WilmaHun]

My cousin has text and asked if she can come look in my wardrobe over the weekend and borrow some clothes for an upcoming interview. I said yes but now I'm panicking because she's gonna see my clothes size which I never tell anyone. We're a similar height and build so she probably won't even care but I obsess over it and what if she tries stuff on and it's really baggy on her and then I'll feel like a bleeping whale or what if she doesn't like anything and then I'll feel like a swank with no nice clothes I know it's something really stupid to be anxious about but I'm proper panicking and wishing I'd just said I'm busy and she can't come

 

[whisperchat]

you worded it better than me

you both worded it perfectly!! x

 

[watermelon sugar]

My cousin has text and asked if she can come look in my wardrobe over the weekend and borrow some clothes for an upcoming interview. I said yes but now I'm panicking because she's gonna see my clothes size which I never tell anyone. We're a similar height and build so she probably won't even care but I obsess over it and what if she tries stuff on and it's really baggy on her and then I'll feel like a bleeping whale or what if she doesn't like anything and then I'll feel like a swank with no nice clothes I know it's something really stupid to be anxious about but I'm proper panicking and wishing I'd just said I'm busy and she can't come

girl you ain’t even large!! stop worrying about your weight!! Im sure you look lovely

 

[Peaches_xox]

Yeah, I get where you're coming from and I do feel bad for doubting her but I just have this gut feeling that I can't shake.. I think I just see it from my point of view because when I went through the MC it was the lowest point of my life and some things she's told me about her experience with the termination just don't really add up. I googled something about her pregnancy that she told me and then asked her.. she had googled the same thing and copied and pasted it to me.. I was reading the same thing word for word..

Girlllllll always trust your gut!

 

[coconochanel]

@whisperchat if I were you I'd keep this friend at arms length.

 

[whisperchat]

my most recent tattoo is healed but its SO itchy! it's a bit bumpy too.. My vision has gone, migraine sufferers if you know you know.. I'm having a right stinker today

 

[watermelon sugar]

my most recent tattoo is healed but its SO itchy! it's a bit bumpy too.. My vision has gone, migraine sufferers if you know you know.. I'm having a right stinker today

Ooo what tattoo did you get? And where! I’m getting one next week I think

 

[Boredofthegram]

Hey all.

Been a bit quiet cos my MH is the pits at the mo but I’ve been reading and keeping up where I can.

I love a twister lolly or a 99 from the ice cream van.

Spoiler: Moan

I want someone to come look after me, cook me tea and tell me what to do at the moment. Adulting is hard and being the grown up parent all the time. Haven’t heard from mini boreds dad in weeks (usual for him he’s useless) so it’s all on me as per usual and I’m worn out. New job is a lot of work for my brain too. I feel like I’m not fully present right now. It’s my birthday in a fortnight though and mr bored has booked us a weekend away so I’m looking forward to that and hoping I feel a bit more with it by then.