Thank you everyone for all your replies!
I really appreciate it.
As I said, I don't have anyone to talk to really as friends.
Even if I do meet this guy as friends or whatever, I'd never actually do anything physical with him. I'm fully aware I'm already "Emotionally cheating"
But I certainly wouldn't physically cheat.
I want my marriage to work because when you take away those issues, we get on extremely well.
I understand he has issues he needs to sort out. But he isn't willing to and that is something that affects both me and the kids.
Which is something I need to consider. And probably bring up again and make him realise it isn't good for any of us.
Doing everything for the kids by myself has caused a lot of resentment I think too. Obviously I'm not perfect myself. This is a perfect example of that.
And it is so hard not to get emotionally attached to someone who is there supporting you and making you feel good when you're not getting that at home.
Thank you again everyone