Just echoing this 1000% - if you are unhappy then leaving is the right thing to do. My parents did not scream and shout, they barely spoke tbh, and it was still obvious how much they hated each other. My childhood was miserable, do not stay for the kids.
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i'm sorry to hear you are in this situation!
i think the main thing is you have to decide. you can't go on like this! probably meeting this guy in person will help your decision. but basically you have to make your mind up: do you want to pursue something with this guy or do you want to work on your marriage?
whichever decision you make, and stick to it, and do it properly, will be better for you and everyone around you. your kids don't want to grow up in an environment where their parents don't have a nice relationship - i'm telling you this from experience.
if you want to save your marriage - you need to be honest with all of them. you need to tell this guy that you can't continue what you have - not even as ''friendship'' - and you need to tell your husband about it. who knows, it might even be a wake up call for him to start paying more attention to your emotional needs as well as other ones. but be completely honest with all parties.
even if you decide to pursue this other thing, be honest with all of them. but then you need to tell your husband about your decision and sort everything else out. just make sure after you meet the other guy, that this is 100% what you want.
in the end, you don't need to choose either of them. it sounds like you want to work on yourself, so maybe it would be best to start there. best of luck!
i think the main thing is you have to decide. you can't go on like this! probably meeting this guy in person will help your decision. but basically you have to make your mind up: do you want to pursue something with this guy or do you want to work on your marriage?
whichever decision you make, and stick to it, and do it properly, will be better for you and everyone around you. your kids don't want to grow up in an environment where their parents don't have a nice relationship - i'm telling you this from experience.
if you want to save your marriage - you need to be honest with all of them. you need to tell this guy that you can't continue what you have - not even as ''friendship'' - and you need to tell your husband about it. who knows, it might even be a wake up call for him to start paying more attention to your emotional needs as well as other ones. but be completely honest with all parties.
even if you decide to pursue this other thing, be honest with all of them. but then you need to tell your husband about your decision and sort everything else out. just make sure after you meet the other guy, that this is 100% what you want.
in the end, you don't need to choose either of them. it sounds like you want to work on yourself, so maybe it would be best to start there. best of luck!
Thank you everyone for all your replies!
I really appreciate it.
As I said, I don't have anyone to talk to really as friends.
Even if I do meet this guy as friends or whatever, I'd never actually do anything physical with him. I'm fully aware I'm already "Emotionally cheating"
But I certainly wouldn't physically cheat.
I want my marriage to work because when you take away those issues, we get on extremely well.
I understand he has issues he needs to sort out. But he isn't willing to and that is something that affects both me and the kids.
Which is something I need to consider. And probably bring up again and make him realise it isn't good for any of us.
Doing everything for the kids by myself has caused a lot of resentment I think too. Obviously I'm not perfect myself. This is a perfect example of that.
And it is so hard not to get emotionally attached to someone who is there supporting you and making you feel good when you're not getting that at home.
Thank you again everyone
I really appreciate it.
As I said, I don't have anyone to talk to really as friends.
Even if I do meet this guy as friends or whatever, I'd never actually do anything physical with him. I'm fully aware I'm already "Emotionally cheating"
But I certainly wouldn't physically cheat.
I want my marriage to work because when you take away those issues, we get on extremely well.
I understand he has issues he needs to sort out. But he isn't willing to and that is something that affects both me and the kids.
Which is something I need to consider. And probably bring up again and make him realise it isn't good for any of us.
Doing everything for the kids by myself has caused a lot of resentment I think too. Obviously I'm not perfect myself. This is a perfect example of that.
And it is so hard not to get emotionally attached to someone who is there supporting you and making you feel good when you're not getting that at home.
Thank you again everyone
I am also here to echo this, my parents 100% shouldn’t have stayed together, I dreaded coming home from school some days, I had a wonderful upbringing and my mum is the best but it was agony finding her crying so often knowing the reason
the only good thing to come out of it is I know I would never allow my children to be in an environment the same
This is just full to the brim with contradictions.Thank you everyone for all your replies!
I really appreciate it.
As I said, I don't have anyone to talk to really as friends.
Even if I do meet this guy as friends or whatever, I'd never actually do anything physical with him. I'm fully aware I'm already "Emotionally cheating"
But I certainly wouldn't physically cheat.
I want my marriage to work because when you take away those issues, we get on extremely well.
I understand he has issues he needs to sort out. But he isn't willing to and that is something that affects both me and the kids.
Which is something I need to consider. And probably bring up again and make him realise it isn't good for any of us.
Doing everything for the kids by myself has caused a lot of resentment I think too. Obviously I'm not perfect myself. This is a perfect example of that.
And it is so hard not to get emotionally attached to someone who is there supporting you and making you feel good when you're not getting that at home.
Thank you again everyone
Your husband has issues that seriously have a negative impact on not just you as his wife but also on your children. Issues that you admit he will not address nor do anything to remedy. That’s it, right there. You can possibly expect this marriage to survive when your partner is unwilling to do anything to make it work.
emotionally cheating is in many ways worse than the physical act of cheating. You and your husband don’t seem to have any kind of emotional connection. The most fundamental element of a happy, stable relationship isn’t there between you, and you are looking elsewhere outside the marriage for this.
I’m sorry but it’s obvious that your marriage is over. Wether you want to admit that to yourself or your husband or not, it’s already over.